


Cold

by hyuckios



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Blood and Violence, Drug Use, Fluff, Hawaii, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Past Character Death, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, family trauma, just lots of feel good stuff... lots of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 90,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24297598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckios/pseuds/hyuckios
Summary: Donghyuck's grandmother tells him that falling in love in Hawaii is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Whether it's romantically or building the friendships that he thinks he will have for life, she tells her grandson that it will be the best feeling he will ever experience.But, after the summer of his second year in college, after many nights of gorgeous sunsets, after holding hands and too many drinks, road trips down to places he's unfamiliar with, and tears that stain his cheeks — Donghyuck would like to disagree.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 243
Kudos: 720





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my chaptered fic! 
> 
> this first chapter is quite short... the rest of them will be a lot longer, more in depth, more details, etc! but i really just wanted to take this first piece and use it as an introduction... kind of like you are dipping your toes into the water here... because this is going to be very long... it'll be a slow burn... full of pain and love, and building up relationships and friendships and I'll knock them all down, and just everything in between!
> 
> sometimes it gets confusing posting on here, but i will certainly do my best! 
> 
> also ignore any errors, I still need to reread this :) 
> 
> please enjoy this !!!

Somewhere underneath the pile of pages with the corners bent is Donghyuck's history paper, fully written, in a perfect format, a few words probably misspelled because he was rushing it before he had printed it earlier. He's sure it is tucked away between the pages of his notebook, or maybe in between his laptop, but he sits in his seat, swearing under his breath as he rummages through his bag, through every single paper that doesn't even matter to him anymore — and still, he cannot find it.

It's disgusting to him, to find a few wrappers of granola bars, a couple squished water bottles, and even a cardigan that he didn't even think would be at the bottom of his bag. He definitely hates the fact that it is taking up so much space right now, because it's too goddamn hot in Hawaii, and he knows that this cardigan is the culprit and probably has swallowed up the paper he needs to be turning in to his professor right now. 

He hears a cackle to the side of him, and suddenly the anger inside of him bubbles, spreading over his skin as he scrunches up his nose. 

"What," he spits, turning his head to see a tall boy holding the straps of his backpack, his thumbs poking out. 

He's wearing a sleeveless shirt, the muscles at his arms nearly glowing from the fact that he's sweating. 

Donghyuck is just glad that he's not the only one, although he's sweating from stress, and this guy is probably just sweating because the room is a little too warm for their own good. 

"You're a mess, aren't you?" He asks, his voice low, but kind. 

Donghyuck pouts at him, his knuckles on the ground as he bends down to look under the seats. 

"That's a bit forward," Donghyuck scoffs. "I did the paper, I swear I did."

The guy flexes his arms as he rolls his neck, looking toward their professor who is busy accepting the papers from the students around them. 

"Look, I get it if you didn't do it. It's happened to all of us before. We get busy, or have other shit to do, it's fine. I can distract him, and—"

"—What's your name?" Donghyuck interrupts him. 

"Uh, Yukhei." 

"Okay, Yukhei. Listen," Donghyuck sits up, slouching in his chair. "I did this fucking paper. I don't slack on my work. So, you can leave and I will sit here and continue to look for it without you sitting here and trying to get me out of this. Yeah?"

Yukhei's face pulls into a smile as he falls into the chair next to Donghyuck, grabbing a stack of papers, already beginning to look through them, whispering to himself as he stares at the mess in his lap. 

"Why don't you just run and print a new one?" Yukhei asks in a soft voice. 

The amount of students in the room starts to clear out and the tension in Donghyuck's body rises, knowing that he is going to get questioned in just a moment. 

"I did something stupid," he starts to flip through more of his papers. "I wrote this paper on someone else's program and I didn't save it, so I don't have another copy... like anywhere."

Yukhei cackles this time as he slouches and leans down into the chair. 

He smells good. 

There's a mix of pine and sea breeze that comes from him, and Donghyuck can tell that he must spend a lot of time at the beach, or maybe in the shower. He's not sure, but he doesn't smell heavy of cologne and it's almost addicting already. 

"You're a lot like my roommate, except he doesn't actually get much of his work done," Yukhei mutters as he lets his hair fall forward, hands pulling out a sheet of paper, folded in half.

He hands it to Donghyuck after he scans the name, "Here you go, Lee Donghyuck."

Donghyuck sighs in relief as he looks deep into Yukhei's eyes, thanking him with a shake of his head, chewing harder on his gum as he begins to chuckle at the mess on the floor, in the seat next to him, the mess that seems to be absolutely everywhere.

"Why is your roommate in college then?" He asks out of curiosity, and a bit of worry, wondering if he's wasting his money here. 

"Trying to impress his parents, wants to do better, that type of shit, you know?"

Donghyuck doesn't know, not really, but he nods his head anyway. 

Yukhei taps Donghyuck's arm, cocking his head toward their professor who is looking up at them through the top of his glasses, probably wondering what the two of them are doing. 

"Sorry sir, Donghyuck dropped everything out of his bag, so I was helping him pick it all back up," Yukhei raises his voice as Donghyuck steps over him, rushing down to hand in his paper. 

When he returns, he finds the majority of his things stacked up. 

"You really are not good at organizing," Yukhei laughs at him. "Can I please take you to buy some shit to get organized. That's like... my fucking specialty." 

Donghyuck zips his backpack up once everything is shoved back inside, eyes already looking up at Yukhei to find ones that are pleading, ones that are desperate for an answer that is only agreeing. 

"What if I have a class to get to?" Donghyuck asks him, a genuine smile coming to his lips. 

Yukhei nods slowly. 

"Thursday evening, like 6pm, you've got a class to go to right now, Lee Donghyuck?"

Donghyuck shoves his back, pushing him toward the door. 

"No," he groans. "Please help me get organized."

-

The ice cream cone drips right down Donghyuck's fingers, coating his hand in a sugary substance as he walks with Yukhei, his wallet tucked into his jeans as they walk toward one of the stores Yukhei mentioned he wanted to go to. 

Above them, the sky has turned into the lightest colors of purples and oranges, mixing together to make something so beautiful that Donghyuck wants to sigh. He hasn't really seen the sunset in a while, he has to admit, because he keeps his blinds shut as he stays inside to study. 

Most days he'll be in the school, or away in his grandparents house, tucked away by the time it is dark, and by then he has missed the sunset. 

"It's kind of beautiful tonight," Donghyuck licks up the side of his hand as he looks over toward the water, nearly tripping over one of the rocks in front of him. 

"You're clumsy, you're messy, and you're unorganized," Yukhei grabs at Donghyuck's arm and pulls him closer to him as they walk around the large rocks, rerouting along the sidewalk they're walking on. "What else is there?"

He says it jokingly, but Donghyuck licks softer at his ice cream, frowning as he draws his eyebrows together.

"I'm quite talented at surfing, and the piano, and I am really smart."

"I was just joking Donghyuck, I am sorry," Yukhei says to him. "You're also very beautiful and funny, and quite fun to be around."

Donghyuck shrugs him off, pointing toward the store up ahead. 

"I was just playing too," Donghyuck tells him. "You don't have to be careful around me, it's fine, Yukhei."

He takes a bite into the last part of his ice cream cone, pulling Yukhei with his sticky hand as they rush into the store, already beginning to argue over the colored folders that Donghyuck definitely doesn't need. 

"I prefer black and white ones," Donghyuck tells him.

Yukhei skips to the other side of the aisle, disappearing around the opposite side. 

For a moment, Donghyuck just smiles to himself. 

He feels good with Yukhei, messing around like this. Buying ice cream, stumbling along the sidewalks near the beach, underneath the sunset, joking around — it all feels good to him. Making a friend that seems like he has the potential to become more like a close friend. Maybe even a best friend. 

Oh, Donghyuck feels warm at the thought of that. 

He hasn't really had the opportunity to have any best friends throughout his years of growing up. 

Sure, he's had a few close friends he has made in his younger years, some that lasted a few years before those kids moved away, before he was forced to deal with the loss of a friend that he was attached to. It wasn't so hard when he was younger, because it all seemed like fun, innocent dreams of growing old together, sharing their life memories together, all of that soon being ripped away from him. 

It hurt more when he was in high school, when he had close friends that he shared every memory with, people he shared closest secrets with, people who he opened up to. It hurt just to have them slip out of his life one day. 

Those ones were the worst. 

The promises of never separating. 

The way he physically watched his friends drift away from him, blaming himself.

Most of them left for college without a goodbye, which tore Donghyuck apart even more. 

He would say that he has a few people that he talks to at his University, but he's not close with anyone in particular, so the way he is playing around with Yukhei like this makes him feel so genuinely happy, makes his heart heat up in ways that he didn't think it would. 

"Fine," Yukhei pops back around the corner. "I got these metallic markers so we can put which class the folders are for." 

Donghyuck smiles wide at him. 

"What are you smiling at?" Yukhei widens his eyes. 

Donghyuck just looks at him, looking down as he begins to shake his head back and forth, not wanting to explain himself, and definitely not wanting to tell him exactly what he's thinking because if this is just a one time hang out, then Donghyuck just wants to enjoy it. 

"Nothing," Donghyuck whispers, snatching the markers out of his hands. "What's next?" 

They spend about an hour in the store, and somewhere over a hundred dollars before Donghyuck calls it. 

Yukhei gives Donghyuck $20 and buys them both dinner before he brings him to his dorm so they can actually get started on the organizational aspect of the mess in Donghyuck's backpack. 

They have to run across the parking lot to get to Yukhei's dorm building because of the rain that starts to fall over them. It starts as a drizzle, the usual for them, but then it comes as a downpour only moments later, and Donghyuck squeezes his bags shut, so the plastic can proceed to get wet instead of anything on the inside of it. He really doesn't want any of his new things to be soaked by the time they get inside. 

Both of them are out of breath by the time they get up the stairs and by the time they step into the dark dorm room, laughter a little louder than their heavy breathing. 

"It's actually not as bad as I expected it to be," Donghyuck says as he drops the bags onto the floor, toeing off his wet shoes as he looks at the room. "Compared to how you described your roommate."

Yukhei licks his lips and runs his hand through his soaking wet hair, opening his closet as he pulls out a towel to hand to Donghyuck. 

"I force him to clean up," he announces. "That is the one thing he will actually do. The one time he listens to anyone. I personally like cleaning on Saturday or Sunday mornings, but he does not get up until like two in the afternoon on the weekends, so we clean at nights. It's nice."

Donghyuck purses his lips together and nods in understanding, turning away when Yukhei changes into some warmer clothes.

"So you guys get along well?" He asks, rubbing the towel vigorously at his hair, trying to warm up his ears in the slightest way possible. 

He hates when his ears are cold, because then his entire body will cover in chills and he'll want to snuggle up to the closest thing that is warm, and in this case it's Yukhei and Donghyuck would rather not cuddle with this guy quite yet. 

"We do," Yukhei nods his head as he walks over to his roommate's closet. "Here, he's at a party tonight so I am sure he will come home drunk around 3 in the morning and he definitely will not notice if a shirt and a pair of shorts are gone. You're closer to his size, so you can borrow his clothes." 

Yukhei spends a bit of time going through the closest, whispering to himself about how messy it seems to be and how they'll have to spend an upcoming weekend just on the organization of his clothes. 

He ends up handing Donghyuck a dark green shirt and a pair of basketball shorts, turning his head so the boy can change. 

"Mark is more of a party kind of guy," Yukhei says as he cuts the tags off of a few of the items they had just bought, unzipping Donghyuck's bag. "I like parties too, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like he's only here for the parties."

"That doesn't seem right." 

"He does well when he needs to," Yukhei tells him, turning back around when Donghyuck tells him he's finished changing. "Oh, you look cute like that."

"Like what?" 

"Just... out of your jeans and your tight shirt," he gestures down Donghyuck's clothes, or Mark's clothes he should say. "You just look comfy, it's a nice look on you. I show up to class in sweats, despite the weather, and you always come looking nice as hell."

Donghyuck flushes red. 

"Stop flirting with me, Yukhei."

Yukhei sits in his desk chair, throwing his hands up into the air.

"I am not flirting with you," he rolls his eyes. "C'mon, let's get started on this mess in your bag."

So, they spend hours focusing on organizing the majority of Donghyuck's papers, throwing away a bunch of loose leaf papers with scribbles of smiley faces, and dumping out granola bar crumbs. They joke about Donghyuck's favorite foods and how they are completely different from Yukhei's favorite foods. They must've got lucky tonight deciding to pick up chinese food from the little place around the corner.

Donghyuck leans his head back against the bedpost behind him, yawning as he looks to the last textbook, tucking it into his backpack, already feeling so content with the organization. 

"Mark never lets me touch his work, so this was an absolute blessing, Donghyuck. Thank you for letting me help you," Yukhei says to him as he knocks his knee against his. 

They're both sitting on the floor, against the white rug that Mark and Yukhei have, across from each other as they tell a few other stories about their friends and families. 

"It was an honor," Donghyuck tells him. "I promise I will start taking care of my papers."

He laughs from the center of his stomach and even places a hand over his abdomen while he feels the fuzziness of Mark's blanket behind him. 

They both snap their heads around to the door as it unlocks, a boy with dark brown hair looking down as he steps in. 

This must be his roommate, Donghyuck assumes.

He's wearing a hoodie, one of his hands tucked into it as he pushes the door further open, bending down to grab onto his key that he had dropped. His blue jeans are ripped at the knees, a little distressed, and Donghyuck can easily tell that they're probably a favorite of his. His belt is nice, it looks expensive, but Mark kind of just appears that way in general, even if he's walking in with just a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans on. It suits him. 

They make eye contact next. 

Well, Mark looks at Yukhei first, probably as an instinct, his eyes soon drifting over toward Donghyuck, who sits up and takes his hand away from the blanket behind his head.

"Oh my god," Mark blurts out. "Are you guys going to fuck? I didn't text you, Yukhei, I'm sorry."

Donghyuck stares at the floor, his cheeks so red that he thinks he will explode if anyone gives him a strawberry, or if anyone paints his face the tiniest bit redder. He's so red that he is now overheated in Mark's green shirt, and he probably looks something like Christmas, with the colors he has going on. There's a nervous feeling in his stomach, and he feels uneasy at the question, but he really just wants to laugh at the situation, because it's quite funny. 

Yukhei hesitates for a moment, and Donghyuck wants to scream and laugh at that too. He probably only hesitates at the fact that the question came out of nowhere, and that his friend, who wasn't here a goddamn second ago, is now throwing himself into their business, and asking questions that he shouldn't be asking. 

"No, Mark," Yukhei looks up at him as he shakes his head. "This is my _friend,_ Donghyuck. He came over because I was helping him organize some of his things."

Mark giggles. 

"Uh huh."

Donghyuck was wrong. 

It is possible to turn redder without exploding, because he is still here, sitting on Mark's side of the room, still perfectly intact, still alive and breathing — just with a heart that is beating a little too fast. He shuffles over to sit next to Yukhei, hip to hip practically, whispering an apology as he scoots himself over. 

It's awkward between them now and Donghyuck wants to swear out at Mark in front of them for causing this situation to happen. 

"Has Yukhei been flirting with you all night?" Mark asks as he throws his bag toward his closet, taking a seat on the edge of his bed as he unscrews his water bottle. 

He practically chugs the entire thing like he's been deprived of water all day. It makes Donghyuck chuckle. 

"Yes," Donghyuck elbows Yukhei in the side. 

Mark raises his eyebrows at the both of them, leaning back against the wall as he lets his legs stretch out. 

For a moment, Donghyuck lets his eyes scan over Mark's body. He notices how toned his thighs are and how nice his calves look in his jeans. Again, he thinks Mark's outfit suits him well. His posture makes Donghyuck stare at his abdomen, eyes sliding up to his jaw, cut so perfect. His skin is nice, tanned, beautiful, Donghyuck would even say. He lifts his eyes up slightly to see Mark staring right back at him. 

"Yukhei flirts with everyone on campus, I am surprised he hasn't gotten into your pants yet. It just seems like he got you into my pants," Mark says.

Donghyuck hates being nervous. 

He hates the overwhelming sensation he gets before he has to give a presentation in one of his classes, before he has to stand in front of his classmates and speak in another language, or before he has to talk about the futuristic ideas of technology. He hates the way the nerves crawl up his throat and speak to him like they're controlling him, taking over his body for the few minutes before the presentations start. 

But the feeling he has upon hearing Mark speak — it's a new sensation of nerves. 

It's a feeling that makes him want to clasp his legs together for some reason. Like a swarm of butterflies have just arrived and are trying to decide on which area of his stomach to make their home at. 

"Fuck off, Mark!" Yukhei annoyingly throws his pillow from behind him at his roommate. 

"I'm sorry," Donghyuck says to him. "I can give them back if you'd like. It was just raining and Yukhei said that these would fit me better."

Mark sits up and rests his chin on his fists, just looking at Donghyuck kindly. 

For the first time since Mark had arrived, Donghyuck feels safe underneath his gaze. 

"That's okay," he smiles at him. "You look better in that shirt than I do."

Yukhei groans. 

"Look who is flirting now!"

Mark stares at Donghyuck for another moment before he sits up, rolling his eyes at his friend. 

"It was a compliment, Yukhei. I can head out," Mark announces in a quiet voice. "Leave you two to your organizing." 

Donghyuck stands up before Mark can, almost tumbling back down to the floor from how weak his knees are, and from how slightly flustered he is over all of the comments being thrown around. Sure, he's flirted before, but he can't help the feeling of wanting to smile, or giggle at everything going on in the room. It's amusing. 

"No, no," Donghyuck holds his hand out toward Mark. "I should get going. My grandparents are probably wondering where I am, and it's getting late."

Mark creases his eyebrows together before he nods his head a few times, leaning his cheek against his pillows like he is exhausted, like he has had one of the most tiring days of his entire life. 

Yukhei stands to his feet as well, dusting his hands off on his shorts. 

"I will drive you back to your car," Yukhei tells him as he reaches down to pick up Donghyuck's backpack for him. 

Donghyuck almost tells him no, almost tells him that he can just walk, or how he can just make it by taking a bus or something. But Yukhei is looking at him so kindly, like he wants to make sure Donghyuck is going to get back safely, and Donghyuck knows the exact feeling — so he gently smiles and nods his head. 

A sigh leaves Donghyuck's lips as he grabs his bag of wet clothes, looking at himself in the mirror. He's dressed in Mark's clothes — a stranger's clothes — yet he feels so familiar in them. Maybe the warmth of them is just making him feel comfortable, and looking over at Mark's body, cuddled up into his pillows is making it all feel different. 

"I'll be back in a bit," Yukhei says to Mark as he grabs onto his keys, shoving them deep into the pockets of his sweatpants. 

Mark groans into his pillows, not bothering to look up. 

"Nice to meet you, Mark," Donghyuck says politely as he stands in the doorway. 

This time, Mark turns his head, resting his cheek on the side of his pillow so he can see the boy standing there in his clothes. He blinks, but one of his eyes is covered, so it ends up looking like half of his wink as his sleepiness must be taking over. 

He grins, pushing up on his arm so his entire face can be shown. 

"I'll see you around, Donghyuck."

Looking down at the ground, Donghyuck shuts the door. 

-

Donghyuck spends the entire weekend in bed, eating an ungodly amount of graham crackers as he catches up on a lot of different television shows that he used to watch. He stopped back when school had started, because his classes had become so busy. But scrolling through social media online had led him to finding some spoilers, and all of a sudden he had an absolute desire to catch up on that one show — as well as the others.

This managed to keep him up into the late hours of the night, something he isn't really used to doing unless it's for school related things. 

His grandfather scolded him when Donghyuck came out of his room Sunday evening, body sluggish, feeling too tired to even go out grocery shopping with him. He apologized and promised he would go by himself the next time they needed groceries. 

When Monday rolled around, Donghyuck was feeling better, fueling himself on coffee and the right foods — he guesses if that's what you would call a slide of banana bread from the shop right outside of the building where his biology class was. 

"Is that your third?" Donghyuck asks Jeno who rolls his eyes into the back of his head, nodding profusely like it's his job. 

"And if it is?" Jeno glares at him. 

"Give me half. I want more."

Donghyuck steals the last half of Jeno's slice of banana bread as he shoves it into his mouth, checking his phone to see when he'll be late for his next class. He gives a sigh as he pouts, leaning against his friend's shoulder. 

Jeno is Donghyuck's only decent friend. 

They've only recently become close during Donghyuck's second year of college, meeting through class, bonding through their professor's lack of communication and lack of technology skills. Though, they don't really mind when it gets them an extension on the work they must get done for that class. 

The thing about Jeno and Donghyuck is that they don't hang out very much. It's the type of relationship that bonds when they see each other at school. 

Jeno is always too busy at work and when he is free — he wants to go out to parties. He always invites Donghyuck, but Donghyuck kindly turns down the request, telling his friend it's not really his thing. On the rare occasion that Jeno is actually free and doesn't want to go to a party, Donghyuck is always somehow busy. It just doesn't really work out for them, so they stick to hanging out on campus. 

Sure, sometimes they'll make it work where they stay late and study together, or take off and get food, maybe even skip classes a few times to just hang out in each other's cars. 

Donghyuck feels comfortable around Jeno, and really would consider him someone very close to him. 

"I've gotta head out in a second," Jeno tells him as he looks at his watch. "I have to get to work, but do you have—"

"—Donghyuck?" A voice speaks up from beside them, making Donghyuck turn, squinting his eyes as he tries to figure out which one of the walking faces is trying to speak to him. 

It takes him a few seconds before he realizes it's Mark. 

"Oh, Mark, hi," Donghyuck tries to put his hand out but then yanks it back. "My hands have banana bread all over them, probably shouldn't." 

Mark chuckles. 

Jeno stares at Mark with wide eyes, almost fumbling over his words as he stands to his feet. Donghyuck takes note of it, almost feeling worried over the situation as he realizes that Jeno must know Mark, or maybe he's just mad that Mark sat down out of nowhere. He was on his way out anyway, so Donghyuck really thinks it has to be the first option. 

"I'll text you later?" Jeno asks, placing his hand on Donghyuck's shoulder. 

"Yeah, of course!"

Mark scrunches up his nose and stares at Jeno as he walks away. 

"I gotta stop doing that," Mark drops his face into his hands, the top of his head only inches from Donghyuck's chest due to their positioning, from the fact that he's sitting on the bench directly in front of him. 

Donghyuck frowns at his distress, practically feels it too. 

"Doing what?" 

"That," he gestures to where Jeno's body is disappearing in the distance. "I keep barging in on you in the middle of your conversations with other people." 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and laughs, setting a hand on Mark's knee, just softly running his tongue over his bottom lip as Mark looks back up at him, like he is in total distress. 

"It's fine, he was leaving anyway," Donghyuck reassures him. "What's up though?"

Mark looks different today, compared to how he looked last Thursday. 

He's wearing a white sleeveless shirt tucked into his blue jeans — the same ones that he was wearing the other day. They are his favorite jeans, Donghyuck knows this for sure this time, it's so obvious. He just hopes that Mark has washed them this time. 

To be fair, Donghyuck wouldn't judge him too hard if he didn't wash them. They're in college, and maybe Mark only wore them on Thursday out to one class, and is just now wearing them out again. Or maybe he hasn't washed them for a good two weeks and wears them every single day. Or — maybe he has a few of the same pair. Yeah, Donghyuck wants to go with that one. 

"I came to apologize," Mark admits in a low voice. 

"Oh," Donghyuck hums. "What for?" 

He's sad to hear the words, wondering what the boy is even apologizing for in the first place. 

"I think we got off on the wrong foot and I was hoping you would swing by our dorm to return the clothes or something, so I could—"

"—Wait, you said I could keep them."

"No, no, I know! You can, I just thought you seemed like the kind of guy that would return them anyway," he looks down with a hint of shyness shimmering behind his eyes. "I wanted to see you, so I guess that was me just throwing that on you and assuming that was who you were. I am rambling, fuck." 

Donghyuck thinks it's cute. 

He thinks the way Mark is speaking and assuming and apologizing is sweet and genuine, and he's stumbling over his words that it's making Donghyuck squint his eyes as he blushes. Of course, it's covered by the warmth of the sun pushing in through the windows, hitting against his cheeks and against his back from all angles. 

"It's okay, Mark. Start slower, how about that?" 

Mark nods. 

"I just wanted to say sorry," he starts over. "If you like Yukhei or something, then that's totally cool. I will be a little more cautious about walking into the room. Also, I am sorry for blurting about him trying to sleep with you. He's not a bad guy at all, he's really genuine and shit, so I will continue to hype him up and speak highly of my roommate." 

Donghyuck looks at him with a straight face, the corner of one side of his mouth lifting into a smile until it is so wide that he has to turn away. 

"First of all," Donghyuck shakes his head from side to side. "I do not want to sleep with Yukhei."

"Wait, really?" Mark's eyes widen. "Dude, even I wanted to sleep with him when I first met him."

A huff of laughter comes out of Donghyuck's mouth. 

"Did you?" 

"Yes," Mark says seriously, the silence filling between them, moving back and forth almost awkwardly as time ticks forward, until Mark shoves Donghyuck's shoulder. "I'm kidding, Donghyuck!"

Donghyuck doesn't know why it's such a relief to hear, but it is. 

Mark continues to speak, winking, "He's all yours."

"I don't want him!" Donghyuck says loudly, lowering his voice before he says, "like that."

Mark pats Donghyuck's knee, sighing as he nods, both of them just laughing with each other. 

"And also," Donghyuck adds on. "You don't need to be careful when you come into your room, Mark. It's your home, you don't need to be texting Yukhei to ask if I am around, or something. Even if I am over, just come in whenever you'd like."

He may never even have to see Mark in that kind of way again, really, because maybe him and Yukhei won't talk again — maybe the organization of his work was really just a one time thing, and maybe Donghyuck isn't starting a new friendship. 

His stomach twists at the thought. 

"Oh no, it's kind of a thing we do. I have people over often, so he's cautious. He has people over often, so I am cautious. You know? That kind of situation," Mark explains. 

Donghyuck leans forward, his face closer to Mark's. 

"Well, you don't have to be cautious when I am around," Donghyuck says and Mark begins to roll his eyes once Donghyuck reaches the middle of his sentence, "because we will probably just be studying."

Mark raises his eyebrows. 

"That's what everyone calls it."

Donghyuck stands up, the very few crumbs from the banana bread dropping to the floor. He slyly kicks them around, hoping they go unnoticed. Mark laughs at him. 

"I guess I will see you around?" Donghyuck asks him, chewing on his lip in the process. 

There's thought that runs behind Mark's eyes as he thinks about it, both of them going wide as he thinks of something. 

"If you wanna return those clothes, feel free to stop by," he smiles.

"I could just give them to Yukhei tomorrow."

Mark gives him a look. Donghyuck knows what it means. 

They don't say goodbye as they step outside and as they each go their own way, but Donghyuck feels a heavy weight on his chest as he turns back around. 

"Hey!" He calls out to Mark as the sun beats down hard on him, wind blowing harshly that it makes him have to say it louder. 

The boy walking turns, cupping his hand over his eyes so he can get a better look at Donghyuck, so he can step toward him. He's only managed to get about ten feet from him, but the smirk on Mark's face is blinding almost. 

"Am I gonna have to be cautious if I show up at your dorm room unannounced?" He asks. "You know, if I was to return your clothes."

A smile creeps onto Mark's face as he licks the inside of his cheek, cocking his head to the side. 

He sighs and nods slowly. 

"Probably," he hesitates. "Ah, actually, probably not. Finals are coming up, so I kind of need to focus on studying."

_Let me tutor you._

Donghyuck almost spits the words out to Mark, who is still thinking probably about the people he is wanting to sleep with, the ones he is going to disappoint if he puts them down. Meanwhile, Donghyuck is thinking about helping Mark study for his finals, all at the same time. 

"No," Mark settles on an answer. "You don't have to be cautious. Just knock 5 times, for each letter of your name."

Donghyuck warms up at the thought of Mark. The thought of Yukhei. The thought of making new friends.

"Okay, Mark," he whispers. "Maybe I will see you later, then."


	2. honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're a good friend and all, even though I have only known you for a week, Donghyuck," he mutters. "But, I have a request."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the tag past character death into this fic... since we will be seeing a lot of it from Donghyuck's past. 
> 
> Anyway, here is the second chapter to this story & I hope you enjoy!

"Why were you looking at him like you knew him then?" Donghyuck's ankles are stepping into the warm water of the shoreline, a few screams of children echoing in the distance as he tries to block them out. 

Jeno is on his phone, fingers moving up and down, breath blowing so quickly on it as he tries to dry up the water droplets he's managed to place onto his screen. He's grumpy because of it, but Donghyuck doesn't put up with the tone or the annoying huffs and whispers he's emitting, because he told Jeno to leave his phone in his bag back in his car, since it was probably going to get wet anyway. 

Of course, Jeno didn't listen. He's very stubborn like that, and always has been.

"I just didn't know you were friends with Mark Lee," Jeno tells him as he tries to wipe his phone screen against his chest, whining when nothing dries up the water like he hopes it would. "Just a shock." 

Donghyuck shouldn't really be offended by it. 

He's allowed to have friends, first of all. He's not awful at making them, he's just not really good at keeping them, apparently, based on the evidence of his past. Jeno knows this, strictly because Donghyuck has told him, and only because he has wanted to. 

"We aren't really close, Jeno," Donghyuck proceeds to tell him after a second of their time, another wave coming up to hit his ankles. "Why are you being so nosy all of a sudden?" 

Jeno swears under his breath and pulls on Donghyuck's hand, dragging him back toward the parking lot of their cars. He tells him about how he will be late for work if he doesn't hurry back to campus.

"It's nothing," Jeno shakes it off.

✧

For the first time in a while, Donghyuck thinks that he fails his test.

He sits in his history class on Thursday, next to Yukhei in the back, who returns next to him after turning in his own exam with outstretched arms as he smiles. 

"Was easy, huh?" He pats Donghyuck on his shoulder, grinning at him like he's so confident, and like he knows Donghyuck is. 

But the truth is, _Donghyuck is not._ Not at all. 

He shakes his head, staring straight down at his bag as he cocks his head to the side, standing up the next second, letting Yukhei loosely throw his arm around his shoulder as they leave the classroom. 

They don't say much until they are halfway to the residence hall, until Yukhei finally mentions something about ice cream, to which Donghyuck denies, telling his friend that he would rather not have any at the moment. 

Yukhei frowns. 

"Donghyuck, you really think you did that bad?" He asks him as he stops walking, placing both hands on his shoulders, bending down so he can look right into his eyes. 

Donghyuck doesn't know why he looks right beyond him, but when he does, he gets a glimpse of Mark, who sends him a wink, wiggling his eyebrows at the fact that Yukhei is in such close proximity to him in the way he is. 

Within the next moment, Donghyuck brings his attention back to Yukhei, shaking his head back and forth as he shrugs. 

"I don't know," he whines as he shrugs him off. "I am usually confident when I walk out of my tests, but that one... that was misery to me."

Yukhei bumps hips with him as they continue the journey up to the dorm, to find Mark brushing his teeth over the sink, scrubbing his face like he's trying to wash the taste of something awful out of his mouth, like he's trying to get something off of his tongue.

He looks up at them through the mirror, chuckling as he spits into the sink, choking a little while he lets his laughter take over.

Donghyuck looks away as he tosses his bag onto its usual spot. 

"I don't think I want to know why you're washing your mouth out like you were just—" Yukhei starts, but Mark turns the sink off and grabs a towel, looking over at him as he clears his throat. 

"—I don't think you wanna know either."

Yukhei covers his ears, then he covers Donghyuck's ears, proceeding to get shoved off. 

_Mark looks a little different today._

It's something that Donghyuck manages to notice every time they meet each other. He looks slightly different each time, whether it's the way he styles his hair, or the way he has his sleeves rolled up, or the way his cheeks are dusted pink, he just always looks a tiny bit different, and Donghyuck likes to pick out those things. 

He thinks he does the same thing with Yukhei. It's a typical thing he does when he gets to know someone. 

"What's with the sad faces, guys?" Mark says as he sits on his own bed, his body bouncing up a bit as he looks between them as though he's trying to find the answer. 

Yukhei looks to Donghyuck, trying to see if he even wants to talk about the situation. 

With a plop onto the floor, Donghyuck lies flat on the carpet, spreading his limbs out as he lets out one of the longest sighs he's ever heard himself emit. He would laugh if the situation was different, if he was in a different place, so he kind of hopes that Mark or Yukhei are laughing — maybe both of them. 

Just as he suspects, he opens his eyes and sees Mark leaning over him, and he sees a lopsided grin on his face.

"Dude," Mark's face tilts and all of a sudden Donghyuck is seeing the bottom of his chin, just bone structure and smooth skin. "What the fuck happened to him?"

Yukhei chuckles, "he thinks he failed a test."

Mark snickers. 

"Are you laughing at me, Mark Lee?" Donghyuck cocks an eyebrow up.

Mark sniffs before he presses his elbows into the edges of his knees, just until his face is closer to Donghyuck's. 

"Sorry man, just laughing a little," Mark admits. 

Donghyuck tries to swing his arm up at him, to get his face away, to get the laughter out of his face, because Mark means no harm and Donghyuck isn't taking offence to it, but Donghyuck just feels the need to paw at him. 

Mark dodges it the first time, and then the second time he knocks Donghyuck's hand out of the way, making the poor boy's knuckles crack. Donghyuck holds his hand to his chest and pouts. 

"I never fail my tests," he admits. "Only on rare occasions, and this should not be a rare occasion." 

Yukhei bends down to slap a hand on his stomach, making Donghyuck's legs fly up as he cries out. 

He ends up pulling his body into a sitting position when he gets fed up with the two messing with him. 

"You know what it is?" Mark asks him. 

"What?" 

"One of those situations where you think you did awful, but you'll get your grade back and you'll realize that you got one of the best grades in the entire class."

Donghyuck wants to believe him, but now he's in his head, and he's hungry, and sleepy, and—

"Do you guys have plans tonight?" Mark smirks. 

Yukhei shakes his head, and Donghyuck does the same thing. 

"We decided we were going to get takeout and watch a movie, and probably—"

"—Oh, oh..." Mark puts his hands up in the air, not wanting to interrupt them. 

Normally, Yukhei would be shutting him up, telling him to keep his mouth closed about his comments. He would probably throw a pillow or even take his arms and hook them around Mark and topple over him until he's half on top of him, because they definitely seem like the type of friends that would start wrestling out of nowhere, Donghyuck thinks. He smiles at the thought. He thinks that is cool, sweet, even. They seem close, and he wants to know more. 

But, this time, it's Donghyuck who stands up and reaches into his bag to take out Mark's clothes that he was thinking about returning all week. 

"Say _'ahh,'_ " Donghyuck tells him. 

Mark obeys. Donghyuck smirks at that, wondering why and how he has already managed to get Mark Lee wrapped around his finger. 

He stuffs the t-shirt into Mark's mouth before he stares at him, coming closer to his face, seeing a few different expressions written all over him. 

"Shut your mouth," he tells him. 

Mark pulls the shirt from his mouth as he stares at the saliva on it, groaning as he brings it back to his nose. 

"You kind of already shut it for me," he jokes. "Also, your laundry detergent smells incredible. Yukhei smell this, you're gonna love it." 

He tosses the shirt over to Yukhei, who seems disgusted at the spit all over the shirt. But, soon he is amazed at the smell, his shoulders relaxing as he blinks kindly over at Donghyuck, opening and closing his fists at Donghyuck. 

"Hey, Hyuck, what if Mark and I came over to do our laundry on the weekends?" 

Donghyuck holds his middle finger at him. 

"Start storing snacks here and maybe I will think about inviting you guys over."

There's a moment where Donghyuck realizes the rain has begun to fall outside, and he lets his body relax. He likes the way it makes the light in the dorm dim down slightly, making the side of Mark's cheeks shine lower, making Yukhei's hair glow underneath the way the sun blinds its way in. Still, it's beautiful as it blends with the drizzle that comes down. 

"Mark eats them all," Yukhei complains. 

"Fuck off! I do not!" Mark walks over to the cabinet where Donghyuck is standing, touching at his hips as he bickers with Yukhei. 

The burning of Mark's fingers stings as he moves Donghyuck aside, looking inside to pull out a bag of chips. He hands it to Donghyuck, his eyes soft, a pout growing on his lips as he steps closer, like he wants something. 

"Detergent?"

Donghyuck takes his finger and pushes it into Mark's forehead as he guides him backward. 

"I'll ask my grandma if you guys can come over," Donghyuck digs his hand into the bag of crackers as he smiles, his eyes already rolling when Mark and Yukhei give each other a hand shake. "But, you can't bring over a ton of things. Just the necessities."

"So all of my underwear."

"I guess? And shirts and darks?" Donghyuck shrugs. "I'll text you about it when I ask her." 

Donghyuck sits in the desk chair with his hand still in the bag as he chews on them, listening to Mark mumble on about his day, about some guy he was talking to before he was in his chemistry lab. He even goes on to talk about how he nearly ran his car into the mailbox around the corner of the campus the other day. 

They just tell stories, laughter filling up the room as the sun dies down, and suddenly Donghyuck forgets that he is supposed to be ordering takeout with Yukhei and spending the evening watching a movie... just the two of them. 

He gets a weird feeling in his stomach as he looks back at Yukhei, who looks right at him. He feels bad, wondering if Yukhei is okay with the fact that they are hanging out with Mark, too. They're friends, and of course he's probably okay with it, but still, Donghyuck wonders if Yukhei is upset with him over the fact that Mark is still hanging around.

His chair is backed up to Yukhei's bed, and he thinks that he's a little too close to his friend, because at this angle, at this positioning, he really can't help but flicker his eyes down to Yukhei's lips. Yukhei does the same right back to him, eyebrows furrowing as he leans closer to his ear. 

"You okay?" He sounds more concerned than anything, and Donghyuck hopes that the whole lips thing was just a result of being too close. 

Donghyuck nods his head at him, turning back to Mark who looks immediately down at his phone. 

"There's a party at the beach tonight," he announces in a monotone voice before he clears his throat, sounding a little more excited when he clicks his tongue. "We should go. Donghyuck, you should join us."

Donghyuck doesn't form an answer straight away. 

Of course not. He doesn't want to seem like he's going to say no, but _he's going to say no._

He fiddles with the collar of his shirt, tugging on it. He knows he's probably going to be stretching it out, making it fall loosely around his collarbones, or something. But, he doesn't really care. He's fiddling, because he doesn't really want to give an answer. 

"You know," Donghyuck says straight away. "I don't know."

Mark gives him a frown. 

"Aw," he pouts, his bottom lip poking out in a way that tells Donghyuck that he's actually interested and that he's actually curious as to why he's acting like this. "Why not?"

Donghyuck thinks about his grandparents. 

He thinks about the way they'll be worried about him if he comes stumbling into the house past one in the morning, the smell of alcohol on his tongue, a sloppy grin on his face as he trips over the step leading him into his bedroom. He even wonders if they'll be disappointed in him if they catch him. Then, he thinks about the fact that he probably wouldn't even drink anyway.

"If you're worried about getting home, then you can just come back here with us." 

"Yeah, that's fine," Mark adds onto Yukhei's sentence, looking around as he tosses a pillow onto the floor. "That can be your spot right there."

Donghyuck deflates. 

"Really?" He bites down on his tongue. 

"Fine, it'll be my place. You can sleep on my bed," Mark tells him. 

He sees the stiffness in Yukhei's body when Mark offers his own bed up. 

"It's okay," Donghyuck shakes his head. "I can just go home after. I don't really feel like drinking anyway." 

Mark shrugs his shoulders as he lays his back against his bed, already scrolling through his phone to tell Yukhei about the names of a few different girls who will be at the party. Yukhei doesn't pay any attention to Mark or what he's saying. 

Donghyuck looks at Yukhei, a glow behind his eyes as he smiles softly, nodding his head like he's trying to tell him that it'll be okay. 

"Do you need a ride or anything later?" Yukhei asks politely as Mark stays on his phone. 

If he mumbles something under his breath, Donghyuck doesn't hear it. 

"I think I will be okay," he stands himself up, grabbing onto his bag as he bids them goodbye.

✧

Donghyuck doesn't dress himself up too much for the party.

He isn't really sure what kind of attire it calls for. He's wearing his black skinny jeans with just a t-shirt on and a pair of shoes that he's hoping he can replace with a new pair soon— the same pair, just a new kind, because his are dirty, ripping along the sides since he's had them for way too long. 

He's saved up enough money, he just hasn't really put the effort into heading out toward the mall to get a new pair, or even looking online so he can order some. 

"What time do you think you'll be back?" His grandmother reaches up to touch at his hair.

He dodges her hand, whining as he moves toward the mirror, trying to see if her curious hands have caused his hair to mess up in any sort of way. He nods at himself in the mirror when he sees that it still looks as he thought it did. 

"Not sure," he looks down at his phone. "Probably not too late."

"You're not drinking, are you?" His grandfather pipes up from the kitchen where he's cutting up a few carrots, his eyes narrowing as he stares at Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck has to sigh. 

"Of course not," he promises. "I'm just going to see a couple friends who are going to be there," he leans up against the side of the counter. "Oh, and by the way, the boy who let me borrow his clothes last week... him and his roommate — that's who I am meeting up with — they want to know if they can come over to wash some clothes, because they love the detergent we use."

Donghyuck's grandmother laughs a little. 

"You ramble the same way your mother used to," she rests her hand lightly on top of his shoulder, rubbing back and forth as she chuckles. 

The mention of his mother makes Donghyuck suck in a quick breath. It's hardly noticeable, but the drop in his facial expression must've been caught by his grandfather, because before he knows it, Donghyuck is looking up at his grandfather who is ushering him toward the door. 

"Let the boy go have his fun," he grumbles. "Tell your friends they can come over whenever they'd like to, Donghyuck." 

Donghyuck tries to give him a smile, but the best he can give is a raise of his eyebrow as he nods his head, kindly promising he will be back later.

✧

He arrives a little after ten in the evening.

The sound of the waves crashing up onto the shore makes Donghyuck want to continue walking until he's crouched down, until he can feel his toes getting wet through his dirty shoes, until the bottom part of his jeans begin to soak, until he can look right down at his reflection and just smile as he sees his mother through the reflection of the water.

But, he tries to listen for another kind of sound. The sound of thumping music and light screams of college kids playing games, leaning on each other and doing things they probably shouldn't be doing. 

He's in Ala Moana, or maybe he's in Waikiki, Donghyuck isn't too sure of where he is, he didn't really keep track, he just kept walking until he saw a few bodies that look familiar, so maybe he's in between.

"Donghyuck!" Yukhei stumbles forward as his body nearly slams into Donghyuck. "You're here!"

He places his hands on Yukhei's waist to help keep him standing upright. The boy in his grip laughs a little. 

At first, Donghyuck thinks it's cute how tall he is, but how small and fragile he is in his grasp like this, but then his head starts to spin when he realizes how strange this party looks. 

"Hey," Donghyuck hooks his arm around Yukhei's neck as he squashes their cheeks up together. "Where is everyone? And how the hell are you drunk already? Where's your drink?"

He's surprised really, because this doesn't really seem like the best place to be hosting a party. There's no drinks in anyone's hands, there's no drinks anywhere at all. There's probably around 10 people in the area, some standing near the sidewalk, a few of them huddled under a blanket, some of them running toward the water. Donghyuck is just confused. 

Yukhei smiles as he turns. 

"Drinks are in that guy's car over there," he shrugs. "A shit ton of people left. Mark said it didn't really turn out the way he thought it was going to, but a few of us are still here. Mostly drunk and just hanging out. You want something to drink? I can go get you something."

He pulls himself away from Donghyuck and blinks slowly at him, the corners of his mouth turning upwards as he tries to make him feel comfortable. 

Donghyuck appreciates it, he really does. 

Yukhei makes him feel comfortable, even though they're only one week into their friendship. 

They have been hanging out every day, whether it's been to grab tea after classes, or to meet up before Yukhei's oral french exam — whatever it has been so far... it's all been pretty fun for the two of them. But, something deep inside of Donghyuck wishes that Jeno was here, so he can grab onto his arm, curl into his neck, and ask him if they can go for a walk or something. 

He starts to wonder if Jeno is possibly even here. Somewhere further down the beach, his mouth connected with some girl he doesn't even know, or his hand down another guy's pants — Donghyuck doesn't know, but he really wishes Jeno was right by his—

"Donghyuck?" Yukhei pulls him from his thoughts. 

"Hm?" He turns toward the boy to realize that their hands are connected right down to their fingers intertwining, nails scratching up against one another. 

Yukhei sucks on his cheek as he sniffles, some guy hitting his back as he whispers something to him, grabbing onto a girl's hand before they lazily run toward the water. Yukhei blushes. 

"You just grabbed my hand and I asked if you were okay, but I don't think you heard — but hey, he just said they're gonna move the party to someone's house, do you want to go?" There's hope in Yukhei's eyes, like he wants Donghyuck to stick alongside him. 

Donghyuck, while feeling warmth and confusion inside his body and underneath his skin, nods his head as he shrugs. 

"How are all these drunk kids going to get there?" Donghyuck scrunches his nose up as he casually pulls his hand from Yukhei's. 

He doesn't want anything to turn weird, and he must've grabbed on when he was thinking about the fact that he needed comfort, or affection — both, he guesses. So, without thinking anymore of the situation, he pulls away and smiles as he pretends to be worried about everyone around them. 

"S'just around the corner, I believe," Yukhei answers. 

Donghyuck hums in approval. 

His next question comes to mind immediately, but he doesn't voice it.

Instead, he looks around to find his answer. To find _Mark._

He starts by looking down the beach, toward where one of the resorts is, wondering if maybe he was further over in that direction. Then he looks to the opposite side, over by the car where the drinks supposedly are, and then back directly in front of them. He wonders if he's even here at all. 

"Mark?" Yukhei asks Donghyuck.

The question catches him off guard, because at first Donghyuck thinks that Yukhei is calling for his roommate, so he turns in the direction of the voice, eyes ready to see Mark, to wonder how different he looks tonight rather than he did a few hours ago. Or, maybe he looks exactly the same as he did in their dorm. 

However, as soon as he turns his head, Yukhei stares at him lazily, like he's waiting for Donghyuck to answer him. 

"What?" Donghyuck asks him, wondering how drunk his friend is to even be having such a long conversation with him like this. 

"I asked 'Mark', or, I don't know? But, are you looking for Mark?" Yukhei clarifies. 

Donghyuck chuckles before he nods his head. 

It takes a moment as Yukhei looks around the beach, before he snaps his fingers. 

"He's probably headed over to the house right now if I am being honest. He might be getting laid if we are talking about like right—exactly right now. But, I would imagine that he is going to the house party soon, you know? He mentioned that he wanted to get really drunk, so I would imagine that he's already there, cause I would imagine like..." 

Donghyuck giggles as he sets his hand on the bottom of Yukhei's back. He thinks he should just be quiet now. So, he tells him to. 

And they begin walking.

✧

Now, Donghyuck thinks that the house party makes a lot more sense.

He begins to wonder if maybe Yukhei was just waiting for him to arrive, and that's why he was kind of waiting around the area near the beach. Maybe there wasn't even a car full of drinks, maybe he was just being kind and was waiting for him to come around so they could walk together to where the rest of the people were. If that's the case, then Donghyuck might even start crying because he feels a little special right in this very moment. 

He's guided into the house, squeezing past a few people who nod their heads, greeting him, telling him they really didn't think they would see him at a party like this. 

A scoff rolls out past his lips once he steps into the kitchen, swear words dripping down his tongue. 

It's not that he would never show up to these kinds of parties... he just chooses not to. He just has no interest in doing so, especially when he has better things to do. 

So, now that he thinks about it, he's a little more happy with his decision to come in the first place. 

"Drink?" Yukhei hums at Donghyuck's ear. 

Donghyuck doesn't say anything at first. 

His first answer is, _Yes, please._

But, he promised his grandparents that he wouldn't be drinking and that he would get home safely, and it's definitely not something he even wants to be doing.

"No thank you, Yukhei." 

Yukhei shrugs and pours himself a drink. 

"You're a good friend you know?" He tells Donghyuck as he downs whatever he poured into his cup. 

Donghyuck didn't really pay attention. He was too busy looking around at the different faces around them, trying to see if he recognized anyone else from his classes. 

He does, yeah, but not enough to the point where he's going to say something and give them a handshake or half of a hug. 

"I know," Donghyuck cheekily says to him as he brings his attention back to Yukhei. "I'm nice when I wanna be." 

Yukhei glares at him, looking from his drink to his new friend, observing how Donghyuck's smile fades when he starts to raise an eyebrow. 

"What is it?" Donghyuck asks him with a bit of tension behind his voice, like he's scared even. 

Maybe he is, because Yukhei is looking at him a little different than he was a moment ago. 

"You're a good friend and all, even though I have only known you for a week, Donghyuck," he mutters. "But, I have a request." 

Donghyuck swallows. 

"What's that?"

"Do not tell me when to stop drinking tonight." 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes as he throws his hands up into the air. 

"Oh c'mon, that's like... my job, Yukhei!"

This time, it's Yukhei who looks soft and pouty as he sets his drink down, arms linking onto Donghyuck's side, eyes round and a little sad as he looks down at him. He looks like a puppy, Donghyuck thinks. He wants to pet over his hair and put him into bed already, and the guy wants to drink even _more?_

Oh, Donghyuck's head hurts. 

"Please, Donghyuck?" Yukhei whines. "I'm trying to get over someone and alcohol is definitely the answer." 

The phrase makes Donghyuck stop breathing for just a second. Those seconds turn into a few more seconds, which start to feel like hours until he hears a new voice, a warm voice at the shell of his ear. 

"Alcohol is never the answer," the voice swims around in Donghyuck's head. 

"Says you!" Yukhei groans. 

Donghyuck turns to the body, smiling kindly when he sees him. 

"Hi Mark," his eyes are soft as he speaks. 

"Donghyuck," he nods his head, resting his arm on the counter behind him as he looks to Yukhei. "You do not need to drink tons tonight, so I definitely disagree with the statement you just said." 

Donghyuck nods his head in agreement to Mark's words. 

He doesn't seem drunk. Not even a little bit. In fact, Donghyuck wonders if he's even touched even a little bit of alcohol tonight. 

"Mark," Yukhei warns him as he backs away. "Lay off." 

He grips harshly onto his cup before he turns into the living room, leaving just Mark and Donghyuck in the kitchen, accompanied by a few other drunken college kids who politely ask them to move away from the bottles they want to get to. 

Donghyuck drops his mouth open in shock and allows a short gasp to run out past his lips. 

"Oh," he whispers, worrying over the fact that Yukhei seemed genuinely mad at Mark just now.

Mark moves until he's standing in front of Donghyuck, and for the first time of the entire night, Donghyuck is able to get a good look at him. 

As always, he looks just a little bit different. 

Tonight, Mark is wearing a beanie.

He's wearing a white turtleneck with a big sweater over it, and he looks good. Donghyuck has to tell him that his outfit looks incredible on him, so he does. Mark takes the compliment and smiles. 

"Don't worry about him, I will take care of him," Mark tells Donghyuck after a moment of silence. 

"Are you sure?" Donghyuck asks, his eyes widening as he moves on to correct himself. "I meant like, are you sure that you don't want me to keep track of him? I didn't mean like are you sure you can take care of him because I am sure that you can because you guys have been friends for longer than him and I have been friends, so like—"

"—Donghyuck?" 

"Yes?"

"I've got him," Mark grins. 

He smiles so genuinely that Donghyuck has to smile right back, like he's giving him the same exact kind of smile right back to him. 

Mark opens his mouth to continue, "he's going through a break up. He's not doing too great. I'm not gonna be drinking either, and I know he doesn't need to have a babysitter or anything, but I still get worried about him."

Donghyuck is surprised to hear. He wouldn't have even thought. 

"Wow," Donghyuck looks down at his hands.

"I know," Mark clicks his tongue. "Ex was a total dick." 

Donghyuck feels angry all of a sudden at the fact that someone had hurt his friend like this. 

"Does he go here?" Donghyuck asks curiously, wondering if it's even his place to be asking. 

_He should stop._

"Oh yeah," Mark nods as he grabs a water. "He's in one of Yukhei's classes, so they've gotta see each other all the time. It sucks because he's also in one of my classes too. We used to all be friends. Ah, it's a messy situation, Donghyuck. Yukhei didn't deserve what happened to him. He's lucky to have you, he likes to hang around you, I have really seen him light up when you're around." 

That brings a kind smile to Donghyuck's face, especially when he thinks about the fact that Yukhei is feeling a bit warmer since he's been closer.

"He's lucky to have you, Mark."

"Eh, I know," Mark admits. "But, there's something about your presence that's a little different than mine is." 

Donghyuck wants to ask what he means. He wants him to go in depth a little or at least expand on something so he can understand the extremes of how he makes Yukhei feel, because he's curious, he always has been and he always will be. 

But, Donghyuck doesn't question anymore. He just nods his head and grins at Mark.

"So, knock yourself out, Donghyuck. I can take care of you, too."

For some reason, Donghyuck lets himself fall weak to those words. He allows his body to go lax underneath the sound of Mark saying that last phrase to him.

It feels good to hear it, feels good to understand that someone can take care of him, if he wants them to. 

_Does he trust Mark?_ Not exactly, he definitely doesn't know him as well as he knows Yukhei, and he still hardly even knows Yukhei to begin with, so he knows he wouldn't let himself get drunk in front of Mark and let Mark drag both of them back to his dorm on his own. But, Mark looks kind, he's Yukhei's friend, and he seems like the kind of guy that Donghyuck could end up trusting in the long run. 

"That's kind, Mark, I appreciate that," he sets his hand on the counter as he ends up backing away further, both of them casually walking toward the living room. "But, I won't be drinking tonight."

Mark shrugs.

Donghyuck is relieved to see that he doesn't encourage him to grab a drink, or to do anything he doesn't want to do. Mark is kind, and Donghyuck likes that about him. He's genuine.

So, Donghyuck opens his mouth again to talk, "do you want to just chill in the other room, then?"

Mark's eyes instantly flash with apology, and Donghyuck feels his stomach flip. 

He knows those eyes. His grandma used to give him those eyes everytime she didn't want to tell him something that he was asking about. He _hates_ those eyes. He tries not to jump to conclusions, though, since he has no idea what Mark is going to say.

"I'm actually supposed to head upstairs to meet up with someone," he tries to give a grin to cover up the fact that he is shutting him down. "Later?"

_Later?_ Donghyuck nods his head. 

"Yeah, go on," Donghyuck shoves his shoulder in encouragement, receiving a little giggle in return as Mark begins to stick out his tongue, hurrying off toward the stairs. 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and leans against the counter alone. 

_Alone,_ like how he was last week, like how he is without Jeno, with Yukhei drinking his broken heart away somewhere in the house, with Mark probably getting blown upstairs. 

_Donghyuck is alone._

✧

The back patio is where Donghyuck finds he is most comfortable.

He begins a conversation with two girls who are majoring in Sociology, talking about the way they have been best friends since the first grade, and how they started dating their junior year in high school. Donghyuck is amazed, really, to hear their story, and he sips on his bottled water as he relaxes in the uncomfortable chair, listening to the two of them giggle as they share a few kisses. Donghyuck thinks it's sweet as they laugh about the very few arguments they've gotten in throughout their relationship, trying to prove which of them is right. 

The sky above him keeps him distracted once the two of them leave, once they decide they want to head back inside where the music becomes louder, where the bodies start to get closer, where the living room becomes a massive club it seems like. 

Donghyuck pulls himself in pretty soon, since he doesn't want to seem like he's the only one out on the patio, listening to the way the grass shifts from the wind, or the way the cars pass down the road — he doesn't want to appear to be lame. 

In full honesty, he doesn't really care what people think, he just doesn't want to have anyone thinking that he's sitting outside because he is avoiding the party. Ah, his head is too cloudy right now. He's thinking of his mother, of Yukhei and his break up, of some of his old friends. 

There's a buzz in his pocket, and he fishes down his pants to retrieve his phone, gasping when he sees that his test was graded. 

He's literally in the middle of a busy party, on his phone, navigating through the app as he looks for where his grade would be. 

All of a sudden, Donghyuck is sighing in relief. 

His eyes look up to see sweaty bodies, drunken minds and lots of laughter. But, he sees the back of Mark's head only a few feet away, and without even thinking, he taps on his shoulder. 

"Hey, Mark!" He looks down at his phone again to make sure the exam grade is still pulled up. 

Mark doesn't turn. 

Thinking he doesn't hear him, Donghyuck taps on his shoulder again. 

"Mark!" Donghyuck tugs a little this time. 

"What is it?!" Mark forcefully says as he spins around. 

Donghyuck widens his eyes, his chest feeling heavier from the way Mark had said it. But, when Mark realizes that it's Donghyuck next to him, he relaxes. 

"Oh, Donghyuck," the anger on his face falls, and it's replaced with a bit of kindness, more relief than anything. "What's up?" 

Donghyuck hopes that is a good thing. He hopes that his presence is causing Mark to feel a little better, because for whatever reason, the boy is upset about something. 

He shoves the phone in his face. 

Mark chuckles and grabs both of his hands, pulling it backward a little so he can see the screen easier, so he can read the words simpler. He brings his eyebrows together as he tries to comprehend what he's looking at. It's a lot of focus that he puts into trying to understand the little notification, the grade, the assignment, but before Donghyuck knows it, Mark is lighting up. 

"I fucking told you," he pats his shoulder. "You doubted yourself. Don't do that! Good job!" 

Donghyuck pockets his phone and shrugs. 

"Sorry I got mad, I thought you were..." Mark doesn't finish his sentence, he only glances toward the staircase. 

Donghyuck can only assume that his plans of meeting whoever he was going upstairs with hadn't gone too well. 

"Someone else?" He asks. 

Mark nods, sighing as he takes a sip of his water. He holds his hand out to Donghyuck, asking him to take it. Donghyuck does. 

He lets himself be dragged off toward the front of the house, somewhere a lot more quiet, his heart only beating a tiny bit faster. 

"Okay," Mark tells him. "I am going to head home now. Were you thinking of staying any longer? Or did you wanna maybe walk with me back to the dorms with Yukhei?" 

Donghyuck thinks about it. 

He could easily just head home. Walk back to the beach and just drive to his grandparents' house, tuck himself into his bed, maybe even pop into the shower and relax underneath the heat for a bit. But, Mark is asking him if he wants to walk the entire way, and Donghyuck thinks hard about it. 

He thinks about the ocean air along his cheeks, hugging around his neck as it makes him feel comfortable, and he thinks about how although Mark may seem strong, his muscles on his shoulders showing off, he may really need help with a drunk Yukhei who may proceed to start tumbling and bending over to get sick along the sidewalks. 

"That's fine, Mark," Donghyuck nods his head. "I can walk with you guys." 

Mark bites down on his tongue as he stretches his arms up high, squeezing around a few people. He knows he needs to find Yukhei, so he immediately heads back to the kitchen, leading straight to the game room, where he had seen him last. 

Donghyuck follows like a lost dog at first. 

Then, he thinks about Yukhei and his broken heart, about how... maybe even in a drunken state, he might need a breath of fresh air. So, he heads to the back patio where he was not too long ago. 

"Yukhei," Donghyuck breathes a sigh of relief as he grazes his fingers along Mark's forearm, trying not to bring too much attention to shout, _'he's out here!'_

Mark catches onto what he's saying and lets Donghyuck take the lead. 

"Hi," Yukhei replies in a calm voice as he stares forward over the ledge of the wooden balcony. 

"Mark and I were thinking about heading back to the dorms, you wanna come back with us?" Donghyuck asks. 

Yukhei straightens up. 

"Both of you guys?" 

Donghyuck swallows. He can't tell what Yukhei means when he says that. He doesn't know if he thinks that is a good or bad thing, so he nods his head and he waits. 

Yukhei smiles. He smiles and slowly nods his own head. 

"That sounds nice," his voice is a little raspy. "Both of my friends walking with me, I think I would like that." 

Donghyuck is relieved. He even looks back to Mark and gives him the softest grin as he cocks his head toward their drunk friend, leaning against the railing on the other side of him. 

"Alright, Yukhei, let's go home then."

✧

"I am so hungry," Mark whines as he drags his feet along the sidewalk.

They're closer to their building, but Donghyuck notices that Mark is moving slower like he wants to waste more time getting up, even though Yukhei sounds like he's ready to crawl up into bed. He's making jokes along with them, sending them smiles and laughter every once in a while, but he stays quiet for the most time. 

"Stop and grab something then!" Donghyuck encourages him as they pass a few different places that are still open this late. 

But, Mark shrugs, kicking more rocks as he buckles over in laughter. 

"So, you're just going to complain and let us listen to you?" Donghyuck rolls his eyes. 

"He does that pretty often," Yukhei pipes up. 

Mark hits him on the shoulder. 

"It's true!" Yukhei adds on. 

They finally reach the building, and Donghyuck places his arm in front of the both of them, raising an eyebrow as he stares directly at Mark, telling him that this is his last chance at getting food before he gets upstairs — since they're out of snacks. Mark declines and then manages to throw out a pout like he's been told no. 

"You know what I really want right now though?" Mark hums as they enter the building, making their way up to the floor of Mark and Yukhei's dorm. 

Donghyuck bumps his hip. 

"What?" 

"I wanna drizzle honey on top of saltine crackers," he licks his bottom lip. 

Donghyuck looks at him before he widens his eyes. 

"Don't look at me like that!" Mark chuckles as he bumps his hip this time. "Come back when you try it, Donghyuck. It's fucking delicious."

Donghyuck shakes his head, "No thank you." 

Mark groans. 

"No, really," Yukhei states. "It's pretty good. He made me try it when we first started living together. Now we eat it all the time." 

A small smile crawls to Donghyuck's mouth. He wonders about the taste of that, and how much he can trust these guys on how something like that would even... taste good. Sure, he likes honey, and he likes saltine crackers, but he's not positive that he would want to mix sweet and salty together. He doesn't like things like that too often. 

He scrunches his nose up. 

"Don't knock it till you try it, Lee Donghyuck." 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes as he stands in front of their dorm room, watching as Yukhei runs and plops head first into his bed, mumbling nonsense when Mark tells him he needs to change out of his dirty clothes before he falls asleep. Donghyuck adds on words of agreement as he stands in the doorway. 

He doesn't want to let himself in, because he knows he might accidentally stay for too long, and then he'll probably get himself into trouble for being out too late. 

Mark comes to the doorway, leaning against the frame as he looks at Donghyuck. 

He's close, and Donghyuck feels a fire spread over his chest as he looks at his friend — he's allowed to call him his friend by now, right? — who just smirks as he closes his eyes and sighs. 

"Thanks for walking home with us, Donghyuck," Mark licks at his lips again. 

Donghyuck can't help but watch him do that each time he does, but he looks away before Mark can look back to him.

"Of course," he nods. 

"You sure you don't wanna just stay the night?" He asks. "Yukhei will probably be a mess in the morning, but you're always welcome here." 

Donghyuck wants to swoon. He wants to let his heart open up and just giggle at the fact that his new friends are already helping him feel so warm and so kind. It makes his body heat up in ways that he wouldn't even imagine. He feels like a damn flower growing, and Mark keeps watering him, Yukhei keeps watering him, and Donghyuck fucking loves it. 

"That's okay," he mumbles, cheeks tinted red from the fact that he is being offered to stay in the first place. "I think my grandparents would worry anyway, since I already promised that I would be coming home."

Mark raises his eyebrows in understanding as he lets a sleepy grin take over. He clicks his tongue. 

"Completely understand," he holds his hand out, palm facing upward. 

Donghyuck drops his hand in his own, giving Mark some sort of awkward handshake that is so awkward to the point where, well, it doesn't even seem awkward anymore. Some sort of cancellation bullshit. 

Mark chuckles. 

"Get home safely, okay?" 

"I sure will."

"Goodnight," Mark whispers as he shuts the door.

✧

So, Donghyuck digs the key into the door of his house a little while later, stepping into his kitchen, with an absolute need to choke down a full glass of water.

He grabs the frame of his mother's photo before he sits down at the bar, smiling at her as he crosses his arms, resting his cheek on the counter as he just... looks at her. Of course, he sees himself in her, wishing he could actually look to the seat beside himself and just look at her, so he can ask her some questions, so he can ask how to make his lifelong friends, or how to take on the journey of life, and how to be good at it. He knows he can ask those questions to his grandparents, but he misses asking his mother, he misses the way he could reach over and graze her arm and whine about how his friends at school are being annoying and how she'd mumble about how they should, "go mess with them." 

She'd always say it jokingly and tell Donghyuck that he should always stay kind to those who are mean to him, and he thinks that is why he is always smiling, always positive in some type of way. But, he likes himself that way. 

He feels his breathing start to get heavier, his chest tightening, so with one quick movement, he turns the frame the other way and he walks back over to his pantry, where he tries to find something to snack on before he gets into bed. 

It's one in the morning, and Donghyuck's stomach is rumbling, of course he wants to feed himself a bit before he cuddles into his blankets and falls asleep. 

His eyes narrow in on his box of saltine crackers. 

"No way," he chuckles. 

Immediately, he turns until he's walking to where they keep the jar of honey, just to see if they even have any left — Donghyuck's grandfather loves honey. 

He smiles so wide when he sees it full. 

"This is for you, Mark Lee."

Donghyuck grabs what he needs, drizzling honey over a few saltine crackers on a finely decorated plate as he sits back at the bar, thinking about the look on Mark's face if he were to be sitting right next to him. He stares at the snack, at the dessert, or whatever it would technically be called, and he takes a bite — takes a few bites. 

He ends up loving it more than he imagined he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments if you'd like!


	3. bicycles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little bit longer than the previous ones which i didn’t really expect it to be, honestly, but i sort of like this length. it didn’t really take place over a long period of time in the fic... but i do like this length so we’ll see if i can make a decision on how long i want the chapters to end up looking — most likely they will end up being all over the place hahah. 
> 
> anyway.... enjoy this next chapter because we are diving even deeper into this little world here. please leave comments if you’d like to!!! i would love to hear what you are thinking! :) 
> 
> please stay informed about what is going on. there is a lot of information below that you can read about and find ways to help.
> 
> https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

Donghyuck takes his bike out on Sunday evening, hands glued to the handlebars as he rides along the empty sidewalks, airpods plunged into his ears. 

He's quite surprised that it's not nearly as crowded as his Sunday rides usually are, accompanied by tons of couples and dogs, lots of them jogging alongside each other, conversations slipping past his ears right through the music of his headphones. But, as the sun sets, and as he controls his breathing, stopping the pedaling of his bicycle to just look at the ocean to his right, he lets a smile take control over his lips. He wants to pretend that he didn't slip trying to get onto his bike about thirty minutes ago, and he wants to pretend that there aren't a few cuts on his kneecap right now as he sits up to ride further down the wide sidewalk, but it’s hard to forget. 

The breeze hits cheeks and Donghyuck takes a moment to think about the times when he used to ride with his mother. He ponders over the way he used to have to help her tie up her long hair until she got so fed up that she cut it one day at home with him, when he walked in the bathroom and screamed so loud at the woman in the mirror.

He comes to a realization that he’s thinking too hard when he nearly runs into an old man. Soon, he’s veering his handlebars off to the side as he shouts an apology. 

"Damn," Donghyuck hears a voice as he lifts one of his hands to his chest, palpitations rising inside of him.

Passing him in a hurried run, Donghyuck recognizes Mark's body. 

Mark tilts his head back as he shoots him a smirk and shakes his head again, sticking his earplug back into his ear as he continues at a faster run. 

Donghyuck looks at him. 

_Yeah, he's looking._

Of course, Mark looks different. But this time, he looks a lot different. 

He's in shorts this time, a black sleeveless shirt loosely hanging by his hips, cut so low by the arms that it's showing so much of his sides. Donghyuck has to look, because he's curious, and Mark seems to be sweating so aggressively, and Donghyuck can tell... even from twenty feet away. 

Donghyuck swallows and blinks hard before he pedals forward. 

"What's with you and laughing at me, Mark Lee?" Donghyuck rips the headphones out of Mark's ear, making the boy slow down his sprint to a jog, all before he comes to a halt. 

He frowns at Donghyuck before he racks up an eyebrow, poking his finger into the boy's chest. 

"No need to rip that from my ear canal, Lee Donghyuck," Mark rolls his eyes as he grabs onto Donghyuck's hand, bringing it to his own ear to rub it, cackling when Donghyuck retracts it instantly. "That hurt."

"Ew," Donghyuck sniffles. "Don't make me touch your ear."

"That hurt, though!" Mark tugs on his earlobe as he pokes out his bottom lip. "Where's your helmet, by the way?" 

Mark tilts up to knock his knuckles on Donghyuck's skull, watching as the boy closes his eyes at the impact. 

"I don't have one," he admits. 

"You should. What happens when you fall?" 

Donghyuck swallows, looking down at his knee.

It's not long before Mark takes his eyes and follows Donghyuck's line of vision until he sees the scrapes on his skin. 

"Probably wouldn't have happened if you had a helmet." 

Donghyuck shoves him, noticing that Mark is still in the process of catching his breath. He's panting almost, his tongue sticking out as his eyes squint, like he's becoming nauseated from all of the running that he's been doing. And Donghyuck can tell that he's been doing a lot too, because his face is so red that it's splotchy with white spots, and his fingers are curling at Donghyuck's handlebars to keep himself upright, giving himself something to lean against. 

"Mind?" Mark closes his eyes as he blindly points to Donghyuck's water bottle. 

"Oh," Donghyuck widens his eyes, his heart clenching when he realizes that he didn't already offer his friend something to drink when he looks like this. "Of course, here."

He hands it to him and watches as Mark tips the thing in all directions, trying to see how much is inside the metal bottle, like he's trying to test out how much he is allowed to drink, or use up, and trying to see how much he should probably leave Donghyuck. 

Obviously, he knows he probably shouldn't drink a lot, and Donghyuck can see that he's thinking hard about it as he tries to unscrew it. He even bites down on his tongue as he pulls hard, stumbling backward as it pops off, a few droplets splashing onto the concrete. 

"Are you going to be riding for much longer?" Mark asks him as he closes an eye and peers inside. 

Donghyuck thinks about it. 

"No, probably not. Feel free to have the rest, Mark," Donghyuck says. "You look really hot."

Mark dumps half of the bottle on his face, handing it to Donghyuck who grabs onto it, watching with a little bit of confusion. 

He runs his palms over his face and chuckles as he licks around his mouth. Donghyuck just knows that it tastes heavily of salt from the sweat on his face. 

Mark looks at him and winks as he shakes the water from his hair. 

"Thank you," Mark says out of nowhere. "I know."

Donghyuck blinks at him, feeling frozen as his fingers curl hard around the bottle. 

Mark finally makes eye contact with him as his smirk widens. 

"Don't get cocky now," Donghyuck shoves him, but Mark grabs onto his wrist at the last minute, pulling Donghyuck with him, making him stumble forward on his bike. 

At first Donghyuck laughs as he topples over, just until he feels a sharp pain at his ankle, and all of a sudden he's crying out, slapping a hand over his mouth before anyone can hear him. 

It builds at first, because he thinks he's just gotten his foot stuck by the pedal, and maybe he's just knocked his ankle against the side, or maybe he's just scraped the skin a little, but he pulls his leg to his chest as a reflex to hold himself, and when he presses his toes into the ground he feels an even sharper pain shooting up his back, like when he steps on his ankle wrong. 

He swallows hard when he feels a numbness, and soon he's biting hard on his own lip, drawing blood. 

Mark's voice is echoing in his head, but he doesn't pay attention to it. 

So, instead, he just thinks of his mother. 

_"Donghyuck, do not cry, you've just got a little cut by your eye," she kisses his cheek about a hundred times as she tries to find a way to make him feel better, her fingers curling around his own, pulling him into her lap._

_He's only seven years old, but he knows nothing more than that his mother's touch is the best feeling in the entire world, and she has the ability to make him feel more than comfortable. He could easily say that his mother can heal him if she wanted to, so he tries to relax in her arms and ignore the stinging by his eyes._

_It was only an accident, slipping by the little slip n slide outside, face scraping along the plastic as it sliced near his eye, little Donghyuck scrambling inside with two floaties on his arms._

_"Do you want to spend time in the pool instead, Duckie?"_

_The boy just nodded his head and pouted as his mother genuinely petted over his hair, nodding her head with him, grabbing onto him as she led him toward the pool._

"Donghyuck, please," Mark wipes at his tears, pulling him away from his thoughts. 

The feeling of Mark touching his cheeks brings him to a sudden realization that he's made himself appear to be vulnerable in front of his friend, and he seems to be lying in his arms in public, so all of a sudden, Donghyuck is trying to scurry away from him. 

"Hey hey," Mark is stronger than him at that moment, gripping harder as he holds him tight, holding his wrists as Donghyuck bends down to try to hold his own ankle. "Don't touch it, hold on, Donghyuck, okay?"

Donghyuck doesn't know what to say, but his ankle hurts more than any kind of pain he has felt in his entire life, so he arches his back a little off the grassy hill they're on as he bites hard on tongue, setting the back of his head on Mark's shoulder, his back pressing up against Mark's front. 

There's a warm hand along Donghyuck's stomach, rubbing back and forth trying to calm him, and Donghyuck wants it gone because it's not his mother, it'll never be his mother, and Donghyuck wants to be sick because nothing will feel as comforting as his mother's touch. 

"A friend of mine is right around the corner, he's coming with a car, okay?" Mark's fingers move up toward Donghyuck's sternum as he tries to hold him still. 

Donghyuck is moaning low in pain, and it's only then when he realizes that Mark has dragged them far away from the main sidewalk, away from the majority of people.

"I think you might have broken your ankle," Mark tries to soothe him as the words spin out of his own throat. 

"I think _you_ broke my ankle, you dick!" Donghyuck seethes as he digs his fingernails into Mark's thigh. 

A flash of pain and distress flashes behind Mark's eyes, but he stands his ground and keeps his arms as taut around Donghyuck's body as he can. 

Donghyuck is trying to ignore the fact that he's mad at him, angry at him for pulling on his wrist and taking him right to the ground, causing the accident to happen in the first place. 

But the truth is, Donghyuck isn't really mad at him. 

He's just hurting, excruciatingly, and he wants his mother, who he won't be able to get no matter how hard he tries. There's numbing pains in his ankle, up his spine, even at his tailbone (probably from the way he had fallen earlier, although he's really not sure if Mark had just caught him or not.)

So, the only thing he can do is be upset with Mark, or wrap his arm around his neck and nosedive into the warmth of his skin — he chooses the latter. 

His fingernails are digging into the opposite crevasse of Mark's neck, and he's scraping against the sweat there, hands slipping as he pulls himself further onto the boy's lap. Mark does his best to understand what Donghyuck wants, and he even tries to whisper to him, only having his lips brush up against the boy's ear when he buries himself in Mark's neck. 

It's warm. 

Donghyuck wants to tell him how much he smells like sweat, how bad he needs to take a shower and come out of it smelling like green apples or red roses, or whatever kind of body wash he wants to use — he just wants to tell him to go do that already. But, Mark is a little busy with his arms tightening around Donghyuck's body, like they're cuddling underneath the tree by the water, like they've just had a picnic on the beach and are spending the rest of the sunset wrapped up in each other's arms. 

Not a single soul is suspicious of them, because there are a few other couples scattered, and the area was hardly busy to begin with. 

The tip of Donghyuck's nose soon becomes wet with Mark's sweat, or maybe with the water that he poured on himself before the chaos had occurred. Donghyuck wishes he was dry so he would be a little more comforting to be around. 

"I'm right here, Donghyuck," Mark rests his comforting hand along his spine, rubbing generously up his back. 

Donghyuck squeezes his eyes tight. 

_You're not her, though._

"Who?" He hears Mark hum near his ear, and all of a sudden there's a hot sensation in his chest, and an even hotter one coming to the surface of his skin by his ankle. 

He curses at himself when he realizes that he's said something he shouldn't have. He's shared too much with his friend that he's still getting to know. 

Mark doesn't deserve to dive into this part of Donghyuck quite yet, he's still on the first few steps of knowing Donghyuck, and this part is somewhere at the spacious balcony at the very top of those stairs. Donghyuck doesn't like it. He wants to take back his thoughts — he wants to take back his bike ride today, and bundle up into his blankets. 

"I'm not weak," Donghyuck's lips graze against Mark's earlobe as he tries to say. "This just hurts like a bitch."

Mark chuckles as he parts his legs so Donghyuck can sit more comfortably on the grass. The lack of touch makes Donghyuck feel a little colder, but he deals with it, tilting his face until he's staring at his ankle, feeling a sharp pressure. 

"I didn't say you were weak," he tells him, rubbing his hand a little warmer up his back, fingers spread out like a starfish so he can cover more skin. 

Donghyuck hums as he tries to tell himself to relax against his friend's shoulder, because the truth is, Mark smells awful, yeah, that's a given, but he is indeed very warm, and Donghyuck likes to cling against the warmth for comfort to feel safer and more relaxed, so in a way, he's very glad that Mark came to laugh at him when he almost bumped into the old man earlier. 

"I know, but you were thinking it." Donghyuck controls his breathing as he reaches forward.

"Don't touch," Mark pulls his hand back, letting his own fingers fall loosely with Donghyuck's for a second as he looks at him, his eyebrows furrowed. 

"My ankle is swollen, my whole foot is swollen, Mark. I need to take my shoe off."

Mark untangles his fingers from Donghyuck's hand when he sees his friend calling for him, jogging over at a quick pace, coming to squat right at his side. 

He briefly explains what happened as Donghyuck scoffs with laughter, listening to when Mark urges him to rest his cheek against his shoulder once more. He focuses on that warmth again, rubbing his eye socket into Mark's shoulder when he stifles a yawn, wondering if he could fall asleep right in this moment — he agrees that he could maybe if Mark smelled a little bit better. 

"Okay, let's take off his shoe," the boy speaks up. "His foot seems to be swelling." 

Donghyuck sits up and lets a satisfied noise release from his throat when he looks at Mark. The angle is awkward, but Mark still looks at him and shakes his head as he tries to direct the boy back to his shoulder. Donghyuck resists though. 

"That might be a bad idea though, right?" Mark asks his friend. "What if it's broken and we fuck one of his bones up even more?" 

Donghyuck winces. This time he dives right into Mark's neck, huddling closer when Mark puts his own face next to Donghyuck's, hugging him for a moment as he places his lips right by his ear. 

"Sorry," he apologizes. 

_Kiss me there,_ Donghyuck shakes the thought out of his head as he breathes heavily, untucking his face from Mark's neck. 

He swallows hard, wondering why he's even thinking about receiving comfort like that from his friend, especially when he just got done complaining about how Mark was definitely far from the top of his balcony, and how he had a long way to go until he knew the deep inside features of him, until he knew the most sincere pieces of Donghyuck's puzzle — what made him... him. 

"I think it'll be fine," the voice speaks up, calling Donghyuck out of his thoughts as he sniffles hard. "If it's swelling, I don't want it to put too much pressure on him, so we should definitely take his shoe off."

"Jaehyun, what if it turns out bad?" Mark worries. 

"Then we worry about it once we get him to the hospital, now let's go."

Donghyuck nods his head as he pokes his finger into Mark's side. 

"Let him take the shoe off, Mark Lee," Donghyuck sighs. "A little relief would be nice, y'know?"

Mark clenches his eyes shut as he bends forward to do it for him, undoing his shoe laces, loosening almost all of them so it's easier to maneuver his foot out of his shoe. Jaehyun holds his foot extremely still as he does it, both of them listening to the hisses of Donghyuck. 

"Do you think it's broken?" Mark asks Jaehyun. 

Donghyuck creases his eyebrows in wonder, curious to know if Jaehyun is studying medicine, or if he's working as a paramedic or something along those lines.

He doesn't really know, but he is staring at Donghyuck's foot and cocking his head back and forth like his major is... well, Donghyuck's foot. 

Jaehyun chuckles as he leans forward to touch his hand along Donghyuck's knee.

"No," Jaehyun says before he begins to splutter. "Well, I mean, don't trust me on that because I am no certified doctor or anything, I am just a struggling college kid who likes medicine. Based on what I am seeing, it appears to be a strain, or a hairline fracture somewhere, I don't know."

"Why aren't we rushing to the hospital?" Mark's voice is shaking and it's then when Donghyuck looks over at him, eyes widening as his lips part, mouth gaping when he sees how pale Mark has become. 

Suddenly, all of the pain he feels in his body has dissipated, and his entire focus is on Mark's eyes closing and his unsteady breathing. Donghyuck swallows hard as he shifts his body, cupping one hand on Mark's cheek. 

"Hey hey, woah," Donghyuck smiles at him, trying to soften his own set of worried eyes. 

Mark's eyes seem darker as he stares at the injury scene in front of him, and he's swallowing harder, fingers gripping his own thigh so hard that he seems to be fisting the fabric of his shorts. 

It's hard for Donghyuck to know if it's going to take a lot of effort to pull Mark out of whatever trance he's in, but he knows he has to try, so he sucks in a sharp breath and tries to click his tongue and speak past his own pain. 

"Mark, hey," Donghyuck taps his cheek with his palm.

Taking his hand off of his thigh, Mark's hand finds Donghyuck's free hand, lacing their fingers together as he huffs out a sigh. 

Mark breathes out a soft sigh, "I am so sorry."

"I'm fine, Mark."

"Your fucking foot is broken."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes as he lets his hand slide off Mark's cheek. He also lets his fingers shake out from his grasp, until he's using the tree behind him and Mark's shoulder to help lift himself up.

"You gonna help me get to the car?" Donghyuck dusts his hands off on his shirt as he hisses in pain, accidentally pressing the tips of his toes into the ground to stabilize himself. 

_Huge mistake._

Mark thrusts himself forward and makes Donghyuck swing his arm around his neck until he has someone to lean against. 

"Don't do that!" Mark huffs. "You're in no position to walk."

"Good," Donghyuck tightens his arms around Mark's neck, huddling closer to him. "Carry me to Jaehyun's car then."

Mark, of course, does.

✧

Donghyuck can't help but cry when his grandmother comes stumbling into the emergency room, a gasp rolling out past her lips as she sees the boy with grass stains on his elbows and tears stained to his cheeks. She whimpers out a cry as she tries to close the door, but Dongyuck holds his free hand up in the air, putting his teeth together as he scrunches his nose up.

He cocks his head to the side to point at Mark, who is fast asleep in the chair next to the hospital bed, arms crossed as his chin rests so delicately along his shoulder. 

His eyebrows are furrowed, his lips are parted, and he's puffing out air like he's dreaming so intently, focusing on killing a bunch of giant robots while he floats around in a bee costume. He even twitches a little in his sleep, knees jerking up every few moments. 

"What happened to you, darling?" She mutters as she pulls up a chair, gripping onto his hand, wiping Donghyuck's tears from his face. 

He can't help but cry because he's seeing so much of his mother when he looks at his grandmother, and although she may not be able to give as much comfort as his mother used to, he's still grateful that he has his grandmother right here to hold his hands and to brush away the tears that are pooling at his eyes. 

A whimper builds up in his throat and he lets it slide out without another thought, holding onto her small and cold hands as he smiles, looking back over to a sleeping Mark. 

"Who is that?" She wonders out loud as Donghyuck snorts a little. 

"This is the boy who wants to come over and wash his underwear," Donghyuck whispers as he rubs his nose against his shoulder to dry his tears. 

She chuckles with him, making a disapproved sound when she looks down at his ankle. 

"What happened now, Lee Donghyuck?"

"I was just riding my bike, and we were messing around, and my foot got caught as I fell. Toppled over and the bicycle fell on top of me." 

She shakes her head and hovers her hands over the wrapped ankle. 

Right around the same time, a doctor comes into the room, waking Mark from his slumber so suddenly that he slams his feet hard against the ground. No one notices how loud it is, except for Donghyuck, and he tries not to giggle at the way Mark wipes the bit of drool at the corner of his mouth.

_Gosh, Mark is cute._

Everytime he sees him again, he looks different. 

Even when he wakes up from a nap, it's a new time, and of course, he looks a little bit different. His hair is messier, eyes a tad bit sleepy, and mouth drawn into a pout as he sits up. 

"No breaks in any of the bones from the scans. Looks like it's just a bad sprain with a bit of a tear in your ligament, kid," the doctor speaks as Mark swears under his breath. 

Donghyuck has to elbow him in order to get him to shut up because his grandmother is right beside him and Mark better have enough respect to not swear in front of—

"Recovery time suggests 3-6 weeks for most patients, but with you, Donghyuck, I would say you'd be back to normal at the lesser end of that scale. I think your ankle swelled up so much from the tear and the stretching and tugging when your foot had gotten stuck between the pedal and the other part of the bicycle."

"So, what should he do in the meantime? Miss school?" His grandmother's worried voice makes Donghyuck's heart swell. 

"No, grandma, it's okay. I can still attend classes,” Donghyuck reassures her with a kind smile and a quick nod of his head, even looking over at Mark as he smiles for the first time in a while. 

She furrows her brow and sits back in the chair, holding her purse a little closer to her chest. 

“He can still attend his classes. That will be fine. He may wanna stay off of it for a day or two, or just keep to as little walking as possible, or have someone help you when they can,” the doctor speaks up before he gestures over toward Mark. “Is this... boyfriend? Brother?” 

Donghyuck swallows and shakes his head to both of those, opening his mouth to speak. No words can flow out though, because he can’t say anything he needs to. Mark is his friend, isn’t he? Can he even confirm that? They’ve gone past the awkward few steps of the beginning, hell, they’ve jumped way past them, haven’t they? But, he wonders if Mark thinks of him solely as his friend, or if he would walk around saying that he’s Yukhei’s friend, or just someone that he knows. The feeling of it makes Donghyuck’s throat go dry, and all of sudden he can’t even answer the damn doctor. 

“We’re just friends,” Mark smiles. “Not dating. Not related.” 

Donghyuck is thankful that Mark has spoken up because he sure as hell wasn't going to be able to for a long minute or so. 

“Maybe you can help him get to his classes if your own schedule is open? Do you go to school?” 

Mark nods his head. 

“Course, I’d be happy to walk with him and help him out.” 

“You don’t have to,” Donghyuck looks at him to find a bit of guilt in Mark’s eyes. 

A new feeling swells up in Donghyuck’s chest as he thinks about the fact that maybe Mark only wants to help him because he feels bad about what has happened. Donghyuck doesn’t want to think about that at all. Mark cocks an eyebrow up at him like he's brushing off what he's saying.

“Crutches if you need them, but a brace for sure. Pain means no walking. Rest, ice, elevation. We’ll have a nurse give you papers with a treatment plan, but it’s important to stay off of it as much as you can. Do you live on campus?” 

Donghyuck shakes his head. 

“I do,” Mark pipes up. “He can stay with me if he needs to.”

“It might be in his best interest until he feels comfortable to be walking around again just fine, so he’ll be able to get around much quicker,” the doctor clears his throat. “That’s a kind offer and a good suggestion.” 

Mark looks at Donghyuck and shrugs, “there’s only this week before we start finals. It’s probably best that you hang around our dorm so you can get around much easier instead of having to drive back and forth. Then I can help you whenever you need me. Or Yukhei. Whatever you want.” 

Donghyuck pinches the bridge of his nose. 

He wonders if anyone gave him pain medicine earlier because his pain is elevating and he’s getting tired and a bit agitated, and he’s sniffling from the tears that have caused his nasal passages to clog up — he’s ready for bed, already. 

“Grandma?” Donghyuck turns toward her as the doctor excuses himself. 

She nods her head. 

“I think that’s a very kind offer..." her voice trails off as she stares off at Mark, like she's waiting for him to introduce himself. 

Maybe it's a good idea for him to as well, because he's almost holding Donghyuck's hand at his bedside, he's been here for hours, he even carried him from the car into the emergency room and refused to leave Donghyuck's side when the doctors had to take him back for his initial scans. 

"Oh," Mark stands up and leans over Donghyuck's body to hold his hand out kindly. "I'm Mark. Mark Lee. I go to school with Donghyuck."

She grins widely, taking the time to focus on how his hand fits in hers in such a nice way. His hand is rough, and Donghyuck leans further down in his hospital bed as he watches the two of them interact with each other over him. 

"You would be willing to let my grandson stay over at your dorm with you?" She asks as Mark lets his arm graze against Donghyuck's skin while he retreats back into his seat. 

For a moment, the bright lights of the hospital room make Donghyuck's head hurt worse, and he gets a little nervous as they begin the conversation. He almost worries about whether or not it'll be a debate, like he'll have to defend himself if one of them begins to speak incorrectly. But, he sees the grin on his grandmother's face, and on Mark's face, and he feels relief flooding over him when Mark begins to nod again and again. 

"With finals right around the corner, I hope he doesn't mind a bunch of staying in and studying," Mark huffs out air as he stretches his back.

"Where will you sleep?" Donghyuck expresses his own fear as he frowns thoroughly. 

Mark brings his eyebrows together in thought, and Donghyuck almost wants to lean forward and place his thumb at the crease so he can help undo it. He doesn't like seeing his friends in a stressed situation, and seeing Mark thinking too hard makes Donghyuck already want to help him out — he definitely doesn't know how he's going to react when he sees Mark overly stressed from his finals. 

Well, when he comes to think about it, he's really not too sure if Mark is going to be stressing about his finals at all. 

He thinks back to what Yukhei had told him the first time they had met, especially about how Mark wasn't really one to focus on his studies. But, Donghyuck is sure that he'll have to pull himself together in the end of it all, especially since he needs it to pass. 

"I'll take the floor," he shrugs. "It's no issue at all."

Donghyuck's grandma nods her head toward him. 

"I can get up earlier to take him back and forth if it's too hard—"

Mark cuts her off respectfully, apologizing as soon as he does so. 

"I promise you. Even Yukhei would be excited to have Donghyuck join us for these last two weeks. I promise to make sure he takes his medicine, and I promise to help him study. He'll stay away from parties and focus on school. I will baby him," Mark says. 

Donghyuck flushes red at the words he's hearing from him, at the thought he's all of a sudden being wrapped around in, like Mark cares so much about him that he's warmed up a blanket in the dryer and has come to cover Donghyuck up in it. 

"I trust you," his grandma whispers. "As long as Donghyuck is comfortable with this, then I am okay with it as well."

Donghyuck shifts his eyes over to Mark and gives him a long look, one that has a deeper meaning, one that coats Mark in some sort of pleading words that whisper thank you. He doesn't think anything more until Mark leans forward to wipe a few tears from underneath Donghyuck's eyes. Mark smiles. 

All of a sudden, Donghyuck feels entirely too overwhelmed.

"Do not cry," Mark's face is so close to his, and he's lifting the left side of his mouth into a warming smile. 

"I must be in more pain than I thought I was," he whispers as he sees the change in Mark's eyes. 

It's not too obvious, but Mark's smile is a little contagious and he breaks out into one of his own, hugging his arms around his chest. 

"Or he's just thinking about his mother," his grandmother speaks up. "Sometimes he cries when he thinks of her."

Donghyuck feels a cold block of ice running down his throat, harsh and intensely scraping the sides as he tries to swallow it down. He closes his eyes and lets his mind wander. There's nothing he wants more than for her to take back her statement about his mother, because it's all gone too far, and he's sucking in a gasp of air as Mark rests a kind hand over his own. He yanks it away as soon as the doctor comes into the room. 

"Alright kid, let's pump you with some pain meds and get you home," he grins.

✧

Avoiding Mark in his own dorm is like avoiding getting wet in the middle of a rainstorm.

He's gripping on the edge of a cliff that has sleep at the bottom of it, and he's desperate to just fall right into Mark's bed, but there's something a little strange about just crawling into it and knocking right out.

Sure, it's late. It's somewhere around 11pm, almost 12 in the morning, and Yukhei has yet to come back. Mark hasn't bothered to text him since he was mumbling to him this morning apparently about not being back until extremely late — something about being around some of his friends. Donghyuck hasn't texted him since before the party, and Mark isn't really providing too many details. 

"Do you want to take a shower or something?" Mark scratches his head as he lets water dribble down his chin from his mug. 

Donghyuck can't help but chuckle at how clumsy he is. He shakes his head though, shrugging only a moment later when Mark leans against Yukhei's bed. 

"No," Donghyuck says low. "You should though. You were a sweating mess earlier and now it's dried on you."

Mark scoffs at him before he squints his eyes, rolling them to the back of his head as he goes to reach for a towel in his closet. He stays there for a moment and just looks at his clothes, cocking his head to the side. 

"We didn't even think to get clothes from your house, Donghyuck."

The boy pulls his body away from the wall as he drops his mouth open. He's a bit loopy, body sitting in a comfortable state. Sure, he's a little tense from everything, and definitely still in pain, but he feels more relaxed than he has in a long time, but the shock of Mark's words make him giggle. 

It starts off as a soft giggle that he covers with the palm of his hand, all before it moves into an explosion of heavier laughter, like he's having a boost of something so... fucking good in his brain as he watches Mark lean up against the wall, shaking his head at Donghyuck's own giggling. 

"Why didn't we think of this?" Mark shrugs. 

Donghyuck follows his shrugging when the door flies open, revealing an overwhelmed Yukhei who looks as though he's just finished a workout, or something else Donghyuck doesn't want to think about. It makes him break out into more laughter as he falls back onto Mark's bed. 

From the door, Yukhei drops his bag, eyes fixating on Donghyuck's body lying in Mark's bed. 

When Donghyuck pulls himself back up, he notices that Yukhei's eyes look a little different and he looks angry about something. Donghyuck can't stop laughing, though. 

"What happened to him?" Yukhei mutters. 

"He's high," Mark licks his lips. "He fell off his bike and sprained his ankle pretty bad, tore a ligament, and he's going to stay here until he finishes finals so he doesn't have to walk further from the parking lots and all of that. Is that cool?"

Yukhei looks from Donghyuck's foot to his eyes and then back to Mark, all before he grabs his own towel. He heads right toward the door. 

"Yeah, that's fine."

He leaves without another word. 

The sound of the door shutting brings Donghyuck out of his laughter and he draws his eyebrows together as he looks at the floor, staring intently at the piece of carpet that is torn up. He thinks about how his friend annoyingly just walked out without bothering to ask if he was okay. 

Donghyuck bites on his lip and shakes his head, not even wanting to bring up the fact that it's bothering him because how insincere do you have to be to—

"Donghyuck?" Mark speaks up as he digs around through his closet. 

"Hmm?"

"Would you like to sleep in a long sleeve or a short sleeve shirt?" 

Donghyuck takes a deep breath before he tears his gaze away from the carpet, looking over at Mark who is looking at him like he's impatiently waiting for an answer. This makes Donghyuck roll his eyes and smirk. 

"Short sleeve please."

Mark tosses him a pair of shorts, boxers, and a t-shirt, making his way over to bend down and wrap his fingers around the nape of his neck, all before he plants a kiss on the top of his head. 

"Don't worry about him," he whispers. "He's being a bit of an asshole tonight."

Donghyuck closes his eyes and actually allows his stomach to fill up with butterflies. 

The feeling fades as Mark heads toward the door. 

"Mark?" He speaks up, waiting as Mark turns around and lifts one of his eyebrows up, ready to listen to what he has to say.

Donghyuck looks at him for a second, closing his eyes slowly as he licks his lips, "I'm not a baby."

This time, the kindness of a new smile creeps up onto Mark's face. It's something genuine and so refreshing, so new that bleeds emotion from his eyes, like taking a look at flowers when they're in the fullest sun on your favorite day of the week. It's a shy smile, even, Donghyuck would say. 

"I know," he reassures him, nodding a few times as he tucks his lip into his mouth, tossing his towel over his neck. "But, you're hurt so I am gonna treat you like one." 

A wink is shot over Donghyuck's way, and this time Donghyuck scrunches his nose up in annoyance as he slips underneath Mark's blankets. 

"Hey, _not baby?_ " Mark says as he touches the door handle. 

Donghyuck leans his body to the side, listening to the name like it's _his._

"Get comfy," Mark tells him. "Then you can cuddle up in bed and go to sleep. Can you change on your own or do you wanna wait until I get—"

"—I said I'm not a baby!" 

"I know. And I said I am going to baby you anyway."

Donghyuck pouts. 

"You just called me _not baby,_ though, so—"

"—Doesn't matter—fine. Baby, do you wanna wait—"

"—Ah, ah! Go! Get!"

Mark chuckles as he leaves the dorm.

✧

It's Yukhei who happens to return first, which gives Donghyuck the ultimate thought that maybe he just takes quick showers, because it's really only been close to five minutes.

An awkwardness floats through the air as Yukhei finds something warmer to change into behind his closet door, sighing when he goes between a few different shirts, discarding them before he tosses them directly onto the floor. 

Donghyuck assumes he's changed into something he likes because the closet door shuts with a loud click and he drags his feet to his bed, sitting on it as he stares over at Mark's bed — as he stares at Donghyuck. 

At first, Donghyuck can feel the eyes burning into his skull, but he ignores them. He purses his lips together and tries to focus solely on the random article that he is reading on his phone. 

But the throat clearing just above his screen is begging him to look up, so with one quick look, he does, meeting Yukhei's curious eyes. 

"I apologize," he whispers. "I needed a hot shower to cool the fuck off."

Donghyuck squints his eyes as he perches up on the bed. 

"That seems like an oxymoron, don't you think?" He tells him. 

Yukhei cracks a smile as he shrugs. 

"I suppose." 

"It's fine."

"It's not," he adds on. "I was also being lame at the party and I should've put a little more effort into contacting you even after."

Donghyuck honestly wasn't even thinking that far back, so again, he shrugs. Maybe it's the pain pills that are making him feel a little more comfortable, or building up his confidence, but he licks his lips and bites on the end of Mark's shirt, pulling it higher up on his neck so he can hide in it. 

"It's fine, I said. I don't care. I don't need you guys to apologize to me all the time, I'm not incapable of knowing that sometimes you can act like a dick. It's fine. Just don't do it again, or make it up to me, or something. Ask if I'm okay because I just tore something in my goddamn foot, you know? Find out my favorite food and bring it to the dorm one morning or something, I dunno, things like that. Whatever." 

Yukhei raises his eyebrows and listens to Donghyuck's words, nodding slowly as he takes in every bit of information from the boy. 

At the same time, Mark enters the room in a hoodie and shorts, his hair wet and matted to his forehead. He raises his eyebrows at the two boys looking as though they're in a deep conversion. But, it's not long until Yukhei tucks himself away in his sheets and whispers a goodnight, hitting his lamp off as he turns toward the wall. 

Mark pokes out his bottom lip as he looks at Donghyuck, hanging up his towel on the hook by the door. He throws his thumb his way and only drops it when Donghyuck just shakes his head, trying to tell Mark that it's really nothing. Because, truly, the situation doesn't matter, and Donghyuck doesn't even want to get into it — there's no reason to. 

"Goodnight," Mark whispers as he hits the main light off of their dorm.

He politely gathers his extra blankets and a pillow before he drops them onto the floor, closer to Donghyuck’s — well, _his_ own side of the room. He snuggles in close to what he has on the floor, asking Donghyuck if he can hand him the phone charger that reaches around from the wall. Donghyuck does it with ease and leans down by the edge of the mattress, opening his mouth to speak. 

It takes him only a second to shift, but within that second he feels a sharp pain in his foot. He chomps down on his lip and hisses, face growing red when he realizes how awkward he must sound bursting out into a whine all of a sudden. 

Mark is quick to sit up, hands hovering over the injured part of the boy, voice already loud. 

"Hush," Donghyuck tugs his body up too, looking over at Yukhei. "He's not gonna be able to fall asleep if you're being this—"

Donghyuck is cut off by the sound of a howling snore. 

Mark giggles. 

"Yup, he's knocked out. Let me see, Hyuck. Is it—"

"—Is he going to snore like this all night? Because if he is, I might have to—"

"—No. It's only for the first like ten minutes while he's in the process of falling asleep. I've gotten to know his sleeping patterns very well, now c'mon, let me see how it looks." 

Donghyuck sighs and lets Mark take the blankets off of his foot, revealing his ankle wrapped up in the brace. Mark's eyes are narrowed in on it, like he's focusing hard on what is going on. He leans up, a thin stretch of his skin showing by his sweatshirt when he reaches for the papers. Pulling himself back to his knees, he reads back and forth, fingers just tapping carefully along the pattern on his calf. 

"I think you have it on too tight, baby," Mark tells him as he reads over more of the words. 

Donghyuck sucks in a short gasp of air, his lips drying right along the edges. 

"Mark," he whispers. "Don't call me that. I'm not a baby."

The boy in charge of the papers scrunches his nose up and shrugs. 

"I think you have it on too tight, not baby."

Donghyuck scoffs before he undoes the velcro, politely asking Mark to fix it. 

And Mark does, with no hesitation, because he promised Donghyuck that he would. 

It's when Mark is finished that Donghyuck gives him a new kind of look. It's a look that screams emotion that even gives him goosebumps. He's looking at Mark with curiosity, like he wants to tell him something, but almost like he's scared. Or maybe he wants to ask him something — whatever it may be, Donghyuck isn't really sure if he can keep his lips from trembling because looking at Mark like this and Mark looking at him with the same kind of feel reminds him of his mother and all of a sudden it's too much to handle. 

Mark notices too because he crawls a little closer but pauses when Donghyuck shakes his head. 

There's a voice in Donghyuck's head that wants to scream at him because he's shaking his head for a different reason but he knows Mark is probably thinking that he wants him to back away, and Donghyuck can only let out a short whimper. 

"I'm not a baby," he says in a shaky voice. "I'm not."

Mark senses what he means as Donghyuck starts to tremble, like the day's events are catching up to him, like everything is suddenly piling on top of him, like it's become enough for him and like it's a waterfall he's about to walk underneath. Mark creases his eyebrows together and pouts when Donghyuck reaches his hands toward Mark, like he wants him closer, like he wants to cling to him. 

"Can I?" Mark asks for permission before he gets any closer. "Can I lay with you?"

Donghyuck quickly nods his head as he blinks his first layer of tears down his face. 

It only takes Mark a moment to climb over Donghyuck and get to the other side and Donghyuck follows him, like he wants to be face to face, chest to chest. Mark doesn't mind, well at least that is what Donghyuck hopes as he messes with the strings of Mark's hoodie while scooting closer to him, scooting down so he can dig his nose into his chest. 

Mark's hand comes to the back of Donghyuck's head as he folds his fingers through his hair, barely getting caught on the ends. He hushes him as Donghyuck whistles out a couple low cries, some that accidentally come out to be louder than he imagines them to be. He bites on his lip, taking a deep breath of Mark's hoodie. 

_He thinks about how Mark would smell if he was to smell like Donghyuck's detergent and then himself._

"I know you're not a baby," Mark mumbles in his hair, mouth just resting along his hair. 

"I'm crying like one though."

Mark tugs on his ear, earning a groan from the boy. 

"Who cares Donghyuck?" Mark tells him. "That doesn't make you a baby. You had a long day, and you're in a lot of pain. I think it's perfectly okay to cry. And you—"

He cuts himself off and stays quiet as he swallows, and Donghyuck can tell because he can feel it against his head. So, he pulls back and looks up at the boy, to see his damn eyebrows pulled together. Donghyuck thinks that he would push his finger between them to help increase the tension if his hands weren't warm under the blanket. 

"And I what?" Donghyuck asks.

"And you're..." He licks his lips. "You're thinking of someone you lost, right?" 

Donghyuck gets chills across his entire chest. They don't spread like a normal set of chills would, but instead they ache as they move across his body, coating him in such an unsatisfying sort of feeling. He places his hand over his heart, feeling colder as he racks his brain for the kindest memory of his mother that he has. 

_He lands somewhere on the beach, with a chunk of watermelon in his left land, spilling through his fingers as he squeezes it, shoveling it into his mouth as he runs toward the water. He slaps his hand against the waves to clean off the stickiness, and instead he turns around and smiles at her, seeing the way her hair blows in the wind, seeing the way her mouth opens so she can call him back over for more fruit, and for more fun. He comes running back._

When he blinks, he finds that Mark has pulled him a lot closer, almost to the point where his lips are buried deeper into his hair. He's trying to calm him down by reeling him in and Donghyuck actually wants him closer, so he slips his leg between Mark's and nuzzles as deep into his chest as he possibly can. 

At first, Mark mutters some words to him, but Donghyuck isn't able to catch them — not until he pulls his neck back and looks up into Mark's eyes. 

"Yes," he whispers. "My mother. I'm thinking about my mother."

Mark nods his head and pushes Donghyuck's head back down in his chest, gently running his fingers along his nape again, letting him cry silently. 

For a moment, he lets himself do it. Especially because Mark is right, he has had a long day and he really does want to just let it all out against the warm chest right in front of him. But, more importantly, he thinks Mark is starting to actually care for him, and that makes him feel even better about the entire situation. 

"She'll always love and care about you, you know?" Mark whispers to him.

Donghyuck nods his head. _He knows._

"You know what she used to do?" He asks. "Whenever I would get a scrape or whenever I would get hurt anywhere... you know what she used to do to help me feel better?" 

There's a light that is shining in Donghyuck's eyes as he begins to speak, like he's taking himself back to the memory. Mark can see it, and Donghyuck knows he can because Mark's eyes are lighting up too, and it's a bit peaceful as he looks up at his friend who stares back at him, fingers still touching at his skin, petting over him carefully and cautiously as he tries to remind him of his safety and his security in the bed they're lying in.

"What did she do?"

A wide grin spreads like a wildfire across Donghyuck's mouth, and all of a sudden he giggles, sitting a little higher on the pillows so he can get closer to Mark's face. 

"She used to kiss my face a bunch of times until I began to laugh, and I used to love it. It was like this — can I show you?" Donghyuck perches up on the pillow, his elbow leaning hard against it. 

Mark scoots back and darts his tongue out between his lips so he can wet them. He sniffles and scratches the tip of his nose with the back of his hand before he nods. 

"Yes, of course."

Donghyuck grips onto the back of Mark's neck before he leans in and presses a soft kiss to the center of Mark's forehead. He giggles and then moves in to press another one, and another, and again and again and again before Mark starts to laugh. Donghyuck places his hand on Mark's shoulder as he hovers over him a little bit, feeling for the goosebumps or the chills that he knows usually pump over his own skin from the feeling.

Mark pushes him back, but Donghyuck stays glued to his skin, moving down to his temples and over across his cheeks before Mark's shoulders come up, like he's trying to protect his face from receiving anymore kisses that Donghyuck is giving him. 

"Okay! Okay!" Mark laughs as he uses both of his hands to push the boy backward.

Donghyuck detaches himself from Mark before he plops back onto the bed, giggling as he looks up at him, their faces just inches apart. Mark is looking down at him as he helps tuck a piece of Donghyuck's hair behind his ear, looking deep into his eyes for something — like he's searching for something. 

The moment doesn't last long though, because soon Mark is wiping the sleeves of his hoodie across his face. 

"Gross," his face twists into disgust as Donghyuck clashes their knees together, making a little more laughter spew out from Mark's lips. 

It grows silent again, and all they can hear is Yukhei and his snores that have still not come down from the loudness and aggressive volume that Mark said they would. 

"Do you want me to do that to you?" Mark touches his thumb over Donghyuck's cheek, pulling his lips into a sympathetic smile. 

Donghyuck thinks about it for a moment, closing his eyes before he sighs. 

He shakes his head. 

"Why not?" Mark says it like he's disappointed. 

"I would only want you to do it if you wanted to do it, not because I told you I liked it."

Mark's thumb is still padding over the skin on Donghyuck's cheek, so he forces out a smile at him. 

"I want to," he leans in and presses a soft kiss to his forehead, moving until he kisses underneath his eye. "Okay?"

Donghyuck bites down on his lip and soaks in the embrace of Mark, learns to lie in his arms for a moment, and definitely enjoys it as he smiles and giggles — feeling so content as he fingers through Mark's wet hair. 

"You're already laughing and I haven't even started."

"Cause it's funny."

Donghyuck guides Mark's face up to his forehead again where Mark drops a loud kiss, one that is so loud that Donghyuck is almost positive it'll wake Yukhei. 

Soon, he's craning his neck, shifting his face, and guiding Mark's head in every place he wants to be kissed. Sure, Mark is finding open spots, finding warm patches of skin to push fast kisses into as Donghyuck curls his toes, giggling and laughing as he feels the kisses pressed into his skin, but Donghyuck is doing a lot of the guiding. It feels new, and tickles against his skin, because Mark is so delicate with the way he shifts his mouth, and Donghyuck really can't get enough.

"Okay!" Donghyuck whispers as Mark pushes him down into the bed, beginning to hover over him, his kisses becoming louder as he cups Donghyuck's cheeks, moving to grab his hands and pin them down so he can make Donghyuck lie still for longer. 

Donghyuck continues with his giggles, laughter caught in his throat that he is turning red, unable to escape from what Mark is giving him. He doesn’t really want to escape anyway. He's smiling so wide and his eyes are tightly squeezed shut, and he wants to bring his knee up between Mark's legs to mess with him, but he doesn't want to hurt his ankle anymore. 

He sucks in a breath and manages to sneak his hand out, pushing Mark's face away when he kisses at the base of his neck. 

"Mark!" Donghyuck whisper-shouts as a surge of butterflies comes up through his stomach from the position of the kiss this time. "Okay!"

Mark barely sucks one last kiss right underneath Donghyuck's jaw before he pulls back, looking him right in the eyes. Donghyuck feels his entire body grow soft. 

There's so much light behind Mark's eyes, he's grinning, and his lips are damp and red, quite plump, and so pretty. 

All of a sudden, Donghyuck is shy. 

"I'm good at that, right?" There's a sincere smile swimming on Mark's lips, his nose scrunching up. "Admit it."

"Gladly," Donghyuck tells him as he hooks his arm around Mark's nape, pulling him back into the bed so he can cuddle back into the bed. "Now, would you mind staying here for the rest of the night because you're very warm."

Mark just swallows hard and nods his head, his hand blindly finding Donghyuck's underneath the blankets. 

"I told you I was gonna take care of you this week, didn't I? Well, next week too. Until finals are done."

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and nods his head, accepting the answer. He feels more butterflies in his stomach as he thinks about the next few things he wants to say to his friend. 

"Are you going to need help studying for your finals?"

"Mmm," Mark squints, and Donghyuck lifts his chin to look up at him, trying to read his expression as he stares forward toward Yukhei's bed. "I'm not sure, why?"

"Well, I figured since we were going to be together often... I could help you," he bites on his lip, tilting his chin back down for the most comfort. "If you needed any help. And then we could ace finals together and do fun things in the summer."

Mark messes with Donghyuck's curls at the back of his head. 

"That all sounds good to me," he mumbles. "There's only one problem."

"Hm?"

"I’ll be in Canada for the summer.”


	4. heart-shaped box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooooo, i hope you are enjoying this so far!!! we are about to Reaaaaalllyyyy dive into this story... so i hope you are super excited for that. 
> 
> tw for this chapter... we mention the cause of death of donghyuck’s mother ,, cancer ,, so please be aware!!
> 
> also, if you are reading... it would really mean the world to me if you were to leave a comment with your thoughts!! ^__^ i absolutely love to hear what you are thinking, expecting, feeling, and so on. 
> 
> enjoooooy!

Donghyuck eats in Mark’s bed and proceeds to get crumbs all over the sheets — he thinks he’ll find a way to apologize later. 

He’s gone through quite a few episodes of this crime show Mark recommended before he ran off to his class this morning, but somewhere around the early afternoon... Donghyuck became curious — more curious than he had ever been in his entire life. 

Suddenly, he wanted to know where every plug behind Mark's bed led to, and how far under his mattress the sheets were tucked into. He wanted to know how tight the frames on the wall were and how many scratches there were — probably from the amount of times Mark and Yukhei have sat down at their desk, proceeding to bump into it and slam it into the wall, knocking the paint right off of it. 

Finally, Donghyuck leans back against the bed and whimpers, shoving off the crumbs onto Mark's makeshift bed on the floor. _He'll apologize for that too._

He doesn't like to be cooped up in one specific place. 

He doesn't like to be told to stay still and to not do anything all day, not really at all. Donghyuck likes adventure and he likes surfing, he likes walking down to the water when he's not supposed to and he likes to climb over the biggest rocks he can in the areas he is not allowed to be in. 

Sure, he likes his time when he's able to stay home and not do a damn thing, but he likes to do that on his own time, not exactly when he _has_ to do it. 

So, he whips out his phone and stares at the screen, wondering if Mark was still in class. 

He still didn’t know his entire schedule yet, so Donghyuck wasn't going to be bugging him. 

He did, however, know that Yukhei was probably getting out of one of his classes, since he had his classes memorized. 

**Donghyuck**  
yo

 **Yukheiii**  
hm? You okay?  
Need something?

 **Donghyuck**  
just you

 **Yukheiii**  
dude... what?  
me?  
huh?

 **Donghyuck**  
ugh yes. im bored. come play

 **Yukheiii**  
omg. you did NOT just call hanging out .... "play"

 **Donghyuck**  
so what. come hang out yukhei :(  
i know your schedule. u dont have another class for a few hours  
please?

 **Yukheiii**  
im actually kinda busy rn hyuck, im sorry

 **Donghyuck**  
busy????  
too busy to come hang with me????  
impossible.  
ImPOSSIBLE.

 **Yukheiii**  
let me make it up to youuuu?

 **Donghyuck**  
Nope. now and now only. now or never. 

**Yukheiii**  
duuuude. im with my ex right now. 

**Donghyuck**  
oh. my bad.

Donghyuck shoves his phone to the other side of the bed as he runs his hands over his face, swearing under his breath as he knits his eyebrows together. He leans back and groans, pulling a pout onto his lips as he mumbles to himself, wondering if he just made things awkward for them. 

His phone buzzes, and all of a sudden Donghyuck feels his back freezing up, his head spinning and his heart thumping harder and harder in his chest. 

Without even thinking, he grabs it and hits accept, pressing it to his ear. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," he breathes out, already twirling his finger on the edge of his hair. 

"Didn't know what?" Donghyuck hears the voice speak. 

The voice that definitely didn't belong to Yukhei. 

The voice that belonged to Mark. 

"Oh, Mark," he sighs. "I thought you were Yukhei."

"Clearly," Mark says. "Is something wrong?"

"Nope."

There's a pause through the line as Mark walks, and Donghyuck can tell because it sounds like he's racing against the wind or something, battling through it. 

Maybe he's left class, or maybe it was cancelled, or maybe he didn't even go today — Donghyuck really isn't too sure. 

"What are you not telling me, Donghyuck?"

For a moment, Donghyuck feels like he's been caught. He feels trapped and defeated and he wants to pout and whine and tell Mark what just happened, especially because he wants to protect Yukhei, and him hanging around his ex probably isn't the best idea — but who is Donghyuck to tell him no? Yukhei is capable of making his own decisions, isn't he?

"I'm not telling you that..." Donghyuck trails off for a second. "That I am hungry as ever, and you should come home because I am bored and I want to hang out with someone."

Mark chuckles over the phone before he apologizes softly to someone, coming back to Donghyuck. 

"You almost made me bump into someone, dude," Mark gushes out. "Don't say things like that."

Donghyuck drops his mouth open. 

"Like what?!" He huffs. "I hardly said anything!"

"You said come home, and that was the cutest shit ever."

Donghyuck bites on his lip and lets his cheeks turn a darker shade of red. 

"Well, I mean," Donghyuck starts before he scratches softly at his arm, reaching down to adjust his brace. "It's true, isn't it? I'm bored and I want you to come home and—"

"—You're not messing with your brace are you?"

Donghyuck freezes, his cheek pressed to his shoulder to keep his phone balanced there and his two hands hovering by his ankle. 

"Uh," he takes a pause and allows himself to smile, trying to come up with some awkward excuse to say to Mark in response to the fact that... well, he is really messing with his brace when he kind of shouldn't be.

"Donghyuck!" Mark makes a frustrated sound with his mouth as he begins to chuckle. 

There's a sound of silence that feeds between them, something a little dainty and soft, something that Donghyuck appreciates. It's Mark after all, and he's been taking good care of him the past few hours, watching him like a hawk, sending him too many texts to be sure that he's still taking care of himself, and that's he's eating the snacks they have, and that's he's obviously not messing around with the brace — which he clearly is failing to follow that single rule.

"I'll pick up something good to eat and we'll spend the rest of the day in bed, how does that sound to you?" Mark interrupts Donghyuck and his thoughts. 

His voice is cheery, it's upbeat, and Donghyuck can't help the way his chest is beginning to melt. 

"I like that idea, but what about your classes?" He questions out of curiosity.

"Cancelled," Mark says. 

"Liar."

"I have a baby to take care of."

"Ha ha, very funny, isn't it?" Donghyuck spots something right underneath Yukhei's bunk, something that catches his eye. 

It's a tiny heart shaped box, like one you get for Valentine's day, with lots of goodies inside, chocolates that taste like shit, the ones that end up molded before you even get to take a bite out of them. 

He's curious about it, but he knows that being curious leads him to finding out things that he's usually not supposed to know, so he shakes his head and tells himself not to look. 

"Donghyuck?" He hears Mark's voice become a lot clearer all of a sudden, and yet again, Donghyuck swears underneath his breath 

"Oh," he mumbles. "What was that?"

"I asked if you have a preference."

"Oh on what?"

"Food," Mark words it in a way where he almost sounds concerned about what's going on in the boy's head. "You okay?"

Donghyuck nods his head, parting his lips open to speak when he remembers that Mark can't even see him. 

"M'fine, Mark," he yawns. "Just sleepy and hungry and bored, and I am kind of in pain and I should eat before I take anymore pain medicine, you know? So, hurry your ass up."

Mark releases a low chuckle as though he's not convinced. 

"Stay in bed, okay?"

"Mhm."

When they hang up, Donghyuck practically dives toward the heart shaped box, flipping it around to examine the outside of it, because maybe, _just maybe,_ there are actual chocolates inside and Donghyuck wouldn't mind letting some of it melt on his tongue — especially with the warm temperature of the room. 

He sees a sticky note on the top of the box, clear tape sealing it to the box, and in big letters is written: **RENJUN.**

He creases his eyebrows at it, wondering if Renjun must be Yukhei's ex-boyfriend.

He must be, because Donghyuck wouldn't think he would have an entire heart box for just a random guy. He assumes that he must mean more to Yukhei. 

But, the fact that it's laying out underneath his bed, so exposed makes Donghyuck a little uncomfortable. He would be upset if someone who had hurt him — well, Donghyuck can't say much because he doesn't know the story very well — but still, he wouldn't want something like this box laying out for everyone else to see. 

So, politely, Donghyuck tucks it into Yukhei’s bedside drawer, which happens to be organized. 

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow, and out of curiosity he opens Mark's bedside table and chuckles at how messy it is. From a ton of random cords to loose change and even sweatbands, he really can't help but laugh and try to put the memory into his head so he can make fun of Mark for it later on.

He pulls himself back onto the bed and plays a game on his phone, scrolls through social media, and even deletes a ton of old photos from his phone and wipes them from his recently deleted — he thinks his phone will thank him for doing that when he's trying to download a new game later on. 

When Mark enters the dorm, he's soaked in rain, but he has such a goofy smile plastered on his lips that he doesn't look concerned that he is soaking wet. 

"Oh geez," Donghyuck sits up and winces. 

He needs his pain medicine, he doesn't need to be shifting around or getting up, but he can't help the way he wants to move around and give Mark a hand at stripping him out of his wet clothes. 

Mark doesn't say anything to the way Donghyuck is hopping on one foot as he takes the bags of food from him. 

Donghyuck doesn't say anything when Mark takes off his shirt right in front of him, looking in the closet for an oversized pullover that he warms himself up with. 

He keeps his jeans on, thank god, because Donghyuck really isn't too sure how he'd react to watching Mark take off his pants right in front of him without a care in the word. 

"Got rained on?" Donghyuck jokes as he hops back to the bed. 

"Nah," Mark mumbles as he sprays a bit of his cologne on his body. "I decided to run through the sprinklers."

Donghyuck stares at him. He blinks. Mark blinks at him.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Donghyuck wants to laugh, but he holds it in. 

"I'm kidding, Hyuck," Mark shoves his hand into the bag.

It's then when Donghyuck bursts into laughter, his head hitting against the back of the wall, softer giggles swimming out past his lips, all before he hums in satisfaction while pointing a finger at Mark. 

"You're funny."

"Thank you, I know," he winks. "I got an assortment of foods. There's like four different kinds of pastas in there because I didn't know if you were a guy who likes tomato sauces or cream sauces so I got both, and I wanted breadsticks."

Donghyuck feels his stomach growling at the thought of the options, but fluttering at the thought of being able to eat next to Mark, who also leans back to hand Donghyuck the bottle of medicine. 

"Have one now so you can start eating and then it'll kick it so you won't be in as much pain," Mark tells him. 

Donghyuck takes the bottle from him and obeys, swallowing it down painfully with the soda that Mark had purchased for him. 

"Just let me know how much all of this was and i'll pay you back for half of it," he takes the fork and takes a bite, his eyes going wide as he hums in pleasure, eyes soon rolling into the back of his head. 

Mark cackles as his tomato sauce slaps onto his cheeks. 

He uses the back of his palm to wipe it clean, continuing to laugh at Donghyuck and his facial expression every time he bites. 

"That good, huh?"

Donghyuck moans excessively loud to the point where Mark has to slap him on the thigh. 

They eat comfortably, both of them turning in a direction where they can watch a show on Mark's computer, all before they get frustrated with episodes and end up chatting about nonsense. 

Donghyuck feels comfortable again after a while, less pain and a warm feeling in his body from his medicine. He grins at it, wishing that he didn't have to take it at all to feel the pain relief. It's relieving to not feel the burning and the stinging in his ankle and in his foot in general, and he really is still wishing that he didn't take that goddamn bike ride in the first place. 

Mark is quiet next to him, now busy at his desk with his homework. 

In a way, Donghyuck knows he should be doing the same, but he doesn't want to be doing anything other than just lying in Mark's bed, cuddling up to the blankets and watching the other type away like a madman at his laptop. 

So, he does exactly that. 

His eyes open and close a few times as he listens to the fingers against the keys and he watches Mark bite on his lip again and again, hushed whispers coming out of his mouth as he tries to pay attention and focus intently on what he is doing. 

Donghyuck wonders if Mark needs help and if he's avoiding asking for it because he knows that Donghyuck is kind of sleepy, and he's in pain. 

"Hey Mark?"

"Yeah?" Mark doesn't look at him, he just looks from his paper to the computer, like he's copying something and trying to make sure that it's all correct — word for word. 

Donghyuck takes a deep breath as he tucks the blanket underneath his chin. 

"Who is Renjun?"

Mark's typing comes to a stop. His head tilts slightly to the side as he sucks on his bottom lip, a sigh rolling right out of his mouth.

"Did you talk to him or something?" He sounds a little monotone while he talks, and Donghyuck creases his eyebrows at the questions, waiting for Mark to take a look at him, or for him at least acknowledge the fact that he's curious. 

He hums to himself, wondering if it's even his place to be asking questions like this. He's just curious to know. 

"Yukhei's ex boyfriend," Mark shuts his laptop and turns to Donghyuck, their bodies a little close. 

Donghyuck widens his eyes and looks away from him, just nodding his head like he figured that was the case. 

He doesn't ask anything else, he just cuddles closer to the blankets, looking down at the way Mark rubs back and forth at his upper thigh. It's like he's upset, or stressed, and Donghyuck really doesn't like to see that, so he pouts a little, letting out a sad whimper, hearing a chuckle in response. 

"You're curious about him, aren't you?" Mark asks as he reaches out to move some of Donghyuck's hair behind his ear. 

Donghyuck nods his head before he opens his mouth, "it's not my business though, you know? I don't need an answer. It's just a curiosity thing."

Mark turns his chair all the way around until he's looking right at Donghyuck, and until Donghyuck is looking right back at him. 

"I fell for Renjun first," Mark admits. 

The words hit Donghyuck right in the center of his chest. 

He doesn't know how to react to them. They spin around in his head and then his chest, because all of a sudden he's hurting for Mark, knowing that Yukhei must have taken Renjun from Mark, left him alone and hurting from the guy that he had fallen for. 

Donghyuck wants to say something, he wants to apologize, or console Mark and give him a hug, but he has absolutely no idea where to start. 

"It's okay though," Mark can probably sense the distress in Donghyuck's body, or maybe just his facial expression. 

Whatever it may be, Mark can tell that Donghyuck is even more worried about everything he is hearing. 

"It's not okay," Donghyuck whispers as he feels his chest burn. "It sounds like you didn't get the guy you were in love with."

Mark gives him a sad smile and shrugs. 

"Sometimes it happens."

Donghyuck reaches his hand out, his palm facing up toward the ceiling. 

With only a soft cough, Mark places his own hand in Donghyuck's and curls their fingers together. The way their hands tie together is almost unreal. It’s delicate, careful, like vines twisting together in some secret garden, up a fence that has been sitting for too long. Donghyuck loves the way it feels, but he doesn’t want to admit it, no, not when he wants to focus on the way Mark might be hurting — not when he wants to focus on reminding Mark Lee of his overall worth and that he will be happy in life. 

"You'll find love one day, Mark Lee, and it'll be very strong," Donghyuck reassures him with a thick smile. 

The way Mark's eyes change is almost unidentifiable. 

Donghyuck stares at him and wants to frown at first, because Mark usually, from what Donghyuck has been able to identify, radiates a lot of positive energy, appears to be confident, but right now, sitting in his desk chair, he looks weak, vulnerable, and he's squeezing Donghyuck's hand like he wants to do something more. 

Maybe he needs a hug, or just some comfort like everyone does every once in a while. It’s a given, he can see it in Mark’s eyes that he wants a little bit of comfort because god dammit, that’s the look that Donghyuck likes to give everyone around him all of the time. 

Donghyuck tugs him forward and whispers in his ear. 

"I'll take care of you for a few minutes if you want me to," Donghyuck tells him. 

Mark makes a small sound, such a delicate one that sizzles from his throat that it makes Donghyuck's chest warm. 

"What does that mean?" Mark asks softly as he pulls his legs onto the bed. 

Donghyuck is on the edge, so it doesn't match up too well, but Mark is used to crawling up and over his body, so he does so and easily tucks himself into Donghyuck's neck. 

"It means I get to call you baby while you just relax here with me," Donghyuck rubs at his back. "You're too busy taking care of me, and you seem a little off, so let me take care of you."

Silence sweeps over them as Mark presses a daring kiss to the warm skin of Donghyuck's neck. It feels good, so good that Donghyuck smiles and focuses on the heat overflowing through his body. He tugs Mark closer and closer until they're cuddling like they had the previous day. 

It just feels too fucking natural. 

Donghyuck doesn't know if he likes it.

Or if it's beginning to break his heart. 

"I'm not too busy taking care of you, Hyuck," Mark's hand is underneath the covers, searching for Donghyuck's waist as he turns him until their cores hit. 

Donghyuck has to pull away because he feels a warmth pooling in the lowest part of his stomach and out of nowhere a blush is creeping up to his cheeks. 

"Day one isn't hard, but I will be a pain in the ass to take care of because I will be bugging you for lots of comfort."

Mark runs his fingers along the skin of Donghyuck's hip. 

This time, Donghyuck doesn't pull away. He doesn't push Mark's hand further from his body, and in fact, he just leans into his touch and cranes his neck upward, humming when Mark presses another kiss there. 

Donghyuck wants to kiss _him._

His body is far too warm, he wants to cup Mark's cheeks, take his lips between his own and straddle Mark's waist until they're kissing so incredibly hard. He wants to taste him, lick behind his teeth and giggle when Mark scratches up and down his sides — because he thinks Mark would be one to do that, right?

Mark is probably one to kiss and use his hands, like, everywhere. 

"—you think?" Mark interrupts his thoughts.

Donghyuck's eyes go wide when he feels how much hotter he has become. 

He parts his lips and swallows hard, pushing Mark back just slightly so he can look into his eyes. 

"Did you not hear me?" Mark chuckles. 

"Huh?" Donghyuck squeaks as he untangles his legs from Mark's, realizing that his mind had wandered too far, way too far, because he had turned himself on while Mark was unconsciously rubbing along Donghyuck's lower abdomen, making the situation a lot worse.

"Woah," Mark sits up further, blinking at him. "You okay?"

Donghyuck shakes his head. 

"My foot really hurts all of a sudden."

Mark crawls to the end of the bed and frowns, lifting the bottom of Donghyuck's pants so he can examine his ankle. 

"Where at?"

But, Donghyuck doesn't need him to do that.

What Donghyuck needs is air. He needs a few moments to himself, away from Mark and his care, away from the boy who is only making his thoughts worse. 

"I need some air, Mark," Donghyuck tells him as he swings his legs off the side of the bed, groaning at the pain that shoots all around his body. 

It isn't awful, no not really at all, it's just uncomfortable when he's turning himself and tapping his toes against the ground. He doesn't mean to let the pain show too much, but he accidentally lets out a low hiss, soon slapping a hand over his mouth. 

Mark frowns as he reaches his hand out, sighing profusely. 

"What did I do to upset you?" His eyes search through Donghyuck's for an answer.

Donghyuck is turned on, but he's also worried about losing his new friend who he is still getting to know. He just _needs some air._

"You didn't do anything wrong, Mark," he unclaws Mark's hand from his wrist, standing up on his own as he looks down at the boy now sitting with his shoulders slouched on the bed. 

Mark almost looks like he's drowning in the pullover, being sucked down from the mattress like it's asking him to just stay and take a nap. Donghyuck wants to join him, he really does, because Mark is warm and he's kind, and his company means well, but there's a stinging deep inside of Donghyuck's body that is telling him that he is going to scare off his new friend. 

The rain has decided to pour heavier outside, which upsets Donghyuck, because that is where he wants to be. Maybe by the beach, maybe just in the courtyard somewhere by the gardens where he can take a few deep breaths and tell himself that Mark is his friend, and nothing more — also nothing less.

_Mark won't leave him._

But then again, Mark _is_ leaving him. 

"I was just being sweet, I apologize if it was too much," Mark's eyes are glossed over, and _fuck,_ he looks like he's about to cry. "You said you liked when your mother would comfort you and I just thought—"

Donghyuck rushes forward to place his hands on both of Mark's cheeks, pulling him in for a tight hug. 

Mark doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around the younger's body, his cheek up against the middle of his abdomen, their hug something a lot warmer than he imagined it would be. It's comforting like Mark wanted it to be, like Donghyuck needed it to be, and with a deep breath, he hums. 

"Thank you Mark," Donghyuck says to him. "You're right. I do like that. I just took things the wrong way and I wasn't sure if I was overthinking or underthinking, or I don't know which way to think of it, but... it's okay. I like your warmth. Makes me feel safe."

Mark looks up at him and smiles before he runs his thumb underneath Donghyuck's eye, like he's wiping a nonexistent tear. 

"No tears," he whispers. 

Donghyuck drops his own smile as he paws at his face, lips parting as he lets out a few tiny gasps. He's confused, but regardless, he shrugs and laughs to cut any awkward feelings in his body, and because he also doesn't really want Mark to watch him cry for no reason. 

_He doesn't want Mark to watch him cry over the fact that he's nervous about possibly losing him._

"No tears," Donghyuck confirms as Mark guides him back to the bed. 

Another moment of silence passes over them before Mark reaches for his drink, sipping on it as he stirs the few ice cubes at the bottom. 

"Do you still want some air?" He asks with a curious look in his eyes. "I can leave the room if you'd like, or we can go outside together? Up to you."

Donghyuck thinks about the offer for a few long seconds. He wants to be out by the water, but the rain is still hitting the window at such a quick rate and he knows that it won't be leaving anytime soon. 

"Oh," he sits up straighter. "What if we went to my house? To get all my clothes and stuff? You could take the opportunity to wash your underwear and you can help me pack."

Mark looks at him as he blinks. It's a long blink too, because he keeps his eyes closed for a good two seconds before he begins to nod. 

"You're telling me that I have to run back out to my car and get soaked again?" He whispers as he dips his nose into the pillows of the bed. 

Donghyuck shoves him further down into them before Mark finds his way out, rolling his eyes and pinching the boy's side. 

"No, Mark," He wobbles over to the door. "You bring an umbrella this time, you big baby."

✧

Donghyuck is wrapped up in a blanket on his bed with a plate of saltine crackers drizzled with honey as Mark moves through his closet to pick out some of Donghyuck's favorites.

"I cannot get over how good all of these smell," Mark grabs onto a random shirt and holds it to his nose, taking a deep breath and rolling his eyes to the back of his head. 

Donghyuck drops his cracker from his mouth and laughs out loud when his grandmother comes into the room. 

"Mark!" Donghyuck laughs again. "Stop that! You'll get your own batch of clean clothes that smell like heaven soon."

Donghyuck's grandmother chuckles as she pets over the boy's head, taking the plate from him and setting it on the side table as she begins to ask him how he is feeling. While she checks in on him, Mark is still standing by the closet, whimpering over the fact that he is soon going to have his own _laundry heaven._

The rain has come to a stop, and now the sun is beginning to set. It's beautiful tonight, with lots of oranges and pinks, a bit of purple, lots of colors that remind Donghyuck of his mother. Which reminds him that he needs to bring a few things that make him feel like he is close to her.

His grandmother catches on to what he needs, because she hands him the little bunny that he has sitting behind his pillow, stuffed kindly underneath it. 

"Ah," Donghyuck picks it up and moves it toward the suitcase he's using, putting it under the shirts. 

His grandmother hums softly as she wiggles his eyebrows at Mark. 

"That's his stuffed bu—"

"—Ah! Ah! Grandma, okay. Shh, please," Donghyuck swallows as he bites down on his lip, cheeks tinting red when Mark bends down to retrieve the bunny from the suitcase. 

He holds it up and pets the top of the head with his finger. 

In any other case, Donghyuck would have risked the pain in his foot, would have risked the fact that he could have torn his foot even more, all just to rip the animal out of Mark's grasp. But, the animal in Mark's hands looks gentle, and Mark is handling it with care, and he doesn't appear to be doing it to make fun of him, so Donghyuck just slides down his bed in embarrassment. 

His grandmother kisses him on the forehead and tells Mark that she will throw his clothes into the dryer. He tries to interject and leave the room with her, but she insists that she can handle it and that Mark continue collecting the rest of the clothes that Donghyuck should take with him to the dorm. 

"Kill me for being curious, Donghyuck," Mark holds the bunny to his chest, moving to the edge of the bed. 

He steals a cracker and shoves the entire thing into his mouth. 

Donghyuck hates how his stomach turns when honey drips down his lip. He thumbs at it instantly, trying to get rid of it as he holds the stuffed animal again. 

"Don't do that!" Donghyuck whispers. "You're going to get her all sticky!"

Mark wipes his sticky fingers on his jeans as he tries to hold it in a better kind of way, a way where his fingers aren't causing the animal to coat in a stickiness. 

"Her?" Mark asks. 

Donghyuck bites on his bottom lip as he takes the bunny into his own hands, tossing it back into his suitcase, ignoring Mark's scoffing — probably because he's being so gentle while Donghyuck is too busy tossing the thing across the room. 

"Yes," he mumbles as he sits up in the bed. "Named after my mother, but she doesn't have a name. That is what is special about her, I think. The fact that, without a name makes me think more of her, I don't know. My grandma and I came up with the idea because giving her a name directly like my mother's was too much for me."

Mark nods his head as he looks into Donghyuck's eyes. 

He's curious, and Donghyuck can tell because he's seen that look like a hundred times, he's seen it on his classmates, from his close friends, even from Jeno when he didn't know the situation. 

"Can I ask what happened to her?" Mark reaches out to touch Donghyuck's hand but he retracts it instantly, not knowing if his approach is too much. 

Donghyuck appreciates it. 

He nods his head and smiles. 

"Cancer," he shrugs. "Rare form of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She literally showed no symptoms and it was in such a small area of her neck that spread so quickly. It was like... one day she was perfectly fine, and then the next she was sick while being treated, and then the next she was gone."

Mark furrows his eyebrows as he looks into Donghyuck's eyes, seeing such sincerity behind them, like he absolutely loved his mother. It's no doubt that he did, his mother was his best friend his entire life. 

"Fuck," Mark whispers. "I'm so sorry."

"I am too," Donghyuck smiles as he lifts his own hand toward Mark's for an ounce of warmth. 

He soaks in it for a moment, like he's a sunflower floating just on top of a river, a river flowing with warm water. He even closes his eyes and allows himself to see his mother, to see a few different memories, some of his favorite ones that reflect her beautiful smile. 

There's fingers soon at the corners of his eyes, and once he opens them he just sniffles, holding onto Mark's hand that is next to his cheeks. 

He nods to say thank you, but Mark doesn't say a word. 

"I was thinking we eat in the dining hall with Yukhei in just a bit," Mark bends forward to press a kiss to Donghyuck's head before he untangles himself, moving back to the closet. 

Donghyuck wants to scream about the kiss. 

He wants to yell at Mark. He wants to say _thank you,_ thank you so goddamn much, for being caring after hardly knowing each other, after knowing the shit that goes on in his life, after knowing that he doesn't have a mother, after knowing that he needs his stuffed bunny to sleep with. He wants to latch onto Mark and keep him as a friend for life. 

"Is Yukhei okay with that?" Donghyuck squints. 

"Why wouldn't he be?" Mark asks as he tosses a sweatshirt onto the piles of clothes. "It might get cold and I can't have you stealing all my warm shit, no offence."

"None taken."

"But yeah, he doesn't have any classes, and he can take a break from his homework. I can just shoot him a text or something, there's no way he's busy, he always tells me what he's up to."

Donghyuck swallows hard. 

"Mark," Donghyuck speaks up. 

If Yukhei is gonna kill him for this, then _fuck it._

Mark's eyes meet his soon, phone gripped in his hand as he leans up against the closet door. He cocks his head to the side and waits for Donghyuck to continue. 

"Yukhei is hanging out with Renjun," Donghyuck sucks his bottom lip into his mouth.

Mark looks down at the ground in suspicion before he sighs like he's been let down. It hurts Donghyuck to see.

“So, this was the thing you didn’t wanna tell me,” Mark nods his head back and forth like he’s taking in the information. 

“Well, I assume it’s Renjun. He just texted and said he was with his ex, and after finding out that Renjun was his ex... I suppose that it’s him?” 

Mark just nods his head again and smiles. 

“Yeah,” he clicks his tongue. “Let’s just grab something on our way back then.” 

Donghyuck frowns. 

There’s tension in the room, between them, between the sheets, just... everywhere. It’s almost uncomfortable, but Donghyuck tries not to acknowledge it at all as he gets out of bed, bending down in a comfortable way so he can start folding up the clothes in the suitcase. He starts simple and organizes what he can, but soon just bunches the rest of the clothes up, attempting to shut the suitcase up on itself. 

“Hey,” Mark rolls his eyes as he squats down. “They’re going to end up so wrinkly if you do it like that.” 

Mark opens the suitcase and dumps the clothes back out, reattempting to fold them in a way that Donghyuck failed to do so. 

The air is thick, it’s wet, and Donghyuck keeps sucking in so much of it that he’s feeling uncomfortably cold in his chest. He doesn’t like it. 

He wonders if Mark feels it too, or if he’s just folding these clothes and thinking about what to grab for dinner on their way home. 

If only things were that simple in Donghyuck’s mind. 

“I’m not in love with Renjun anymore, Donghyuck.” 

The words surprise him as he exits his bathroom, his face wash in his hands, toothpaste also tucked into his elbows. He opens his mouth and runs his teeth along the bottom part of his lip as he stares at Mark who has finished zipping up the suitcase and who is now sitting on the edge of the bed, opening the duffel bag that they’ve decided to use for Donghyuck’s accessory items. 

Carefully, Donghyuck drops his products into the bag, just hoping that nothing spills out as they drive back in Mark’s car. 

“What do you mean?” Donghyuck makes the mistake of asking. 

_He thinks he shouldn’t have said anything at all._

“You seem so tense because you brought it up, and I just wanted to tell you... you know... since we are friends. I’m not in love with him. I haven’t been in a long time,” Mark scratches at his head. 

“You don’t have to prove that to me, Mark,” Donghyuck tells him honestly, and mainly because it’s true. 

Mark doesn’t need to make sure that Donghyuck knows his mind has been wiped of Renjun. 

“No, you’re not understanding,” Mark furrows his eyebrows. “I’m saying this because you obviously are uncomfortable because of the situation.” 

“Uncomfortable?” Donghyuck doesn’t like the way his throat is closing up with heat. “Why would I be uncomfortable about this?” 

Mark shrugs and finishes folding the blanket that Donghyuck told him he wanted to bring. He shakes his head and laughs sarcastically, muttering under his breath. 

“Fuck, dude, never mind.” 

Donghyuck squints at him for how annoying and cocky he sounds. He doesn’t like his tone, or the way his face is pulled into such an expression, so Donghyuck rolls his eyes right back and scoffs at _him._

“I’m ready to go when you are by the way,” Donghyuck blinks at him. “Unless you wanna stay and make me sound like I can’t handle a conversation.” 

Mark flares his nostrils and grabs onto the handle of the suitcase, zips up the bag, and drags them both to the car.

✧

Yukhei is tucked into his bed when Donghyuck and Mark arrive back at the dorm, his hair wet and his top gone, laptop in his lap as he taps away. Donghyuck guesses he must be busy at work since he was probably hanging out with Renjun all afternoon and not really doing much of his homework at all.

“Hey you,” Yukhei smiles at him. “How’s the foot feeling?” 

Mark pushes past Donghyuck and sets his things by their sink, gathering a few of his things as he excuses himself to go take a shower. 

It’s so forceful and obvious that Mark is annoyed with Donghyuck, but Donghyuck keeps his body like a block that Mark has to maneuver around — and even Yukhei has to giggle at the tension between them. 

Once Mark is gone, Donghyuck wobbles over to the bed and takes a seat. 

“Damn,” Yukhei shuts his laptop for a second and looks at his friend. “What crawled up both of your asses?” 

Donghyuck just rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth, annoyingly whining too loud as he falls onto Mark’s pillow, taking a deep breath and recalling the smell of Mark’s cologne. He doesn’t like how it makes him feel, especially when he’s annoyed with him. 

“We just,” Donghyuck pursues his lips. “I don’t know. We didn’t argue. I think I took things the wrong way while he also took them the wrong way. One of those situations but I got annoyed with him while he also seems to be annoyed with me, clearly.” 

Donghyuck lifts his hands toward the door as he says it.

Yukhei smirks at him. 

“Sounds like Mark,” he shrugs. “He also hasn’t been out to drink or get laid, so he’s probably missing that.” 

Donghyuck doesn’t know why he wants to pout at that, but he does. 

“Well, why hasn’t he?” Donghyuck says with an attitude. “If he wants to then he should go right ahead. Just cause you have a new roommate doesn’t mean you need to stop.” 

Donghyuck sucks on his lip harder and thinks about what he has said. Luckily, Yukhei doesn't seem as though he's taking the words the wrong way, which is a good sign, and Donghyuck is eternally grateful for not sounding too much like an ass to his friend. 

But, Yukhei yawns and chuckles just a tad which spikes a new energy inside of Donghyuck's veins. It's a feeling he hasn't really felt before. 

"I don't think it's the fact that he has a roommate, Donghyuck," Yukhei tells him. "I think it's who that roommate is."

If Donghyuck hadn't ever felt butterflies in his stomach before, he now knows what they feel like. 

They start off like a small bubbling in his throat, actually. Like he's just taken a spoonful of his favorite soup — not too hot, because that would defeat the purpose. It's warm, so carefully warm, and proceeds to get hotter as the soup moves down his throat and settles in his stomach. 

He places a hand over his abdomen and tries to settle the butterflies, but he only causes them to spread over his skin. 

_What the fuck does he mean?_

"Do you need to take a shower, by the way?" Yukhei asks him. "Mark was kind of a dick and probably forgot that you might need some help — I can walk over to the showers and help you if you want me to?” 

Donghyuck thinks about it. 

He does need a shower, yes. He wants to walk out of there with a head of wet hair, smelling like green apples and dressed in his red hoodie that he’s brought from home, just so he can cuddle up on the floor of blankets and pillows with his stuffed bunny and call it a goddamn day. 

An argument is bound to spike up from the fact that Donghyuck is going to claim the floor tonight, but he doesn’t care. He knows Mark is going to assume it’s from their disagreement, but he supposes that he can just ignore him and fall asleep just fine once he takes his pain medicine. 

“I would really appreciate that, Yukhei.” 

“I mean, obviously like... I won’t get in the shower with you,” he holds his hands up in defense as he jokes around. “But, I will stand right outside so I can help you in case you need anything.” 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and holds his middle finger up toward his friend, already laughing again and again as they begin to talk about nonsense. 

It doesn’t take too much longer for Mark to return either, and he’s quiet when he does. He’s also surprised to see that Donghyuck has made a little nest for himself on the floor. He parts his lips to speak, but Donghyuck is quick to cut him off. 

“I thought it would only be fair if we switched tonight,” he nods his head and smiles like he’s trying to prove that he’s not still annoyed. 

Mark nods his head and drops onto his own bed. 

_That’s it?_

Donghyuck widens his eyes and lifts his eyebrows as he trails his eyes toward Yukhei, both of them trying not to smile. 

“I’m going to go shower with Donghyuck,” Yukhei pipes up. 

Mark’s eyes shoot up all of a sudden. He glares at his roommate. 

“You’re gonna _what?”_

Yukhei stands up and slips on a sleeveless shirt that is so cut by the sleeves that it almost wouldn’t even be considered a shirt through Donghyuck’s eyes. 

“You walked out and didn’t bother asking if he needed help, so I am gonna help him,” Yukhei pushes his feet into some slides as he holds his hand down to Donghyuck, assisting him back to his feet. He holds his hand around Donghyuck’s waist as he grabs one of the crutches, holding him against his body while he helps him find his shoes. 

Mark watches with a pair of guilty eyes as he observes Yukhei moving around to look for Donghyuck’s shampoo and the few other things he needs to bring with him. 

“It’s in the blue bag right there,” Mark stares at his phone as he points. 

Donghyuck looks down. God, he feels like it’s a fucking competition between the two of them. For what? Donghyuck feels sick. 

Yukhei pulls the products out and drops them into a box to carry, smiling at Donghyuck as he retrieves one of his towels. Donghyuck snags his clothes at the same time, and soon, they leave the room, leaving Mark to fall back onto his bed with a deep groan. 

At first, showering isn’t hard.

Donghyuck does it just fine. He washes his body first to get the bending done with as he holds his foot up, and as he gently lets his sandals touch the shower floor. 

Shampooing his hair , though, becomes a bit hard as he tries to keep his balance. 

“Fuck,” he holds his hand out to keep himself upright. 

Yukhei has been right outside, beaming about random things, helping to keep a smile on Donghyuck’s face underneath the warm water. He’s glad he’s here, really, but now Donghyuck needs more from him. 

“You okay?” Yukhei asks him in a softer tone, something a little nicer and quieter than the joking manner that he’s been working at for the past few minutes. 

“It’s harder to keep upright when I am trying to keep my foot from touching the ground,” he whispers. “I’m trying to wash my hair but I can hardly do that because I need both hands but it’s hard because I need to touch the wall or like—fuck, see, I almost fell.” 

“Donghyuck,” Yukhei says in a serious tone. “What can I do?” 

He thinks about it. 

“Honestly, it would be nice for you to hold me from falling or either wash my hair for me, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable by getting ass naked in the shower with me,” he chuckles. 

Yukhei makes a goofy sound before he clicks his tongue. 

“I can get my shorts wet, bud. You can wear the boxers you brought if you want. Soak ‘em, and just get new ones in the dorm?” He says. 

Donghyuck nods his head and then voices out a yes. 

Soon he’s handed his undergarments and Yukhei joins him in the small shower, both of them giggling like children. 

“Okay you,” Yukhei tells him. “Turn around.”

“You know how awful it would sound if someone were to walk in and just hear you telling me to turn around?” 

Yukhei slaps a hand over his own mouth as he tries to control his laughter. He then presses his foot up against the little dip in the wall. 

“Hey,” he says softly. “Can you rest your knee on my thigh right here?” 

Yukhei is patting his leg in a way that is encouraging Donghyuck to rest his own. Once he does, he’s able to let out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding in. For a moment, he leans back against Yukhei’s chest and dramatically sighs. 

“I didn’t realize how much tension I was putting in holding up my damn foot, fuck!” He tilts forward again and begins to rub his own hair aggressively, dipping until the water is running forward. 

“Just imagine it like surfing,” he pats Donghyuck’s back. 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. 

“Not that simple.” 

A few moments pass and Yukhei pulls himself out of the shower when Donghyuck no longer needs him, drying himself off with Donghyuck’s towel before he even gets to it. 

“So,” Yukhei grins. “Mark, huh?” 

“Mark Lee?” 

Donghyuck yanks the towel from his friend and wraps it around his own body, shaking his hair dry as he grips Yukhei’s forearm to stay as still as he can. 

“Yes, Donghyuck,” he smiles. “Mark Lee. Our roommate.” 

Donghyuck tightens the towel around his waist as he ends up pulling the hoodie over his head. He keeps the towel around his waist because he knows he’ll have to put something else on once he gets back to the dorm, anyway. 

“Actually,” Donghyuck points at him. “Your roommate. My friend.” 

“Uh huh,” Yukhei grins. “What’s with the tension?” 

Donghyuck doesn’t really have an explanation for that. Not at all, not when it popped out of nowhere, not when it makes no sense. 

“Friends being friends, I guess,” Donghyuck gathers his things and heads toward the door. “You ready?” 

Yukhei just rolls his eyes and follows his lead. 

“Uh huh, just being friends. Okay.” 

Donghyuck shoves him before he grabs onto his arm for an easier grip at walking. He also definitely ignores the way his heart flutters over the thought of Yukhei wondering about them. 

There’s nothing going on at all, Mark is just someone that Donghyuck wants to stay close to. Also someone that he happens to be annoyed with at the moment. 

Only an hour later do the lights go off in the dorm. 

Only an hour later do Yukhei’s light snores echo through the room as Mark’s phone screen reflects onto the ceiling, illuminating a pretty kind of color onto the opposite walls. 

Meanwhile, Donghyuck tosses and turns on the ground, accompanied by the severe pain in his foot and the uncomfortable feeling of being stuck on the floor. He doesn’t like it, really, and the air has been thick ever since they arrived back from the showers. 

He can look at Mark quite easily, since the light is reflecting onto his face, and he’s definitely sure that Mark cannot see him. So, he takes the opportunity to just let his eyes scan over every part of his face, stopping for a few extra moments to focus on his jaw. His skin is so soft, nose so sweet looking, lips pink and beautiful. 

Mark really does have a beautiful face. 

The room smells like ocean breeze too, because Yukhei had plugged in a special diffuser and god, the thing is so strong. No one is complaining though, because the scent is relaxing, and it’s nice when you have a room of three boys. 

Without even thinking, Donghyuck reaches up and taps on Mark’s forearm. 

Mark turns his phone screen toward the floor so he can see Donghyuck. 

“Hmm?” He asks. 

“Can you come down here?” Donghyuck asks, his eyelids a lot heavier than he remembered they were.

Mark doesn’t waste any time before he gets onto the floor. 

Donghyuck lifts up the blanket too so Mark can tuck himself underneath them, so he can be warm when he lies down. 

“What’s wrong?” Mark looks concerned, he sounds concerned too, but Donghyuck still fears that something behind it all is fake. 

The moonlight practically pours in from the window behind their heads and it gives Mark such a beautiful glow. It’s so fucking gorgeous on his cheeks, on the tip of his chin, so pretty that Donghyuck is thinking about kissing him. 

_Fuck._

“I don’t like this,” Donghyuck tells him. 

“Then you can sleep in the bed,” Mark replies quickly. “I don’t mind sleeping on the floor again, that’s fine with me.” 

“No, Mark,” he closes his eyes. “The tension. Or whatever we want to call it. I am not someone who likes to deal with when friends get upset over stupid things like deciding on where to eat, or who gets to drive. I hate it. We’re doing that right now. I hate it.” 

Mark brings a tiny smile to his face.

“I don’t like it either,” he admits. “Not with you at least.”

Donghyuck starts to nod slowly. 

“Let’s stop.”

“Okay.” 

They come to an agreement, but the tension is still present, at least to Donghyuck. Mark seems a little at ease, but he blinks as he stays propped up on his elbow, looking at Donghyuck like he wants to say more. 

“You were also kind of mean for not asking if I wanted help in the shower, by the way,” Donghyuck tells him as he smirks, almost like he’s teasing him. 

Mark tosses his head back and lets out a low groan. 

“I knew it the second I stepped into the shower. I was like, thinking that if I would’ve said something, you would’ve been like, ‘Oh, do you think I am incapable of doing things on my own?’ because you’re stubborn like that and we were fighting or whatever.” 

Donghyuck has to giggle because Mark has a point. He definitely would have said similar words if Mark were to have asked him if he needed help. 

“Probably because you would have said it with such an attitude and I would’ve shot back with the same attitude because I don’t fuck around with people like that. You are mean to me and I will be mean right back.” 

Mark grins at him. 

“I like that about you, Donghyuck,” he whispers. “You don’t take anybody’s shit.” 

Donghyuck winks at him playfully before he receives a hand on his chest pushing him back. He laughs playfully and yawns again, his eyelids beginning him to fall asleep. 

“It really sucks that you won’t be here for the summer,” Donghyuck pouts. “Tell me about Canada?” 

“What do you wanna know?” Mark lifts his body up to take his pillows from his bed, tucking them under his head on the ground so he can get comfortable. 

At first, Donghyuck thinks maybe he’ll just say a thing or two, but it appears as though Mark has quite a few things to say. 

“Here, rest your head here,” Mark pats his chest as he pulls Donghyuck in, cuddling him close like they’re somehow used to doing by now. 

It’s familiar, and god does Donghyuck love the familiar feeling of warmth. 

“Just, anything,” Donghyuck lets his hand rest on Mark’s abdomen — mainly because it won’t be comfortable anywhere else other than flat on top of it. 

So, gently he traces some of the letters of the words Mark begins to say, and at some point of listening to the stories of Mark’s childhood... Donghyuck falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this next chapter.... we are about to speed things up a lot! so get excited!! the past few chapters have really been slow like one chapter/one day... but oh gosh are we moving quicker now. angst is cominggggg


	5. finals week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to apologize for the time that it took me to get this chapter out... i was busy working on some other projects, so i’m sorry about that :( but nonetheless, i hope you enjoy!
> 
> in the beginning, we have a tiny bit of a perspective change.. only for a few moments before we return back to donghyuck’s perspective :] 
> 
> i also am going to be adding a few more tags onto the tags i already have... just for the future chapters!! 
> 
> i promise i will get better at replying to comments as well... so please leave some if you’d like to! <3
> 
> & as always... please ignore any errors.... 
> 
> enjoy! <3

Finals hit out of nowhere. 

Yukhei is feeling sick the Monday morning of their first final, but Mark gives him a cup of oatmeal and a black coffee and encourages him to suck it up and push through, telling him that he can come lie back down and pass the fuck out as soon as he completes this exam, because the truth is... Yukhei only has one exam to do today — only one kind of hell to sit through. 

Donghyuck on the other hand, has two finals today. 

He has one in the early morning, one that he has already left the dorm for, and one that will come later in the evening, one that he'll spend the entire afternoon studying for, especially since he's been lacking in that subject since what feels like forever. 

"I seriously don't know if I can move," Yukhei groans as he rolls over in his bed, stuffing his face into the pillow as he takes a whiff of the blanket bunched up next to him. 

He nearly gags. 

"That is literally what you get, dude," Mark shrugs as he leans back, completely relaxed as he clicks through his online textbook. "You should have been studying instead of going out to drink. You also should not have slept in your bed when you smelt like alcohol and complete shit."

Yukhei flips him off and sighs again, this time whining in a way where he wants something. 

"No," Mark points his finger. "I'm not offering my help, Yukhei."

He pouts even heavier, takes his hands and pats his own cheeks, stares directly at his roommate and groans until Mark glares back at him. 

"Fuck," Mark says. "What do you want?"

Yukhei gives him a warm smile.

"Just help me to the showers real quick? I'm dizzy as fuck," he sighs.

Mark nods his head, hoping that the food he just treated the boy with will settle his stomach, or maybe he’ll just end up being sick so it'll make him feel better in the long run, because Yukhei really can't miss his exam. 

He bends down by Yukhei's bed, letting the boy hook his arm around his neck until they're both standing in a better position, and until Mark gets a noseful of sweat. He has to make fun of him, he just has to, it's his job. 

He does, of course, but he also receives an elbow to his ribs.

"Yukhei," Mark giggles. "When did we literally switch places? You’re hungover and I’m organized and studying."

They walk down the hall, lazily attached to each other as their feet slide down the carpet. 

"When you fell in love with Donghyuck," Yukhei plays. 

"When I—When I _what?"_

"Just a joke, Markie," Yukhei winks. "I'm not so dizzy anymore, you can head back. I'll see you in a bit."

Mark turns on his heels. 

"Yukhei?" He calls. "Hurry up, you really don't have much time to spare."

The boy shrugs him off and heads past the doors where the showers are. Disappearing past them makes Mark realize that he's alone now, and finally, he has the opportunity to sigh, letting his shoulders slump forward as he thinks about the words his friend had just said to him... the words that made no sense — no, Mark should correct himself — the _joke_ that made no sense. 

_Why would Yukhei even joke about Mark falling in love with their friend?_

He rolls his eyes and drags his feet back to the dorm, where he soon plops back onto the bed, digging into his side table to pull out a half eaten granola bar that he had been devouring around 2 in the morning when he and Donghyuck were up studying last minute. 

Chewing and thinking, Mark doesn't feel like he's hungry anymore. He definitely feels like a nauseated feeling is more powerful than anything in his body. He thinks about how he hasn't been drunk recently like usual, and how he hasn't been to a party, hasn't kissed anyone, hasn't had anyone in his bed, and he can't stop thinking about how he has actually been paying attention and doing well in his classes — all since Donghyuck has arrived into his life. 

He slams his drawer shut, right on his fingers. 

A hiss comes out of his mouth as he flies back onto his bed, instantly putting his fingers into his mouth like when he was a child, trying to suck the pain away. He hopes that it'll help, or that it'll disappear, or maybe it'll make the thoughts in his head dissipate at least a little bit. 

He's so deep in his thoughts and a little headstrong about what is going on with his hand that he doesn't notice that Donghyuck has just come into the dorm. 

"Mark?" He drops his crutches onto the floor and limps forward, sitting on the edge of the bed as he tries to scan his roommate for any kind of issue, for any kind of pain that must be going on — clearly, because Mark is wailing and sucking on his fingers. 

"Get back!" Mark groans as he pushes his shoulder into Donghyuck's, making him slip off the edge of the bed, his body hitting the floor with a _thud._

Mark forgets every pain in his body the moment he realizes what he's done. 

He worries that he has hurt Donghyuck, with the boy's ankle and everything, but Donghyuck only stares up at him, his eyes wide and round, like he's a lost puppy, scared and worried in the presence of his friend. Mark is breathing hard, his fingers throbbing as they sit in his lap and as he looks at Donghyuck, his own jaw tensing too much to be considered normal. 

"Donghyuck," Mark croaks out, pain radiating to his chest as he shifts his body, his hand moving forward. "I am so sorry—I didn't mean to push you down. I—fuck."

But, Donghyuck only shakes his head, his eyes cold and narrowing in at Mark, especially at the hand that Mark offers him. 

"I've got it," Donghyuck ignores the help that the boy offers him. 

He moves to get up on his own, gripping the other side of Mark's bed to pull himself to his feet, struggling only slightly when he tries not to put pressure on his foot. Donghyuck tries, he does, but it's hard when he moves to his knee, and when there's not much to grip onto. Regardless of his answer a moment ago, Mark moves forward and tries to offer his help. 

"I said I got it!" Donghyuck says harshly, putting pressure on his injured foot as he cries out, hurrying over to his crutches as he bends down to grab them. 

Yukhei enters the dorm to see the two of them in that situation, both of them clearly in pain, upset, and the room way too tense. He's wrapped in just a towel, his eyes still not completely open, sleep desperately tugging at his eyelids, telling him to come back to bed. But, it's almost like he sobers up when he sees his friends. 

"I'm going to go," Donghyuck says, the struggle in his throat making him sound as though he's trying not to cry. 

Mark knows it's because he just put way too much pressure on his foot a few seconds ago, something he's still not encouraged to do, since his ligaments are not strong enough, and his foot cannot and should not handle that kind of engagement at the moment. But, Donghyuck does not want to show the kind of pain he is in — Mark can see at least that much. 

"Donghyuck?" Yukhei places a hand on his shoulder. "What happened?" 

The youngest just shakes his head and trembles as his shoulders slouch forward. 

"Nothing," he forces a smile so fake that Mark almost wants to call him out. "I just need to study before my next final in a bit."

"Well, why don't you just stay in the dorm?" Yukhei asks. "Thought it wasn't until later in the day anyway?"

Donghyuck just runs his forearm along his nose and shrugs, heading for the door. He turns around and takes one look at Mark before he narrows his eyes. 

"I'm going to study in the library," he nods. "I'll see you two tonight, good luck on your final."

With that, he disappears.

✧

Donghyuck finds peace in the library, after his thoughts get a little cloudy, and after he sticks his nose in the textbook he needs to be studying from. He reads the first page about five times before he decides that he has retained any kind of information from it.

It's the throbbing in his foot that keeps his mind too busy for his own good. 

He keeps checking his phone, thinking that he'll be seeing a text or two from Mark, or maybe even Yukhei.

In fact, Donghyuck hopes that he'll be receiving that text from them, because he is on the verge of tears from the amount of pain that he is in. It aches, it's almost dreadful to the point where he wants to call his grandmother to come pick him up so he can head home and cuddle in his bed, and so he can think about his mother in peace, surrounded by the rain that is pouring down outside of the windows. But instead, he sucks it up and forces himself to just focus a little harder on the work. 

He tries to roll his ankle in circles, as directed by his doctor, but nothing helps to relieve the pain that he's feeling. 

Donghyuck is huffing lightly, puffs of air coming out of his mouth, short moans past his lips as he sits in the back of the library. 

He ends up closing his textbook and rests his head in his hands as he cries lightly, hoping that no one can hear him behind the shelves and the short conversations they are all having, or beyond the music that they're listening to. 

It's the hand on his back that makes Donghyuck's stomach flip. 

He looks up instantly, unable to wipe the tears from his face as he looks over at Mark, who only looks completely sad when he observes the expression on Donghyuck's face. 

Setting down a bottle of pills at Donghyuck's side, Mark gives him a short grin. 

"You mentioned that you were going to take some when you got back from your first final," Mark tells him, voice barely above a whisper. "But, you left so quickly just now, and I know you're upset with me, and you have every right to be, but I wanted to bring this to you."

Donghyuck nods his head, pulling off the top of the bottle as he takes one, dropping his shoulders in relief as he gives Mark a short smile, one that hardly lasts long enough to even be considered a smile. He observes Mark's face, eyes moving to look at his hand. 

"Are your fingers okay?" Donghyuck asks.

"Oh — I'm... yeah, they're okay."

Donghyuck sucks on his bottom lip and nods his head again before he tucks the bottle into his backpack. 

"Listen, Donghyuck, I—"

"—Don't you have a final that starts really soon?"

Mark looks at him like he's frustrated, but not in a way where he's mad at Donghyuck, just in a way where he wishes that he was able to finish his sentence.

Donghyuck knows this, but he doesn't know if he wants to hear what Mark has to say, because he has too much on his mind, and he doesn't want to add anything when their finals have just begun.

"I do," Mark says confidently. "In five minutes, actually." 

The time that he tells Donghyuck makes the younger widen his eyes in shock, eyebrows furrowing like he's so confused on why Mark is sitting with him in the library.

"Mark?!" Donghyuck tucks his fingers underneath Mark's forearms. "Why are you here right now? You're going to get kicked out if you don't make it on time!" 

But, Mark looks like he already knows this kind of information, because he only scoots his chair closer to Donghyuck, who looks at Mark like he is completely insane for sitting so comfortably when he is on a time crunch. 

"I know," Mark nods his head. "I am aware. But, I needed to bring you the medicine, and I needed to apologize for how I hurt you, Donghyuck. I really did not mean to push you," Mark shakes his head and averts his eyes to Donghyuck's lap. "I'm so fucking sorry, I was hurt, myself, and I was thinking too much, and you didn't—"

"—Mark, you're risking failing a class to apologize over an accident?"

"Yeah, Donghyuck. I am."

Donghyuck shuts himself up and pulls Mark in for a hug, feeling like it's just them on the floor of their dorm, the familiarity of being pressed up against Mark making him feel so much less pain than he was feeling a few seconds ago. Or, maybe the painkillers have started to kick in, but Donghyuck knows that was almost impossible because it's been only two minutes or so since they have gone down his throat. 

"It's okay, Mark," he whispers against his neck. "It was an accident. I was hurt that you pushed me away when you were hurt, but just... _don't do it again,_ okay? Simple as that. Go take that final now."

Mark smiles at him and nods his head, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek, making Donghyuck wipe it off with his fingers, pretending to be disgusted. Mark rolls his eyes. 

"I'll buy you something and bring it to the dorm tonight," Mark tells him as he swings his backpack over his shoulder. 

Donghyuck winks at him. 

Relief floods his body. Donghyuck hates tension.

✧

Jeno invites Donghyuck to a party in the middle of finals week.

Luckily, Donghyuck only has one final left — his easiest class, one that will occur the next evening, so he knows he'll be okay if he accepts going out for the night. Besides, most of the students agreed that the party wouldn't even be one that contains any alcohol, it's just one to sit around on the beach, enjoying the sunset and talking about the year, memories, and enjoying each other's presences. 

Donghyuck almost thinks it's too good to be true when he hears about a party with no alcohol, especially one that Jeno is attending, but he seems excited to attend — Jeno tells Donghyuck to invite his roommates, too, so Donghyuck easily asks Mark and Yukhei to join him. 

He takes a long time to decide what to wear, but he settles on a short sleeve button up and shorts, accompanied by a pair of his favorite shoes that he had recently bought. 

"Can I make one tiny suggestion?" Yukhei asks as he slips a beanie over his own head. 

Donghyuck pouts at him as he turns, buttoning up the last button on his own top. 

"What is it?" Donghyuck pops his hip out as he leans on his crutch. 

He doesn't necessarily need it. He thinks he'll leave it in the car once they get to the beach, because he can sit on the sand, or on the rocks, or wherever they'll be, or he can drag his foot if need be, but it's not feeling too painful at the moment. Mark tried to object and tell him otherwise, trying to convince Donghyuck that putting too much pressure on his foot too soon might only make things worse. But, Donghyuck just showed him his tongue and the underside of his lip, promising Mark that he would be okay. 

Yukhei comes up to him and unbuttons the top of Donghyuck's shirt, making the younger boy gasp a little. 

"Yukhei!" Donghyuck says as he extends his arms out, letting his roommate do what he's planning on doing. 

His fingertips graze against Donghyuck's skin as he continues to move downward until all of the buttons are undone and until the shirt is almost posing as something like a cardigan on Donghyuck's skin. 

"Wear it like this," Yukhei stands behind Donghyuck and grins, almost smirks as he squints his eyes, tilting his head from side to side. 

Donghyuck gawks at his own figure in the mirror. 

He'll admit that the idea is quite genius, because he likes how he looks, but he thinks he might be showing too much skin like this. 

"Are you sure?" Donghyuck whispers. 

Yukhei bends forward and pulls the front down a little so it looks a bit more casual. 

"Yes, of course. It's a beach party. Wait," Yukhei squints. "Do you have a bigger one?"

Donghyuck thinks about it before he shakes his head. 

"Not here at least."

"Mark!" Yukhei turns to the boy who is just sitting on the edge of his bed, watching them quietly. "Can we use one of yours? That long sleeve one, the dark green one?"

Mark's eyes widen a little as he blinks a few times before he swallows, nodding as he heads to his closet, pulling it off of the hanger and handing it to Yukhei. 

The boy sounds excited as he helps Donghyuck slip into it, both of them giggling as Mark's shirt swallows him up. It fits comfortably, and it's warm, smells a bit like Mark, and definitely looks _good_ on Donghyuck and his skin. 

"Now this," Yukhei points at the mirror. "This fucking rocks. Mark doesn't he look good?"

Mark raises an eye at that and chuckles as he stands behind them, admiring his roommate. 

"He does look good. Nice choice, Yukhei. You look nice, Donghyuck," Mark smiles at him. 

Donghyuck feels good, so he smiles at the way his roommates are making him feel good. 

"If someone doesn't kiss you tonight, I might have to do it," Yukhei says.

Mark rolls his eyes and shoves Yukhei's shoulder, telling him to leave the poor guy alone.

✧

But the thing is, Yukhei sticks to his word.

It comes in the form of spin the bottle. 

It's completely harmless, and Donghyuck doesn't mind, because he's on the verge of entering his summer vacation, and he thinks about how his grandmother tells him how he needs to live and enjoy his life. He doesn't necessarily know if that means kissing your roommate when the bottle lands on him, but he thinks it might be a good place to start. 

He hears Jeno beside him, telling him to do it, but he hears a few other people telling him he doesn't have to, especially since they're roommates and that might be weird. 

What _does_ get through to his ears is someone's voice echoing through his head, someone who easily says, "that's Lee Donghyuck, you think he's actually going to do that?"

Yukhei shrugs his shoulders at Donghyuck and raises an eyebrow at him, giving him the approval that he's ready. 

So, Donghyuck ignores the pain in his foot and pushes himself to his knees and half crawls into Yukhei's lap as he presses his mouth to the boy's. At first, he feels a shock shoot to his foot, because Yukhei pulls him closer. But, his hands are on his hips, keeping him steady, keeping him still, pulling his body up against him, up against the rock Yukhei is sitting on. 

All Donghyuck can hear is the echoing of the sounds of everyone in the background, and all he can feel is the way Yukhei keeps biting on his lip, and the way he keeps licking at his teeth. 

But, Donghyuck pulls away before the kiss deepens any further. 

Yukhei stands to his feet and holds tight on Donghyuck's waist as he helps him back to the sand, making sure that Donghyuck doesn't put any pressure on his foot. 

Everyone in the large group chuckles and goes to spin the bottle again, where it lands on another girl across the way. Donghyuck is soon pulled into Jeno's side. 

"Now he," Jeno says against Donghyuck's hair. "He is fucking hot. Was it good?"

Donghyuck cackles and scrunches his nose up, his lips still tingling. 

"Too much teeth, kept biting."

"My type of guy," Jeno looks over Donghyuck's shoulder. 

Donghyuck throws his head back to laugh before he looks around, just to land his eyes on Mark, who looks like he's seen a ghost. For a moment, Donghyuck thinks he might be sick, or maybe he's just drank too much soda in one sitting and perhaps he's a little nauseous, but Mark looks down and sweeps his feet from side to side on the sand. 

It looks like he wants to leave the group. 

They connect their eyes again and Donghyuck takes the opportunity to mouth the words, _"You okay?_ to him, in which Mark only shakes his head, making Donghyuck's heart drop into his stomach. 

"Mark!" Someone shouts at him, pulling Donghyuck out of his trance to stare off toward where the voice was coming from. "You're up. Kiss her."

Donghyuck looks over at the girl who is walking toward Mark with a shy smile. 

He just grins up at her and pats his lap, where she soon sits down and cups his cheek, leaning down to bring their mouths together in a slower kind of kiss — one that makes the entire group groan in agony, complaining about how it's too sweet. Mark even slides his hand around her waist back and forth like he's comforting her, and Donghyuck finally has to tear his eyes away. 

"Okay!" Someone else whines. "Spin it! I'm dying to be kissed tonight."

When Donghyuck looks up at Mark again, he realizes that he’s absolutely nowhere in sight. 

He does feel a tap on his shoulder from Yukhei, who gives him a gentle smile. 

“Ready to head home?” He whispers. “I think Mark is.”

Donghyuck nods, whispering a goodbye to Jeno, who sounds completely devastated to see his friend, and not to mention... Donghyuck’s roommate leave for the night. But, Donghyuck promises that he'll come around soon, and with Yukhei so the two of them can see each other again. He even bends down to press a kiss to Jeno's hair as he is lifted from the ground by Yukhei. 

They say their goodbyes to the group and walk toward the car in silence. 

At first, Donghyuck is just thinking about Mark, wondering why he had taken off so quickly, wondering if maybe he actually is feeling ill or if he's trying to get back to finish up studying or something like that. 

But, Yukhei drops into the silence and nearly shocks Donghyuck when he does. 

"Are you okay?" His voice cuts through the air. "You know, about what happened?"

Donghyuck looks over at him and drops his shoulders, totally forgetting that he was basically perched up on his friend's lap, their mouths together just minutes ago. He'll admit Yukhei was a good kisser, but it was just a game, and Donghyuck has already forgotten about it, _his head already spinning with thoughts as he worries about his other friend._

"Oh," Donghyuck shyly smiles as they reach the area of a few larger rocks. He avoids Yukhei's question for a moment as he furrows his eyebrows, "you mind?"

Yukhei doesn't hesitate before he crouches down in front of Donghyuck, like he's asking for him to climb onto his back. Donghyuck does so with ease, his forearm coming around Yukhei's neck as the taller boy climbs up the rocks until they're on the asphalt of the parking lot. 

They pass a couple cars and look down the lot, just to see Mark leaning up against the back of the car. 

It's Yukhei who drove, so his keys are tucked away in his pocket, away from Mark, who seems way too eager to get inside the car. Yukhei only takes a second to spot him too, pulling his keys and unlocking it so Mark can climb into the passenger seat.

"I'm okay, Yukhei," Donghyuck reassures his friend as he holds onto his back. He would have asked to be put down, but his foot is aching without his crutches and Yukhei doesn't mind.

Donghyuck only takes a breath before he rests his chin on Yukhei's shoulder, "are you okay, though?"

He chuckles. 

"Yeah, Hyuck," he whispers. "It was just a silly game. I was joking when I said I would kiss you earlier, though. I don't want you to think that I was like trying to do anything like that. You're my friend. I would hate to make you uncomfortable, and I am sorry if I did."

Donghyuck pushes his knee into Yukhei's side as they pass a few more cars, some of them lit up in the front, two people kissing in the front seats. Both of them laugh as they jog past, trying not to interrupt whatever was happening right inside the car windows. 

"It’s okay, I know," Donghyuck tells him as he's let down next to the car. "Like you said, it was just a silly game."

Donghyuck gets into the backseat with a little bit of a struggle, his foot not wanting to cooperate since the car next to them had parked way too close. He hisses once, twice, and then whimpers when he ends up jumping. 

It's Mark who whips his head around to ask Donghyuck if he's okay, almost like another side of him has totally taken over. 

His eyes read something so soft and genuine, but his face is twisted into something tight and hurt, almost. Donghyuck doesn't like to see him like that, at all. He hates when his friends are tense like that. 

"Are you okay?" Mark whispers to him. 

Donghyuck's tension in his own face undoes itself at Mark's words, and he nods softly, pulling the door shut as he feels the throbbing in his foot come to an ease. 

"I'm okay," Donghyuck smiles at him. 

Mark only takes a few more seconds to look at Donghyuck's positioning and his body as he swallows, trying to accept that he's okay and that he's safe in the backseat. 

"Are you okay, dude?" Yukhei says to Mark.

"I'm fine," Mark says coldly.

Even Donghyuck feels how cold he sounds from the backseat, like a venomous snakebite swimming around the car. It's definitely awkward how he speaks to Yukhei, and no one else says a word the entire ride home. No one can really, because it would be too much for them, and it could even start up an argument that would bring too much unwanted tension for their own good.

They pull up to the dorms in no time. 

Donghyuck expects Mark to take off and head back up to the room without even bothering to speak to either of his friends, but he pulls himself out of the passenger side and comes to open Donghyuck's door, holding his hand out to help assist him in getting out.

"Oh," Donghyuck takes the hand and grins softly. "Thank you."

Mark gives him a nod before he hooks his arm around Donghyuck's side, allowing the boy to lean his weight into Mark instead of having to push up against the ground when he needs to. 

The weather has been kind enough to be beautiful all night, giving them such a dark warmth that feels like a blanket — like a large and fuzzy blanket, nice and comfortable but not hot enough to the point where you begin to sweat and where you want to rip it from your shoulders. 

Yukhei walks beside them and picks up some small talk as they make it inside. 

Each of them take their turns showering. 

Donghyuck has gotten better at showering and standing on his own, but all three of them go in at the same time, just to be kind in case Donghyuck needs any assistance, and because they don't want the dorm door opening and closing too many times, since it's getting pretty late. 

As usual, it's Yukhei who knocks out first, his snores sweeping across the floor to prove that he's knocked out hard, and that he's already dreaming well. 

Donghyuck is sitting up on the floor, reading an article on his phone about how to begin his next set of stretches for his foot, and learning about the proper way to do them. 

He knows he'll need to attend physical therapy as soon as finals are over, but for now... he needs to be working on some stretches so he can get his foot out of the same position from the brace that it's constantly in. 

Mark is asleep on the bed to the other side of him, his breaths a little heavier than normal, proving that he's also in a deep sleep. It makes Donghyuck look over at him with a soft smile, wondering if he's dreaming hard, or if he's dreaming about something that is hurting him. 

The smile stops on his face when Mark sucks in a sharp breath and when his eyes shoot open. 

"Oh," Donghyuck whispers, noticing that he had moved closer to Mark in the process, his chin sitting on the edge of the mattress. 

Mark scoots back and blinks at Donghyuck, cocking his head to the side. 

"Sorry for waking you," Donghyuck whispers to him in a hushed tone.

But Mark only shakes his head as he swallows hard. 

"No, it's okay. I was barely asleep, and I just sort of wake up when I feel that others get close to me," Mark explains. 

Donghyuck can only nod.

"What time is it?" Mark asks as he yawns, body shivering underneath his blankets. 

"It's just half past one," Donghyuck replies. 

"And you're not asleep?"

He shakes his head. 

"Reading about how to stretch my foot."

Mark rubs his nose into his pillow before he props up a bit. Usually, he would have propped up the moment he had woken up, but he had stayed in the same position that he was sleeping in, only his eyes opening. Donghyuck thought it was sweet. 

"Does it hurt right now?" Mark asks him. 

He shakes his head. 

"No, I just needed to read some things so I could know how to stretch it later when it feels good enough to be moved in those angles."

They're making small talk, avoiding the fact that Mark was acting so strange earlier, and even in the showers when he had avoided Donghyuck and Yukhei, and had gone right to sleep. The thought of it makes Donghyuck's head spin and his stomach light up, especially when Mark dips his head under his blankets to let out a soft sigh. 

"Do you—Are you tired?"

Donghyuck shrugs a bit. 

"Uncomfortable, as usual," he chuckles as he knots his eyebrows at Mark.

Mark only cocks his head toward the other side of his bed, raising an eyebrow in the process like he's offering, like he's inviting Donghyuck to come lie with him. 

It's nothing out of the ordinary. 

Donghyuck usually comes to lie next to Mark in his bed. It's almost a daily thing — the way he'd come up and rest his cheek against Mark's shoulder and rub his nose against it until he found himself comfortable, or the way their ankles would knock together as they tried to find the right positioning. It felt nice to be comforted like that, and Mark knew that Donghyuck absolutely loved it, so he was kind enough to offer it to his friend. 

"Need help up?" Mark asks him.

Donghyuck just smiles and shakes his head as he brings himself to his knees, dressed in one of his own white t-shirts and basketball shorts, fitting so loosely around his body. 

It's always so simple for Donghyuck's body to tuck between Mark and the wall, in fact, it's his favorite position to be in. He loves knowing that the wall is right behind him and that Mark is only inches in front of him, loves knowing that he can reach out for either one of them. 

For a moment, he thinks that Mark is going to stay with his back turned towards him, but finally, he shifts and helps bring the blanket up to Donghyuck's neck, up over his shoulder, presenting a ginger smile. 

"Here," Mark whispers, his eyes already closing. "Comfy?" 

Donghyuck nods as he admires Mark's sleepy face, skin looking so smooth and eyelids just closed. 

He looks a lot more innocent like this. 

He reminds Donghyuck of the quiet beaches here. 

Not even the private ones, just the areas where you can find a quiet spot, where you can actually hear yourself think and where you can actually enjoy the water. He's soft and smooth, and he's gentle, he's silly and comfortable to be around, and all of a sudden Donghyuck is missing surfing on the water. 

He sighs. 

"What?" Mark says with his eyes closed. 

"Just thinking..."

Mark hums. 

Donghyuck can tell that he's already on the verge of falling back into a deep sleep, all from his lack of communication.

"Can I hug you?" Donghyuck blurts out before he even thinks about it. 

The smile on Mark's face blooms like the plants bleeding through the rocks by the shore. 

"I thought you'd never ask."

Donghyuck can't help but let out an airy giggle as he wraps an arm around Mark's waist, pulling himself inevitably close to his roommate as he allows his cheek to lay on the boy's shoulder. He hums and takes in a deep breath of Mark's scent, smelling a little bit of his grandmother's detergent as well as that familiar smell of Mark, something so smooth and earthy — exactly to match the feel of the ocean that Mark gives off. 

A moment later, Mark tries to scoot his own leg between Donghyuck's, making the younger boy hiss in response, since he doesn't have his brace on. 

Mark jolts his head up and looks down, forgetting that they have a blanket over them. 

"Fuck," Mark whispers, pulling Donghyuck's head back to his chest. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Donghyuck reassures him as he rubs back and forth over Mark's chest. 

Mark only grips over his hand and presses a kiss to Donghyuck's forehead, quick and easy from the angle that they're at. Donghyuck melts into it, already beginning to feel himself doze off from the amount of comfort that he's wrapped in. 

God, Donghyuck cannot even explain how much he adores comfort. 

Being touched, soft kisses to his forehead... it all makes him feel loved and worthy, and he can't help but crave more of it. But, not only does he love receiving it, he also wants to be able to return it. So, he tilts up and presses a careful kiss to the underside of Mark's chin, trying to ignore the thick and tired smile that spreads out over his lips. 

"This is going to be so inappropriate for me to say," Mark begins as he rubs at Donghyuck's back. "But, I hated that so much."

Donghyuck smiles at first, confused on why Mark was hating a gentle kiss on his chin as he was in the process of falling asleep. 

It hits him a moment later, when he realizes what Mark is referring to. 

_He's talking about the kiss between Yukhei and Donghyuck._

All it takes is a deep breath in through Donghyuck's nostrils for Mark to speak up again. 

"Forget I said anything, goodnight." 

Donghyuck bites on his lip and just stares blankly at the opposite wall, not even over at Yukhei's back, where it would make sense to be looking. No, he stares awkwardly in a position where he knows it would give him a headache if he looks for too long. 

It's silent for a moment, and Donghyuck wonders if he's too late. He wonders if maybe Mark has gone to bed, and he'll be talking to a brick wall when he says this, but he speaks up anyway. 

"For the record," he whispers. "I didn't exactly like you kissing someone else either."

Donghyuck knows that he's _fucked_ if that isn't what Mark was talking about in the first place. 

All he gets is Mark tugging him closer, a pair of lips in his hair and a long breath out, like a sigh of relief.

✧

They finish their finals like champs, all three of them relieved to no end.

Donghyuck decides to spend the rest of the day with his grandmother, getting a nice lunch with her, treating her since he hasn't properly seen her in a few days. He even buys her a slice of her favorite kind of cheesecake, and an extra to take back to his grandfather who is not feeling so great at home. 

"When will you be coming back, sweetheart?" She asks him, her hand coming down to pet at his hair, mumbling about how it's beginning to get a bit long. 

Donghyuck doesn't mind though, it's summer and he tends to like when his hair grows out long in the summertime. 

"Probably in the morning," he tells her as he digs his own fork into the slice of cake that they end up sharing at the restaurant. "My roommates want to hang out one last time before I head home. Mark is going home to Canada tomorrow night, so we are just going to spend the evening together."

She nods her head, accepting the words that she is hearing. 

Donghyuck is thankful, because he knows his own plans of the night. 

The three of them are going to one of the most popular parties that the kids at their school will hold — one of the most popular parties on the entire island. 

He's not nervous per say, but Donghyuck knows he's going to let himself have fun tonight, he knows he's going to let himself have a few drinks, and he definitely _knows_ that he's going to let himself dance a little tonight. He's been wanting to, regardless of his thoughts of not really having an interest in drinking, he knows it's the end of the year and he wants to at least participate. 

"Will there be any alcohol, Donghyuck?" She says with a bit of a serious tone.

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows as he sips on his straw. 

"I suppose, grandma," he shrugs, wanting to be honest with her. "If there is, I promise to be safe. As always."

She smiles at him. 

"I am glad you are a responsible adult, Donghyuck. I don't want you to end up like your father was."

He stiffens up as he hears the words, turning his cheek to her, an act he would consider extremely disrespectful. He doesn't like hearing her mention him like that, but he knows that she has her strong opinions about Donghyuck's father. So, he keeps his mouth closed and doesn't bother to say anything at all. 

A smile rises to his lips and he just nods off, going in to take another bite of the cake in front of them. He chooses not to add anything to what she has said.

✧

Donghyuck would consider himself well dressed when he arrives at the party.

He comes with Jeno, a little later than everyone else, so the party is already extremely loud and lively, filled with faces that Donghyuck couldn't even name if you paid him. There's a struggle on his tongue, and deep in his stomach, and he has the need to locate Yukhei and Mark, but neither of them are in view, so he sticks by Jeno's side as they make their way toward the drinks. 

Jeno helps mix a drink for Donghyuck, leaning back as he watches his friend in awe, joking about how he never thought he would find Donghyuck sipping like this, looking _good as hell_ doing so. 

Donghyuck has to shove him when he says that. 

There's a moment where Donghyuck appreciates the burning down his throat as he stares out the kitchen window behind Jeno's head, waiting for it to settle before he takes another large few sips of it, hoping it just gets him tipsy on the count of fifteen, or something. He doesn't want to have to wait and wonder if he's tipsy, because he'll just overthink it, and be hyper aware of what's going on in his body. 

"Oh," Jeno pipes up as he looks behind Donghyuck. "Your roommate is here."

Donghyuck assumes he's referring to Yukhei since Jeno is standing up straighter and since he's smiling kindly at the body behind him. 

But the hand on Donghyuck's hip definitely doesn't feel like Yukhei. 

Donghyuck _knows_ Mark's touch, and _this_ is Mark's touch. 

"Hey," he huffs. "Excuse me."

He releases his grip on Donghyuck's hip as he slips around him, reminding him of another party they had been at. Mark shifts and moves to fill his drink with the similar things that are in Donghyuck's cup. 

It makes Donghyuck grin a little as he looks at the floor. 

Jeno scoots forward and presses his cheek to Donghyuck's. 

"I'll leave you two," he whispers as he rushes away. 

Donghyuck tries to grab onto him as his body slips away, but he has no luck as he's left with Mark. It's not awkward to be left with Mark, but Donghyuck feels smaller than usual, ever since their conversation in bed — especially since they've barely said a couple words to each other. 

Mark turns around and cocks his head toward the other room, since the music is a little too loud in the kitchen. 

"Having a good time?" Mark asks him as he walks behind Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck only shrugs and leans his head backward. 

"Only just got here," he says to Mark in response. 

They end up finding a spot on the couch, and Mark pulls him down with him, their knees hitting up against each other as soon as they sit. It's still loud, but definitely quieter than it was in the kitchen — and they're able to get a view of the intense game of pool happening a few feet away. 

They chat for a while, and just sit to enjoy the presence and the environment around them as they finish their drinks. 

Donghyuck pouts when his cup goes empty. 

"Are you drunk?" Donghyuck turns toward Mark, realizing that he smells heavily of cologne, the one that coats the room every morning before Mark leaves for his classes. 

Mark shakes his head and smiles, rubbing his hand on his own knee.

"First cup," he cocks an eyebrow up as he smirks. 

Donghyuck doesn't believe him, so he gives him a look and squints, raising his eyebrow and pulling back so he can glare at Mark. 

Mark rolls his eyes, "Okay, fine. Second. But, that is all. Hardly tipsy. How about you?"

Donghyuck thinks about it before he shakes his head. 

"No," he smiles, his fingers touching the skin of the holes on Mark's jeans, just rubbing back and forth. "I told you, I just had one drink."

Mark relaxes back on the couch as he sets his cup on the side of the table behind Donghyuck. 

"I think you're a bit tipsy, Donghyuck," he tells him. 

Donghyuck looks at him. 

"You're the one who's drunk, you're on your second drink. You _finished_ your second one! I just barely finished my first."

Mark nods his head as he pretends to listen to the boy, tilting forward to pull the boy back so he can relax on the furniture with him. 

"Close your eyes," he tells him as a smile slips up the corner of his lips.

Donghyuck obeys and closes his eyes, right before he snaps them open and shakes his head. 

"Yeah, I can't really do that. Feels like I'm going backwards when I do that."

There's a subtle laugh that echoes around them when Mark touches his fingers on Donghyuck's shoulder. 

"Tipsy," he confirms. 

Donghyuck pouts again. 

"Am not," he presses his cheek against Mark's shoulder, completely unaware that he's showing so much affection in the middle of a party, in public, in front of people who will probably talk, or spread rumors about them anytime soon. 

"Donghyuck," Mark whispers. "Look at your hand."

Donghyuck huffs before he looks down at his hand, seeing the placement of it, where it's practically gripping Mark's inner thigh, hiked high up his leg to the point where he's nearly hovering right over Mark's lap. 

In barely a few seconds, Donghyuck rips his hand away and gasps a little. His cheeks flush, much darker than they already are from the alcohol.

"Fuck," he breathes, feeling so embarrassed. "I am so sorry."

Mark only rubs his hand at the base of Donghyuck's neck, squeezing softly. 

"I didn't say it was a problem," he mutters. 

His words make Donghyuck want to bite on his lip and smirk, but the younger keeps it to himself — he doesn't want to show too much of an expression right there on the couch, because he's definitely already proven that he's been a little too forward the past few minutes. 

"Tipsy." 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes at the confirmation Mark gives him and stands up, peering down at him. 

"I am going to get another drink and go dance somewhere," Donghyuck nods his head, feeling the warmth float over his body.

_Yeah, fuck,_ he's definitely tipsy. 

"Okay," Mark smiles. "Be careful, will you?"

Donghyuck brings his eyebrows together when he hears Mark say that all of a sudden. 

"Why?"

The boy gestures to his foot. 

"Oh, right."

Donghyuck scurries off with his cheeks burning a little too much.

✧

Donghyuck is drunk within the next hour.

He feels good, though. He's been dancing so much that he's sweating under his chin, at his temples, and behind his neck. He had to unbutton the top part of his shirt because the heat of the house had become too much for him to the point where he was chugging half of a water bottle and forgetting where it was about five minutes later — he thinks he'll apologize to whoever owned the house... like tomorrow. 

It's sometime in the depths of the night when Donghyuck feels his buzz dropping, and when he feels a hunger coming on. He craves something sweet, like cookies and creme ice cream, but instead he's offered another sweet drink, where someone claims that it'll help curve his craving. He denies it, but thanks the girl who pouts in response. 

He wants to find Mark, or even Yukhei or Jeno, but no one is in sight, and no one _has_ been in sight for a while now, which upsets Donghyuck. He'd rather be partying with them instead of drinking on his own, but he ended up chatting with some people that he enjoyed. 

"Do you want something else to drink?" Someone to his right asks. "Or are you like fucking through for the night?" 

The voice is calming to him, and he appreciates it — the humor and the smoothness coating through it almost enough to sober him up totally he thinks. 

Donghyuck turns toward the boy and gives him a smile, shaking his head. 

"I'm through," he nods. "But thank you for offering."

The boy blinks at him and then begins to sip at the cup, shrugging as his button up falls loosely at his shoulders. 

He's pretty, his hair dark brown and done up on his head. He's sweating too, so it's hanging over his forehead a bit, almost too much where Donghyuck wants to offer his hand and readjust it a bit for him.

"If you need somewhere to lay down, I can show you a quiet place?" His voice is so peaceful, _why is his voice so goddamn peaceful?_

Donghyuck thinks about the offer for barely three seconds before he nods his head, already following the giggle and the shorter boy as he leads him toward the tall staircase. 

"Ah," Donghyuck pauses. "I uh — what's your name?"

The boy turns on his heels as he leans against the railing. His smile is gorgeous, and finally he shifts his hair out of his eyes. 

"I'm Renjun," he says. 

Donghyuck freezes. 

He's not sure if it's just the amount of time that is passing over him like waves on the water, reaching his toes, then his ankles, then his knees — but he definitely feels himself sobering up more and more as the seconds continue and as he stares at Renjun, the boy who broke Yukhei's heart, and who before that, well, proceeded to hurt Mark as well. 

Donghyuck suddenly wants to take back everything he said about how Renjun was pretty. 

Renjun frowns at him, stepping forward as his eyes trace over every feature on Donghyuck's face.

_Ah, fuck,_ how could he? Renjun is almost the epitome of beauty. No wonder he had both Mark and Yukhei falling for him.

"Are you okay?" Renjun asks lightly. 

His voice feels different now, like a sickness in Donghyuck's stomach, no longer a soft melody that can heal the dizziness in Donghyuck's head from the amount of alcohol he has consumed. 

"Well," Donghyuck breathes in. "I hurt my foot. I can't exactly climb stairs right now."

Renjun looks down and seems to understand, or at least Donghyuck thinks he does — he's probably a little uncertain when he sees that there's no brace on Donghyuck's foot. 

"Hm," Renjun responds. "Well, if you don't mind a room that's a little bit messy, I can take you somewhere that's on this same floor. If that's okay with you?"

Donghyuck licks his lips. 

"Messy?" 

"It's my room," Renjun laughs. "I just didn't clean up, and I locked it so no one could head in there to have sex, so... if you don't mind like... seeing a few shirts on the floor, then I would be happy to let you lay in there. Oh, the bed is made. I make it every day. Something my mother taught me."

Donghyuck just nods his head slowly before he limps behind Renjun, following him to the back of the huge house, where he enters the bedroom. 

It's not too big, compared to what Donghyuck imagined, especially with the sizing of the house, but the aesthetic of it is almost something Donghyuck wants to compliment. If only he weren't too dizzy and still wondering if the lights above his head were stars or just... well, lights. He sits on the edge of Renjun's bed and gets a whiff of incense, instantly helping the nerves inside his body calm down. 

"I don't think anyone will come back in here, so I don't want to lock it on you," Donghyuck hears his voice as he cuddles up to one of the pillows, lying comfortably on the edge of Renjun's bed. 

He doesn't want to sleep up in the same area where Renjun sleeps because he thinks it'll be awkward for one, and he doesn't particularly like Renjun, or what he's done, even if he hasn't exactly heard the entire story. Regardless though, he takes a deep breath and appreciates that Renjun doesn't smell like a typical college boy, or like weed and alcohol, and instead smells like a type of incense that Donghyuck can't even explain right now. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Donghyuck hears a voice a few moments later when he's on the verge of falling asleep. 

He doesn't know if Renjun is still in the room because he hasn't heard him say anything either, but Donghyuck doesn't move from his positioning on the bed. He just stays cuddled to his (well, Renjun's) pillow. 

"Oh, Mark," Renjun says in an unexpected voice. "Hey."

"I asked you a question, Renjun. Why the fuck did you bring him in here?"

There's a sigh that comes from Renjun, before he huffs. 

"What does it look like. Clearly he was tired, so I brought him in here to rest. He was dizzy, and sobering up, so I let him lie down. I was going to take him to one of the bedrooms upstairs but he said something about his foot being injured. Do you know him?" Renjun asks. 

Mark sits on the edge of the bed and places his hand on the edge of Donghyuck's hip, making the younger boy sigh in relief. God, Donghyuck _fucking_ loves his touch. 

It makes Donghyuck wonder if Mark is drunk, intensely drunk, or slightly drunk. Or, maybe he's sober and has just been in the living room this whole time, or playing games upstairs where Donghyuck has been avoiding. 

Donghyuck opens his eyes and looks up at Mark, smiling sincerely. 

"Hi," he whispers.

"Hey you," he nods before he looks at Renjun. "Yes, he's my friend, and he's staying with Yukhei and I in our dorm for finals."

"Finals week is over," Renjun points out. 

"—Was staying with us, jackass," Mark corrects himself as he rolls his eyes. 

Donghyuck stabs his finger into Mark's thigh, glaring at him like he's trying to warn him and telling him to be nice and respectful. He doesn't exactly want to be kind to Renjun, either, but Donghyuck still proceeds to tell Mark not to act so rude. 

Fingers glide up Donghyuck's back slowly and dip underneath his shirt, touching his skin where only the two of them can know. It makes Donghyuck's cheeks blush slightly. 

"You wanna head back?" Mark asks him. 

Donghyuck pokes Mark's cheek. 

"You drunk?" He asks with a questioning look, a silly one that makes Mark roll his eyes playfully. 

"Never went to a third drink," Mark admits. 

"Really?" Donghyuck asks as he sits up, placing Renjun's pillow back where it belongs. "Why not?"

"Cause I wanted to take care of you," he shrugs his shoulders. "And Yukhei. Have you seen him tonight, Renjun?"

Mark doesn't say it in a way that seems dangerous, but Donghyuck thinks it's tense. He might be the only one who thinks it's tense, because Renjun only leans against his closet door and cackles as he tosses his head back, Mark soon laughing along with him. 

"Yes, I sure have," he says it like he's proud. "I had to hand feed him something so he wouldn't be sick earlier."

Mark chuckles at that as he helps Donghyuck to his feet.

"I should find him so we can head back," Mark says, and probably mainly to himself, because Donghyuck won't be much of a help going up and down the stairs. "Thank you for giving Donghyuck a safe place to rest for a bit."

Renjun just nods his head.

"It was nice to meet you, Donghyuck," Renjun's sweet smile radiates. 

Donghyuck says the same as he’s led out of the room, faint whispers of Mark and Renjun echoing in his head.

“So,” Donghyuck makes the mistake of saying as they walk down the long hall back toward the party. “That’s your first love?”

It’s an instant regret when he says it. He’s not exactly sure why he says it, but the curiosity is on the tip of his tongue, and the alcohol in his bloodstream is a bit overpowering for him in the moment, especially when Mark has his hands at Donghyuck’s hips, walking the both of them forward. 

He stops for barely a second, readjusting his grip as he sits Donghyuck on the small couch in the quiet hallway. He squats down and presses his hands on Donghyuck’s knee. 

“Yeah, Donghyuck. That was my first love,” he gives a sad smile as he looks up at him. 

Donghyuck only reaches up to Mark’s cheek, because he looks so soft, so tempting, crouched down like this in front of him, checking on him and being so kind. 

“I’m so sorry,” Donghyuck pouts. “You deserve a good love life, with lots of... love. Lots of... um, flowers, do you like flowers?" 

He tries to make up for the fact that he had said something probably considered unacceptable and he's starting to feel like shit for it. 

Mark only laughs as he removes Donghyuck's hand from his cheek. It feels like a blow to his stomach. 

"I do," he nods. "I do like flowers, yeah. Certain kinds, like white daisies, lilies, I also like roses, typical, but... yeah."

Donghyuck just takes a deep breath and absorbs the information, soaking it in like he's trying to take note of it and remember it. He wants to, because _he_ wants to be the one to buy Mark flowers. 

"Hey," Mark taps on his knee. "I'm gonna go find Yukhei, and then we are going to head home, after we swing by and get some ice. I've got to elevate this foot, you've walked on it too much tonight, Hyuck. It's swollen."

Donghyuck bends forward and would’ve nearly done a flip if it weren't for Mark's hand on his chest that prevents him from tumbling forward. 

"Really?" Donghyuck looks at it. "It feels okay, though."

"Probably because you're a little drunk," Mark pushes him back and lifts his foot so it can rest on the edge of the couch. "Stay still, I will be right back."

It doesn't take Mark too long to return, or maybe it does, Donghyuck isn't too aware of the timing of things around him, but sooner than later Mark is requiring him to hook his arm around Yukhei so the two of them can hang onto each other as they head the few blocks back to their dorm. 

They giggle and tease each other as they nearly trip over a few different rocks in the way. 

Yukhei is a little too loud, so Mark tries his best to keep him quiet, rolling his eyes when Donghyuck only adds to the noise. 

"We're like a little family," Yukhei points out. "I really enjoyed all of us hanging out in the same dorm, it made me feel really nice."

Donghyuck coos at his words and presses his cheek to Yukhei's shoulder, bumping up and down when Yukhei takes a few more steps. Mark has to pull Donghyuck off of him before they both end up tumbling onto the ground. It's cute, but Mark settles between them, both of their arms on each side of his. 

"It's just sad that Mark is going to leave us now," Donghyuck adds. "And then I will be heading back to my grandparents' place for the summer. Yukhei, where will you go?"

Yukhei hums as he takes in a deep breath of the summer air, post rain that is drying into the pavement below their feet. 

"My older brother still lives here, so he's going to let me move in with him for the summer," he tells them. 

Mark nods along, telling him he wants to meet with Yukhei's brother, moving on to talk about some of the memories the three of them had recently. 

Donghyuck listens intently.

✧

It's the morning in the dorm when all hell breaks loose.

Or, when all hell... comes bubbling tight into Donghyuck's chest to the point where he wants to bang on it so it'll shut up and snap and let him sleep in some more, already. 

Mark and Yukhei are muttering about some of their summer plans as Mark is finishing up some of his last minute packing, especially on some of the smaller items he has stored away in his drawers. Donghyuck can hear Yukhei's voice encouraging him to get rid of the things, but Mark just continues to tell him how he may end up needing it, or how it's special to him. 

Donghyuck, however, is hovering over on a hangover — or at least that's what he thinks is happening as he rests underneath the blanket in Mark's bed. 

He slept alone last night. 

He remembers Mark tucking him in after icing his foot and keeping it elevated for a while. He remembers a kiss planted on his cheek and his forehead and at the corner of his eye, telling him not to cry, although... he doesn't exactly know why he was crying. 

There's no feelings of nausea swirling around in his stomach, which he is thankful for, because otherwise he would be rushing out of the room and toward the bathroom — if he could even make it that far. 

The only issue is... his head is pounding and he wants to sleep some more. 

So, he closes his eyes even tighter and tries to block out any and all words that Mark and Yukhei are saying. 

Until he hears a conversation that is worth listening to. 

"You are so whipped," Yukhei's voice. 

"I am not, would you shut up already?”

"You're totally in love, Mark Lee, admit it."

He hears a slam and an intense breath, like Mark is huffing or maybe bringing himself to his feet if he were to be sitting down already. Donghyuck can picture it beyond his closed eyes. 

"If you keep joking around about me being in love," his voice is almost unsteady. "Then why the fuck would you kiss him?"

There's silence. 

More silence. 

So much silence that Donghyuck doesn't even realize he's been holding his breath and he needs to let it out soon or else he'll—

"Mark, it was just a game, I—"

"—No, you're right. I'm sorry, Yukhei. I shouldn't have snapped at you. It was just a game."

Donghyuck doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know whether or not he should pretend to wake up now, or trick his body into falling back asleep, or maybe he should just run out of the room and not speak to either of them ever again — yeah, that last idea sounds the best. 

"I'm going to go grab breakfast, okay? It'll probably be crowded, but... I will bring something back for you guys." Yukhei says in a gentle tone. 

"Bring a couple things for him," Mark must be looking at Donghyuck now, because his voice sounds a lot closer than before. "He might feel sick when he wakes up."

_I'm fine, just very confused._

Yukhei shuts the door and Mark continues to move a few things around, the sound of his feet sliding around becoming a bit louder. 

It almost makes Donghyuck want to groan at him for making so much sound. 

"I know you're awake, Donghyuck," Mark says. "No point in pretending anymore."

Those few words make Donghyuck almost fear for his life. 

He feels like a shy child, like he's been caught by his mother, or even like a baby deer who had accidentally slipped into a pond of water and dirt, and must now present themselves and apologize for becoming such a filthy mess.

Within the next few moments he extends his legs and tugs the blankets up, his eyes near burning when he looks at Mark.

"Oh, ow."

Mark only smiles.

"Hangover?"

Donghyuck closes his eyes and nods his head. 

"Yes, but... my eyes... they burn," he sniffles as he goes to prop himself up on his elbow, readjusting the pillows so he can still lie down as he watches Mark maneuver around the room. 

Mark's face is pulled into something so different as he looks at the boy in his bed. He almost looks scared to answer him, his face written with worry and almost shame. 

"You cried last night when you opened up to me about your father," Mark swallows. 

Donghyuck sucks in a breath so sharp that he chokes on it, coughing soon after. 

"How much would I have to pay you to forget about that?" Donghyuck tries to say it with a bit of humor. 

Mark joins him on the bed, brushing his hair back, dirty from the sweat from the previous night. He's lucky that he's leaving soon and that Donghyuck promised to take home these sheets to wash them, because they probably smell like Donghyuck and his sweat, and a lot of lingering alcohol.

"I want you to know—" Mark begins, but is cut off by Donghyuck shaking his head.

"—You don't have to say it."

"Donghyuck," Mark leans down to kiss his head.

"Oh god, you definitely don't have to get this close to me right now, I smell awful."

"Donghyuck!" Mark laughs his time, kissing his face about twenty times before Donghyuck sinks into the bed like he can't help himself. "I want you to know that you can tell me anything, any time, and I will always be here for you."

Donghyuck grips onto the back of his neck, pulling him inevitably close, just until their noses are touching. 

He looks to the side and finds a pack of gum and Mark's listerine tabs. 

"Give me these," he pops the tabs into his mouth as they melt into his tongue, burning his throat as he coughs. 

Mark furrows his eyebrows as he laughs at him, half hovering over Donghyuck as he chews on the mint flavored gum. 

He looks up at Mark, who smells like that cologne, who looks warm like the sands on the ocean, and who feels innocent like the daisies he apparently loves — and god, Donghyuck wants to kiss him. He wants to at least kiss him before he’s gone for the whole summer. He thinks Mark might want the same, because he’s fingering at Donghyuck’s neck, and he’s pushing their noses even closer, pressing their chests together so their hearts can beat as one for a few moments.

"I haven't brushed my teeth this morning and my neck and my hair smell like shit, so now at least you get a little bit of mint," he shrugs as Mark stares down at him, a shimmering kind of glare in his eyes.

Donghyuck _swears_ he feels like he's looking out at the ocean when the sun is shining so graciously down on it. 

Mark bends down to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth before he pulls away completely, lifting his body back up until his knees are on either side of Donghyuck's waist, and until Donghyuck is looking up at him shyly, his hands gripping onto Mark's hips, fingertips slipping underneath his shirt. 

There's only hours left until Mark's flight takes off, and until he'll be out of Donghyuck's sight for the summer, so Donghyuck wants to cherish this moment and cherish the few seconds he has here with Mark — quite literally on top of him. 

"I promise I will always be here for you, especially when I'm in Canada this summer. I'll call and text you every day," Mark reminds him one last time before he brings their mouths together in a warm kiss. 

_Oh, how Donghyuck wishes he would've kept his promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let the summer begin! 
> 
> follow me on [twt](https://twitter.com/hyuckios)


	6. july

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're thinking... A chapter? After all this time? Finally....
> 
> I have to apologize for taking a lot longer than I wanted to, because I do have other things I am working on, yes, but I also have a lot going on in my life right now. I am struggling a lot with my health, but trying not to let it take over my life. At the same time, I was also struggling with this fic because I wanted to come here and drop a long, 12-15k word chapter here for you, in depth, long, detailed, but then I started to think...... it might be better to focus on shorter chapters... so I could get them out more often... because you may not believe it but I wrote about 4k of this 7k chapter .... today. And I feel good about it. 
> 
> Being said, I'm actually already working on the next chapter, because I'm really excited for this fic. 
> 
> Let's talk about a warning for this chapter: Drugs, the encouragement to sell them, abuse them. We will see a lot of growth with this tag, so please understand that this is my warning. Stay safe while reading.
> 
> Enjoy! ( Sorry for errors. )

_**July, 2 months later** _

Donghyuck's cheek is pressed to the warm sand when his phone begins to ring. 

The sand sticks to his tongue and he nearly chokes on it when he inhales a deep breath, the voice in his head telling him that there's just a slight chance that it could be Mark calling him. He knows the chances of it being Mark are slim, but still, he spits the sand out of his mouth and quickly fists his water bottle to let the liquid pour out onto his chin. He groans too, a whine tearing out of his mouth as he turns around and sits up, digging for his phone before the damn thing stops ringing and before he misses his opportunity to speak to Mark. 

He grabs it and deflates when he just sees that his grandmother is calling him.

"Hi grandma," his voice is cheery, of course. 

Donghyuck is always excited to talk to his grandmother. 

"Hi sweetheart," she takes a moment before she says anything else. "Are you headed home yet? I was going to ask if you could stop by the store for me."

Donghyuck looks over to the water, looks _out_ to see the way the sun is beginning to set. He's been out here for a long time, just enjoying the sunshine, the heat, reminding himself of things he knows he shouldn't.

"No," he says with a chuckle. "I'm actually still out here with Jeno. Him and I are just hanging out."

He's detailed with her, especially after the _incident_ that the both of them were involved in two weeks ago. He knows that she worries every single time that he leaves the house, so he wants her to know exactly what he's doing when he's gone. 

Right now, he's telling the truth. 

Jeno is to his right, underneath a few trees, sipping on — or actually, he looks like he's nearly chugging the last bit of water he has inside the bottle he brought. He's thirsty, because it's extremely hot today, but they both enjoy the sun, and have been enjoying it by themselves, just chatting and catching up for the first time in a few weeks. 

"Oh," she replies. "Well, ask him if he would like to join for dinner, would you? I really just need celery and green onion from the store. And if you end up going, can you guys please also pick up your grandfather's prescription from the pharmacy across the street if it's not too much of a hassle?"

Donghyuck can feel the sweat dripping behind his ears and down his neck as he sits up. He turns and grabs another one of his towels he had brought, swinging it around so he can wipe at his skin as he twists in Jeno's direction. He cocks his head toward the area in which they parked. 

Jeno only gives him a nod, telling him that he is also ready to get going. 

"Yeah of course, grandma, we can get the stuff for you," he says kindly. "Mind texting it all to me? Text anything else you need to because I have to grab a couple things as well."

She agrees before they hang up, leaving Donghyuck to squint his eyes as he stretches on his towel, head pounding a bit since he hasn't moved in about 15 minutes or so.

"I saw how you panicked when your phone rang by the way," Jeno teases him from the treeline.

"Oh fuck off," Donghyuck rolls his eyes as he pulls himself to his feet. "C'mon, we have to go grocery shopping for my grandmother. And you're coming over for dinner, so you better be hungry."

Jeno doesn't mind though, instead, he cheers and smiles wider than anything Donghyuck has seen in awhile. He's soon pulling his sleeveless shirt over his head and helping Donghyuck slide the bags back onto their shoulders as they head toward the car. It's not too far of a walk, but Donghyuck knows they'll have a bit of distance to go, and he should be careful with his foot since he's just now getting around to climbing. So, Jeno carries the majority of the weight. 

Donghyuck sits in the driver's seat and turns the air conditioner on full blast. 

He's already sweating, but he can feel himself sweating even more just by the way the car heats up before it begins to cool down. It feels nice, it's almost too much for Donghyuck before Jeno cracks open the window and chuckles, telling Donghyuck to take a breath for a second or two. 

"So," Jeno shrugs his shoulders. "What does she need from there?"

Donghyuck checks his phone one last time because he's used to it — every single time he receives a notification, he is snagging his phone from whatever position it is laying in and he's desperately scrolling through to see if any of them are Mark.

Of course, none of them are Mark. 

He's counted the days. 

It's been 57 days since he has spoken to Mark. 

58 days since he has _kissed_ Mark. 

God, Donghyuck _doesn't think a single day passes_ where he doesn't think about Mark's hands gripped at his hips, thumbing over his warm skin and pressing deep into his side as their lips press together. He _doesn't think a single day passes_ where he doesn't think about how he had arched his back up to meet Mark's lips, their warm tongues soon meeting so he could taste Mark, so he could soon feel him in a way he didn't realize he had been wanting to for weeks. He even wrapped his hand around the nape of Mark's neck to pull him down harder, even grinded up against his body and told Mark to touch him, for god's sake. 

"You okay?" Jeno snaps Donghyuck out of his thoughts. 

He didn't even realize that he was already sitting in the parking lot of the grocery store, breathing a little harder than usual, bottom lip trembling as his teeth chatter. He tilts his head to the side to look at Jeno — to really look at him. 

"Yeah," he nods. "Let's get in and get out, I'm hungry."

Jeno keeps the conversation going as they walk through the aisles in the store. 

It's not crowded. Not really at all for this time of the evening. They have to wait their turn to pick out the perfect onions that his grandmother wants, but other than that it's pretty simple to grab everything that he needs to get to bring home. 

Jeno mumbles about how his family is going to Asia for a few weeks and how he's invited, but how he really has no interest in going. Donghyuck tries to encourage him to join them, or at least look into it, but the boy only shrugs him off and snags a bag of chocolate chips, muttering how they should make some cookies later in the evening. 

Donghyuck only assumes that he must be spending the night. 

Not that he minds because he likes the company. 

There's a jar of honey that sits perfectly on the shelf in front of him, making him stop in his tracks, making his mind almost run empty as he stares at it. It's almost like it moves, like it speaks to him, like it aches forward and nearly comes tumbling into his arms like a fucking commercial. 

"What's wrong?" Jeno frowns as he looks up at the honey. "Do you want some? You guys don't have any at home?"

Donghyuck just sighs as his fingers reach up to hold it. He spins it around to examine it, to make sure that it's okay. Then, he places it in his cart and gives it a smile, thinking of a particular boy in the back of his head. _He thinks he'll have crackers with honey tonight._

"Oh," Jeno sucks in a breath. "Jaemin."

Donghyuck bumps the cart literally into Jeno's ass the moment the boy in front of him freezes, causing the woman behind Donghyuck to groan and walk around. 

Donghyuck wonders if anyone around here has any patience. 

"Jaemin's here?" Donghyuck asks him a quiet tone as he looks up.

An uncomfortable kind of silence bleeds around Donghyuck as he watches Jaemin slide over toward them, a boy he doesn't recognize right beside him. He has a smile on his face, one that Donghyuck isn't too fond of — but when is he ever fond of this kind of smile, so eerie, so unfamiliar and strange to him. 

Jaemin is dressed in just a sleeveless shirt, low cut at the sides, loose and showing his sides as he reaches for the bread that he puts into his cart. 

"Good to see you boys again," Jaemin smiles, especially over at Jeno. 

Jeno doesn't know if he should move or not — or at least Donghyuck thinks that, because his knees are almost shaking as Jaemin stands right in front of them, smelling like sunscreen and trouble. 

"Hi, Jaemin," Jeno's voice instantly goes a few tones higher. 

Donghyuck knows why. 

He acts like this when he wants to impress someone. When he wants to grab onto their hand and fall between their legs and show off how strong of a tongue he has. It's clear, it's so obvious, and Donghyuck can't see his eyes from this angle, but he definitely knows Jeno is looking at Jaemin with _those eyes ._

"Do you want to hang out with me tonight?" Jaemin asks Jeno, completely ignoring Donghyuck.

Donghyuck wants to snarl at him, maybe slam his elbow into his stomach on accident as he reaches for some bread himself. He could make that look like an accident. That'll be easy. 

_Simple._

Jeno sputters before he looks over at Donghyuck, then to the cart, probably remembering what he is supposed to be doing tonight. 

With a thick swallow and a quick sigh, Donghyuck smiles at him, pushing him toward Jaemin. 

"It's okay," he tells him. "We can have dinner another time."

Jeno shyly looks at Jaemin as he takes a hold of his hand and intertwines their fingers. He then turns his head back to Donghyuck and whispers, _"I'm sorry."_ But, Donghyuck only shakes his head from side to side and gives him a smile, showing off his teeth as he rolls his eyes playfully, telling him to be safe. 

Jaemin pulls Jeno toward the front so he can purchase the things he has, the other boy trailing quietly behind the two others. Donghyuck just stares awkwardly as he watches them go, a tiny feeling of sadness twisting in his heart as he watches his friend walk away from him. 

Right before they turn the corner, Jaemin gives him a look, sending a wink his way. 

Donghyuck glares and pushes his cart by himself. 

✧

"Where's Jeno?" Donghyuck's grandmother says with a bit of a sad face as Donghyuck drags as many grocery bags as his arms will let him into the house. 

He tries to force a smile as his foot hits the side of the curb, but he can't help the swear word that he mumbles out in front of her. He apologizes almost instantly, but she doesn't seem to mind it, especially when she sees that he is in pain. 

"Don't try to carry that many in at the same time!" She grabs the bags from him and hands them off to Donghyuck's grandfather, proceeding to run her hands along his cheeks, lifting his face so she can see into his eyes. "Are you alright, dear?" 

Donghyuck pouts, face so saddened as he turns away from her hold. 

He doesn't want to look away, but he also doesn't want to express his pain in front of her. He's still healing of course, but he shouldn't be in this much pain just from straining his foot in this kind of way. 

"Does it hurt really bad?" She sighs. 

He whimpers out so gently as he rests his head on her shoulder, tears in his eyes spilling out one by one. 

Oh, Donghyuck feels _weak._ He feels so weak as he stands outside of the house in front of his car, the humid air now making him feel sticky, especially from the sweat earlier. It doesn't feel good, not when he's had a rough evening and definitely not when his emotions are a little overwhelming. 

He's in pain, just as usual when he stirs up his injury, but he's in more pain because he's a little upset that Jeno has left him in the cold for dinner, even though he encouraged him to, and he's definitely upset that he hasn't heard from Mark _fucking_ Lee in over _two months._

His birthday passed over, he enjoyed his time with his family for sure, and with Jeno, but he kept checking his phone that night for a single text from Mark. 

Of course he hadn't even received a single one.

At that point it had been about three weeks since he had heard from Mark, so he still had a little bit of hope on his hands, but all of it washed off quickly.

With a huff off his lips, Donghyuck shakes himself back into reality when his grandmother tries to guide him inside. 

"Do you still have any of those pain pills that your doctor prescribed you from a while back?" She asks him. 

He almost laughs in her face. 

Not intentionally, but he thinks back to the day he had Jeno in his room with a curious Jaemin right at his side, picking up all of his picture frames and admiring the young Donghyuck who stared curiously back at him. He asked about his mother, of course... _why wouldn't he_ when she was the main person in his photos. 

Jeno tried to get him to shut up, but Donghyuck encouraged him to ask questions and proceeded to tell Jaemin his entire life story which included the death of his mother. 

Jaemin tried to comfort him. He wasn't too good at it. Although, Donghyuck accepted it, and understood he was trying his best.

They didn't really know what they were doing that night in his room either. Probably just relaxing, hanging around somewhere other than Jaemin's place because he had been kicked out by his parents. 

The question from his grandmotherbrought up the memory because as Jaemin stood there in his room, his fingers had wrapped around Donghyuck's pill bottle, and a curious look grew on his face. 

_"Do you take these anymore?" He asked Donghyuck like he already knew the answer, like he had been studying the date on the bottle._

_"Uh," Donghyuck sat up in bed as he chewed on his bottom lip. "Not really anymore, why?"_

_"You should sell them."_

_Jeno had sucked in a breath as he looked toward Donghyuck, a confusing look on his face before he cut away and looked back at Jaemin, almost like he's terrified of the interaction happening right in front of him. Maybe he was terrified, truly, because it looked almost like Jaemin was trying to mock him, or hurt him in some sort of way._

_"Well, I mean," Donghyuck remembered feeling nervous under Jaemin's eyes. "I might need them. I'm not really completely healed."_

_Jaemin had begun nodding his head in understanding._

_"Mind if I have one?" His voice smoothed over Donghyuck._

_It made him feel weird, but Donghyuck wasn't going to say no. He shrugged and looked over at Jeno, who just walked over to Jaemin and grabbed him by the elbow as Jaemin poured a few into his hands._

_"Jaemin!" Jeno stopped his whispering and reinforced his grip on his arm._

_The boy looked at Jeno before he turned back to Donghyuck, taking a deep breath before he set it down._

_"Sorry," Jaemin mumbled, blinking down like he hadn't meant to_.

"I do," he tells her as he leans against her, allowing himself to be helped inside. He doesn't like asking for help, but now that he's in a bit of pain, he thinks he'll let himself fall into her grasp for the rest of the evening, "I will take some once we get the groceries put up."

She hushes him and touches his temples, frowning at the sight of him.

"You go on up to your room and clean up, sweetheart," she trails her eyes toward where his room is. "We'll put these up. Take your medicine and come back down when you feel ready, and if you're not feeling well, then lie down and I will call you for dinner sometime soon."

Donghyuck listens to her words and makes his way to his room, sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. 

He thinks about _Mark._

_He thinks about Mark for longer than he wants to._

The way Mark would always do his best to care for him when he knew Donghyuck needed it, or the way Mark's touch was so gentle, always caring for him in the gentlest kinds of ways. He even thinks about his kiss with Mark and how it burns into his memory, and how it even burns on his lips, deep in his stomach, making him feel too much to the point where he just wants to _forget already._

Swallowing down one of his pain pills, Donghyuck heads right into his bathroom, hitting the shower on and standing there for what seems like hours. 

He remembers when he stood against Yukhei in the shower, his new friend who he also hasn't spoken to in almost two months. 

Donghyuck wishes he knew what the _fuck_ happened, but he has absolutely no idea, and he's left standing under the cold water of his shower, mouth parted open as he lets the water hit his skin. 

_Oh,_ the water is cold. 

He hits the faucet off and almost feels colder as the air warms his skin, if he'd consider that even possible. He stands there and stares at his blank wall, nearly biting down hard on his tongue as he feels relief in his leg, and in his foot in particular. It all feels good, and he's thankful for it, but the pain in his chest still remains. 

All of a sudden, he's curled up on his bed, tears threatening to fall as he takes his pillow and wraps himself around it. 

He doesn't care whether or not he should think about Mark in a moment like this, because he lies there and thinks about leaning up against his chest, and he thinks of the smell of him, thinks of the way Mark would tuck his hair behind his ears and make him feel safe. He thinks of how Mark would kiss his head about a hundred times before Donghyuck giggles so loud that he has to shove Mark away from his body. 

He takes a moment and places his hand over his sternum, right in the center of the chest, and he takes a deep breath. He holds it in for about ten seconds until he can hear a drumming inside of his ears. 

The sobs begin as soon as he lets out the breath... almost as if it were the countdown for letting everything out. 

_Everything_ as in... every single goddamn emotion he has been feeling for the past few weeks, everything he has been holding in and been too afraid to show to anyone who crosses his path. Of course it has to happen tonight when he's curled up on his bed, after Jeno has just ditched him, after he's stumbled and hurt his foot, and after Mark has dug his way back into his brain. 

Things that don't matter, but things that kill him more than anything in the entire world. 

His grandmother is at his side soon, with a plate of his new favorite snack (she learned how to make it with the perfect amount of honey on each cracker.)

Donghyuck eats them quietly alone in his room and spends the rest of the night thinking about Mark. 

✧

Donghyuck's summer job working in a bookstore is quiet. 

It's oftentimes busy, especially on the weekends when a lot of the younger kids just like to come through and spend some time to themselves. He admires watching them in that kind of position because he remembers the feeling of coming to these kinds of places and enjoying a lot of time to himself, too. It was sweet, peaceful, and he found a lot of serenity in being able to find himself within the books, or even over a cup of coffee and talking to a friend or two. 

Not only that, but he found _answers_. 

To things like his mother's illness, to why he didn't want to get up out of bed for a while, or even to some breakfast recipe... books always gave him answers. 

Donghyuck wasn't the type to go looking too far, because he always was ready to give up after a short period of time, but he can't say he didn't enjoy diving a little deep in a book to search until the answer just came right to him. 

Regardless of where his answers stood, or where they lied inside the books, sometimes they lied in people that walked into the stores, like little girls with fudgesicles in their hands, and smiles wider than anything Donghyuck had ever seen before. 

Like today, when the air conditioner was broken, and when he was just in his polo and his shorts, his sneakers desperate to come off of his feet so he could just dip his toes into the water of the beach just across the street. 

He was warning every customer that had come into the store, because it was excruciatingly hot, and he didn't want anyone to be uncomfortable, or uneasy, because he thought everyone should have a good time when they enter the bookstore.

The only thing was that even Donghyuck himself wasn't having a good time today. 

The young girl looks at him with a wide smile on her face, a curious look in her eyes, and points up at the top shelf in the aisle that Donghyuck is stocking books in. 

"Oh, did you need help?" He bends down to her level, looking around to see if the woman she came in with is nearby.

She just grins at him even wider, her hands now clean of the ice cream she was eating when she walked in. She points up, standing on her toes as she lightly touches the shelf so she doesn't fall forward and hurt herself. Donghyuck nearly holds his arm out to help her too, but she finds a way to reach out.

"Are there any coloring books about bones?" She points up toward the books that Donghyuck has in his hands. 

He's holding a few that are thick medical books, some hardcover, some thin and used. He cocks his head to the side and looks at her with his eyes squinted. 

"We might have some for kids over in the—"

"No, I don't want kids books. I want the grown up ones. The smart ones."

Donghyuck wants to chuckle, but he can see the distress in her expression, and he almost sees himself deep in her eyes, so he avoids the laugh. He feels his heart starting to squeeze softly. So, he just smiles. 

"Well, there are some of those up here, I think. But they are really complex, and have lots of information. We can check them out, but I can always show you some other ones you may enjoy a lot more."

She furrows her eyebrows. 

"I want to be smart, though. I don't want to learn the kid stuff. I am almost eight."

This time, Donghyuck bites down on his lip. He takes a deep breath and sits down on the stool he had brought over into the aisle. He then stands back up to look for a few books, pulling them off of the shelf before he sets them on his lap, ushering her over. 

She hesitates for a moment before she steps forward. 

Donghyuck can physically feel the way his own heart is hurting just at the sight of her. He knows this child is almost an exact copy of himself, wanting to be stronger and tougher than she needs to be, especially at that age. He thinks back to his childhood, thinks of his mother, and nearly lets his nostrils flare and lets his eyes water right in front of her. He sighs. 

"Who are you with today?" He asks her kindly. 

She looks at him. 

He doesn't want to present the question by asking if she has come with her mother, because he remembers people asking _him_ that, he remembers the way the word almost made him drop to his knees almost instantly. 

"My mother," she smiles. "She can see me, don't worry." 

She turns around and points over to the other side, and Donghyuck finally looks up to see the woman looking at the two of them, her bag in her lap as she sits on the little handmade bench they have in the children's section. He politely waves at her. She mouths an apology, but Donghyuck shakes it off. 

"Okay," Donghyuck smiles, flipping through the book to see that it's not exactly a coloring kind of book like it presents itself as. He sets it down. "Do you want to be a doctor?"

She smiles, her eyes lighting up almost instantly. 

Donghyuck can tell it's a _yes._

"So bad," she says. "That is why I must learn so fast. Even before school. I don't want to fall behind."

He gives her a look. She returns it, before they both chuckle. 

Her laughter gives him chills. 

A child's laugh. 

Oh, Donghyuck wants to cry.

"You have to remember that it's okay to start slow," he tells her. "If you jump right into it... with all of this information, all these crazy and long words, you might overwhelm yourself. You are still learning, and still growing, so it's definitely okay to start off slow — with some easier books."

She sighs. 

"But," she looks around and drops her shoulders. "What if mom is disappointed in me?"

Donghyuck gets a chill over his body, regardless of the massive flow of heat in the bookstore. He swallows hard and takes a quick glance at her mother, who is looking at a couple children's books, putting them into the basket that she has in hand. 

"Your mother will be so proud of you," he can feel himself choking up. "Here, I have an idea."

"Hm?" She asks. 

"How about we go look for some easier books," he starts. "I'll let you take one of these big grown up kid books home for free, and you can keep it in your bookshelf, or somewhere in your room. You start off small, learn carefully with the kid's book, slowly, let yourself do it easily so you don't overwhelm yourself. You are still a kid, and you can't push yourself too far. So, you should have fun with learning. Take a look at the big book when you want, but that's it. When you get a little older, you can start studying as you please. Sound good?"

She brightens up. 

"Okay. Sounds good to me."

After she leaves, Donghyuck pays for the book himself, because he knows he shouldn't be giving out free things in a store he doesn't own.

He sits there for some time, just thinking about his own mother, and the adventures that she would take him on, and how he would spend time with her, the lessons she taught him, and how eager he always was to learn more. He would crawl into her room, ask why things were a certain way, and he'd just... _listen._

For hours. 

Donghyuck wanted to learn. And he did. 

After his shift, he walks out of the store and takes a deep breath, finally feeling good enough to breathe in the fresh air once again. He looks out at the people walking, seeing such bright smiles, happiness spread across them like they are genuinely feeling it. It makes him warm. 

He thinks everyone deserves this. 

He hopes _Mark_ is happy.

Looking down at his phone, Donghyuck sees that he has a few incoming texts from Jeno, asking if he wants to join him for a party. Since it's Friday, Donghyuck knows there's at least something he could go get lost in. He knows it wouldn't hurt, but he also doesn't know if he really wants to. He kind of wants to just be alone for the rest of the night. 

"Donghyuck?" He hears a voice, all too familiar that it makes him stand up straighter. 

He swallows hard and unintentionally squeezes his phone. He turns, coming face to face with Yukhei, who has a few bags in his hands. He pulls them up onto his arm and leans on his hip. 

"Hey," Donghyuck breathes out, like he's almost _relieved_ to see him. "Hi."

He doubles up on the greeting, therefore making it a bit awkward as Yukhei chuckles back. 

"It's been a while," he tells Donghyuck, as if it's not obvious. "I heard about your accident. Are you alright?"

Donghyuck looks down his body, like he's trying to tell Yukhei what happened all with his eyes. He also feels a burning sensation, like he wants to ask what the hell has happened in the past two months. He wants to scream, and ask him why they haven't spoken, and ask where Mark is, but he can hardly even look at the boy who stands in front of him. He looks a little taller, which doesn't seem right. Maybe he has worked out a bit, which actually _does_ seem right, because Yukhei had expressed his love for swimming in the middle of finals week, and they had gone out a few times, but still... he seems like he must have been swimming a lot this summer. 

"I am," Donghyuck nods. "I just... got into the wrong car at the wrong time."

Yukhei nods his head in understanding. 

"I get it," he breathes. "With Jaemin?" 

Donghyuck swallows. 

"He wasn't driving," Donghyuck assures him. "Our driver wasn't drinking either, it was just an accident. Someone hit us while this guy was driving us home. I only had minor scratches." 

Yukhei looks at him sympathetically. 

"Ah, don't look at me like that," Donghyuck swallows again. "I'm fine. I just got scared a little. It was minor, that's all."

He nods his head and readjusts his bags. Donghyuck watches him and all of a sudden feels bad, watching the way the tops of the bags are digging into Yukhei's arms. 

"Jeno was okay, too?" The look on his face is unreadable, and Donghyuck nearly squints to understand it better, as if he's going to suddenly be able to read him. 

He can't really, because Yukhei is hard to read.

"You guys don't talk much anymore?" He asks aloud. 

He knows that Yukhei and Jeno had started talking, and hanging out as friends as soon as the summer had begun, so he's a little curious to hear that he doesn't really know much about how Jeno's doing. He knows that Jaemin and Jeno are also hanging out, but Donghyuck tries not to push himself too far into Jeno's business, especially because Yukhei and Donghyuck don't even talk, so he didn't want to ask about their relationship. 

Yukhei shrugs. 

"He started talking to Jaemin," Yukhei licks his lips, his eyes staring forward. 

It clicks in Donghyuck's head. 

"And Jaemin hangs out with Renjun," Donghyuck confirms. 

Yukhei only nods. 

"We weren't _talking_ talking," Yukhei corrects himself. "We were just chatting like friends do. Flirted every now and then, but it kind of faded off. He invited me to Jaemin's parties, or to hang out with his friends, but I never went because I knew it would always be Jaemin, and if Jaemin was there, then Renjun was there. I didn't want to be around him anymore."

Donghyuck nods his head.

"Jeno is just that kind of guy. He's fun to be around, but he's always inviting people to other things because he wants everyone to get along, never wants anyone left out. You kind of have to straight up tell him that you want to hang out alone, and he'll just smile and say, 'okay!'" Donghyuck giggles a little after. 

"I was only getting to know him, so I didn't really know that," Yukhei tells him with a soft smile. "And then you and I lost contact, so... I couldn't ask you."

A warmth fills Donghyuck in his chest as he finds the familiarity in Yukhei's smile. It's nice to see him like this, to remember the times in their dorm, where he would just hang out with him, when they would order food and just talk about life, and each other, and sort of fade out into their feelings as the sun went down. 

"I really don't know his situation with Jaemin," Donghyuck tells him honestly, because he doesn't want to hurt Yukhei. "I know that they fuck, like a lot."

Yukhei parts his mouth open as he looks around. 

"Geez, thanks for that."

"Well," Donghyuck chuckles as he becomes more and more familiar with the feeling of who they used to be months ago. "Just letting you know. He's not exactly quiet about it. I don't think he likes him though. Like I said, you just have to tell him to his face, or to his phone I guess, that you want to hang out just the two of you... and he'll literally be so glad to. That's what I do. He'll ask me over to Jaemin's, and I'll just say no and then tell him that I want to hang out with just him that next day, and he's so happy to."

Yukhei sucks on his bottom lip.

"Why am I blushing?"

Donghyuck bursts into laughter then, letting his shoulders fall forward then. He just looks at Yukhei. 

"I've missed you," he says. 

Yukhei looks back at him with the same expression. 

"Do you want to come over?" He says quickly. 

Donghyuck takes a moment to think about it. He wants to, of course he does. 

Because, he's feeling warmer than he has in weeks, all from just standing in front of his friend that he had lost contact with. Because, the way they fell out took a toll on him, even if he hadn't even known Yukhei for that long. He felt comfortable with him, he even lived with him, so being right in front of him again like this, truly makes Donghyuck feel happier than he has felt in a while. 

He would say that he has had a good day. 

"Yeah," he grins from ear to ear. "Yeah, Yukhei. I would love to come over."

There's a brightening in Yukhei's eyes as he nods with him. 

"Good," he clicks his tongue. "Help me carry these."

Before he can hand over some of the bags, Donghyuck holds up his hand, raising his eyebrow as he sends a wink toward Yukhei. 

"I have to send a text to someone first, gotta decline an invite to a party" he tells him. Yukhei already knows exactly who he's talking about. 

✧

Yukhei makes Donghyuck some soup recipe that he said he hasn't been able to stop making ever since he read about it online. 

At first, Donghyuck had told him not to worry, and that he would be fine until he went home later, but of course, Yukhei was already in his kitchen and hurrying to cook for the boy, telling him he really didn't mind taking care of him for the rest of the night. 

It reminded him of old times, of feeling safe and warm at the evenings when the sun decided to melt over them, when he'd walk next to Yukhei on their way to get organizational supplies for class. Or when they'd head out to study for their tests. 

"Have you done any surfing this summer?" Yukhei asks him as he tastes his food. 

Donghyuck takes in a deep breath before he lets it out slowly. 

"Not really," he says as he leans back in the chair. "Ever since I injured my foot from the bike, I kind of was told not to go surf for a while."

Yukhei looks up at him as he grabs another spice from the cabinet, tossing it into the pot. 

His eyes are wide as he has his spoon in his mouth. He places it into the sink when he realizes that he shouldn't put it back into the boiling soup. 

"Oh that's right. You're walking just fine on it now, how is it?"

Donghyuck relaxes a bit more, feeling like he's settling more and more by the minute. He really wonders if him and Yukhei were meant to be close, because they're reconnecting so well, and he starts to wonder why they even stopped talking in the first place. He ponders over the thought and begins to ask if maybe it was his fault in the first place.

He bites down on his lip, the warmth spreading across his body before it fades out and turns to something cold. 

Maybe he hurt Yukhei. 

He swallows. 

"It's good! Almost as good as new, but I still have to be careful on it," he shrugs. "But it's pretty much good."

Yukhei nods his head again and grabs Donghyuck a bowl before he gets him some soup, a smile so thick on his face as he hands it to him. 

He seems well, and extremely excited just for Donghyuck to be trying his food like this. 

It makes him smile shyly. 

"Okay, try it," Yukhei stands back, his shirt rising up when he leans back against the opposite side of the kitchen. "Honest opinions only."

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows before he chuckles. 

He takes a bite and then instantly hisses at the heat, blowing on it before he tries again, eyes going wide. 

"It's incredible," he takes another, giving it a second to cool down. 

"I told you! I literally can't stop making it. My brother isn't a big fan of it, but I make it a few times a week, at least. It's healthy for you, too."

He grabs himself a bowl before he joins Donghyuck at the table. 

Almost as soon as he's spoken of, Yukhei's brother enters the apartment, a sigh on his lips as he shuts the door behind him. 

He's tossing his keys on the table and removing his shoes in an awfully slow kind of way, sluggish and maybe even _tense,_ and Donghyuck wonders if maybe he's just had a bad day. Yukhei looks over at him and stiffens up a little, maybe noticing too that he looks off. 

"Oh," his brother blinks. "Sorry, I didn't realize that we had company. Hi."

Yukhei stands up and gets another bowl out. 

"Are you hungry?" He asks first. 

His brother shakes his head. 

"No, thank you," he smiles. "I ate with friends. Introduce us, Yukhei." 

Kindly, Yukhei smiles after he puts the bowl back up. He turns toward Donghyuck, who offers his nicest smile, despite the headache that is starting to build up from the base of his neck. He doesn't really know why, but he can already feel it. Maybe it's from the fact that he had been so hot all day, and busy with work, and he's been tensing and untensing every muscle, meeting up with a friend he hasn't spoken to in months, and now meeting someone unfamiliar. 

Sometimes it just gets to be too much. 

He tries not to think too hard about it. 

"Ah, yes," Yukhei gestures toward his brother. "Kun, this is Donghyuck. Donghyuck, this is my brother, Kun."

Yukhei's brother, Kun, looks over at him with a bit of a strange look in his eyes, almost like he's curious about something. Yukhei doesn't pay attention to it, but Donghyuck does, and suddenly he feels a little uncomfortable. 

"It's lovely to meet you," he grins. "I won't bother you two, though. I have work in the early morning again, so I'll head to bed."

He excuses himself after saying goodnight, walking across to the other side of the apartment, all before he tucks himself away, door shutting quietly. 

Donghyuck stares at it for an extra second before he looks at Yukhei, who looks back at him with a sympathetic smile. 

He _hates_ those. 

"I've talked to him about you."

_Oh._

_Wait._

_Like how?_

Slowly, Donghyuck begins to nod. 

"I've talked to him a lot about you, and me, and Mark," Yukhei adds on. 

Donghyuck didn't think the mention of Mark's name out of his mouth would have such an impact on his heart. But, it does. It's a weird sensation that hurts deep inside his chest, like he's being snapped in half. He feels weak because of it, because maybe he shouldn't be this torn over something — someone like Mark. 

Someone who just showed up in his life, someone who left as fast as he came. 

Donghyuck's grandmother told him so many stories about how he'll grow as a person in his life, and how he'll come across people who will make him feel good, and how he'll come across people who will end up hurting him. He supposes that Mark is both of those, all shaped into a beautiful person with a nice heart. God, Donghyuck doesn't even know a damn thing he is saying. 

He doesn't know who the hell Mark even is. 

"Donghyuck?" Yukhei's voice brings him back. "You alright?"

But, Donghyuck isn't. Not really at all. 

He chuckles as he looks over at Yukhei.

"Where the fuck is Mark?" He asks desperately. "Why the fuck hasn't he texted me back?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment since they definitely encourage me to work harderrrr :)
> 
> my [twt](https://twitter.com/hyuckios)


	7. daisies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a month to post chapter six, took me a day to post chapter seven.
> 
> Yeah, I think I will stick with writing shorter chapters. Quick content :)
> 
> This is also sort of a filler, because we needed some information about Mark. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Yukhei stares forward at Donghyuck, his eyes nearly glued to him with absolutely no emotion flowing between their exchange of expression. 

At first, Donghyuck wants to ask the question again. He wants to croak out another desperate call about where Mark is, he wants to show Yukhei all of the text messages that he sent to Mark, and he wants to show him that he never even got _one_ in return, but he holds back. Instead, he breaks their eye contact and looks at the table, staring at the bowl of soup that is still pretty full. 

"Fuck," he whispers. "I'm sorry, I... I'm not even hungry anymore, Yukhei."

Yukhei just stutters a little in his movements as he grabs the bowl and moves toward the sink. 

"It's alright," he smiles softly. "I uh — I make tons when I make it, so if you want any later, just ask me. Don't hesitate, okay?"

Donghyuck looks down at the ground before he gives a nod, his mouth pulling into a frown as soon as he notices that his hands are tangling together. He doesn't mean to squeeze very hard on the tips of his hands, but it's a habit that he has formed in times of nervousness, and he can feel his stomach knotting just as he thinks about Mark. His mouth dries soon, and he almost wants to choke on a sob. 

"Do you wanna... come to my bedroom?" Yukhei swallows hard. "We can talk comfortably there."

Donghyuck just looks up at him and bites down on the edge of his lip, trying not to chew on it. He clears his throat a few times before he nods his head, watching the way Yukhei points to the door at the end of the hall. 

It's covered in a bunch of bright colored stickers, some of them large, some of them small, and Donghyuck smiles at them. He feels nice as he admires them, wondering why he's never seen any of the designs before. 

He waits outside the door before Yukhei comes up right behind him, two water bottles in hand. 

Handing one to Donghyuck, he grins a little. 

"I designed them," he shrugs. "Mark helped me with a few."

Donghyuck straightens out his smile, trying to appreciate the designs, the stickers, and the colors. He wants to appreciate his friend and his work, but it reminds him of Mark, because Mark was fucking involved in it, and all it does is hurt him because he's so unaware of what is going on, and his poor head is beginning to spin. 

Yukhei presses his chest up against Donghyuck's back, wrapping an arm around Donghyuck's waist, letting out a breath when he notices Donghyuck's body is beginning to dip low. 

"Fuck, Donghyuck," he mutters, twisting his body so he can open his door. 

The swearing snaps Donghyuck into reality as he looks forward, detaching himself as he sits on the edge of Yukhei's bed. Yukhei soon crouches in front of him and sets his hands on his knees, looking him in the face as he swallows hard. 

"Have you not eaten much today? Besides a little bit of that soup I made you?" He lightens the mood by saying it in a funny tone. 

Donghyuck giggles and rests his hand on Yukhei's shoulder, shaking his head lightly. 

"I ate earlier, on my lunch break. It was just extremely hot in my store because the air conditioner was broken, so we were relying on fans, and I don't think I was drinking enough water today," he tells him honestly. 

Yukhei is already in the process of unscrewing the top of Donghyuck's water bottle and handing it back to the boy. So, Donghyuck chugs half of it, all before Yukhei touches his fingers to the side of it and tells him to slow down a bit. 

Once he pulls it down, Yukhei just _looks_ at him, and takes a deep breath, encouraging Donghyuck to do it with him. 

At first, the both of them laugh.

But then, Donghyuck follows along with him and nods his head and takes a few more deep breaths, focusing on the way the air flows through his body. It hurts at first, because he's too tense, too worried, and there's too much going on. But he focuses on things one by one, and tells himself that it's okay.

He also focuses on the touch that Yukhei is giving him, and the way his fingers are just rubbing lightly on his knees, because there's nothing Donghyuck loves more than physical touch, and the feeling of being cared about. 

And in this moment, he can tell that Yukhei is genuinely caring about him. 

Finally, Yukhei licks his lips. 

"I'll tell you what I know," he nods his head, giving him half of a grin, something that looks like it'll _break_ Donghyuck if he gave him the full thing. "But, that's all I can give you, Donghyuck, really. I'm not _him."_

The feeling inside of Donghyuck's chest builds up. 

It starts as a little flame, like one that sits on top of a candle, so fragile and contained. 

"Okay," Donghyuck whispers.

He scoots back on the bed and watches the way Yukhei comes around the side to sit comfortably. He takes off the necklaces around his neck, and the bracelets on his wrist. He stretches his body a little bit, and Donghyuck just _watches_ him, even if it may be a little awkward. He doesn't want to miss a damn thing, and because he's really desperate to hear about Mark. 

Yukhei finally sits down and taps the bed, making Donghyuck's shoulders untense. 

"You can come over here," Yukhei whispers. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, Donghyuck."

So, Donghyuck does. 

He sits with his back against the headboard, and his shoulder next to Yukhei's, reminding him a lot about the days in their dorm — or Yukhei's dorm, Donghyuck should say. He just feels like with the amount of time they all spent together, making memories that are worthy enough to write about in a book one day, he would at least like to say that maybe he had a big enough part to call it his own dorm, too. 

"I'll be honest first," Yukhei says. "It's been about two weeks since I have even heard from him."

Donghyuck swallows. 

He wonders if Yukhei is hurting like him, since he and Mark are even closer in their friendship. 

The flame builds slightly, like another kind of wick has been created. He's slightly warmer, and he's not sure if he enjoys it at all. 

"Mark has a lot going on at home," Yukhei tells him carefully. "I knew he had a lot going on, but I didn't think it was this bad."

Donghyuck swallows, waiting for him to continue. 

"He's uh," he pauses. "I'm not sure if he's coming back, but he'll be here _next week_ to get his stuff."

The words stick in Donghyuck's brain for a few solid moments. Donghyuck feels bad too, because if Yukhei is continuing, then Donghyuck isn't listening to him, because the summer isn't really over yet, but Mark will be returning _next week,_ which means he'll be somewhere in the area. Donghyuck feels the flame getting a lot bigger. He tries to control it. 

"Wait," Donghyuck stops him, because he can hear that Yukhei is speaking, but he knows he hasn't been listening. "What?" 

Yukhei puts his hand on Donghyuck's knee. 

"Yeah," he nods his head. "There's a lot you don't know about him, Donghyuck, and it's not really my place to say it all, but... his parents are trying to pull him from school."

"What the hell for?" Donghyuck feels his chest lighting up more, but this time with anger. 

Yukhei swallows. 

"They think he has a better opportunity over there and they don't want their family splitting apart."

Donghyuck wants to scoff at that, but he doesn't want to disrespect the values and views of Mark's family. Yukhei is right, because he really has no idea what is going on in Mark's life, and he doesn't know what steps he can cross over. All he does know is that he was slowly letting Mark into his life, and he wants Mark to be comfortable in the same kind of way, so he wants to be able to take all the right routes for them to be safe with each other.

"That's," Donghyuck can't even find the right word to say next, and maybe there isn't one. "I don't know what to say. The thought of Mark not being here is just... I don't know what to say."

He says it honestly. 

He wants to be honest with Yukhei, because he really doesn't know what else to say in this situation. 

There's a tingling in the back of his mind, because he wonders if Mark didn't want to talk to him, because this is a _family_ issue, and Donghyuck's family isn't exactly... full and bright, like a blooming garden. He doesn't have a mother and a father, and siblings, and a bunch of pets, and maybe Mark didn't think that he was the right person to talk to about this kind of issue. 

It stirs up an awful feeling inside of Donghyuck's chest, and he chokes on it before he viciously wipes at his eyes. 

He can't cry right now, not in front of Yukhei. 

_Mark can't possibly think that._

_Don't be silly, Donghyuck._

He feels Yukhei's arm coming around him carefully, like he's testing the waters. He can feel the gentle fingertips on his opposite shoulder, and he hears Yukhei whispering by his ear, asking him if he'd like a hug. 

Donghyuck gives in, because he wants to be held. 

Of course he does. Donghyuck latches onto him and leans a little bit inward, until his fingers are rubbing along his leg. Yukhei seems to understand what Donghyuck is feeling too, because even after all this time, he _does_ know Donghyuck and his feelings, and the kinds of things he likes, and how he enjoys the feeling of physical touch. 

"I know how you're feeling," Yukhei tells him. "Or, I'm sorry, I don't. Not even close, Donghyuck. But, with family being a big subject about this... and Mark dropping off, it's probably hurting you a lot, but I'm here. Right here."

Donghyuck chomps down hard on his lip, and avoids the hissing sound he wants to emit, or the way he wants to stretch out his body in a groan as he complains. 

Donghyuck just touches along his sleeve as he slides down a little, just leaning further down the bed until he's lying in a better position. 

"I know that I haven't exactly been here either, but I didn't know whether or not we were close anymore," Yukhei tells him honestly. 

His voice is sincere, and Donghyuck can hear it clearly.

"Yukhei," Donghyuck holds his tongue between his teeth, not even daring to look at him. "I didn't contact you. You didn't contact me. We fell out of touch, that shit kind of just... happens sometimes. I was really wrapped up in Mark and the fact that I hadn't heard from him, and then I was worried that maybe you knew something else, and I kept telling myself you both were keeping things from me, and then it got to the point where I thought _Jeno_ wasn't telling me things because I thought you guys were talking... and I —"

"Hey, slow down," Yukhei interrupts as he cradles Donghyuck's head, his mouth right up against it. 

God, Donghyuck feels safe. 

He feels guilty though, and fucking weird for acting like he has all summer, but Yukhei doesn't seem mad or upset at him. Instead, he presses a kiss to the top of Donghyuck's head, and pulls him closer. 

Donghyuck closes his eyes, and thinks of his mother, and how she'd constantly remind him to take his time in his explanations, and especially in his apologies. Because, if he were to be talking to someone worthy enough, then they would sit there and listen, no matter what. They would take time out of their day to sit and patiently listen, and be respectful enough to not interrupt, or push him through his words. 

And Donghyuck realizes that Yukhei is doing exactly what his mother says a good friend would do. 

He's being respectful, and he's listening to him, and he's urging him to slow down, because maybe he really does want to listen to him. 

"Donghyuck," Yukhei thumbs at his back, making the heat in his chest cool down a bit, into something smoother, something easier. "At first, Mark was torn. Immediately torn, and he called me every night, because he didn't know what to do. He got extremely drunk the first night he was there with some old friends, he cried to me, and told me to ship him all of his things."

A crease fits right between Donghyuck's eyebrows. 

He swallows. 

"He had a talk with his parents, because he wanted to tell them how his year had gone, but they were pressuring him to quit, to return, to give up his dreams of moving forward, just to come home and be with them. There's a lot of reasons, like a lot of them, but it goes way deep into his family, Hyuck, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it. I think that's something he should do. Something he should tell you.

"I can tell you this other stuff, because I know he'd want me to. But, he had to jump right into a job, working really busy hours, because he told them no, and that he would pay for his shit on his own. So, he needed money of course, and I guess with time changes, and his hours, that's probably another thing that led into the lack of communication, and even with me, too. 

"He'd call me to tell me how much he missed you, and how bad he wanted to talk to you, and I know you're wondering why he didn't just tell you, Hyuck, but... I can't answer that. I don't have his heart, I just... kind of share some of his thoughts with him," he laughs a little. "He told me he wanted to text you and tell you how bad he wanted things with you, but the uncertainty was killing him, and he didn't know if he could handle that, and he definitely didn't want to lead you on."

Donghyuck swallows thickly.

"He could have... He could have said that," Donghyuck tries to whisper, but it comes out sounding more like an aching sort of croak. 

"I know baby, I know."

Donghyuck nods this time. 

"I think I sound selfish," he wipes his face before he starts to cry. 

Yukhei shushes him. 

"I don't think so at all, Donghyuck," he says to him. "I think the two of you had something going on, and I don't think his silence was exactly something that you wanted, and I don't think he really wanted to give that to you either, but with the circumstances, and everything going on... I think his mind is just telling him that he should push you away before he hurts you."

Donghyuck nods against Yukhei's hug, against his body, and against his hold. He allows himself to be held, and even tries to give a little comfort in return, hoping he can soothe any tense feelings that Yukhei may be feeling. 

Because, regardless of Donghyuck suffering from all sorts of spinning in his head at these kinds of moments, he knows that Yukhei must also hurt from listening to Mark's drunk phone calls, and his cries about his family, and his wishes to come back to Hawaii, and everything in between. 

"And—"

Yukhei is cut off by Donghyuck's phone ringing. 

Quickly, Donghyuck tenses, and for some odd reason he thinks it might be Mark, trying to come between their conversation. He might actually lose it if it were Mark calling him. 

He knows it's not, but the idea sitting at the back of his head still knocks around and laughs at him. 

Donghyuck loosens up when he sees his grandmother calling him, and he sits up a little, apologizing to Yukhei before he hits accept. 

"Hello?"

"Hi darling," her voice is kind, as usual. "Where are you? I've been texting you, but I haven't heard anything in return."

Donghyuck thinks _that one_ is funny. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I ran into a friend and we came back to his house to..." Donghyuck pauses for a moment when he realizes how strange he is sounding. "To talk."

He blows air into his cheeks and pulls the phone away from his face as Yukhei's chest rises in giggles. He puts it on speaker.

"Okay," she hums. "Are you coming home any time soon?"

He looks over at Yukhei, who just shrugs and whispers, "you can stay over."

"I might just stay the night, grandma. We're catching up."

"Okay," this time she sounds a little more suspicious. 

Donghyuck pulls his lips into a straight line.

"Sweetheart, I have to ask, even though I don't want to," she says softly, making worry rise up in Donghyuck's body. "You're telling the truth, right? I want to respect your boundaries, and I don't want you to have to lie if you're out somewhere else."

Donghyuck takes in a deep breath.

He understands her point of view, of course he does. 

"Yes, grandma. I'm telling you the truth," he looks over at Yukhei before he licks his lips. "I'm with Yukhei. We are just talking, we aren't out at a party or anything, I promise. Here, you're on speaker."

"No, no, it's okay—"

"No, say hi to him." Donghyuck elbows Yukhei, who grabs onto his wrist hard, twisting it until Donghyuck smacks a smile onto his face and tries to fight him back. 

"Hi Yukhei," she says gently. 

"Hi ma'am, how are you?" Yukhei says through his teeth as Donghyuck scrunches his nose at him. 

"I am good," Donghyuck can hear the smile in his grandmother's voice. "Has Donghyuck eaten?"

"He did, a little. I made this soup recipe I like, and he tried it, but he didn't really like it..."

"That's not true!" Donghyuck scoffs. "I liked it!"

His grandmother laughs as she asks Yukhei another question about his summer. 

Donghyuck takes the opportunity to snuggle closer into his side as he listens to the two of them, slowly feeling as though he has the properties of a family building up around him. Yukhei, who is coming back into his life and is talking so kindly to his grandmother, subconsciously threads his fingers through Donghyuck's hair. 

He feels warm, _god,_ Donghyuck feels warm. 

After they hang up, Donghyuck just lets out a soft breath, taking in a new breath of air, one that is freer, kinder, like he's tasting something that he hadn't before. And just like that, he feels things slowly piecing back together, just with each breath he is slowly starting to take. 

He doesn't care how slow they have to move, but he wants to feel safe again. 

Even if it starts by cuddling up to his friend.

"I think my grandma thought were about to have sex," Donghyuck laughs as he stares forward. 

Yukhei cackles. 

"Maybe we should," Yukhei jokes with him. 

He receives another elbow to his side. 

As soon as Donghyuck flips him off, he begins to crawl out of bed, especially when he spots the stack of stickers across the room. 

"Tell me more about these," Donghyuck flips through them, the many copies, some of them in different colors, all with the same kinds of designs. 

Yukhei grins and follows him, snatching them out of his hand before he sits down on the bed. 

"Mark and I have been working on them all summer, actually," he looks at Donghyuck. 

Their eye contact is intense, and Donghyuck feels it. The sincerity, the way Yukhei mentions Mark's name, in such a gentle kind of way. 

"Really?" Donghyuck smiles, feeling the way his own eyes have softened. 

He even feels his body following along. 

"Mhm," Yukhei shows him one. "They're all very interesting, very... hard to grasp, but the designs are cool as fuck, I think. A lot of people have been asking for them to put on doors, cars, and we have been printing them all sizes for that reason. Mark tells me that it's the one thing that he has been able to enjoy outside of the struggles he is in."

Donghyuck touches the vinyl between his fingers and peels a little bit of it, all before he sticks it back. He grins. 

"I think the designs are cool as fuck," he swallows thickly, the flame in his heart making him feel comfortable. 

Yukhei pulls one out and hands it to him. 

"Mark told me he was making this one for you," he hands it to Donghyuck with a smile. 

Donghyuck blinks and slowly furrows his eyebrows, holding the sticker as he twists it around and looks at it, staring at the way the drawing of the flowers seems to be melting. It's not only the design that looks extremely cool to him, it's the fact that it's the flowers that Mark told Donghyuck he liked... the night he was drunk. 

_"I do like flowers, yeah. Certain kinds, like white daisies, lilies, I also like roses, typical, but... yeah."_

Donghyuck grits his teeth and holds the sticker close to his heart when he realizes that the small details on the flowers are shaped like H's. 

Yukhei nods his head at him.

"I know, Donghyuck," Yukhei starts off slow. "I know you mean something to him, but he's just going through a whole lot of shit. Please just, understand that there's more to it. Okay? Talk to him next week when he gets back. I know he wants to talk to you, more than anything in this world."

_Then why hasn't he?_ The voice in Donghyuck's head speaks up before he can even think.

Donghyuck tucks the sticker into the back of his jeans as he nods. 

Of course he understands, though.

He knows that life can squeeze its way through the tiniest holes and come fuck you up, and ruin so many things that you don't want it to ruin, even the things that mean the most to you. As always, Donghyuck has been patient, regardless of the pain in his heart, and he'll hold on, even though he doesn't know the outcome. He did it for months when his mother was sick. He held on, not positive about whether or not she would get better, but every day he presented his smile and stayed positive for himself, for his grandparents, and for the damn world. 

Yukhei presses another kiss to his head. 

"Let's get you out of these jeans though," he pats his back. "You can borrow my sweats if you want to, and shower maybe? Up to you. You said you didn't have air conditioning all day at work, so maybe you want to shower."

"Are you saying that I smell?"

Yukhei winks at him. 

"Fine, fuck you," he whines. "I'll shower."

Yukhei plops back onto his bed as he grabs his phone.

"We can have ice cream if you want to? Watch a movie? Talk about Jeno?"

Donghyuck cocks an eyebrow up at him before he smirks at the pout on Yukhei's face. He looks softer, gentler, like he just wants a little bit of a basic conversation, and Donghyuck can't help the way he feels soft with him. 

"You want to talk about Jeno?" Donghyuck winks.

"Donghyuck!" Yukhei waves his hand toward his bathroom. "Go shower, and then come tell me his favorite things, I wanna... talk to him, maybe. _Maybe._ "

Donghyuck slips away with a laugh on his lips, feeling himself warming up, the flame in his chest blowing out, and soon being replaced by a warm blanket that Yukhei is wrapping him in.

His friend is making him feel safer by the second, and Donghyuck can't thank him enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Mark? :)


	8. promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I will be removing the fake dating tag just because I am starting to realize that it's not going to fit in as well as I thought it would. It happens, you know? Ah, I don't mean to disappoint, I am sorry to those who had read for it, but I think if you had gotten this far, you probably have noticed that the two main characters have received their feelings in other kinds of ways... so I hope it's not too disappointing :( 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter! I'll be catching up with comments soon. I've been feeling a little down recently, and writing has been my source of happiness, so :) Apologies for not keeping up with the comments. You'll see replies soon. 
> 
> Thank you for the support and enjoy!

It's somewhere around seven in the evening when Donghyuck comes home with dinner for him and his grandparents. 

He's holding the bag so tight in his hand that his hands are sweating, because he knows he has just walked past an apartment occupied by someone familiar. There's a ticking sort of feeling bubbling deep in his chest, burrowing itself and making itself known as he kicks the door shut. 

"I'm here, I'm here," he mutters to himself, toeing off his shoes before he heads right into the kitchen. 

The walls seem like they're closing in on him, and he supposes that maybe it's just the fact that he can hear his heart pounding in his ears.

"You alright?" He hears his grandfather speak softly as he takes the bag from his hands. 

The smile on Donghyuck's face extends as he thinks about the way Mark's back looked as he walked right into the apartment complex. He doesn't exactly know if he's alright. 

"Yeah," he smiles. "Yeah. Just hungry. Sorry, we got caught up trying to clean things up at work."

She rubs the back of his head and nods.

"You're here now, Donghyuck," her tone is sweet. "Let's eat."

But, Donghyuck hardly can. 

Instead, he takes his bites slowly and tries to busy his mouth with as much conversation as he can. He thinks maybe he'll eat later tonight, once he comes home sometime late, sometime in the middle of the night because right now he needs to excuse himself from the table, call Yukhei, and figure out why the hell Mark is back already.

He said Mark would be back next week, and then texted him saying it would be nearly two weeks, but _fuck,_ its been about two days, and Donghyuck is almost positive that he has just walked right past the boy who he has been thinking about for the past couple of months, the one who hasn't left his mind. 

After dinner, he excuses himself, and pretends that he has received a text from Yukhei, urging that he needs to talk to Donghyuck for a bit. So, Donghyuck packs a quick bag and tells his grandparents that he may or may not be spending the night with his friend, because he is needing help with something. 

He bites his tongue too much as he walks, and he even purposely walks on the side of his foot so he can bounce at the perfect angle so it makes his teeth come down on his tongue. He rolls his eyes at himself as he focuses on the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. 

It's loud. 

It's so inexplicably loud that he can hardly hear the sound of someone on a bicycle behind him, whispering kind words as they try to move around Donghyuck. 

He excuses himself and blushes slightly when he realizes how annoying he must have looked just stepping back and forth on the gravel as he turns the corner toward the apartment complex he had seen Mark at. 

Shaking the thought out of his mind, he sucks in a deep breath and looks at his phone, just to see if maybe Yukhei was texting him to let him know that Mark was in the area. Maybe a warning would be good, or a suggestion of which areas to avoid, or which areas to head toward, because Donghyuck was kind of desperate to see Mark, to look him right in the eyes and feel something again, to feel something _with_ _him_ again. 

He reaches the complex and sees the same car that he was pulling his bags out of, which makes Donghyuck think that he must be inside. 

Maybe he's watching television, or maybe he's eating snacks, possibly crackers and honey. _Oh,_ Donghyuck thinks he'll tear up a little if he finds out that Mark was eating crackers and honey right inside the apartment. 

He stares up at it, his feet moving carefully into the gravel, just grinding it up, just moving from side to side, trying to build up some sort of dust, or at least something that'll make noise to sort of pull Donghyuck from his thoughts of what Mark could possibly be doing. 

He thinks about calling him.

He thinks about being bold, and giving him a phone call, and just saying, _fuck it,_ and begging him to come outside so they can talk about things for a while. But, instead, Donghyuck just swallows hard and folds his fingers together and looks down. 

A swirling in his stomach tells him that his feelings for Mark are still there, or... maybe he has just missed him. Maybe, he just needed this moment to remind himself that Mark is okay, and now he _knows_ that Mark is okay because he sees Mark's car clearly in the parking spot, and he knows Mark is probably just comfortable in bed. 

"You should bring a jacket when you come outside, you know. It might rain on you," he hears a voice speak up from next to him, filling his body up with a stinging kind of pain. 

Donghyuck doesn't turn.

He doesn't think he can, even if he really wanted to. He feels frozen in time, in space, and all he can do is rush forward until he is so far away from the apartment that he can no longer even see the damn thing in his peripheral vision. 

✧

Donghyuck slouches against the rocks on the beach, his heart pounding as he lets the sound of Mark's voice ring in his head, all around his head, until it settles right in the center of his heart. 

It hurts a bit, or more than that, but Donghyuck doesn't think more about it than he needs to, especially because thinking about Mark's voice makes his chest feel tight.

He swallows hard, and even harder, and removes his shoes, his socks, and digs his toes into the sand. 

A blaring kind of ringing on his phone stops him from walking out toward the water. 

He doesn't even bother to look at it first. He just stays still, and slides a little further down the rock, until it scrapes against his back, and until he realizes that he is beginning to fall. Catching himself, he chuckles. 

His mouth feels dry, and his heart pounds louder in his chest at the thought of Mark calling him, maybe reaching out to him, or asking him to come back. Donghyuck doesn't really know what kind of response he would have if Mark were to ask him to come back so they could talk. 

Hell, that was the first time he had heard the boy's voice in over two months, and he's still a heart pounding mess about it. 

He sighs in relief when he realizes that it's just Yukhei calling him. 

"Hey," Donghyuck hums through the line. 

"Where'd you head off to?" He asks in a suspicious tone, almost like he knows Donghyuck isn't snug in his bed where he should be. 

It makes him swallow as he stares at the waves coming softly over the shoreline. 

"I'm just enjoying the view by the water," he tries to say in an enthusiastic voice. 

There's a pause. A long pause through the phone as he bites down on his lip. 

"Did you run into him?" Yukhei's tone nearly brings Donghyuck to tears. 

"Mhm," Donghyuck doesn't trust himself to speak. 

"Are you okay?"

He makes a noise that sounds like he's disagreeing, and that's when Yukhei sighs again. 

"Donghyuck," he whispers. 

"It's okay, though. I'm okay. I just came to the water for a bit. I like to think of my mother here."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yukhei," Donghyuck breathes out in an unsteady breath before he bites down harder on his lip, on the verge of just dropping to his knees. "I am fine, I promise."

Before he hangs up, Yukhei tells Donghyuck to call if there's any other issue, or if he's feeling up for company, or if he just needs a friend to talk to. And Donghyuck promises to do so, because he feels comfortable around the boy, especially since Yukhei has been kind to him recently, and has been checking in on him like he has nothing better to do. It makes Donghyuck feel loved. 

But for now, Donghyuck rests by the water and steps toward it, his head already starting to drift to memories with his mother, and how she would take him for late night drives when he was younger, and when she thought he needed a little bit of space and time from the house. 

_"We don't need to talk about anything, Duckie," she would whisper as she peered in the rear view mirror. "Let's just drive and look out the window, okay?"_

_Donghyuck was thrilled to do it._

_He was interested in looking at the orange tinted lights that were painting the streets, and was always wondering how much light they actually gave off. He would whip his head back and forth to watch them go by, all until he got a headache, or until his mother would laugh and until she politely asked him to stop._

_He then drove with her, playing his favorite songs as he just soaked in the comfort that she had to offer in that car, thinking of some of his favorite things as the views passed right by him, and as his worries began to fade along with him._

_It felt nice to him, to just be able to feel himself again, even after the tension he felt in his home, from different things like hearing his parents fight before they had split, and before he had seen his father for the last time._

_He would just close his eyes and listen to his mother hum along to the music until his eyes closed, and until he felt his back hitting the mattress when his mother had carried him back into their home._

He sighs as he stares at the water, seeing a reflection that appears to be warm, even though the water feels cold on his feet. He looks further into it, trying to search for his identity, trying to look a little deeper until he finds the answer that he's looking for. 

He's upset that he's not reading into one of his books, but he supposes maybe the water will give him a little bit of hope, or something along those lines. 

Mark comes to his mind, and Donghyuck wonders if maybe he should have turned toward him and asked if he has been okay, in terms of his family, the pressure, or whatever he is going through. He wants to be there for him, in whatever kind of way he needs him, and he really feels bad for just rushing away from him in the kind of way that he did. 

So, he lets himself choke on a sob as he shakes his head, turning back to see if he can view the apartment complex, which he _knows_ he cannot even possibly see from where he is standing. 

He dips his hand into the water and pulls out a handful of it, all before he drops it back, letting his feelings drop with it. 

He swallows thickly and sniffles hard. 

✧

"We can get drinks if you want?" Jeno slings his arm around Donghyuck's shoulder as they walk past their campus a few days later. 

They had visited an advisor because Jeno needed to change one of his courses, and wasn't allowed to do so online without even seeing someone in person. It was a struggle because the place was actually really crowded, and Jeno wasn't too fond of waiting around, but Donghyuck played games with him on his phone, had a conversation about the weather, about the future, until Jeno smiled some more. 

Donghyuck likes when he does that. 

"I don't know, Jen," he shrugs. "Like a party?"

Jeno smiles.

"Well," he sighs. "It's just like... a few guys. I know you don't really like parties and stuff, but this is just like laid back. End of summer, before school, fun type of thing. Just like that."

Donghyuck _knows_ how these go. 

He knows Jaemin will be there. He doesn't necessarily know if that means trouble, because he does trust Jeno, but he wants to let himself have fun for the rest of the evening. So, he shrugs. 

"Sure," Donghyuck sighs. "As long as it's... laid back, Jen. I'm serious."

Jeno grins. 

"I know, and I promise. It's just a few of us at his house. His parents are out for the night. So, we're gonna sit around this fireplace he has in the back. Oh! He also has a hammock chair thing, so I can sit with you," he bumps Donghyuck's hip. 

It makes Donghyuck lean closer to him. 

"Hey, Jeno?" 

"Hm?"

"Thank you for being with me this summer. I'm happy we kind of got closer."

The words make Jeno stop in his tracks as he pulls on the edge of his jeans. He tugs them up a bit, and then cocks his head to the side like he's trying to study Donghyuck in a specific kind of way. He frowns and then pulls him in for a hug. 

"I wanted to be here for you," he whispers into his hair. "I'm sorry that sometimes I was a bit of a dick, leaving you to get laid and—"

"Jeno!" 

"Sorry!"

Donghyuck laughs and tries to pull away from his chest, but then gets caught in a tighter embrace, tugging the boy even harder against him. 

"You're fucking sweaty!"

"And?" 

Donghyuck makes a run for it toward his car before he locks himself in it, leaving Jeno whining at the window, tapping lightly as he looks around at the other people in the parking lot. Donghyuck shoves his middle finger up at him before he lets him in. 

Jeno finally drops into the passenger seat before he looks over at Donghyuck, asking him if he wanted to get ice cream before he drops the boy off. Donghyuck agrees, his tongue already desperate for something sweet. 

"Are you excited to see Jaemin?" Donghyuck asks him as he backs out of the parking spot, resting his hand right on the side of the seat as he takes a look at the way Jeno is tapping viciously against his phone. He sighs before he cocks his head to the side and looks back at Donghyuck with a scrunched up nose. 

"We aren't like... that."

"Oh?"

Donghyuck pulls out onto the main road, bringing his car to the speed limit, or just a few over, trying to keep himself right where he should be as he listens to Jeno speak. 

"Yeah, we never really... were going somewhere, you know?" Jeno flips his phone upside down as he leans against the window. "I am talking to Yukhei though."

"Oh?"

Jeno cackles. 

"Not like that though," he corrects himself. "Shit, Hyuck, this all sounds weird, doesn't it?"

Donghyuck doesn't laugh with him, and instead he just smiles and looks over at him when they come to a stop at a red light. 

He can see a little bit of distress in Jeno's eyes and then a pang of sadness, like he's unsure of something. It aches deep in Donghyuck's core, and he wants to reach forward and just hug Jeno, pull him toward his chest so he can rub at the back of his head and press a kiss by his ear, remind him that things are okay, and that he can take things at whatever pace he wants to take things at. It's _his_ life after all, and Jeno must always take care of himself. Donghyuck wants to be the one to remind him of that. 

"It's okay, Jen."

Jeno rubs his hands over his face. 

"He just texted me and said we should start hanging out because he... wants to hang out. And at first I was like... shit, sure, why not? Maybe he wants to fuck, but then we hung out like a night or two ago? And I have never felt so special within the span of a couple hours."

Donghyuck feels his chest light up. Like someone has come right inside of his body just to light a little flame, all to make it bigger and bigger. He gets honked at because he's been staring at Jeno's little smile for too long. 

It's Jeno who tilts his head and leans closer when Donghyuck pulls into the parking lot of where they're supposed to get ice cream.

"Do you have anything to do with this?" He raises an eyebrow. 

Donghyuck looks around, speaking out loud about where the hours of operation are, wondering if the place is open at 5 in the afternoon. 

A gentle tug on his sleeve makes Donghyuck groan, pulling him back to the middle of the car, where he meets Jeno over the center console. 

"Fine," Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "I just... I encouraged him to tell you like... I just told him to text you and say, 'hey, let's hang out... just us,' because you know how you are, Jeno. You like parties, you like inviting people everywhere, and that's fun. But, Yukhei wanted to hang out just the two of you, so I told him that you literally would not mind, you've just gotta... ask you."

Jeno whips out a smile, "and he did."

Donghyuck rubs underneath Jeno's chin.

"Oh, Hyuck," his eyes nearly gloss over. "Do you think he might like me for me? Because that would be really fucking awesome. I would like to go on dates and do fun things, and..."

The words out of his mouth make Donghyuck's heart drop into his stomach. 

It's a little heartbreaking, shattering even as he stares at the smile spread evenly across Jeno's face, so smooth, so kind and delicate. He's grinning like he has nothing better to do, but Donghyuck can see behind his eyes that he might actually be a little worried. 

Jeno is used to the fun. He's not used to the approach of people like Yukhei, who have such kind hearts and brilliant souls, and who might actually have the right hand to hold Jeno's in order to love him in all the right kinds of ways. 

Oh, even Donghyuck gets butterflies when he thinks about Jeno falling in love. 

"He would be silly if he didn't like you for you. I'm sure he would like to take you on really _awesome_ dates too," Donghyuck grabs the back of Jeno's neck and pulls him in so he can press a solid kiss to his forehead. "Shall we get something sweet now?"

"So we can get high later?"

Donghyuck nearly shivers at the thought. 

✧

Donghyuck dresses in something warm for the party, or the get together, or whatever he wants to call it. 

He wears a navy pullover that is almost too tight around his neck, but the look of it is perfect against his skin, and he wears it with his favorite pair of jeans, so he thinks he'll settle for the fact that it's a little tight around the neck area. He knows that he'll get a little overheated if they're around the fire, so he continues to pull on it so it'll loosen up a bit. 

He decides to just wait outside of the house, looking around at the other cars, with a little bit of a fear that Mark might be showing up. He knows it's probably unlikely, but still, he looks around like his life depends on it, and he swallows down the fear of seeing Mark suddenly.

He gets greeted kindly by Jaemin, who gives him a hug, smelling a bit like weed and cologne. 

Donghyuck chuckles at it.

He runs his hand through his hair as he's led through the back, saying hello to a few other faces he hasn't ever seen before. It's really not too many though, just like Jeno had promised. 

But, when he gets to the back, he stiffens up a little, his eyes landing on Renjun who sits curled up in his own chair, smoking by himself. 

A careful smile creeps up his lips as he tucks his hand under the collar of his shirt again, pulling on it to breathe a little easier. He waves to Renjun, who nods his head and cocks it to the empty chair beside him. 

Donghyuck just takes the opportunity to look around at the faces. 

He sees Jeno and Yukhei sitting close together in the little hammock chair that Jeno was excited about, and it makes Donghyuck smile.

There’s hesitation in Jeno’s eyes, because he wants to sit with Donghyuck, but Donghyuck only winks at him. 

He wants him to sit by Yukhei. 

He sees another younger boy who Donghyuck remembers from the grocery store. He zones out when he feels the heat of Renjun's body coming closer, and when he realizes his eyes are burning from the fire in front of him. 

"Do you want to smoke?" Renjun asks him. 

Donghyuck looks at him, his eyebrows furrowing. 

He bites on the inside of his cheek as he looks over at Jeno who is looking back at him. His eyes glance at Yukhei, wondering how he must feel being in the same area as Renjun, his ex boyfriend, and in the same chair as Jeno, a boy he's interested in. Maybe he's fine though, and maybe it's just Donghyuck who is a little overwhelmed, and maybe it's him who needs to relax a little bit. 

Maybe he does want to smoke. 

He's not particularly fond of Renjun, but still he nods at him as he watches Renjun pack the bowl for him. Donghyuck relaxes back in his chair as he pulls out his phone, not wanting to watch the way Renjun proceeds, because he feels a little guilty for not offering to do it himself. 

He stares at his lockscreen, just desperately hoping for Mark's name to pop up. 

_Fuck,_ Donghyuck wants to talk to him. 

Moments later, when Donghyuck takes a hit, he thinks of Mark. 

Of course, it's typical, but he thinks so hard that Renjun places a hand along his lower back and jokingly tells him to take it easy before he passes it along. 

Donghyuck clears his throat and feels a slight burn, blinking his eyes repeatedly from a different type of burn — from the fire right in front of his eyes. He stares at it and relaxes, tuning out the voices as they begin to talk about their summer and joke about the memories they all had. 

It hurts for Donghyuck to think about it, for him to recall any fun memories from the summer, because he was too damn worried about where the hell Mark Lee had gone. 

Of course, he knew he was off in Canada, but the fact that he wasn't replying nearly made Donghyuck want to fall into the sand and lie there until Mark returned over his head and kissed him until his lips turned purple. 

His high hits soon, and slowly, making his breaths feel longer and making him a little mellow as he licks at his lips. 

"Hey," he looks over at Jaemin. "You mind if I grab a drink inside?"

Jaemin sits up.

"Of course," he nods kindly. "I can get it for you? What do you want?"

"Oh, just a water?"

Jaemin winks at him in confirmation before he disappears through the back doors, leaving Donghyuck to hold his hands together, his mind thinking about Mark. 

Renjun sighs next to him. 

"How come Mark didn't come?" Renjun asks. 

Donghyuck nearly chokes. 

He nearly _fucking_ chokes as he hears the words come out of Renjun's mouth, hurling out like it's the most natural question to ever exist. Donghyuck even looks around for a second, especially over toward Jeno and Yukhei, who are just chatting with each other. Everyone else is doing the same, so Donghyuck feels his arms around his body, rubbing at his sides like he's trying to make himself even warmer than he already is. 

Or, maybe he's just trying to bring more comfort to himself. 

Jaemin hands him the water soon enough and he takes a few sips, calming himself down before he answers.

"Uh," Donghyuck hums. "We — I don't know. He just got back from Canada. I haven't really talked to him all summer."

Renjun raises an eyebrow as he turns in Donghyuck's direction, a hint of curiosity in his eyes, like he wants to reach forward and pull an answer from him. 

"Really?" Renjun's half smile is terrifying. 

"Yeah," Donghyuck swallows. 

He takes another hit soon and lets his body relax even further, trying to ignore the way Renjun looks as though he wants to drag Donghyuck away and talk to him until the sun comes up again. 

The night drags on, and they head inside when rain comes out of nowhere. 

But, no one seems to mind because Jaemin's couches are comfortable, and they get to use blankets this time around. It's nice, sweet and he knows he's soaking in the comfort of these people that he hardly knows. 

He even catches Jeno's eye from across the room and winks at him when Yukhei tucks his nose in Jeno's neck to whisper something to him. 

Donghyuck blushes at that, knowing that it's making Jeno feel warmer and warmer inside. 

God, nothing makes him happier than to know that his friends are happy.

"I really thought you guys were together, to be honest," Renjun says a few minutes later, deep into the night, when Donghyuck is so high that he almost has forgotten about Mark for the meantime. 

It all comes rolling back around, and Donghyuck feels the burning in the pit of his stomach. 

"Us?" Donghyuck chuckles. "Oh no, oh no."

Renjun's laughter is sweet and he pulls a pillow closer to his body. 

"Do you feel awkward around me, Donghyuck?"

"Definitely."

Renjun laughs. 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

"I mean, do you blame me? You're questioning me about Mark who hasn't talked to me all summer, sitting next to me, knowing that I kind of have something with him, while your ex is over there, who..." Donghyuck trails off his sentence as he realizes that he's making no sense. 

Renjun just drags his fingers through his own hair. 

"You know Yukhei liked you at first," he tells Donghyuck. 

"Don't tell me that!" Donghyuck groans as he looks over at his friend.

"He told me!"

"Well don't tell... me!" Donghyuck huffs. "Weren't you guys... hooking up?"

Renjun chuckles. 

"I was hooking up with Mark, too," he yawns. 

Donghyuck stiffens up at the thought of his old roommates clashing over the boy they were both in love with. He feels anger in his chest, heat, fire, too much that he wants to—

"—Dude, I was just kidding."

Donghyuck glares at him.

"That's not funny."

Renjun slants his head to the side. He frowns. 

"Oh, c'mon," he shrugs. "I know both of them so well that I can joke around like that."

Donghyuck paints the ground with his eyes, just swallowing hard. He doesn't know what to think about anything right now, especially when he's a little too high, and thinking about how Mark and Yukhei were so damn close when they had both fallen for the same boy with such a sweet and wicked smile. 

"You're right, sorry," Renjun sighs. "I don't know you well, Donghyuck. Shouldn't joke like that. But, Mark is just... I don't know, I feel like I should tell you not to waste your time on him."

Oh.

_Oh._

If Donghyuck hadn't felt a burning sensation deep in his body before, he definitely feels it now. 

Oh, but Renjun doesn't get it. 

Donghyuck has already been fighting for Mark this entire summer. 

He's been waking up every morning, checking his phone for replies, looking deep into cheap flights just in case Mark needed him all of a second, because sure, Donghyuck would fly out to him and cuddle him close if Mark said he needed a hug. He wants Mark to feel like he has a safe place, because Donghyuck knows how important that feeling is. 

He's been working harder to save his money, to buy Mark flowers every day for if and when he came back to Hawaii, so he can leave them at his doorstep, and so he can make him a little happier, so he can make him smile off into the distance. 

He has sent messages, emails, all with no replies. 

He's ventured out for answers, read deep into books, and has fought so damn hard for Mark to the point where he knows that he's not really going to give up over a single man's words.

"Excuse me?" Donghyuck says a little too loud.

Renjun blinks at him. 

"Look, Donghyuck," Renjun says. "Mark's clearly already shown you that he can't be a good guy for you, so why are you letting him stay in your life? He couldn't even—"

"—Enough!" Donghyuck shouts as he pulls himself away from the couch, catching the attention of the others, the music only playing in the background. 

Jeno sits up instantly, and Yukhei too, both of them leaning forward carefully, like they're trying to catch a bit of the conversation before they have to ask. But instead, they're met with silence and Donghyuck's heavy breathing. 

Renjun stays in his position on the couch and bites down on his lip like he's embarrassed. 

"I've — I gotta go," Donghyuck swallows hard as he grabs a hold of his car keys, dipping them into his pocket. 

"Don't drive!" He hears one of them call toward him. 

"I'm not!"

As soon as he exits through the front door, he's met with the humid air, but it's surprisingly nice after the rainfall. It's windy, and Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows at it. 

"Donghyuck," he hears behind him. 

Slowly turning around, he faces Jeno and Yukhei, who approach him so slowly, like they're afraid that they'll scare him away or like he'll rush off quickly without even giving them an opportunity to speak. 

But, Donghyuck turns to smile at them. 

"Hi guys."

Jeno pulls him into a hug and rubs at his back, Yukhei's arm coming around the both of them. 

And oh, does Donghyuck melt. 

He knows he must be standing on top of the warmest hill, tucked away on some hidden island, just the three of them, away from all problems that any of them must be facing right now. He's scared, but he feels comfortable and warm, and he's still _high,_ so he's feeling content as he fists over the cloth of Jeno and Yukhei's shirts. He sniffles into their chests. He's not sure whose chest he is in, but it all smells nice. 

"You okay?" Yukhei lifts his chin. "What happened?"

Donghyuck shrugs.

"He told me not to waste my time on Mark, but fuck that! Fuck that because I have been so patient, and I care about him. Why would I give up on someone I care about?" He frowns, turning his head towards his books — toward the pages that he hopes will give him an answer in just a second. 

Yukhei lifts Donghyuck's shaky hands to his mouth and presses a kiss to them, making Donghyuck let out an airy breath. 

"First of all," he says. "Take a breath."

Donghyuck obeys. 

"Second of all," Yukhei hums. "Fuck him. He doesn't know anything, okay? This is your life, Donghyuck. You make the decisions here, not him."

Donghyuck knows that Yukhei doesn't want to say too much, especially because Donghyuck is intoxicated and he's doing things based off of his emotions right now, and he cannot stop thinking about the weather and the way the collar of his shirt is a little too tight for him. He huffs out an uneasy breath. 

"Okay."

"Okay?" Jeno scratches his fingers lightly over Donghyuck's side. "Want us to take you home?"

The thought races through Donghyuck's mind before he clicks his tongue. 

"No, no," he licks his lips. "I think I will walk. It's just right around the corner."

Yukhei frowns. 

"Then you have to text me when you get there."

"I will."

He turns away and walks down the street, kicking rocks, humming to himself, thinking too many thoughts for his busy and sweet head. 

Except, he doesn't head home. 

Instead, he walks toward Mark's apartment, and manages to get through the gate, just until he's standing at the bottom floor, shoes still touching the pavement. 

His phone rings. 

"Donghyuck?" He hears. "Why haven't you texted? God, we're about to leave and come look for you."

A frown presents itself onto his mouth, the edges of his lips just tilting slightly. He hums. 

"I came to Mark's place. Do you know which one is his, Yukhei?" He asks. 

There's silence over the phone.

"Third floor. I don't remember the number, but there's a welcome mat on the ground. It's the one that's like, as soon as you come up... to the right of the stairwell."

Donghyuck whispers a thank you before he hangs up, listening to Yukhei's polite instructions to be careful and to take it easy, and to text him or Jeno later on in the night. He promises he will, to both of those. 

The way his heart pounds is unreal. 

He is desperate to see Mark again. To look right into his eyes, to gaze over his features and look at the way his lips curl up into a smile when Donghyuck makes him laugh. He curls his hand into a fist and lets his fingernails ache into his palm as he walks up the stairwell, following Yukhei's directions until he's standing right in front of the door. 

There's a nervous tingling in his stomach, so low that it makes him want to say _fuck it,_ and rush home until he's tucked into his sheets, so far away from Mark that he doesn't even have to think of him for the rest of the night. 

But, his knuckles against the wood come before his mind can think anymore about which kind of decision he should move forward with. A short gasp on his lips and a bite to his bottom one scares him next. 

The pounding is harsh soon, because he wonders if Mark is maybe asleep, or maybe he's in the back of the apartment and just doesn't hear him. 

He should _go._

He knocks _harder._

The door opens. 

Donghyuck knows that every time he looks at Mark he looks different. But this time, he thinks Mark looks almost like a new person. 

He looks so much more grown up. He looks as though he's another year older, and... well, he is. They’ve passed his birthday already. It was only recently, but Donghyuck realizes that Mark is indeed another year older and he _looks_ it too. 

His hair has a few highlights in it, and it's grown longer, and it's definitely soft, almost like he's just gotten out of the shower and has been letting it air dry.

Dressed in just a pair of thick sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt, Donghyuck doesn't really think he looks like the gentle waves at the ocean's shore any longer. 

No, Mark appears to be the heavier waves in the storms, far out in the oceans in the parts Donghyuck hasn't ever seen with his own eyes — only in movies. 

Mark stares at him, his lips slightly parted open, pink and soft like Donghyuck remembers them to be. 

"Donghyuck," he whispers. 

His voice is still just as smooth, like the honey that Donghyuck eats on his crackers, like the honey that Mark introduced him to. 

God, Donghyuck feels an interesting kind of push and pull at the same time. 

"Where the hell have you been?" He forces out. 

He tries to be strong, because he wants to be. He tries to fight with the question in his head as he bites back the bark that wants to jump from his throat. This is _Mark,_ the Mark that he knows, but the Mark who had left him here. 

Mark opens his door a little further to offer his place, to allow Donghyuck to enter, but he doesn't. 

He stands at the entryway and shrugs aggressively as he gnaws on his bottom lip. 

"Where, Mark?" He whimpers.

"Come in, please."

Finally, Donghyuck fights off the urge to stay away from Mark and walks right into the apartment, standing awkwardly by the front door as he looks over Mark's figure.

He can practically feel the warmth radiating off of him, and he wants nothing more than to just step forward and wrap his arms around him, dig his nose into his chest and just... _feel_ Mark again. He wants Mark's hands on his back, his heart beating against his own chest until they're both breathing with each other. 

"Are you high?" Mark swallows thickly, tilting his head to the side so he can look at Donghyuck. 

At first he avoids his gaze, but then he readjusts his positioning on his feet as he shrugs. 

"Yes," he answers. "And I was with Renjun and he told—"

"—You were with Renjun?" Mark's voice cuts him off so suddenly that it startles him. 

He just stares at him. 

"Yeah," he licks his lips. "I was, Mark. And he told me not to waste my fucking time on you. But, you know what? After a whole two months of being ignored by you, I still showed up at your door because _I missed you."_

Mark is breathing harder now, his jaw clenching as he scratches the side of his face, feet carrying himself slightly closer to Donghyuck. If it's intentional, then he doesn't realize it. But, Donghyuck is breathing at the same rate as him, and he wants nothing more than to just bring him into his arms right now. 

"I missed you too," Mark whispers so delicately that it almost gets lost in the air between them. 

Donghyuck scoffs, fisting at Mark's shirt before he yanks their bodies close, and before he wraps his arms around Mark's waist, pulling him tight up against him. 

The clash of their bodies makes Donghyuck suck in a harsh gasp while Mark lets out a tiny whimper, something that Donghyuck hasn't really ever heard before. It sounds desperate, and maybe he's feeling just as weak as Donghyuck is in that moment. 

Donghyuck's hands extend out as he reaches up the boy's back and as he holds him even closer, listening to the way their hearts pound, and focusing on the way he can feel the warmth in the pit of his stomach. 

It's _fucking_ everywhere. 

Donghyuck doesn't even realize that Mark has a hand at the nape of his neck until his fingers get caught a little on the edges of his hair. 

Donghyuck grunts softly as he turns his hands into fists, lightly tapping them on Mark's back once, like he’s trying to speak through the touch. 

"I know," Mark replies. 

Donghyuck hits his back softly again.

"I know, baby, I know," Mark sounds so weak. Donghyuck hates it. “I’m so sorry.”

God, Donghyuck wants to hold Mark, too. He wants to make sure he is okay after everything he has heard so far. He wants to know if Mark is feeling okay, if he's under too much stress, and if he has had enough time to get his rest. He wants to pull him close and remind him to take care of himself. 

Donghyuck touches his hands against Mark's back once more, but this time he does it so lightly that it seems as though he's giving up, his fingers relaxing against Mark's back as he rubs over the spots he was gently hitting. 

"I'm right here," Mark hums against the top of his head, then the side as he adjusts his mouth. 

He presses a kiss into his hair and whispers in his ear. 

"We can talk, Donghyuck," Mark swallows. "Please, can we talk?"

But, Donghyuck pulls away with a pained heart and burning skin. 

_This is what Mark does to him._

Mark who he has known since the early parts of the summer, right when school was coming to an end. Mark who likes to kiss his face when he is feeling sad, and Mark who cuddles him close on the tiny bed, or in the tiniest spaces they can find. Mark who will make him feel safe, Mark who will make Donghyuck feel like home whenever he has the opportunity to. 

This is Mark, who he realizes he doesn't even know, but who he realizes he will fight through anything just to ensure he has the happiness that he deserves. 

This Mark that he is pressed up against, makes him feel incredible, but pulls him apart at the same time. 

Donghyuck doesn't know every piece of him yet. He's willing to be patient, and hell, he's been pretty fucking patient, but he needs more answers from him. He needs an in depth explanation from his mouth and his mouth only. 

He just needs Mark. 

He needs to learn who Mark is, and very slowly, so he can do it the right way. 

"Whenever you are ready," Mark adds a moment later.

Donghyuck pulls away and walks toward the door. 

"Okay."

 _Defeat_. There's defeat in Mark's eyes. 

Donghyuck knows that he must have thought they were going to talk now. But, realization sets in next, because Donghyuck is high, and he's weak, and he's tired. He's exhausted, and he's had a long day. 

He opens the door, but Mark reaches forward for his wrist, stopping just inches from it. 

"Hey," he stutters over the word at first. "Please text me when you get home safely?"

Mark knows that his house isn't too far, but he still worries. He wants to walk with Donghyuck, stand beside him and bump hips with him, feel their fingers brushing up against each other as they walk in silence, blushed cheeks and whispered giggles. 

But it isn't like that. 

There's pain and heartbreak, and a lot of confusion in the air between them, and they just need to talk. 

"Are you going to reply?" Donghyuck spits back at him, his own face nearly twisting in shock and regret when he sees how sad Mark looks. 

Mark holds his own hands together as he glances at Donghyuck. He's trying to put words together, trying to come up with something that Donghyuck will believe, something he will trust, but all he can form, all he can put together is a simple,

"I promise."

Donghyuck knows it calms his heart a little, but he can't help the way it makes him coat over in a _cold_ sort of feeling. 

"That's what you said last time," he sighs. "I don't trust any of your promises anymore, Mark."

With that, he turns and walks out of the door, leaving Mark to stare right at it, his heart pounding heavily in his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is what we've all been waiting for... I think? Maybe? I haven't written it yet so we'll see. But...
> 
> Up next: Communication. How lovely.
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/hyuckios)


	9. please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for this chapter: hospital scenes from injury in the beginning, little bit of sexual content at the end of the chapter
> 
> as always... sorry for errors

Having been through a lot of different scary experiences in his life, Donghyuck would say that walking through the hospital on his way to find his grandparents would be one of the scariest ones. With sweat rolling down the back of his neck, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, Donghyuck thinks that maybe he might not even be able to make it down the hall without breaking down and falling to his knees before the desperate sobs get to him.

He finds his grandmother cradling her head in her arms, not wailing, but sitting in a position outside of the room that makes her look as though she has been through absolute hell the past few hours.

Donghyuck hates the way that looks on her. He, himself, even cries a little before he gets to her side, visitor sticker lopsided on his chest as he sits down.

"I'm here," he whispers as he lets his voice be heard. "I'm here, grandma."

He doesn't want to touch her without her recognizing who he is, and without her understanding that his presence has come up beside her, but once she reaches out toward his knee, he wraps his arms around her and sighs out a cry, holding onto his grandmother with every ounce of love that he can.

Flashbacks of his mother come flying through his memory, so vivid, so quickly that they almost slip right past him, but Donghyuck closes his own eyes and holds onto his grandmother as he tries to think of his family and the love that is always spread between all of them. He's always felt more than loved when he's around all of them. Especially right now, when he's trying to give as much love as he can. 

After she calms down a bit, and after she recognizes Donghyuck, she sits up and allows him to smile at her.

"I don't know, sweetheart," she shakes her head. "He was just out by the garden, and had slipped when he was coming down the steps. I told him not to carry the huge thing of water, especially with his hip problems, but he slipped and fell right on it."

Donghyuck feels his chest being constricted.

"Is he okay?" He dares to ask.

She nods her head.

"He's being checked out right now, but they might have to go through a procedure, or surgery, I do not know, Donghyuck," she shakes her head as her hands shake, almost like it's too hard for her to repeat what she was told. "I don't know what they said, I am just scared."

Donghyuck understands. He really does. It has to be hard for her, especially since she's scared about her husband and his injury, and the fact that she has already lost her daughter. Donghyuck can see it in her eyes that she's trying to stay strong for him, but he tells her that it's okay. Soon, he rests his hand on her back and tells her to relax, and that he is okay. 

"Are you alright?" She asks him anyway, wiping his tears.

"Yes, yes, grandma, I promise," he tells her with a sad smile. "I promise."

He says it twice, and still, she frowns and watches the nurses pass by. 

"We can't see him quite yet, sweetheart," she holds onto Donghyuck. "I hope he'll be okay."

The last part of her voice has only traces of a whimper in them, and Donghyuck feels his heart cracking at it. He frowns and nods his head, trying to give the same amount of comfort as he nods and nods again, reassuring her at the same time.

It's then when he sits up straighter and rests his head against the back of the wall, just sitting in silence as they wait for someone to come and let them know the status of how his grandfather is doing in terms of his injury.

Donghyuck knows he's okay, he has to be, because he's a strong man, and always has been. He keeps Donghyuck going, gives him life advice, and gives him a wink when Donghyuck's grandmother tells him not to go out for too long.

They sit in silence soon, and for a long time, still hearing no update from any doctors around them since they are still working on Donghyuck's grandfather.

He stands up finally and turns around toward his grandmother.

"I'm going to grab a coffee," he tells her. "Would you like one?"

She shakes her head, but then stands up and presses a kiss to his temple.

"Take your time, sweetheart."

He smiles at her and takes a deep breath. He does need the fresh air, because the scenery of the hospital is messing with his head, and it's making him feel a little tense and uncomfortable as memories flicker around his vision. Regardless though, he makes his way through the floors until he sits himself down at the coffee table and sends a quick text over to Yukhei, giving a quick description of the situation he is in. 

Yukhei's name lights up on his screen next, and Donghyuck whimpers slightly as he sips his coffee, fingers shaking over the name as he blows air out of his mouth, finally hitting accept on the call. 

"Hey," he whispers quietly. 

"Oh, Donghyuck," Yukhei responds, his voice tired, almost like he's just now waking up from a nap or something. "God, are you okay?" 

Donghyuck wants to answer that right off the top of his head, but he's really not sure if he can. Not with everything else going on, not with the fear that's rising so quickly up in his throat that he feels like he wants to throw up. He bites back a cough and takes another sip of his coffee, not even realizing how nauseous it's making him. 

He makes a mental note to grab something to eat, too, because he knows his stomach will get a little upset sometime soon if he doesn't do anything about the unsettling feeling in his body. 

"I think so?" He asks Yukhei, or says it out loud, he isn't really sure who he's talking to, but he says it, and he's proud of himself for having the courage to even be talking to him. 

"It's alright if you aren't, I just wanted to ask."

"I don't think I am, Yukhei," Donghyuck finally tells him.

Mark's face comes through his mind. Their conversation and how he left it, and suddenly Donghyuck feels his throat tightening, a bunch of stinging sensations rising over his skin. 

"Fuck," he whispers.

"What, babe?" Yukhei says softly. "What is it?"

Donghyuck doesn't know if he can explain it correctly. 

"Just," Donghyuck tries. He tries because he wants to. "The way I left Mark's house, and the way I wasn't even able to say goodbye to my grandfather before he got hurt... it's killing me right now. It's killing me because I should have forgiven Mark, and let everything go, because what if something happens to him, and what if he gets hurt? Then it'll be my fault for not forgiving him."

There's a pause over the line. 

"Donghyuck," Yukhei whispers. "Don't be silly. You cannot think like that."

"Well I am!"

He sets his coffee down and looks around at the half empty cafeteria, a few nurses looking his way with pairs of soft eyes, staring at him as he has raised his voice, probably wondering if the poor kid is going through the hardships of losing a loved one. Donghyuck feels shy. 

"I'm sorry," Donghyuck mutters. "I didn't mean to get upset, I just... I can't help but think like that, Yukhei."

"I know," his voice is smoother this time, and it almost feels like he's getting closer. 

Donghyuck appreciates this kind of feeling because it is comforting, and he feels like he's pressed up against his friend in the comfort of his bed, underneath the sheets with Yukhei, skin against skin while they laugh and make each other feel happy and content about the things they enjoy in life. God, he doesn't want to be selfish, but he kind of wishes his friend were right next to him right now. 

Instead, he tries to close his eyes as he focuses on the tone of his voice. 

"You don't want to force yourself to get over something just because you fear something that may or may not happen," Yukhei hums through his ear. "Take your time with what you're feeling with Mark. There's a lot to unfold there, and I promise - or, I don't want to make a promise, but I am pretty sure that he is going to be okay. And so are you. Don't ever force yourself to do something you don't want to do."

Donghyuck nods his head, tears dripping onto the table. 

He sniffles. 

"Will your grandfather be okay?"

"I think so, yes," Donghyuck shrugs even if Yukhei cannot hear him. "Just a big scare you know? I haven't been able to see him, yet, but I am sure he'll be okay. He's tough like me."

"Damn right." 

They chat for a bit, and Donghyuck begs Yukhei to tell him how his date with Jeno went last night since the two of them were planning on going out for an actual dinner and a movie, much different than Jeno had ever said he wanted to do. He learns that Yukhei had the urge to kiss Jeno, but said he shouldn't kiss on their first official date. Donghyuck's heart clenches for him. 

When they hang up, Donghyuck receives a text from his grandmother telling him that they cannot go see his grandfather yet, but they got word that he's doing well. They're just waiting for him to be transported back. 

So, he waits a little bit in the cafeteria and ends up getting himself a protein bar to scarf down, even though the dryness of it is almost enough for him to toss the thing away. He knows it'll do him well. He also settles on getting his grandmother a water and a couple snacks that he holds in his right hand. 

"Oh," he hears a voice to his left. "I know you. You're Mark's friend."

Donghyuck stiffens at the mention of Mark's name, and whips around to see who on earth is talking to him, and mentioning Mark like this. 

He squints when he sees the man in front of him, and he even cocks his head as he tries to put a name to the face because he looks familiar, but the body type and the hair, and the look of him just isn't ringing a bell inside of Donghyuck's busy head. 

"I'm sorry," Donghyuck bites his lip. "I do not remember you." 

Maybe he had seen him at some party, when he was drunk, maybe Mark and him were close together, and that's why this guy thinks that the two of them are good friends. Maybe they even had a conversation. But, this guy is dressed in scrubs and his hair is so neatly gelled back and Donghyuck is just a college kid with tear stains down his cheeks, and he wonders how the fuck they know each other. 

"Ah, right," he extends his hand after he wipes it on his pants. "You were probably a little out of it when we met, but... I'm Jaehyun. I helped you when you hurt your foot."

The memory comes back to him, when he was lying in the grass, arching his back toward Mark who held him down, whispered soft things in his ear to remind him that he was okay. Donghyuck even remembers whispering kind things to help remind Mark that he shouldn’t blame himself. 

His stomach curls in as his heart tightens, all at the mention of Jaehyun's name. 

"Oh," Donghyuck grins. "Hi, yeah. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. What are you doing here?"

"Me?" Jaehyun giggles. "I study here. We rotate through, 4 days out of the week for my medical program. But, what about you, kid? Why are you down here? You don't look too hot."

"Thanks," Donghyuck clicks his tongue. "Uh, my grandfather fell. He's okay, but I haven't been able to see him yet."

"Oh shit, I'm sorry for asking."

"No, no," he waves him off. "It's fine."

"Well, I'll leave you to go back to him," Jaehyun nods. "Is Mark with you?"

Donghyuck feels his skin tightening. 

"Uh, no. He's not."

"Really? I would want my boyfriend here with me if I had one, but, oh, sorry, maybe you feel different about that."

Donghyuck drops his mouth open. 

"Oh no, we aren't... he's not... No. Mark's not my boyfriend."

"You're serious?" Jaehyun's eyes widen a little. 

Donghyuck just nods, his cheeks growing a little red as he runs his free hand through his hair. He chuckles a little, watching as Jaehyun follows right after him, almost like they're awkwardly laughing and copying each other because they have nothing else to do. Donghyuck's cheeks darken because of the realization. 

This guy in front of him, who had only seen Mark and Donghyuck together once, is assuming that they are together, and wow, Donghyuck can't stop blushing about it. 

"Well, would you like him to be?" Jaehyun teases him a little. 

"I gotta go, Jaehyun," Donghyuck chuckles as he bumps his shoulder purposely. 

He appreciates the lift in the atmosphere, and the fact that Jaehyun was giving him something else to think about for a few minutes, especially when he can still feel the chilliness of his tears that were running down his cheeks. 

"I'll see you around, Donghyuck! Hope that foot is healing well!"

✧

Donghyuck is sitting on the edge of his grandfather's bed when he decides to send a text to Mark

**Donghyuck**

hey... can i call you in a bit? urgent.

It doesn't take long for Mark to reply. In fact, it takes around 3 and a half minutes before Donghyuck's phone buzzes again, where he soon reads a message that says,

**Mark**

of course. I'm here to talk.

They're at home now, about a day after Donghyuck's grandfather was in the hospital. He was released with specific orders to stay in bed, and to take very special care of his hip, since he had injured himself. He didn't end up needing any surgeries, anything harsh, but Donghyuck and his grandmother won't stop watching over him like damn hawks, biting their lips anytime he shifts over just slightly.

He's already become frustrated a few times with them, but Donghyuck ignores it. He doesn't focus on the underlying pain in his expression when he sees how worried his grandfather is about his grandmother. He hates worrying her, and Donghyuck knows that his grandfather won't make her lift a feather if she doesn't have to. 

"You alright there, Donghyuck?" He asks his grandson, obviously picking out the sad expression on his face. 

Donghyuck just looks up from his phone, tucking it away as he watches his grandfather finish the food that they prepared for him. 

"I am," he smiles. "Yeah, I'm okay. Stressed a bit for school to start up, but I'm alright."

His grandfather raises an eyebrow. 

"Is that all?"

Well, _no._

But he isn't going to say anything else. Especially not about _Mark._

"I just think about how much grandma must have been worried about me and my injury when I was hurt at the beginning of the summer," he shrugs. "She's running around like crazy right now taking care of you, and so am I, but I feel awful for worrying both of you."

He shrugs Donghyuck off, hands waving all over the place before he slaps it down against the sheets. His expression turns sad, and Donghyuck hates to see it. He wishes to erase the words he had just said. God, maybe he _should_ have just said something about how he was thinking about Mark.

"Don't you worry about that, little one," he shakes his head. "We will always care for you, and your grandma is going to take as gentle care of you as she can. She always does. She did it with your mother, and she does it with me, and she even did it with your father."

Donghyuck stiffens at the mention of his father, body tilting a little in confusion. 

"Really? I thought she hated him?" Donghyuck isn't too sure how he feels about asking about his father, especially to his grandfather who he knows has different opinions about him, but he's curious, and leaning a little on the sad side for the day, so of course he's going to push himself by pushing the question. 

His grandfather takes in a deep breath as he asks Donghyuck to hand him his drink. 

"She didn't hate your father," he licks his lips. "She just wishes he treated the both of you better, you know?" 

Donghyuck _knows._ Oh god, he does know because he wishes his father was here a lot of the time. He wishes he could depend on the damn guy in times of need, and he wishes he was there for his mother especially when she was going through a rough time of dealing with chemotherapy and everything in between. 

When their lives were hard, and when Donghyuck was confused, and needing his father, he wished he was there for him. 

Regardless of what he didn't have, he knew he was always loved by his grandparents, and because of that... he knew he'd never trade that kind of love for anything ever in the entire world. 

They talk for a little bit, but Donghyuck's grandfather senses a little bit more stress from him than he leads on. He _knows_ him. And what does Donghyuck expect? Of course he does. 

"Is there something going on with Mark?" He asks. 

Donghyuck hears the words like a pound to his stomach. He thinks maybe his facial expression gives it away because his grandfather raises his eyebrows and sighs. 

"I need to talk to him about some things I think," Donghyuck hums. 

His grandfather nods his head. 

"You know how often I tell you about how important communication is, Lee Donghyuck," his hand lifts until it rests on Donghyuck's knee. "Does he deserve a chance?"

"Of course he does," Donghuyck doesn't hesitate.

Because, it's true. Mark does deserve a chance. A chance to earn Donghyuck's trust back, a chance to explain himself and talk about how his summer went, and what exactly went on between him and his family. Donghyuck knows about how family issues can swallow you whole and spit you out somewhere on the other side of Hell. He knows that the feeling is so heart wrenching and can do damage that tears you down, and he knows that Mark deserves a chance. 

He’s still on the rope they’ve been walking on because he never fell off of it. He’s just been all the way across it, making it feel tighter. 

"Then, why are you holding back?" His grandfather asks him. 

Donghyuck bites on his tongue. 

He shrugs. 

"Because I am hurting too," he looks down. 

"That's okay," he hears the reassurance. "Don't give way to your friendship or whatever it is just because you think he deserves a chance, Donghyuckie. He may deserve a chance, but he should still prove it to you because you sat here waiting all summer for him, right?"

Donghyuck looks up at him, feeling a little shy at the fact that his grandfather had picked out his emotions and had seen him pouting when Mark hadn't replied to him. He rolls his eyes a little and frowns playfully. 

"But you," his grandfather adds. "You also have to prove yourself to him. If there's some deeper reason as to why he wasn't as active in your life, Donghyuck, then you must also take the time and try to show him that you're here for him."

Donghyuck visibly sighs at that. He thinks about how he would be there for Mark, of course he would, because he cares so much for him that he thinks he would do anything for him at this point. Donghyuck swallows hard.

"You are thinking way too hard, kid," his grandfather says. "You'll learn, I think. But, try that with him."

"Learn with him?" Donghyuck cocks his head all the way to the side. 

He receives a wide smile. 

"Exactly. Learn how to gain his trust, let him learn how to gain yours. Find his strengths and weaknesses, and treat them both. Do you want to fall in love?"

"Grandpa!" Donghyuck covers his face with his hands, his cheeks growing red underneath them. "I'm too... we're just friends right now."

Donghyuck can't deny the way his stomach turns at the mention of the word, and especially with Mark in the middle of the conversation. He swallows hard, taps his foot, and bites down on his lip. Yeah. Oh, maybe he'd really like to fall in love sometime soon. 

"Just," his grandfather shakes his head. "Go on, go talk to him. That'll make you feel better, I promise you."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Then you have full permission to come back here and yell at me for it."

As if Donghyuck would ever come and yell at his grandfather for that. 

He kisses his forehead and tries not to tear up at the love he feels in the embrace, especially when he hears his grandma walk into the room, a little bit of a soft hum on her lips at the sight of her two boys.

Donghyuck excuses himself back up to his bedroom, where he soon slips into his sweatpants, just tucking himself into his blankets, staring at his phone with his eyes losing focus. He swallows and swallows again, mouth going drier as he looks around his room. 

He feels like he's ten years old again, about to jump off of the monkey bars, all of the kids around him encouraging him to go for it — to swing off the bar in front of him and drop his feet into the rocks below. He knows he wants to, but the swarm of nerves in his stomach are more powerful than his need to jump off the bars, and he can't tell whether or not he's going to just succeed, or whether his sweaty hands will betray him and soon be met with failure. 

Glaring at his phone, he huffs. 

His messages with Mark are right there, looking back at him like he's the one causing all the tension, and well, maybe he is. Donghyuck needs to rip the bandaid off and just hit—

_He hits call._

There's no time for him to process what he has done because Mark answers the damn phone so quickly. 

"Donghyuck," he breathes out like he's in the middle of a run. "Hi."

"Hi Mark."

"Everything okay?" Mark asks, voice teetering on the edge of worry. 

Donghyuck wonders why he's worried. God, _he's worried. Why is he worried?_

"Yeah?" He says bluntly before he chomps down on his tongue. 

"Oh," Mark pauses. "You said it was urgent."

_Fuck,_ of course. _Duh._

Donghyuck takes a moment. He's thinking too much. His mouth is moving faster than his mind needs to be thinking, and he's already starting this out by saying all the wrong things. He needs to learn Mark, and if he wants to do that, then he's gotta let Mark learn him in return. And Mark is probably extremely confused and Donghyuck thinks he's fucking it up already—

"Hyuck?" Mark interrupts his thoughts. 

Finally, Donghyuck takes a deep breath as he feels tears stinging in the corner of his eyes.

"I'm sorry Mark," he starts off. "My grandfather was in the hospital yesterday, and I started to think about how people around me can get hurt so easily, and how the risk of them being gone with us being on bad terms is just... there. I don't like that. I thought of you, and I hate everything that happened and I just... want to talk."

Mark stays silent as he shifts on the other line. 

"I'm so sorry about your grandfather, Donghyuck, is he okay?"

"He is," Donghyuck whispers, leaning his face against his pillows as he focuses on Mark's voice. "He had fallen by the back garden, but he got lucky. Just needs a lot of rest and some check ups with his hips.”

"God I am glad to hear that," Mark says softer than before, and then takes a deep breath. "You probably want to be around him right now, but... the second you want to see me, I will be ready to talk to you."

Donghyuck feels the weight lift off of his shoulders. 

"Now, please."

"Hm?" Mark asks, and mainly because he probably didn't even hear him. Donghyuck had whispered it right against his pillow. 

"My grandpa actually told me to see you and talk to you," he pulls his lip into his mouth before he chuckles a little. 

"Now?" Mark asks, his voice sounding a little desperate. "You want to see me now?"

"God, please."

There's shuffling over the line, almost like Mark is digging his feet into his shoes. 

"I can come pick you up in my car, is that fine?" He asks. 

"Yes."

✧

Donghyuck looks out his window when he sees the flickering of headlights. 

He's dressed in a dark green hoodie and his jeans, nothing fancy to him at all. He's nervous and a little shaky, but he's still sure to stop in to tell his grandparents that he's going to be with Mark for the rest of the evening. He tries to tell them that he'll come home, but he also tells them that there's a possibility that he might sleepover at his place, even though him and Mark hadn't discussed that at all. He blushes so lightly when he brings that up to them. 

His grandmother hands him a house key to the side door, to the door that doesn't make a sound when it is opened. 

"If you need to come home," she whispers. "Just use that door. But text one of us please to let us know what you are doing."

He promises that, because he always gives them his honesty when it comes to his safety. 

Mark isn't standing outside of his car like Donghyuck had kind of hoped he would be, but he has the passenger door open for him, and that still makes Donghyuck's stomach spin with nerves. He gives a tiny wave as he walks down his driveway to Mark's car that is waiting on the street. 

It’s a little chilly out, and maybe it’s due to the wind, but Donghyuck can feel how his hair is brushing off his forehead, and now he sort of wishes he would have grabbed a hat or a beanie or something. 

The night isn’t overwhelmingly dark. The moon shines bright onto them, almost like it’s giving Donghyuck the sense of security he needs tonight. He nearly tears up when he thinks of his mother, and how it’s probably her doing, knowing that he must be nervous to fix his relationship with Mark. 

_“You’ll be okay,”_ he imagines she would say. _“I’ll protect you.”_

He slides right in the passenger seat and shuts the door, humming a soft hello as he glances at Mark's lower half of his body, still a little too shy to look up at his face. 

"You doin' okay?" Mark asks, his hand hanging at the back of Donghyuck's headrest. 

Donghyuck finally looks up to meet his eyes and as soon as he does, he's met with a new feeling that rushes down the center of his spine. It's not familiar like the rush of warmth Mark used to give him when he laid next to him in bed, limbs tangled together lazily as they whispered careful things to each other. No, this feels more like a heartbreak that is feeding into a deeper kind of broken piece of himself. This feels like need, like _desire_. 

He looks into Mark's eyes and sees the same kind of feeling staring right back at him. 

So, Donghyuck does what he thinks is best. 

He rushes forward into a hug and wraps his arms around Mark's neck, tightly holding onto him like he knows Mark is going to disappear from him again. 

Mark smells like some sort of melting chocolate. Like the kind you dip fruit into, or marshmallows, or anything of that sort. He smells a bit like fresh baked bread, just anything sweet, and also lingering cologne from maybe something he had sprayed on himself from the morning. 

He mainly radiates sweet and warm scents, like he grabbed a warm sweater from the dryer that has dryer sheets that are scented like chocolates, god, Donghyuck thinks he'll create that invention and call it MARK — or maybe he’ll just start stealing Mark’s sweaters to slip over his own body for comfort. 

He feels Mark stiffening up, and then he hears the unbuckling of a seatbelt as Mark's body shifts closer to his own. The arm delicately runs up and down his spine, and Donghyuck noses at Mark's shoulder as he takes a deep breath, finally feeling a little safer in the embrace. 

"It's alright," Mark tells him. "I promise."

Donghyuck just nods again and again, trying to believe the words. Sometimes it’s hard to trust the word of a promise. 

They just sit there for a few minutes, soaking in the feeling of each other, especially underneath the moonlight as it bleeds through the windows of the car, making Mark's jaw look a lot sharper than Donghyuck remembers. 

Of course, Mark always looks different. But this time, he looks like he's a bit drenched in an overwhelming kind of guilt, and Donghyuck hates how the expression looks on him. He wonders if it's because of what's going on at home, or what's going on in the car. 

"Can I drive you somewhere where we can talk?" Mark's biting on his lips, and he's trying not to tremble, according to Donghyuck’s vision. 

"Please."

Mark pulls away from the hug and gives him a tight lined smile, stretching from ear to ear. Donghyuck smiles back when he can, but he frowns a bit when Mark's hands move totally off his body and touch the wheel again as he pulls into the street. 

Donghyuck ends up looking out the window and stays silent as they drive all the way out to the highway, cruising down it as music swims in and out of their ears. 

The way Donghyuck rests his hand on the middle console is dangerous, but he does his best to make it so unobvious, just messing with the gearshift, slightly moving toward Mark's hand that is just resting so casually on his own. 

A simple hold will do the trick, he thinks. It'll fill him to the brim with a solid feeling of comfort. It'll make him blush, will kickstart his heart into a working position so he'll find some better ways to talk to Mark when they dive deep into things later on. 

He's too busy thinking about how to hold Mark's hand to realize that he's inched his way off the middle console and he's now hanging his fingers off the edge so much more dangerously than it was a few seconds ago. 

Mark glances down and then visibly straightens his posture, his hand creeping toward Donghyuck's, and _oh god,_ Donghyuck thinks the pit of his stomach feels like molten lava in this car. He wants to crank the air conditioner as high as it goes, and he wants to apologize to Mark a few days later if he accidentally breaks the thing. 

Mark looks over at Donghyuck when he gets a chance to, and Donghyuck follows his lead, looking back down to their hands that have magically moved closer. 

_Haha, fuck_. 

Donghyuck bites even harder on his lip. 

"Would it be okay if I...?" Mark asks. 

Donghyuck nods quickly, his fingers desperately diving between Mark's hand as he slumps in his seat, staying quiet as he watches Mark drive with one hand for the rest of the trip.

Which ends up being a short drive.

And Donghyuck knows it too, because he recognizes the secluded area. He recognizes the half lit beach with a couple of lights that are flickering in the parking lot, just a couple of couples sitting in their cars and looking out at the water, wrapped in blankets as they... well, Donghyuck doesn't really know what they're doing. There's a few college kids, or maybe even younger playing around, taking photos of videos of each other, and Donghyuck just hopes they're getting home safe if they're doing anything they're not supposed to be doing. 

Mark doesn't untangle their fingers as he parks the car, but he has to when he gets out, and when he meets Donghyuck at the hood of the car, urging him to take off his shoes and to roll up his jeans as far as he can. 

He pulls him in for a side hug and just lets his chin rest at the top of Donghyuck's head, breathing in for a few moments. 

Donghyuck does the same, arms loosely around Mark's body as he looks forward, his backside leaning against the car. 

"I should've told you I wanted to take you to the water so you could have worn some lousy sweats instead of getting your jeans wet," Mark presses a kiss to the top of Donghyuck's head and then sighs. 

But Donghyuck only chuckles, shaking his head. 

"It's alright," he shrugs. "I can wash them."

He looks down at Mark's shorts, down at his knees, his legs, and even mumbles out a semi nervous sort of _'oh,'_ when he sees how toned Mark's legs are. 

Mark intertwines their fingers again. 

"Is this still okay?" He asks. 

Donghyuck looks up at him and grins before he gives Mark a tiny thumbs up, allowing himself to be led to the water. 

They sit soon, backs flat against the sand, in the middle of what feels like nowhere. 

They walked for a little while, hands intertwined, minds just floating away like the waves to the side of them were doing. Donghyuck stood closest to the water and let the waves hit up by his ankles as he kept the flashlight of his phone aimed down at his feet, just to be sure that he wasn't about to step on anything. Mark made a couple jokes about how he'd carry Donghyuck and take stepping on a few scary things for him. 

Donghyuck elbowed him at that. 

But finally, they tuck away somewhere quiet and away from their parking lot, where they can think, where they're hidden away from the few groups of people spending their evening, where they can only see the occasional jogger or person walking along the shoreline. 

They're higher up on the beach though, not so close to the water, so it's hard to see the two of them anyway. 

"We're totally going to get sand in your car later," Donghyuck stares up at the painted sky, hints of purple peeking out beyond the fading darkness.

Mark doesn't say anything for a moment. 

"I think it's worth it," he admits. "To be out here talking to you. I think it's worth a bit of a sandy car."

Donghyuck's stomach turns at that, and he can't help the feeling of adoration that pumps through his veins. New and radiating like fresh lit sunshine in the mornings, and dear god, Donghyuck loves it. 

He turns onto his side and pulls his legs up a bit, just so he can be looking at Mark. 

Mark follows along and takes a deep breath, fingers touching along Donghyuck's jaw before he lets it play with the sand between them. 

And Donghyuck just watches him because he thinks it's too awkward to look at Mark while he's thinking of his first thing to say. He just watches Mark draw a little before he scoops up sand and lets it fall back onto the ground. 

"I'm so fucking sorry for hurting you," Mark's nostrils flare out as he speaks before his lips run into a straight line, and for a moment Donghyuck thinks he might start to choke up. "I knew it was happening, and I didn't try to stop it, and for that I feel entirely so fucked up."

Donghyuck puts a stop to it before it even continues. 

He reaches forward and brings their foreheads together, his hand resting on Mark's waist. 

"Don't say that," he tells him. "You can't say that about yourself, Mark. You obviously had something going on."

Mark nods profusely. He nods again and again as he pulls Donghyuck's head harder against him, until he feels a tight burning between their skin. 

"I did," Mark sighs. "I did, Donghyuck. I have a lot going on in my family, and I was working myself so fucking hard that sometimes I only thought about you when I was sleeping," he takes a breath before he swears. "It's not that I wasn't thinking about you because I was always thinking about you, but my bosses were working me so hard and I was working myself so hard that my mind was so fucking busy and when I got home, I just laid in bed and cried to myself when I thought about you."

Mark has tears in his eyes and Donghyuck can feel the goosebumps on his skin. 

He strokes over Mark's bicep as he pulls back a little from his forehead, just so he can look into Mark's eyes and physically see the emotion that he has pooling there — the emotion that is so ready to come pouring out.

"Why would you cry, Mark?" He asks. 

He has to ask, because he wants honesty. He feels the gut wrenching hurt in his body, he feels the pain, but they're already this far in, and Mark promised Donghyuck he wants things to get better between them, and Donghyuck wants this. He wants Mark. 

"Because I would sit there and think about how it's too late, and about how I should text you, but at that point I knew you were probably asleep because some of the shifts I was working were overnight shifts and fuck — I was trying to prove to my parents that I could make enough money to support myself over here so I would be able to go to school and I thought... 'fuck, I'll just make it up to him,' but over time, more days passed and I realized that distance from you was the last thing I needed. 

"Even if it would be just a few text messages, I should have reached out to you. I just didn't want to have to explain how shitty everything was because I didn't want you to think you had to help me, or — fuck, I don't want to make it sound like I didn't want your help, but I just," Mark sucks in a deep breath. 

Donghyuck nods his head. 

"I just want you to understand everything, I just wanna tell you slowly but I keep stumbling over my words as I realize more things, please be patient with me?" Mark pleads. 

All Donghyuck can do is nod his head. He can't even say a word. 

"When I first arrived, my parents were ready to tell me that they wanted to pull all of my privileges. All of the expenses they were helping me with, including my tuition and some other things they help me pay for. Coming here and exploring over here has always been a dream. Just attending this school has been a dream for me, really.

"So, when they told me they wanted me to come home, I nearly lost it. I love my family, Donghyuck, I do. They love me too, but I just think they are showing me love in all the wrong kinds of ways. They never want me to leave. They are trying to rid me from all of the fun and all of the opportunities I have, just because they think I'll enjoy it more if I stay there and somehow flourish in the little town I am from. But, I want more. I want it here, I want my friends, the beach, our city. I want _you,_ like fuck, I wasn't going to let them take this dream from me. 

"They told me that if I want to come back to Hawaii then I can figure out a way to afford it on my own, and I don't know if I can," Mark's tears finally drip down his cheeks. "I worked hard all fucking summer to prove to them that I can make enough money to follow my dream of thriving on my own with a good group of people in a crazy cool area, but there's no way I can do that without the things that they helped me with throughout the years. They stripped them away, took my savings for paying for their house. I understood, but I needed that."

Donghyuck rubs gently against Mark's side as he encourages him to continue. 

"I still don't know if I'll be able to stay. I told them I'd come back here to see everything about getting out of classes, or about transferring, and that's why I'm renting the apartment for the next two weeks, but I—"

"—Wait, you think you'll go back?" Donghyuck wipes one of Mark's tears away. 

"I don't know," he shrugs. "I have to for sure, to go get a lot of my things to bring here if I wanna try, but I have to try and convince them that I can find a way to pay for things over here. I'll have to find a cheaper rooming situation, maybe with someone, and then scholarships to help fund my education. All types of shit going on. Because, I don't want to give this up."

"You shouldn't have to."

"I don't want to give you up," Mark says next, a lot lower than before. 

Donghyuck pauses for a second before he sucks in a deep breath, hand coming up to Mark's cheek to properly wipe away his tears, trying not to leave any sand behind against his skin. He looks sad, definitely stressed, and Donghyuck hates the expression. 

He runs a hand through Mark's hair and shakes his head. 

"You shouldn't have to," he says again with a smile. "I'm right here. I also have an extra bedroom at my grandparents' place if you maybe wanna look into that."

Mark's bottom lip trembles. He tangles his arms around Donghyuck's neck as he drops half on top of him, leg hooking around the boy's waist. His breathing gets a little more tense as he stays in Donghyuck's neck, body hidden, breath hotter as he cries gently, chest against Donghyuck's as they lie in the sand. 

But, Donghyuck just holds him. 

Of course he does. He wants to be there for Mark, wants to support him, understand him, learn him, and slowly let him back into his life. 

"I'm so sorry," Mark kisses against his skin lightly. "You deserve a better best friend... but let me be that better best friend for you."

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows. 

"What do you mean?"

He pulls back and brushes Donghyuck's hair back, fingers getting a little caught in the ends of it. It's sandy, but it's too late to be careful because there's sand everywhere by now. 

"I fucked up," Mark ignores the look on Donghyuck's face when he says it. "I should have reached out because I needed you. I closed myself off and sometimes we do that, as people, but I should have known that I would have felt better if I had you in my ear to give me little jokes, or to just brighten up my day even if it were for ten seconds. 

"So, let me gain your trust back, Donghyuck. Let me be your friend again and prove to you that I can take care of you, and of myself, and of us. I want to be there for you for when you're not feeling well, and when something goes shitty, or just on good days, and all the damn time. I feel like shit because we didn't talk on each other's birthdays, or when you got into that wreck, and holy shit."

Donghyuck runs his fingers down Mark's back, feeling warm all over, reminding him of times back in their dorm, when Mark would whisper at his ear and god, now he's thinking of how Mark kissed him before he left back to Canada. 

He wants to let his friend Mark back into his life — of course he does. But Donghyuck's body is even telling him how bad he _needs_ Mark. 

So, he tells him fully. Honesty seeping right out of him. 

His hands scratch up until they're curled in Mark's hair. 

"You do know that I don't want to just be your friend, right?" Donghyuck whispers. 

Mark's chuckle against his neck vibrates, and it's so low toned that Donghyuck feels a sharp jolt to the center of his stomach. Mark runs his hand along Donghyuck's side. 

"You should know I am the same, yeah?" 

The warmth turns to a small fire in the pit of Donghyuck's stomach, and the fact that Mark is lying half on top of him definitely isn't helping. 

"Well, what should we do about that then?"

Mark's hand slides down to fiddle with the strings that are hanging down from Donghyuck's hoodie. He just twists them between them between his fingers and playfully takes a dramatic deep breath, sighing out in the crevasse of Donghyuck's neck. 

"Can I please kiss you?" He asks politely.

Donghyuck lifts one of his legs until his knee is propped up. In this sort of position, he can feel the way Mark is much warmer than he appears to be, their bodies closer than Donghyuck ever thought they would be again. 

After all of his late night thoughts about Mark coming home to him, lying next to him in bed again, nothing crossed his mind about resting with Mark in the sand like this, his body heated and his heart beginning to soften up once more. Nothing feels as good as he does right now, with Mark's hands fiddling against his chest. 

"I think I would really like you to," Donghyuck blinks up at him, goosebumps rising to his skin like they have nothing better to do. 

Mark nods his head, dipping his head between Donghyuck's neck to kiss the thin skin there. 

It sends a jolt right to Donghyuck's chest, making him suck in a deep breath with a need to have Mark right up against his skin, body hard and heavy on top of him, both of them rolling their hips together as they pant into each other's mouths. He wants that, and he sure as hell hopes that Mark wants it too. 

"You're gonna," Donghyuck nearly swears in the middle of his sentence when he realizes how breathy his words are sounding. "You're gonna kiss me on the beach?"

Mark pulls away and chuckles. 

"Actually," he sits back until he's on his knees. 

His change in energy makes Donghyuck prop himself on his elbows, head tilting to the side in curiosity. 

"I wanted to ask if you wanted to come over?" Mark bites down on his lip, rubbing his hands together before he rests them kindly over Donghyuck's stomach. 

The younger's smile turns into a thin line as he looks over at Mark. 

"Like a sleepover? Like in the dorm?" He pipes up. 

"Kind of? Yeah, yeah. I'd like that, I think." 

Donghyuck then stands up. 

"Then I say let's go, Mark Lee," he winks. "Let's have one hell of a sleepover."

✧

Donghyuck thinks about holding Mark's hand the entire ride home, but he's not quick enough to make the first move, because Mark does it first. 

Except, it's not his hand that he holds. 

No, Mark keeps his palm pressed to Donghyuck's thigh, fingers dipping lightly in as he just rests it there, Donghyuck naturally parts his legs open as he looks forward at the road, watching Mark take a few back roads to get back to the apartment he's renting. 

The streets are quiet now, and there's a bit of rain that they were lucky enough to dodge right before it came pouring down, and Donghyuck almost thinks of it as a gift. Like something honorable that he wants to cherish, because now he's starting to love the rain as he associates it with Mark. Mark who is like quiet rain, like the soft drizzle that you can hardly hear, the one that makes you want to walk outside in order to see it for yourself. 

Like something you really have to see in order to believe. God, Donghyuck really thinks of Mark like that. 

He feels Mark shift his hand begin to rub along his inner thigh, tense heat creeping up his spine as he chews on the skin of his cheek. 

There are nerves in the pit of his stomach because Donghyuck knows he's going to kiss Mark like crazy as soon as they get comfortable in his apartment, and as soon as they strip down from the sand covered clothes that they are in. 

He wonders if Mark is thinking as hard as he is. 

He's definitely squeezing Donghyuck's thigh every few seconds, so maybe he _is_ indeed thinking about how they'll kiss each other, how they'll touch each other, and how they'll spend a lot of their time together tonight. 

With one more squeeze of his thigh, Donghyuck finally has to push his legs together and arch his back off of the seats as he looks over at Mark with a shy smile. Mark only looks back with blushed cheeks when he realizes how shy Donghyuck is. 

"Oh shit," he whispers. "I'm sorry, was that too much?" 

Donghyuck looks at him as his heart starts to pound harder, a rush of what feels like pure gold rushing straight to his core.

Mark's hand is hot between his legs, and Donghyuck wants more of it, he wants _all_ of it, so carefully and slowly he just shakes his head, leaning down as he opens his legs again, giving Mark access once more. 

He sighs low this time, trying not to accidentally make it sound like a moan as he does it, but Donghyuck genuinely doesn't think he can help it when Mark's fingers feel so good against his clothed legs. 

"It's okay," Donghyuck says as he rests his chin by his shoulder, just staring at Mark's jaw as he smirks. "I like it."

Mark raises his eyebrows as he keeps his eyes solid on the road, hand pushing a little harder into Donghyuck's lap as his lips curl up into a teasing smirk. 

The humming of the car, the bumps they roll over, and the wind rushing through the crack in the windows all make Donghyuck feel incredible. He relaxes himself and just focuses on the beauty in Mark's features. The way his skin looks so smooth, the way his lips are shaped to perfection. God, Donghyuck really wants to just kiss him. 

Without even realizing that he's doing it, Donghyuck moves his hips up off the chair, like he's trying to roll his body up into Mark's hand that rests on his lap. Mark instantly puts more pressure there so Donghyuck can do it again, getting the kind of reaction and shock right to where he needs it most. 

He whispers out a swear, his eyes still staring at Mark. 

"Fuck," he hums, slamming his hips back into the chair. 

Mark swallows hard as he shakes his head hard, almost like he's trying to focus more on the road. It makes Donghyuck giggle. 

They make eye contact when Mark looks over at him, just to see Donghyuck with his face against his shoulder, looking right at Mark like he wants to kiss him all fucking night. Mark parts his lips scratches down to Donghyuck's knee before he slams his own legs closed, his shorts riding up a bit. 

Donghyuck stares at the fabric before he looks at Mark's tinted cheeks. He leans over to run his finger along Mark's jaw, pressing a kiss there. He almost giggles out loud when Mark tilts in his direction to make the cheek kiss easier for him. 

"You get flustered easily, huh?" Donghyuck teases as he sets his hand on top of Mark's, intertwining their fingers before things get anymore heated. 

Mark just scoffs playfully as he glances over, bringing their hands up to his lips to hold them there. 

"Me?" He asks. "You're the one bucking your hips up into my—"

"—Okay! Hush now."

Mark kisses his knuckles again, and Donghyuck feels his body burning with desire. 

He feels himself beginning to learn Mark piece by piece. And he feels like right now, right in this car, that he has just taken a piece of Mark and accepted it into his heart. He has taken it through him, and sorted it out, and finally settled it out in order to decide that this is who Mark is — just a college kid with a big heart, and a need to please people. He's learning Mark piece by piece, and Mark wants to learn him right back.

Pulling up to the apartment feels slower than anything they have ever felt before, but Donghyuck follows Mark in patiently, staying shy behind him as Mark hands him a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. Donghyuck assures him that it's all he needs because his boxers are probably not covered in sand. He tells Mark that he'll beg for some if they are. 

They chuckle as they stand side by side over the tub in the bathroom, using the faucet with the sweatpants rolled up, rinsing off their feet to get the remaining sand and dirt off. Mark even splashes Donghyuck for a second before the younger scolds him and practically shouts at him to not soak the floors. 

Once they shut the water off, Mark throws him a towel to dry his feet, telling him to make sure to dry at his elbows, since the sand was surely stuck behind there. 

"Oh, god," Mark turns Donghyuck around. "It's all in your hair, too. Do you just wanna hop in the shower?" 

Donghyuck sighs before he pouts. 

"I wanna," he looks into Mark's eyes, nerves kicking in as he licks his lips. "I wanna kiss you already."

Mark just licks his lips too, right before he smiles wide, turning in the other direction as he hides away from Donghyuck for a few moments. 

When he looks back at him, he nods his head. 

"Yeah," Mark shrugs. "I agree."

Not another second goes by before Mark rushes forward, his hand hooking around the back of Donghyuck's head, their lips smashing up against each other. 

It's rough, _oh_ , it's so rough at first, like the both of them are so desperate to touch each other. They're desperate to taste each other, to reach for the feeling of their first kiss together, from the way they felt before Mark had left for the summer. They strive to reach deep down between the both of them so they can pull it back out, and come out of the water with a gasp, remembering the feeling. 

Donghyuck instantly whines, his hands gripping at Mark's sides as he walks with him backward until his legs hit the bed. 

"The sand," he breathes into Mark's mouth. 

But, Mark just shakes his head. 

"I can change the sheets. It's fine," Mark pushes him back against it before he crawls over him, deepening the kiss into something that feels like pure bliss. 

Oh, Donghyuck doesn't think he's ever felt so secured before. 

Mark hovers over him, breathing heavily as his tongue melts with Donghyuck's, the taste of saltwater somewhere between them, along with the chocolate that he recalls from earlier. He thinks about how intense it clouds around them, along with the smell of the soap that they stomped their feet in while they stood in the bathtub a few moments ago. 

"God," Donghyuck pulls Mark down hard against him. "Please."

"Please what?" Mark licks behind his teeth and Donghyuck nearly loses it right then and there. 

His legs shake a little as his entire core relaxes, almost like Mark has found the one spot that makes him weak. He fingers with the bottom of his shirt too, asking politely if he can slip his fingers up underneath it for a few moments. Donghyuck nods so quickly that he gives himself a little bit of a headache. 

"Please just touch me," Donghyuck hooks his leg around Mark's back and yanks him down until their bodies meet so hastily. 

Mark shakes his head as he giggles into Donghyuck's mouth, and Donghyuck, as expected, swallows it right down. 

They kiss like that for a while, before Donghyuck decides to turn them around, before he relieves himself of the hot burning pressure and sits flat on top of Mark's waist, just teasing his fingers at his shoulders as he kisses him deeper, thinking about how lucky he is to finally have him here. 

He smiles in the kiss, their teeth soon bumping. 

Mark tugs on his hair hard, and Donghyuck practically groans at it, rolling his hips down into Mark's a few times. A few times turns into a few more, and before he knows it, they stop kissing, both of them just panting into each other's mouths as they meet their hips together — Mark rolling his up as Donghyuck grinds his down. 

"Fuck, oh, — _holy shit,_ I'm," Donghyuck drops his forehead onto Mark's shoulder before he stops, setting light kisses there. 

He knows he’s quite hard in Mark's sweatpants, and he knows Mark is no better because he can feel it underneath him, and Mark just tilts his head to kiss his neck softly. His hands even rub down Donghyuck's back. 

"You okay?" Mark asks him softly. "Are we okay?" 

He's breathing a little heavier than they were a few moments ago, and Donghyuck stays in Mark's now sweating neck as he chuckles. 

"Yes, I'm just really fucking turned on now," he giggles. 

Mark lets his nails scratch up Donghyuck's back.

"Well," he hums. "Me too. Do you want to continue? We can stop if you want, or we can just... a little. You tell me, baby."

Donghyuck runs his fingers a bit down Mark's waist, right between their raising chests. 

"I don't wanna stop, but I kind of want to move slower?" He looks at Mark this time. “It’s a bit new for me.”

Mark just nods his head and presses a solid kiss to Donghyuck's mouth. 

"You wanna just keep doing what we were doing?" He grins. 

"Yes, oh _fuck_ — please."

Mark giggles this time and nods before he brings their mouths together slowly, raising his thigh so he can guide Donghyuck's hips back to his before he begins rolling them back together, this time even slower, more delicate as they focus on the emotion between them.

This time the feeling grows, and Donghyuck keeps his eyes closed as the heat builds, crawling all over his skin like pins and needles, making him feel better than incredible, like he's lying somewhere in the middle of heaven with Mark. 

"Just a heads up," Mark says so fucking low that it sends a jolt between Donghyuck's legs. "I won't last long."

"Me neither," Donghyuck laughs this time, genuinely with Mark, already seeing the stars behind his eyes. 

Both of them begin swearing softly. 

"Turn me over," Donghyuck doesn't even realize he's whispering it until he feels the mattress against his back, and until he feels his thighs parting and Mark's hips rolling down into his again, more slow pressure.

Mark's laughter against his neck vibrates and makes him groan low, and he arches his back a little before he hooks his leg around his lower back again, feeling how heavy Mark is grinding his hips down into him. 

"You wanted me to do this just so you could dig your heel into my back?" Mark teases him. 

"Quiet," Donghyuck grips at his hair before he pulls him down and kisses him, hissing as he listens to his mind telling him that his feelings for Mark are growing so incredibly fast. 

When they both finish, Mark rests next to Donghyuck before he intertwines their fingers, both of them breaking out into a deep sort of laughter, turning onto their sides before they kiss so softly, gentle touches turning into even softer ones. 

"I have never felt so intense, holy shit,” Mark speaks honestly, tracing along Donghyuck's collarbone. "God, Donghyuck. You are incredible. I hope you know that."

"You're just saying that because I just made you—"

"—Don't you dare," Mark shuts him up with a kiss. "I'm serious, Donghyuck. You have the sweetest heart, the kindest voice, and you deserve the entire world. I want to be the one to give it to you, so I am asking you officially for a second chance."

"Hey," Donghyuck strokes his thumb over Mark's face. "You don't need a second chance, Mark. I never gave up on you."

Mark pushes his forehead toward Donghyuck's. 

"I want to be able to grow with you, take things easy, day by day, you know?" Mark kisses him again. 

"You have no idea how bad I want that, Mark," he whispers. "But, first we need that shower, don't you think?" 

Mark cackles out loud. 

"I think I agree."

Mark holds Donghyuck's hand as he leads him to the bathroom, turning on the water for him as he waits for it to warm up, pressing a kiss to his shoulder as he looks at him in the mirror. 

"Can I say one thing though? I don't want you to be upset about it, but I wanted to throw it out there in case you want to say yes." Donghyuck looks at Mark through the mirror. 

The boy cocks his head to the side and just looks at Donghyuck, humming in response as he dusts some sand off of his shoulder, urging him to continue. 

He rubs his hands up and down Donghyuck’s shoulders, swallowing as though he’s a little scared to hear what he has to say. But still, Mark hums and kisses the spot under his jaw in which he had pressed a light bruise to earlier. 

“What’s up?”

"I want to come back to Canada with you,” he nervously whispers. “When you go back to tell them you want to stay. I want to be there by your side.”

“Oh, Hyuck,” Mark wraps his arms fully around his waist from behind, just squeezing against him lightly. 

For a moment, Donghyuck doesn’t say anything. He just leans back against Mark and sighs, focusing on the embrace and the warmth behind him as Mark holds him and as he kisses the side of his head. 

“I wouldn’t ever ask you to do something like that,” he tells him honestly. 

Donghyuck looks at him through the mirror and shakes his head. He turns around. 

“That’s the thing,” he holds at the base of Mark’s neck, thumbs just running up along by his ears. “I want to be there, and I won’t intervene if you don’t want me to. You can tell them that I’m there just because I was there to see another friend, or for some ironic reason, but... I want to be able to support you. In person, Mark, I just — oh god, does this sound awful?” 

Mark hushes him, leans forward to slot their lips together, and ends up making Donghyuck melt into a kiss that feels like his toes are dipping into soft clouds below his feet. 

“It doesn’t sound awful, and trust me I want you there, too. I just — I don’t want them to say something that’ll hurt you because now that I’ve got you back, I don’t want anything to possibly push you away.” 

Donghyuck runs his thumb along Mark’s eyebrow before he gives him a little chuckle. 

“Honestly, I’ve been through a fair amount of family shit, Mark,” he says. “I can handle a little bit of words thrown at me, no offense.” 

Mark rubs their noses together, pushing Donghyuck in the direction of the shower. 

“Yeah? Because I would absolutely love to show them the main reason why I wanna stay here.”

“What is that reason, hm?” He teases him.

Mark fiddles with Donghyuck’s shirt, bending down to his ear before he mumbles, _“may I?”_

Donghyuck nods his head and lifts his arms as Mark helps tug his shirt off, setting his hand on his lower back to guide him further into the bathroom. 

“Just a guy who has managed to totally make me see life differently,” Mark shrugs. “Someone who makes me feel like I want to actually be myself and make the right moves and choices in my life to do good.” 

“Fuck,” Donghyuck turns with a whisper, chest warm and heart even warmer. “You’re gonna make me fall so fucking hard for you.”

Mark winks at him before he pinches his side.

“I’ll catch you, I promise,” Mark says. 

God, it gives Donghyuck butterflies, but he has to roll his eyes. It’s just... required. 

“You’re so annoying!” Donghyuck is blushing, but he covers it up. “Get out! I have to shower now! Go change the sheets or something!” 

Mark gives him one last kiss and another playful wink before he grabs some new sheets under the counter, disappearing out of the bathroom. 

Donghyuck just pouts at himself in the mirror as he lets his shoulders drop, pointing to his own heated cheeks as he shakes his head in annoyance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are getting Very close to the end .... woah
> 
> follow me on [twt](https://twitter.com/hyuckios)


	10. home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we have the last chapter of this fic. An entire 18k words. Sorry it took me a bit of time, but I have a lot of other things going on right now, and I wanted to make sure that this was written as best as it could be. 
> 
> There's a lot to take in for this chapter, and I wanted to thank you all for being so patient with me through this entire few months of this fic. It's been really fun to write, and I have enjoyed it so much. This fic feels very special to me, if I am being completely honest. I also hope that you all have enjoyed this too. 
> 
> Sorry for any errors.
> 
> Warning: there's mention of being sick, alcohol, as well as a lot of internal struggles in this chapter

"I promise we're okay," Donghyuck's bottom lip pushes out as far as it'll go. He even leans forward and digs his elbows into the side of the couch, eyes warm as they look down at Yukhei. 

The boy doesn't seem too amused, especially with a semi drunk Jeno hanging around his shoulders, trying to encourage Yukhei to come dance with him. His eyes stay trained on Donghyuck though, giving his best attempt at trying to make sure that his friend is secured and safe, all while his body tries to cling to the boy he really wants to kiss in just a few seconds. 

"Donghyuck, I—”

"—I promise," Donghyuck spins a little, and this time it's Mark who comes up behind him, both of his hands on Donghyuck’s hips to keep him steady, body right up against him to prevent him from falling right onto the busy carpet. "You — you're supposed to be on the other side of the house."

_Donghyuck is drunk._

"Forgive me for wanting to come find you," Mark speaks right at his ear, settling Donghyuck back onto his feet. 

Donghyuck feels flush. In his face, across his belly, and right behind his knees, where he knows he's weak. He feels a little dizzy, overwhelmingly comfortable, and giggly with a horrendous amount of humor as he looks around at his friends.

It's nice to know the majority of people he knows are here, right in this house, letting their summer memories go right before school comes around. 

That’s always fun. 

Donghyuck lets himself have that. 

But, he's not even sure that he's going to have Mark in a week's time. He's not sure Mark is going to be able to come back to where he wants to be, sitting by the sand and the water, hanging around his friends, finishing his education and moving forward with his life where he wants to, not where his parents want him to. 

Donghyuck doesn't really _want_ to toss alcohol down his throat and forget about the fact that they have a flight to catch tomorrow afternoon. He doesn't really want to be bubbling anger in his chest when he sees Renjun, or even Jaemin, who is making him grit his teeth and tighten his jaw. But, he also doesn't want to be sitting at home and curling himself up in his bed, fighting away the tears that threaten to slip down his cheeks. 

Mark is _here_. 

He's by his side. 

Not drinking, but Donghyuck doesn't let that worry him really. He doesn't pressure Mark into having a carefree night, doesn't force him into anything. Instead, he just tells Mark that it's there if he wants it, and that _he_ is here, if he wants him. 

And Mark _is here, wanting him._ He's got his hands against Donghyuck's hips, stabilizing him and making sure that Donghyuck doesn't trip over the potted plant that the owner of the house so carelessly placed by the laundry hall. 

"I know, Donghyuck," Yukhei finally says as he refers to the younger's words. "Just a bit worried, that's all."

Donghyuck hooks his arm around Mark's neck blindly behind him, his back pressed to Mark's front. Carefully, he tilts his mouth to the side as he searches for his ear. Mark makes it easier for him and leans down and in just a tad. His hands and his grip are so warm on Donghyuck's skin, even through his clothes. 

"Yukhei's worried about us going to Canada, tomorrow," he tells Mark.

Mark just chuckles and repositions them so he can wrap his arm around Donghyuck's waist. His eyes scan over to his friend. 

"Yeah, I am too."

The words cause a confused hum to roll through Donghyuck's drunk body. He doesn't feel betrayed, but he feels uncomfortable, almost like he's curious as to why Mark isn't expressing the worries with him, especially when they're about to leave in less than twenty four hours. 

God, Donghyuck kind of just wishes he was sober. 

"Okay," Donghyuck slips out of Mark's grasp and heads back into the kitchen, ignoring the voices calling for him. 

The doubt running through his mind is so _loud,_ painfully loud and burning against the side of his head as he tries to tell it to just leave. 

He's usually good at facing things head on, but after getting Mark back in his sight, and after thinking about the possibility of him never returning, Donghyuck really just thinks he wants to take a few moments and slip away into the pits of the earth. 

"What's up?" He feels someone's shoulder graze against his. 

Filling up a cup of water, Donghyuck sighs and begins to sip, scooting away just slightly from the boy who is leaning next to him. 

"I'm just thinking," Donghyuck answers Jaemin honestly. "What do you want?"

Jaemin chuckles. Again and Again until he cocks his head to the side. 

"You have a lot of really deep shit that goes on in your life," he says out loud, and so damn slowly that Donghyuck kind of feels a little sick. "When are you going to just let yourself feel good?"

_"Excuse me?"_

Jaemin just licks his lips and pads across the room until he fills himself another drink. 

Everything from there almost moves in slow motion. The movements of footsteps that slip in front of Donghyuck as he stares at the ground. The jackets that slip by, the laughter that goes swimming through the air. Everything is so _slow_ that Donghyuck isn't even sure if he's in the right reality. 

"I mean," Jaemin says. "You handle a lot of things that kids like you shouldn't have to worry about. You're pretty strong, you know. It's tough, and I can imagine that you wonder a lot about when you're going to be happy. Sometimes you hurt people, but then things get better, and people grow, you know. But, you realize that you have been feeling happier lately, haven't you?"

A sharper feeling spins through Donghyuck's body when he realizes that Jaemin isn't talking to him, but rather _himself._

"Are you okay, Jaemin?" Donghyuck tilts until his hip is pressing hard into the counter. 

Jaemin turns until he's looking at Donghyuck. 

A smile rises to his face. 

"I'm better," Jaemin's eyes are full of emotion. 

He's faded and Donghyuck can tell, but he can see how meaningful his words are. The power behind his eyes is being held strong and Donghyuck almost wants to reach forward and lean his hand against his shoulder to offer his touch, but he keeps his positioning where he is. He just grins and nods. 

"I am, too," Donghyuck tells him honestly, watching Jaemin's eyes light up. 

"Rebuilding relationships with people, learning who I really am, not doing as many shitty things as I used to," Jaemin shrugs. "I am just feeling better. I think it's about time."

Jaemin chokes out a desperate kind of laugh and this time Donghyuck can't help but launch forward into his arms to hug him, tightening his arms around his neck, water from his cup sloshing right out. 

"I'm proud of you," Donghyuck's lips tremble. 

"You don't even know me that well," he croaks. 

"Who fucking cares," Donghyuck pulls away. "I learned a lot about how to care for people who aren't near me, for people who don't have the same experiences as me, I also learned how to open myself up to adventures and experiences about the world and the things it contains. Are _you_ proud of _me?"_

Jaemin gives him a sad smile and a pair of soft eyes. 

"Fuck yeah."

Donghyuck is soon left in the kitchen, wiping at his own tears as he pours himself another glass of water, trying to sober up more and more into the night. 

He sort of hopes that Mark will be coming in soon to find him, and now at this point, he really does want him to. He wants Mark to come forward, wrap his arms around him, kiss underneath his chin and never let him go. 

When he doesn't come, Donghyuck just makes his way back toward the couch, where he finds Yukhei and Jeno just sitting, hand in hand as they chuckle and talk to another couple. It brings an awkward feeling inside of Donghyuck's stomach when he realizes that Mark is not near them like he thought he would be. 

Jeno's smile is wide, expressive, and he cocks his head toward the balcony, almost like he's trying to tell Donghyuck to head that direction. 

Of course Donghyuck does. 

He doesn't just want to find Mark. He _needs him._

Under the satisfaction of Mark's hands and the soft laughter of his voice is Mark's kind heart, gentle and warm and ready to open up to Donghyuck. He knows he's the same, mind pulled tight over his body as he separates his thoughts from reality and understands that Mark is here and no longer is far away. Mark is sitting on the balcony and is giving Donghyuck a little bit of space that he needed. 

Stepping out and meeting the cooler air, or at least cooler than the inside of the hot house, Donghyuck sees Mark messing with the back of his hair, ruffling it as he engages in a conversation with another guy that he doesn't think he's ever seen before. 

The boy makes eye contact with Donghyuck and seems to know who he is because he says a few words to Mark and pats his knee, heading inside. 

Mark then cranes his neck backward and looks at Donghyuck with a half grin, hand reaching out to him. 

There's no hesitation in Donghyuck's step. If there is hesitation anywhere in his body, he doesn't bother showing it, not to Mark, not after he just had that conversation with Jaemin in the middle of the kitchen.

Resting against Mark's hand, he soon relaxes lower in his grip, until he's seated right on his lap, feeling the comfort of Mark's body touching his. As always, Donghyuck loves comfort, and coming from someone like Mark makes it all feel so much more real. 

"Tired?" Mark's hand slips a little underneath Donghyuck's shirt, rubbing just slightly against his skin that has become so hot from the alcohol that he has been drinking. 

Donghyuck just sighs and rests his cheek on the top of Mark's head. 

It works from the position they are sitting in, and Mark chuckles as he holds him closer, both of them just soaking in the moonlight and the gentleness of the weather around them. 

"Not too tired, just," Donghyuck cradles Mark's face in his hands and then grins so wide that it almost burns. "Just wanted to be alone with you."

Mark leans up and looks deep into Donghyuck's eyes, a bit of a sparkle pushing through the look he gives him. It makes the pit of Donghyuck's stomach light up. He wants Mark to pick him up and kiss him so incredibly hard, until they're both out of breath and thinking about each other and only each other. 

There's also a headache growing on the left side of Donghyuck's head and he knows that the moment he starts to kiss Mark, it'll just grow even worse, so he just settles with a genuine kiss to his forehead, one which Mark giggles softly at as he accepts it.

"Can I take you home now?"

Donghyuck gasps a little. 

"Home?" His voice sounds whiny and even he has to scrunch his nose up at how he sounds. "Mark, I can't go home. I'm drunk."

Mark kisses his shoulder. 

"I know baby," his voice rings out. "I promised your grandparents I would bring you home though. They know you're drinking tonight, too, remember?"

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows and raises one, forms his lips between a pout, a straight line, and then sighs. 

"Huh uh," he admits. "I don't remember, but fuck. I gotta sober up a bit."

Mark just nods.

"We can just drive or hang out in my car."

"Can we kiss?" Donghyuck blurts out. 

Mark stiffens a little as he bumps Donghyuck's hip with his fist. 

"C'mon, up you go. Let's say goodbye to our friends. We'll be in Canada tomorrow."

Donghyuck intertwines his hands with Mark, focusing on how he stays tight between his fingers, and trying to pick up on how Mark has him pulled against him. Donghyuck is drunk, yeah, but he can stand up just fine. He can walk on his own, look around and talk to others, but Mark is holding at his hip, holding his hand, almost like he's afraid of letting go. 

"I might not like," Mark croaks a little as he looks at Yukhei, "be able to come back so soon."

It's then when Donghyuck fully realizes that Mark is holding him tight because he just _needs_ a grip. He needs something secure in his life in this moment as he says a kind goodbye to his friends. 

There's a moment in time that passes over Donghyuck, something where he feels himself gripping harder for reassurance, all before he lets Mark go, just to let him hug Yukhei tight. 

A few others join in for the hug, to give Mark their good luck, not really knowing his status but knowing that he needs a gentle hug and a reminder about how the world hasn't quite taken over yet. They tell him that they'll see him again. 

Donghyuck knows it has to be true. 

Mark will return. 

He has to. 

Yukhei and Jeno swing their arms around Donghyuck, pinching his cheeks and kissing his head all at different times. 

"Call if you need anything," Yukhei says to him. 

"Remember that it's going to take a little bit of time, but it'll — you guys will be okay," Jeno adds. 

Donghyuck gives them one last hug before he heads out the door with Mark. 

✧

There's no rain outside of the car, but Donghyuck thinks there might as well be because everything is making him feel a little sleepy as he sits in silence with Mark, the older's fingers just tracing over his own in an attempt to calm him down just slightly. 

"They're not going to be mad, I promise," Mark tells him, shifting his hand until it rests on the edge of Donghyuck's cheek, fingers moving back until they're resting in his hair, scraping against his scalp. 

Oh, god, Donghyuck really is about to fall asleep. 

"You don't know them," Donghyuck frowns at him, eyes widening when Mark exits the car. "No! Mark, no—”

Mark is already coming around the passenger side to open the door, holding his arms out like he wants to help him walk. 

"You can't help me!" Donghyuck lifts his chin to the sky as he groans, making Mark's face light up before he moves into light giggles. "We have to act like everything is cool."

But, everything is _not_ cool. And it's so damn obvious. 

Donghyuck forgets about the curb Mark is parked by, and Mark has to pull him up and into his arms as they try to be quiet. 

"Just," Mark pets over his hair. "Hyuck, c'mon. They're expecting us, you know."

Donghyuck frowns as he looks up at Mark, a playful scowl on his face. 

For once, he feels comfortable, safe, and even so warm as he walks toward his home. It's somewhere that holds memories. Such _cold_ memories. But, Mark is here, and Donghyuck may be drunk, but Mark is being silly with him, and also serious as he tries to convince Donghyuck to get into the house safely so they can talk to his grandparents and then get into bed. 

He stands up straighter and just hooks his arms around Mark's neck, eyes scanning over Mark's eyes, catching a hint of desperation for sleep in them. 

"Kiss me?" Donghyuck asks him. 

Mark thumbs by his waist before he leans in, lips pressing flush against Donghyuck's. Hot and almost like new, Donghyuck melts into it as his fingers curl at the back of his neck. But before he can dive even further, Mark pulls away and drags his lips to Donghyuck's ear. 

"Bed time," he mumbles. "Got a flight to catch tomorrow. I don't want you to feel too awful."

Donghyuck pouts, the surge of butterflies and unavoidable happiness diving right into the pit of his stomach when he remembers how settled he is becoming, and how the tension in his shoulders is being released finally after all of these years. 

"Okay," he whispers, allowing himself to be led inside. 

Donghyuck's grandparents are in the living room, television on as they sit in the dark room, accompanied by just the light sound of it echoing around, nothing else. It's a little odd, and Donghyuck almost feels bad about them waiting up, but their smiles on their faces make him feel more comfortable. 

"So he's back," Donghyuck's grandfather mumbles from his chair, since it's still hard for him to maneuver around since his injury.

Donghyuck looks down. 

"I only drank a little bit," Donghyuck grins softly. "I'm just very tired."

He's speaking slowly, like he knows he's not supposed to be doing what he's doing. But in reality, he's home, he's safe, and he has Mark standing next to him. 

"Thank you, Mark, for bringing him back home," his grandmother says. "You two are leaving in the evening?"

Mark stands up straighter.

"Yes ma'am," he smiles. "Like around 5? I think I'll swing by and pick him up a little before that, just in case we hit some traffic."

Donghyuck clings to Mark a few seconds later, looking over at his grandparents with a kind smile. 

"I gotta go to bed," he whispers, chin against Mark's arm. 

Mark chuckles for the both of them. 

"May I please walk him up?" He asks. 

Donghyuck's grandfather shifts in his chair and looks Mark dead in the eyes for a few seconds, sending some sort of message right through the older boy's body. It makes Mark widen his eyes a little. Donghyuck doesn't really seem to notice it at all, but Mark stands there stiff, his heart and his nerves growing scared as he is watched. 

"That's fine," his grandfather nods. "Fifteen minutes, Mark."

"Yes—”

"Twenty," Donghyuck pouts, cheek rubbing up against Mark's arm.

Mark is red in his cheeks, breath increasing as he tries not to show how nervous he is standing there. His legs are weak, heavy even as he holds his arm around Donghyuck's waist. He squeezes him a little, almost like he's warning Donghyuck not to say anything else, especially because he doesn't want to test his grandparent's patience right now. Donghyuck is already coming home drunk with a boy next to him, leaving tomorrow for Canada with that same boy, now he's demanding more time upstairs with him. 

Oh, Mark is red. 

"Twenty," his grandfather finishes his sentence. "That's it, Donghyuck. Then he's gotta go. You need to go to bed. Mark?"

"Got it. Yes sir."

Mark leads Donghyuck up to his room, hands on his hips the entire time, listening to Donghyuck's low breathing of heavy huffs, almost like he's trying to giggle but has little to no energy as he does so. 

The bedroom is so clean, like explicitly clean since the last time Mark has been in it. 

Donghyuck had cleaned it before he had even gone out to the party since he had known that he wouldn't really have much time the next day since he'd probably spend a lot of that time packing and getting a lot of his things together, especially after spending the majority of the morning sleeping and dealing with the headache that'll pound all the way to his ears. 

"Got me?" Mark whips his head around at the sound of Donghyuck's voice. 

He's furrowing his eyebrows when he looks at Donghyuck, but he doesn't recognize anything other than the hands that are in the air and the body that is leaning his way. 

Donghyuck is _falling_ forward. 

Mark hurries to catch him, feeling a strain in his neck as he does so. But, of course, he doesn't think of anything else as he protects Donghyuck in his hold. Nothing matters more to him than keeping Donghyuck safe. 

There's a giggling echoing in his ears, so soft and sweet, picking Mark off his feet and throwing him right into the middle of the ocean to leave him to float on his own as he listens to Donghyuck's laughter and only that. 

Mark lifts him up a little and pushes the both of them until they're sitting on the edge of the bed, Donghyuck leaning more along Mark's leg than anything. 

"Yeah," Mark breathes out. "I got you."

He helps Donghyuck change into something warm next, his clothes from the party too annoying to want to sleep in. Donghyuck doesn't mind. He likes the idea of Mark helping him change into something more comfortable, something fuzzy even as it grazes the warmest parts of his skin. 

When Mark lays Donghyuck in bed, he notices a change in his smile. 

The boy's eyes are nearly closed, and his hands are hooked around Mark's neck as the older presses him back into the mattress, but his grin is speaking things that his mouth has never said before. 

"I gotta run," Mark tucks him in, heart surging forward, finally satisfied with the fact that Donghyuck is so close to him, especially after the ache the both of them had to deal with. 

Donghyuck frowns. 

"Can't you stay?" Donghyuck asks him, fiddling with the hair on the nape of his neck. 

Mark blinks, air going so easily in through his nose. 

"I wish," Mark nods, bending down to kiss the side of Donghyuck's cheek, his nose, and then his forehead. "I'll see you soon, though."

Donghyuck nods, his eyes closed but his smile wide. 

"Okay, Mark," he says as his hands slip from Mark's neck, only to rest on the front of his shirt, like he's tugging him forward. "Okay, Mark, I love you. Okay?"

Mark stills. 

The air he was breathing a moment ago suddenly feels like it has disappeared. 

Donghyuck's eyes are still closed, but his smile is so prominent that it's blinding. He even pulls his lips into his mouth and then forces out a giggle, peeking one eye open as he looks at Mark, eyebrow furrowing like he's trying to find him. Then, his chest rises and falls. 

"Fuck," Donghuck croaks. "M'sorry."

Mark goes in instantly, knee on the bed, hip on the bed, until he's half laying there, forehead pressed against Donghyuck's, their skin sticky there almost. He breathes with him for a minute as they struggle to cup each other's cheeks. 

"Don't say sorry," Mark whispers. 

"Fuck," Donghyuck whimpers this time. "That wasn't like," he swallows, "supposed to come out like that. I know I'm drunk, but I know what I'm thinking. It just wasn't supposed to come out... like that."

"I know, baby, I know."

Donghyuck nods and looks up at him, frowning a little. 

"Are you mad?" Donghyuck hesitates to ask. 

Mark brushes off his words with another kiss to his face. 

"Rest," he hums. "I'll see you in the evening tomorrow."

✧

When they set foot on the airplane, Donghyuck notices that his hands are clammy. 

He can tell that Mark is in a bad mood, frustration thick in his veins, heat high on his cheekbones from how much tension sits in his body. Donghyuck has been quiet too, and he can't really tell if it's from the fact that he knows he blurted out his love confession for Mark, or because he's just extremely nervous for the flight to Canada. 

Either way, Donghyuck hates the way his stomach is turning with a sickening feeling. 

They find their seats, sit comfortably in them, and as soon as Donghyuck buckles in, he unbuckles and tries to stand up. 

Mark's eyes widen and then peer up at him like he's a ghost. 

"Hyuck?"

Donghyuck stares at him and breathes out of his nose. 

"I don't feel well," Donghyuck blinks, lips trembling. 

"Are you going to be sick?" Mark moves his legs a little bit just in case Donghyuck needs to get by, but a flash of relief passes over his eyes. 

He lowers to his seat. 

"I just," Donghyuck takes a breath and touches Mark's thigh. "I felt super nauseous for a moment. I haven't eaten much and from the alcohol and nerves, I think I just..."

Mark lifts his hand to the back of Donghyuck's neck and squeezes it for a few seconds. Donghyuck goes lax in his grip, feeling Mark grazing his fingernails next, watching the way his own skin grows with goosebumps. 

"Here," Mark pulls his water out. "Sip? We should have grabbed the sports drink you wanted."

Donghyuck leans against his shoulder and shakes his head. 

"That's okay," his hands shake as he fumbles with his seatbelt again.

"I got it," Mark shifts until he helps Donghyuck get his buckle back in. 

Donghyuck just releases a sigh and closes his eyes tight, not even realizing that the airplane door has shut. It hits him when he feels the pressure in his ears, something he senses as a bad feeling. Mark is there to rest a hand on his knee, not wanting to trap his fingers just in case it's too much for him, just in case he needs air passing through the gaps in his hands to make him feel more settled. Mark gets it, and Donghyuck is glad he does. 

"Donghyuck?" Mark taps his knee a moment later.

The boy looks up at Mark and cocks his head to the side. 

"What?"

"I don't wanna step in or anything, but I really need you to breathe. You're going to give yourself a massive headache pretty soon, love."

Donghyuck realizes then that his entire body is tense, even down to the way he has his ankles pressed tight against one another, or the way his hands are clasping together. He blows air out of his nostrils and holds his palm up, like he's asking if he can hold Mark's hand. 

With a grin stretching across his face, Mark intertwines their fingers and brings Donghyuck's hand to his lips, kissing the back of it. 

Donghyuck tilts his face next, and just looks at Mark, feeling himself relax for a second. 

He's tense about flying, and a bit about how ill he sort of feels while he's trapped inside of a plane, but looking at Mark, and being reminded of his safety helps knock off one of the intense feelings burning at his throat. 

"Gum?" Mark asks. 

Donghyuck's body ignites at the word, already thinking about how it will help him. 

"God," he croaks. "Yes, yes! Please. You have some?"

Mark chuckles as he bends down to grab two pieces for him. 

"All yours."

The mint in Donghyuck's mouth helps relieve more of the oncoming nauseating feeling, and even helps a little with the worry of traveling. 

Soon as they take off, Donghyuck finds himself settling, and even starting to look over at Mark more, catching the way he shifts every few moments with the closer they arrive to Canada. 

Donghyuck's head is on Mark's shoulder, and he knows that Mark finds peace in threading his fingers through his hair because he keeps fiddling with it, stretching his farthest arm over to brush his hand across it when he can. It must burn in his shoulder as he reaches, but Donghyuck just hopes it calms Mark down just as much as it's calming _him_ down. 

He's also busying himself with playing a game on his phone, eyebrows furrowed and tongue darting out to wet his lips every few seconds. 

Donghyuck just watches the game from his position on Mark's shoulder, side hurting from the angle he's in. He doesn't care though. 

"You okay?" Donghyuck asks him when Mark shuts his phone off and just stares forward. 

Mark shrugs, making Donghyuck lifts off of his shoulder, turning to look at him with a frown flickering on his lips. 

"What if they don't let me stay, Donghyuck?" He asks. "What if I have to go back to live with them, what will we do?"

Donghyuck supposes that he's talking about the two of them, their relationship, and everything in between that. 

With as much confidence as Donghyuck can build up in those few seconds and in that small space between the rows of the airplane, he just grins. 

"Then we'll figure it out," he nods. "But, it's going to be okay, Mark. They're going to let you come home. With _me."_

Getting off the plane has a different kind of feeling to it. 

Both of them are silent. 

There's no small conversations about how nice the weather is, there's no words exchanged over the scenery or over what their plans for the rest of the day are. There's just the wall of silence that is being built between them, so thick and painful, stuck between them, neither of them ready to break it down. 

They arrive at a hotel soon enough, and Mark thanks the driver quietly, heading to the counter for check in. 

Donghyuck stands off to the side with exhaustion biting at his neck, but so much relief from the fact that he's no longer sitting on the plane. There's now tension in his body from how worried Mark seems though, and Donghyuck wonders if there's really anything he can do in this kind of moment. 

Their room is simple. 

There's a large king size bed, a little desk off to the side and a couch area right past the desk with a tall stand up lamp. The color scheme is nice, and Donghyuck internally grins at it, thankful for the view and the floor that their room sits as well. 

The bed is comfortable, he realizes as he sits on it, but Donghyuck still isn't sure which side he should take. He supposes the one closest to the air conditioner, but he knows the lights of the window will bother him when he wakes in the morning. He makes a note to ask Mark about if he's okay with sleeping with the curtains fully closed. 

Mark tosses his bag harshly to the side of the bed, making it hit the bedside table, an echoing sound flying back and forth. Donghyuck looks over at him and just parts his lips open and furrows his eyebrows when he sees Mark taking his shoes off, heading right into the bathroom without another word. 

It hurts his heart, like it's being squeezed without a single explanation. 

But, Donghyuck understands that there's probably a harsh line of confusion and worry in Mark's body. 

He exits the bathroom a few moments later and stares at Donghyuck from the other side of the room. 

Donghyuck is just laying on top of the bed, scrolling through social media with his ankles crossed when he looks up at Mark, their eyes connecting for what feels like the first time in hours.

Mark doesn't appear to be frustrated or worried, or even upset. He just looks like he has something to say, like he's dripping with a little bit of eagerness, or hopelessness, and Donghyuck locks his phone as he sets it beside him... all before he sighs. 

"Hey," Donghyuck breaks the ice. 

Mark's eyes soften instantly. 

Behind the gaze is something Donghyuck is familiar with. It's Mark's desperation to be held, to be needed, and Donghyuck can see it finely written in the thinnest kinds of ink, on thick cardstock paper, tucked into envelopes, wrapped so perfectly. Mark's body language is pure, and Donghyuck wants to hold him, make him feel as loved as possible in the hotel room with artificial lights and old sheets. 

He extends his arms outward toward him, and Mark comes crawling up the end up the bed, just until he's laying preciously on top of Donghyuck, body fitting like his missing puzzle piece, like he's been waiting for Mark to join him all day. 

Mark is not excessively warm right now, but he heats Donghyuck up just a tad, causing his skin to sizzle underneath their skin tight bodies. 

Donghyuck touches at Mark's hair. 

"I think you should stay," Mark admits in such a defeating voice. 

Donghyuck doesn't answer him. 

"I don't know what they're going to say at first," Mark says. "But, let me go talk to them a little bit tonight, and let me do it alone, Donghyuck. I think we should start with that."

Donghyuck doesn't deny him what he thinks is right. 

But he wishes Mark thought differently. 

Because when Mark stumbles into the room hours later, tears down his cheeks and eyes rimmed red, Donghyuck curses himself for not having the ability to turn back time. 

Mark shuts and locks the door and kicks his shoes off, breath unsteady and mind so fuzzy, heart breaking as he chokes on his own sobs, violently and so carelessly as he steps forward. 

Donghyuck waits patiently.

He's already dressed in his pajamas. He's wearing a long shirt — just that and a pair of shorts and some socks because it's so cold in the room and he cannot figure out how to work the air conditioner for the life of him. He doesn't bother with warmer clothes because he has the blankets, but the socks are a perfect addition. 

He's on his knees soon, perched on the end of the bed, arms extended like he's ready to take Mark into his arms, proving that everything is okay. He'll do it any possible way he can, he'll show him in every breath of air, every touch of his hands, anything to prove to Mark that things are okay. Because from the looks of it, Mark isn't okay. 

Mark is in his arms in less than a few seconds, and Donghyuck wraps his forearms so tight around his neck that he wonders if it hurts. But, the touch Mark gives him is so much gentler, almost like Mark is terrified that Donghyuck will be upset with him, too. 

"Did you really mean it?" Mark mumbles into his neck. 

Donghyuck races through every part of his brain to figure out what Mark's words mean, what the phrase among his tears are trying to ask him — or if he's just referencing something that his parents had said. 

"If you meant it, can you say it again?" Mark says it softer this time, like he needs it. 

Like he needs something. 

Donghyuck catches on, a curling ball of fire buzzing in his chest, rolling up into his throat. 

"I love you, Mark," he hums by his ear. 

Mark chokes a little before he swallows, just falling forward until he nuzzles into Donghyuck's neck, nodding again and again. 

Like that, they lay for a while. 

Donghyuck even feels himself drifting off to sleep. He really should, too, because they've had a long day of traveling, and now it's dark, late, and they need rest. But, he becomes a little distracted when Mark presses simple kisses to where he is hidden in his neck. 

Donghyuck can't help but giggle. 

"You okay?" Donghyuck asks him. 

A sigh bounces off of Donghyuck's skin.

"They rejected me instantly," Mark sniffles, clears his throat, and then backs away a little so he can be in a better position to have a conversation with Donghyuck. 

He frowns and turns, hand moving up so he can touch along Mark's features, the parts along his face that Donghyuck knows he's completely in love with. The thought of that sends such heavy shocks to his stomach, but he doesn't want to stray away from the main topic. He furrows his eyebrows instead. 

"How?"

"I walked in there, told them that I'm back here to talk about how I want to stay and finish my education and make a life for myself, but there was like... no space or option for me to even talk. They just told me that they don’t think it’s right, that they'll find a way to get me back here."

Donghyuck hates the way it sounds. He can hardly even listen to Mark, really. He sounds weak as he speaks, blinded and sad as his words come tumbling out from his mouth, dropping flatly onto the mattress between them. 

"That's so awful, Mark," Donghyuck tells him. "Unfair and so awful."

Mark nods as he plays with Donghyuck's fingers underneath the blanket, fingertips tapping on the back of his hand. 

"I just want to stay in this moment with you, Donghyuck," Mark admits. "I don't want to be anywhere else. I don't want to think about anything else."

Donghyuck doesn't say another word. 

He holds Mark, kisses the top of his head, and lets him fall asleep in his arms. 

✧

Sometimes, Donghyuck thinks about how his ideas are good, about how they seem near perfect in the spur of the moment, maybe as he's backing out of his driveway. But, as soon as he reaches his destination, it's almost like a downpour of realization makes him understand that his entire so-called plan might just be the most ridiculous and terrifying thing he's ever thought of. 

He's sure, _very sure,_ that standing right outside of Mark's family home by himself is quite literally one of his worst ideas. 

He had just asked Mark to head down to this one place he had been talking about for a while — all morning actually. 

Donghyuck stayed in bed with him as they woke, cuddled with him, kissed him once they had showered and cleaned themselves up. They giggled together, touched their warm skin, fell needy to one another as they just soaked in the warm embrace that they had to offer. 

They began to tease each other about how their stomachs were interrupting the way they were trying to just drown in their deep kisses. Donghyuck was blaming Mark, but Mark was only blaming him in return. 

A little while after, Mark had begun telling Donghyuck more about his conversations with his family from the previous night, and about how he told his family he would be coming back over with Donghyuck the next evening. His parents seemed tense over it, so Mark didn’t elaborate too much.

The thought of it, and the way Mark sounded as he restated the words that his parents spoke to him, made Donghyuck's heart clench. 

It's not like Mark liked it one bit either. He clenched his teeth, curled his leg over Donghyuck and brought his arm around the boy's waist to tell him that he's sorry his parent's words are harmful at this point in time. 

Donghyuck told him not to fear, and yet again promised that things would be okay. Donghyuck reminded him that he was here for a reason, and Mark, _weak Mark,_ held onto him — him and his words. 

Which is how Donghyuck finds himself feeling worried, and wanting to cry again as he stands in front of Mark's family home, heart hammering in his chest, a sad feeling sticking in the back of his head as he realizes what kind of situation he has gotten himself into. 

He has just lied to Mark. 

He just told him to grab some food for the two of them. 

Mark thinks Donghyuck is upstairs in bed, waiting for him, when in reality, he's standing next to this house, a house full of emotions that leave Donghyuck wanting to wonder why they want to strip Mark from what makes him so happy. 

He's overstepping, he's making a mistake, but Donghyuck worries about Mark and his well being. 

He even teeters on the thought that: _maybe Mark won't forgive me for lying to him, but if I can potentially save him, get him back home, then maybe he can be happy._

"Hey," he hears a voice to the side of him. 

Freezing up, Donghyuck shifts on his feet, turning so quickly until he sees a taller boy standing beside him, clad in warm clothes: just a hoodie and shorts, kind of like he's going on a run. 

"Hi," Donghyuck's voice is so much higher than he actually thinks it is, and he has to clear his throat before he makes eye contact again. 

He fills with regret. Sore in his veins and cracking near his bones, Donghyuck wishes he could rewind time and just be back in bed, curled up next to Mark, tapping at his forehead, teasing him, for snoring a little throughout the night. He wants to kiss him, think about their next move, and feel the way their skin melds together. 

Playing hero never goes well, not when he's just a civilian. 

"You're Donghyuck, aren't you?" The boy asks him. 

Donghyuck starts to sweat. 

He nods. 

He wonders who this could be. It's not like Mark really mentioned who exactly his friends from home were, and he doesn't really think Mark has any siblings at this age. 

"I'm Johnny," he says. "A family friend. Mark has spoken lots about you."

Donghyuck shouldn't blush. But, he knows there's heat rising up into his cheeks. _How can there not be?_

"What are you doing here?" Johnny asks as he leans on one leg. 

Donghyuck croaks out before his voice peeks through. 

"I made a really poor choice of trying to do something without telling Mark, and now I just want to go back to him before he finds out, but I've fucked up," Donghyuck's lip is trembling. 

_Fuck._

Johnny cracks a smile. 

"Did you try to come talk to his parents without him?" 

"Yeah," Donghyuck says. "I didn't bring my phone either. I left it in the hotel with Mark, wrote a note for him, but I'm not sure he's back from getting food yet. I just want to apologize to him so bad, because I don't want to do anything without him. It was a stupid spur of the moment decision, you know? Fuck, and now I can't even call a ride back."

Johnny just whistles. 

"I can call him for you, Donghyuck," he says with worry in his expression. "Knowing him, he's not going to be upset with you. Just explain yourself."

Donghyuck doesn't know about that one.

He watches Johnny dial the phone number, put it to his ear, and then stare at him. He looks to the ground as it rings and soon he digs his shoe into the concrete. 

Donghyuck just waits.

"Hey man," Johnny says. "I've got someone here who wants to talk to you — no, no. No, yeah, he's okay. Woah, hold on, Mark, yeah, okay. Here."

Johnny's eyes widen a bit as he hands the phone to Donghyuck. 

For a second Donghyuck just looks at it, seeing a flash of a name on the screen that says, _Mark Lee,_ with a couple of funny emojis. If it were any other time, he could laugh, but right now, there's really no time for it. He can't no matter how hard he tries. 

He presses it to his ear and just lets out a shaky breath. 

"Donghyuck?" He hears. 

His head kicks into action. 

"Mark," he swallows. "I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. Please, forgive me."

"Hey, hold on. Baby, c'mon. What happened? Why'd you leave?"

Mark's voice sounds strangled through the phone, and Donghyuck walks a few feet away from Johnny, further away from Mark's family home, just for the sake of not wanting to run into anybody right now. He doesn't think that would line up very well. 

He's aching. His heart and his body are hurting, and he desperately wishes he could see Mark right now, rather than just be listening to his worried voice through the phone. He feels guilty already, but this feels even worse, almost like he's been caught and trying to make things better. 

"I just wanted to help," Donghyuck breaks through the first wall, tears building up in his eyes. "I was so sad, and hurt, and I didn't want you to have to deal with this, and I know you're mad because I shouldn't have come on my own but I know that now, too. As soon as I got into the car, I knew I should have asked the driver to let me out. But, I didn't want to be rude."

"Donghyuck—”

"No, I overstepped so bad and I am so fucking sorry, Mark. I just wanna come back home to you. I shouldn't be here. I would never have gone in, I swear. It was just in the moment."

It's quiet for another moment.

"Johnny can bring you back," Mark says.

"I can just..."

"Johnny will drive you," Mark says again. "Hand him back the phone please, I'll ask him."

Donghyuck feels defeat flushing through his body. 

When Johnny drops him back off at the hotel, he feels heavy, a new overwhelmed sensation rolling through him as he walks up, or even as he knocks back on the door. 

There's no real thoughts in his head at the moment, because he didn't even bring a damn keycard with him, so he wasn't sure what he would have done to get back into the room if Mark hadn't been right on the other side of it, waiting for him. 

As he opens the door, Mark's shoulders drop. 

For one, Donghyuck expects maybe a scolding look, disappointment high on his cheeks and so low in his gaze. But instead, Mark just pulls him in for a tight hug, and he kicks the door shut. 

His lips breathe out slow air by the skin of Donghyuck's neck, and it only takes a moment for Donghyuck to realize that Mark is thankful for his arrival. 

"Never scare me like that again," Mark hums by his ear.

They're still situated by the front door, but Donghyuck doesn't dare to move. Not now, not when Mark is holding him like he never wants to let go. Donghyuck will soak in this moment, he'll let his body hang onto this, desperately, and hopefully as he dreams of staying in such an intimate time with Mark Lee. 

"I didn't mean to," Donghyuck whispers. "But, I did it anyway. And I am sorry."

Mark just grips at the back of his neck and _holds_ him. 

He doesn't say a word for a while. 

When he recollects his thoughts, they are bunched together on the bed, with Donghyuck between Mark's legs, pulled tight against his chest, both of them just peering out toward the little window, with the curtain blowing out from the air conditioner. It's cold, but Mark's warmth and the blankets keep them even warmer. 

"You know, Donghyuck," Mark starts. "I'm thankful that you wanted to go talk to them on your own."

Donghyuck just listens to him, waiting for him to say something else. 

"That shows me that you care, and that you want to protect me," Mark kisses his head. "I love you for that."

Donghyuck nods his head, leaning further back into Mark, feeling his lips press back into his head. He loves the way it feels, so light, airy, like the warmest flowers, like the gentlest waves back home. 

He shoots up. 

He turns. 

His eyebrows furrow and his eyes widen as he pushes his hand on Mark's knee to get a better look at him, body half twisted in Mark's embrace. 

Mark smirks at him, the most sincere look in his eyes. 

He then shrugs. 

"You—”

"Yeah," Mark swallows. "I do."

Donghyuck frowns, his eyes already wanting to fill up with tears. His chest is burning, like fire is spilling around in it, and he's not really sure if he can look at Mark for much longer without thinking about how Mark just confessed his love for him. 

"Really Mark?" Donghyuck chuckles low. "Right now? You're supposed to be mad at me."

"Hey, you confessed when you were drunk and—”

"Oh, c'mon."

Mark tilts his chin up and doesn't hesitate before bringing their mouths together in a soft kiss. It's a lot warmer, more in depth than anything they have felt before. Donghyuck thinks he loves it, adores it, and he wants to feel it again, especially the moment Mark pulls away. 

"I'm not mad at you, Donghyuck. Not at all. Please understand that. In fact, I kind of wish you would have gone in, but that's just a selfish thought, because that would have hurt you too."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Mark shakes his head as he looks at him. "You're here for this exact reason, Donghyuck. You came here so you could talk to them with me, right?"

He says the last part a little quieter than he probably would have liked to, because Donghyuck can pick up on the way he's being a little less enthusiastic, but he doesn't say anything. Not when there are other thoughts going on between them. 

"Yes."

"I think it might have been a little bit of bad timing," Mark's words are honest. "And you really just worried me more than anything. Leaving your phone behind, leaving me with nothing but a note. That was a poor, poor choice, and you scared me. That is what I am upset about. Not about the fact that you wanted to go talk to my parents, Donghyuck."

A light burns inside of Donghyuck, and he takes a few deep breaths as he thinks about the situation again. 

Mark's right, of course he is. 

"I understand," Donghyuck leans back slowly, hoping that Mark will take him into his arms. 

When he does, Donghyuck rushes around and hugs him properly this time, pokes his nose into the skin of Mark's neck, and tries to breathe in more than just the fear that is radiating off of Mark's warm body. 

Mark squeezes back, shifting down on the bed a little, trying to make things a little more comfortable for them. 

Neither of them really care though. 

"I love you, really. I do, Donghyuck. I cannot thank you enough for coming with me. I would have just given up after last night, honestly. I probably would have called you, told you that I would be withdrawing from classes, and — I don't know. I don't know."

Donghyuck runs his fingers through Mark's hair. 

"But since I am here, you want to go back?"

"Since you're here, I have the confidence to want to approach it again," he nods. "To approach them again, with a better attitude. With a new mindset. Donghyuck, I want to be back in Hawaii for me, but your presence makes me want to do it a whole lot more. Not to mention I am in love with you."

Donghyuck's breathing is a little uneven. He wants to kiss Mark until neither of them know any better. But right now, he wants to be sure that he's going to be able to have him for a long time. 

So, he just presses a thick kiss to his lips, one that only lasts a few seconds. 

"Sorry for saying it while I was drunk, baby," Donghyuck whispers. "You deserved better."

Mark giggles as he grips the back of Donghyuck's neck, pulling him higher, slipping his tongue right between Donghyuck's lips. It sends a spark of warmth through Donghyuck's body. 

Oh. 

_Maybe they'll kiss a little,_ Donghyuck supposes. 

"I just deserve this," Mark breathes, biting down a little on Donghyuck's lip. "Just you."

"Happiness. Home."

"Donghyuck."

"Donghyuck too," Donghyuck giggles as Mark twists them around, until he's hovering over him, deepening their kiss, causing heat to splash on their hotel bed, between their bodies, and right into their hearts. "We should eat, really."

Mark groans against his mouth, plopping to the side of him before they move any further. Donghyuck pats his stomach and goes in for another long kiss. Mark doesn't kiss back, and Donghyuck whines loudly to piss him off, but Mark is purposely being annoying, so Donghyuck does the same right back. 

Mark pulls away and then sticks his hand underneath Donghyuck's shirt as they lie back rubbing diligently against his stomach. 

"Okay," Mark sighs. "I actually did get food while you were gone."

Donghyuck grins at him sadly before Mark pulls away, only to return a few moments later with the paper bag, sprawling out a few boxes with a wide smile on his face. 

"I used to love this place when I was younger," Mark looks up at him with stars in his eyes. 

Donghyuck just watches them. 

He can't look away. 

✧

Later, when they're standing back in front of the house, both of them dressed in fancy button ups, Donghyuck thinks about how this is where Mark had spent most of his days running around as a child, legs sprinting down the street to catch up with his friends. It makes him smile, ear to ear, especially as he stands next to Mark, his eyes fixated on the side of Mark's worried face. 

"I — uh, hey Donghyuck?" Mark asks him, pulling him from his thoughts. 

Donghyuck furrows his brow. 

"Is it alright if I introduce you as my boyfriend?" Mark asks him, lip between his teeth. 

Donghyuck's emotions nearly come flying out of him. 

He widens his eyes as he looks at Mark, vision almost blurring over with tears. The thought is overwhelming, and he feels like he's drinking water from a high pressure hose, trying to swallow down as much of the information as he can. 

Mark is asking him out. _No_ , Mark is asking him to be his boyfriend so he can tell his parents so things will seem much smoother. Also, _Mark loves him._ Donghyuck croaks.

"Yes."

Mark kisses him quickly and then opens the door, letting his voice be heard as he holds Donghyuck's hand between his own. It's warm and comforting, but Donghyuck stands nervous unlike how he wished he'd be. 

Back in Hawaii, he had plans to walk into Mark's home, convince his parents that their son was worthy enough of finishing up school and moving on to have his own kind of life. But now as he walks further past the cream colored walls and past the family photos that are aligned so perfectly, Donghyuck is almost certain that not even a single word will be able to exit his mouth. 

"Mom," Mark grins. "We're here."

They make their way into the kitchen, where Mark's parents are moving around, finishing up making dinner, shuffling around as though their things are about to burn. 

His mother stops to look at the two of them by the arched entry. She has a bit of a scowl on her face through her smile, but she's beautiful, Donghyuck thinks. His heart hurts instantly. He thinks of his own mother, and he has to quickly shut those thoughts off before he gets too carried away. 

"Are you two staying for dinner?" She asks as she moves one of the pans over to another burner. "Because we didn't make enough."

Donghyuck keeps getting hit in the face with defeat. It slaps against him so easily, and he can only wonder how bad Mark is hurting, too. 

Back in the hotel, Mark had told him that they would be eating dinner with his parents. It was his mother's offering, but he wasn't really sure what or when they would be eating together. And now, as they stand lonely in the kitchen, Donghyuck realizes that they had been lied to. Maybe not lied to, but Mark may have been given the wrong impression, and maybe his mother told him that his parents would be eating at the time they would be coming over. Whatever the possibility is, they seem to have come at a wrong time. 

"Actually, Mark and I have reservations for dinner later. That's why we're dressed up," Donghyuck says for the both of them, his smile wide on his face. 

If he has to make his first impression, he'll do it well. 

She turns to look at him. 

"Donghyuck, right?"

He grins, feeling himself slip from Mark's grasp. 

"That's right, ma'am. I'm Mark's boyfriend, it’s a pleasure to meet you," he nods, moving forward to shake her hand. 

Mark's parents don't seem to be impolite, and Donghyuck didn't really expect them to be. Maybe a little bit bitter from the fact that they know what's coming next, but they're not treating Donghyuck in any cold sort of manner. They're showing off polite behavior, with Mark's father offering Donghyuck something to drink, asking if they'd like to sit down. 

Donghyuck wonders if there's any tension behind the way he introduces himself as Mark's boyfriend. A sliver of worry runs behind his mind when he remembers Mark asking for permission to introduce them, because now Donghyuck feels like he's just overstepped once more. 

When he sits, Donghyuck takes a sip of his water and watches Mark move in the kitchen, grabbing himself something else as he speaks lowly with his father. they laugh for a moment, and then Mark joins Donghyuck at the table. 

He scoots in and holds his hand against Donghyuck's thigh, pressing his lips to Donghyuck's temple. 

"Thank you," he whispers. 

Donghyuck doesn't need him to explain any further. He knows what Mark is referring to. 

When Mark pulls away, things become more casual. Lighthearted in a way. 

"Would you like some sort of snack? Before your dinner reservations?" Mark's mother smiles sweetly at Donghyuck and all he can do is smile back for a solid second before Mark taps the inside of his thigh from where his fingers are perched. 

"Oh," Donghyuck jumps back into reality. "No, no! Thank you though. I really appreciate that."

She just nods her head and frowns a little as she returns to the meal in front of her, looking over at Mark with a little bit of a strange look in her eyes, almost like she feels bad for not being able to give them a proper dinner at this moment. 

Mark squeezes Donghyuck's thigh and then smiles when he looks at him. 

"Aw, c'mon Donghyuck," he smiles. "I can make us something that I love to snack on."

Donghyuck really isn't sure what Mark is trying to tell him. Not at all, but the rubbing on his thigh is code for _something,_ and Donghyuck just knows it. 

"Okay," he grins a little. 

"We have some great honey here," Mark says, teeth showing as he smiles, just peeking beyond his lip as he bites on it. "I promise. Come with me?"

Donghyuck loosens up. His eyes soften, the tension breaks at his neck, and he rests his hand on top of Mark's before he sighs gently. 

"I'll help you, sure, yeah."

And when Mark pulls Donghyuck off to the kitchen, to an area where only the two of them are together, he pulls him against his chest and just holds him against him. And Donghyuck lets him, because he supposes that maybe Mark just needs a few moments alone, meaning alone as the two of them, because the few seconds of them just breathing in their embrace feels more than relieving. 

Donghyuck rolls his arm up Mark's back palm wide and fingers spread open. 

"You doing okay?" He asks him. 

Mark nods his head slowly. 

"I just thought — like — I don't know why I thought we would be invited here for dinner," he chuckles as he pulls away and reaches into the cabinets for the crackers, telling Donghyuck where the honey was. Donghyuck opens the cabinet and reaches up to pull it out. "Should've known, you know?"

Donghyuck shakes his head. 

"You did your best, Mark," he keeps his voice down. "I think it was probably hard to tell. You've also got a lot going on in your head."

Mark appreciates his words. It's clear in his eyes. 

"Plates are right there," he sucks on his lips and points up above Donghyuck's head. 

In just a few minutes, they drizzle spoonfuls of honey on top of the saltine crackers, keeping quiet as they just take the extra time to themselves. 

"Squeeze my leg if you need to get out of there," Mark tells him as he holds the plate in his hand. 

His mouth is by Donghyuck's temple again, his free arm swung around his shoulder. Donghyuck is holding two new mugs for them, mainly to make it look like they had been keeping themselves busy in the kitchen for the past few minutes.

"You do the same, alright?" Donghyuck wants to touch him, but his hands are busy. 

So, he just frowns a little. 

"I think I wanna keep my hand there for... comfort, reassurance, so I'll let you know if I need to leave. You'll know."

Donghyuck nods. He'll know. And he knows he'll know, really. Mark will tell him, whether it's through his desperate eye contact, or his quick poke to the side. 

"Okay."

"I love you," Donghyuck reminds him. 

Mark lights up before his face falls. 

He sets down the glass plate with a loud _clank._ He grabs the mugs from Donghyuck and sets those down too. Then, he holds onto Donghyuck's cheeks and brings their mouths together in a solid _kiss._

If Donghyuck wasn't a little warm before, he definitely was now. 

He softens in Mark's grip, but that's a given, really. He's always been one to do that. Anytime Mark touches him, it's kind of natural for Donghyuck to turn into putty from it. 

"I love you," Mark kisses him once more. "You didn't have to come all this way for me, but you have. And you're here."

"And I will bring you home."

Mark kisses him _again._

Donghyuck giggles on his mouth. 

"I won't settle for anything less, I promise you that."

When they return to the table, Donghyuck feels the tension building up in his chest, like someone is already yelling at him from the inside out. He eats quietly, giggling with Mark as he hears light conversation between his parents about their plans tomorrow.

Mark's hand rubs back and forth on his leg and he taps it once, almost like a quick encouragement to let him know that he's about to bring something up. 

"So, Donghyuck," Mark's mother steps in before Mark even gets a chance to.

Donghyuck can feel the tension squeezing around his thigh. 

"Are you here to say goodbye to Minhyung before he moves back from Hawaii?" She asks as she takes a sip of her water. 

Her smile is threatening, not sweet in any kind of way, and Donghyuck takes the last bite of his honey coated cracker before he gives Mark's hand a squeeze. 

"No, actually," he grins. "I'm here so I can help him bring a few things back to help with his rooming situation back _home_."

She shuffles a little in her seat. She sarcastically _giggles._

Donghyuck's stomach stirs uncomfortably. 

"That's a little unfortunate sweetheart," she says. "I know you are his boyfriend and all, and we are very happy for him, but you will have to find a way to manage that from wherever you are living. He won't be moving back."

Donghyuck hasn't found his built up anger yet, or his need to snap at her. He's still nervous and even scared of her and her smile. He's a little scared of Mark's father too, who has barely spoken any words to him. He just sits there and watches the conversation, kind of like Mark, whose fingers rub at Donghyuck's thigh. Donghyuck holds over his hand in support though. 

"May I ask why you don't want him to live where he's already begun his education? His future?" Donghyuck asks. 

She looks at him. 

Donghyuck tries to read into her, but all he sees is the worry of a mother, and it aches deep inside of his body. 

Goosebumps crawl over his body and hold him back from hearing her if she says anything at all. He just thinks of his own mother. 

It may be selfish, but Donghyuck thinks of his own mother and how he would do anything she would say at this moment. He thinks he would sacrifice anything to just _listen_ to her. He doesn't even care how bad it would hurt. 

He blinks, and suddenly Mark's mother is speaking. 

"—here with us, his family. He belongs here, and not so far away at a distance where I cannot get to him if I need to. I hated when he chose to move so far for school. We decided that he would try a few years, and then look into transferring, and it's been nothing but awful for him."

"It has not!" Mark steps in. "Moving has been one of the best decisions of my entire life. I love home, I love it here, but I've never felt so independent and happy over there, mom. Really, you don't understand. I've done so much for you in my life and only _you_ that—"

"—Minhyung," his father finally speaks up. "That's enough."

Mark stops talking. 

Donghyuck squeezes over his hand that rests on his thigh. 

Only then does Mark turn Donghyuck's hand so they can intertwine their fingers. Donghyuck thinks it's a better position, and a lot more intimate as they both feel the building flames inside of their chests. 

"As a mother, I just want the best for him. I _know_ what is best for him. It's hard for him to be at that distance when he's at this age. He's just going to change his mind about career choices, have struggles with money, and it's very hard for us as parents to have to deal with that."

Donghyuck nods his head. 

"I understand you may think that," he starts off a little shaky, but regains his strength. "But, Mark is an adult. I can understand how it may be hard for you to want to let him go in those kinds of ways, but he's going to grow up and take things on in his own way. I promise you more than anything that Mark is doing a fantastic job over there. He takes good care of himself, he learns a lot, and definitely is doing everything that I am sure you have taught him."

She doesn't step in. No one steps in. So, Donghyuck continues. 

"Mark's your son, and he will always be your son, but he's bound to grow up and want to start his own life, and holding him here is only going to push him to want to get away more and more. I can assure you that I am also taking good care of him," Donghyuck tugs Mark in by the side of his shirt and teases him, making everyone chuckle slightly. 

The atmosphere isn't too rough, and it's relieving.

"I can see that," she nods with a smile. "I just fear that he is going to pull away from us. I do not want our family to fall apart. We have always been so close."

She looks at Mark like she's trying to speak right to him. 

"We won't," Mark tells her with sincerity in his voice. "I love this family."

She sighs. Mark's father shakes his head, too. 

"May I also say," Donghyuck says. "Family isn't just about this right here," he references the three of them, "a family can prosper even when you are all not together. I think that's one of my favorite things about family. Being able to keep the love flowing between everyone, even when you're not all in the same household, or the same town. It's a feeling that stays in your heart. I am so positive that Mark will keep the love of his family in his heart, and keep in touch, even from where he is continuing with the next step in his life."

The emotion starts to come from her eyes, then from her facial expressions, and then finally exceeds in her body language. She frowns. 

"I just don't want him to have to struggle being too far from his mother," she looks desperately at Mark, like she's been too afraid to mention it. "How far are you from your mother, Donghyuck?"

Donghyuck stills. 

He freezes and looks down at the table, body feeling as though it falls right into the floor. Mark squeezes his hand tight, but Donghyuck ignores it. He wants to be strong. 

"Very far, ma'am," he pushes his lips into a straight line as he looks at her. 

At a time like this, Donghyuck knows that Mark is trying to be supportive, squeezing at his hand as a reminder that he doesn't need to speak up if he doesn't want to. But, Donghyuck knows this. His words from here and forward really are from the bottom of his heart. 

Donghyuck came with the idea in the back of his head that his family would be brought up. His mother, his father, his relationship with his grandparents. He knew this would be a topic, and he won't take one conversation and let Mark's entire future drip down the drain because of it. 

In the hotel, Mark had mumbled into Donghyuck's neck about how it's not his responsibility to uphold the conversations between him and his family. He told Donghyuck that it may go smoothly, or that it could go extremely poorly. But Donghyuck, with an open heart and a soft grin, held his hand and promised that he would stay for it all. 

"Then do you understand my worries?" She finally leaves it there, seeming as though she's just exhausted at this point. 

"You know I can save up and come visit you whenever you would like," Mark pleads. "I promise. I will do my best to keep that promise too. I'll work so hard in school, and get another job. I'll—”

“—I will not allow you to overwork yourself to please us."

Donghyuck listens to Mark's father jump in. He wonders how he can say that, especially when Mark has already done that. 

This time, Donghyuck untangles their fingers and just rubs back and forth against Mark's leg, guiding him to a comfort that feels nice, warm, and something that seems like it just fits between them. Mark shows his appreciation for it by bouncing his knee a couple times, only to frown and sigh. 

"Will you please?" Mark's voice trembles. "I just want to be happy and stay that way. Let me show you how well I can do in my life, please. I have things to do, to learn. People to take care of, to love."

His hand rests on top of Donghyuck's the moment he mentions the word love. 

This moment isn't really about Donghyuck, this is about securing Mark a place of happiness back where he deserves to be — somewhere where he'll be able to live freely as himself, and happy. This is about how Mark needs to feel closure with his mother and father, and how they've been treating him, and how he truly does love them, but how they've been showing him such different kinds of acts of love, making him want to turn away. 

This isn't about Donghyuck, but somehow, it's about Donghyuck. 

"I love you," Donghyuck mumbles, eyes nailing in on Mark's jaw. 

Mark's shoulders tense up, and he looks over with a shy smile growing on his lips. He nods. He hums. Then, he brings Donghyuck's knuckles up to his mouth to kiss him. 

"You know," Mark swallows hard. "I don't need your permission to go back. I will and I am, but I am desperate to keep my relationship strong with this family. I value you two, and I grew up on the love that you gave me, and I wouldn't really know what to do if you both decided to leave me out of your lives. But, if that's what you want to do, then I will handle it. But, this is what I want and I will do this. If you want me to prove to you that I can be an adult, make money on my own, then I will. I'll drop from school for a while, save up, reapply when I can afford it. I'll find housing for now, work, and manage it on my own. I’ve been trying this entire summer to show you, and you’ve tried to pull it all back. It’s been unfair to me.” 

Mark’s mother begins to cry softly. 

Mark seems to be crying too.

Silence floods the table. 

“You cannot let fear trap you, or him,” Donghyuck tries not to let his eyes well up with tears, especially when he knows what he’s going to say next. “My mother is dead. My father is not anywhere in my life. But, I would really do so much to be able to sit at a table like this with them and talk about how important our relationship is. I’m sorry if I sound a little selfish right now, but please think about your son. I don't want to step in anymore than I should, so I'll stop now, and I'll excuse myself, but you've raised such a brilliant young man, and I know you're proud of him. Please let him continue to show you how well he can do."

Donghyuck unlatches his hand from Mark's and then pushes his chair back slowly, bending his head down to Mark's ear. 

"Is it alright — is it okay if I go in — like in your room?" He asks. 

Mark nods his head, looking up at him with glossy eyes, eyes that are so _thankful,_ a body that wants to follow him, speak to him right in this moment. But, Donghyuck thinks that, even if Mark were to follow him, he wouldn't want to say a word. 

He's overwhelmed himself, for all of the right reasons, but now his heart hurts, and now his chest is heavy, and everything just aches. 

"Course," Mark's hand rests on Donghyuck's hip right in front of him. "All the way down the hall, turn the first corner by the front door."

Donghyuck nods and whispers another goodbye, or a thank you, or something else — he's not even sure what he says to the people at the table. He just knows he's mumbling as he heads toward where Mark's room should be. 

He messes up the first time, running right into an office, but the second time he gets it, entering a bedroom with more light cream colored walls, and a bed placed off to the left side.

If it were any other time, Donghyuck would have loved to look around, to admire the photos that are lined up on the dresser, or even the many posters that Mark has plastered on his walls. He must have kept them up for years now. There's even stickers against the side of his mirror, and Donghyuck thinks about how they must be the ones that he had been designing during the summer with Yukhei, the ones that both of them were selling and making money off of. 

If it were any other time, Donghyuck really would love to just admire. But, instead, he takes two steps forward and collapses onto Mark's bed, cradling his head in his hands as he bends forward. 

He holds himself tightly, memories flooding through his head, making his body ache in such an unfamiliar way. 

_His mother holds him,_ arm tight around his shoulder, the smell of fresh flowers and sweets guiding through him. He's comforted instantly, body calming down. 

Donghyuck is crying in Mark's bed. 

He's really not sure if he can hear the voices of Mark and his parents, but he hopes they'll talk for a long time because he doesn't want Mark to come in and see him anytime soon. 

So he lets his body guide him to feeling better. 

With time and with the floating feeling of his emotions, Donghyuck just breathes deeply, letting his head fill with memories of his mother, making dinner for him, calling him when he was out in the street playing with some friends, or when he was covered in sand and trying to show off what he had made with a couple of stray sticks. 

His chest burns, and his throat does too, all from the fact that he's really just trying to hold back from letting his sobs wreck him entirely. 

The door creaks open, and Donghyuck holds his breath. 

"Donghyuck?" He hears. 

But the voice is not Mark's. 

It's Mark's father. 

Quickly, Donghyuck wipes his tears off and lifts his shoulders until he shifts his body and smiles as best as he can. 

"Hello sir," he grins. "Sorry, I um — sorry." 

Donghyuck bites down on his lip. He really cannot come up with any kind of excuse, or comeback for why he's crying. For a split second, he thinks about saying some bullshit about how Mark's room is so _cool,_ but then he pulls his eyebrows together and wonders if he's even making sense in his own head. He settles on the thought that: yeah, no, probably not. 

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" He asks. 

Donghyuck grins and swallows hard, taking all of his fears and worries with him. He wants to be strong now. He doesn't want to think anymore about how his mother could be here, about how there might have been ways Donghyuck could have saved his family. Because there aren't, and he knows that. 

"Please," Donghyuck moves his knee so he is sitting further back on the bed, even more toward the pillows now. 

Mark's father looks at him, smile resembling Mark's in a lot of ways. It's relieving, and comforting, and his presence, for some reason, relaxes Donghyuck. 

"I have to say thank you, really, first and foremost," he nods. "For coming all of this way for my son, and for speaking up like you did."

He pauses and Donghyuck takes it as his turn to say something. 

"I really feel like I overstepped, if I am being honest, Sir."

The man laughs. 

"I think you said a lot of things that me and my wife already knew, but things that we didn't want to admit to ourselves," he sighs. "We're parents, Donghyuck. We know what is best for Minhyung, and we know that he needs to be out there on his own, learning how to fail and rebuild from the ground up again. We know that he'll come home when he needs us, and we know he'll call on a random Tuesday night just when he wants to talk. He's always done that."

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows as he breaks their eye contact. He doesn't mean to be disrespectful, but he's confused, he's not sure where the conversation is headed. He's really not sure if this man in front of him is about to tell Donghyuck that the entire conversation they just had over dinner was a total fail, and that he'll have to figure out how to love Mark from over an ocean. He doesn't know. 

He can't read Mark's father like he can read Mark. Their eyes aren't the same. 

"Then why don't you let him go?" Donghyuck says softly. 

Mark's father sighs and stands up. 

His feet drag across Mark's bedroom until he's standing near all of the scattered stickers on the table top. He places them in his hand and then brings them to the table where he lays them out across the bed. 

Then, he appears to ignore them. 

"Because I wasn't so sure if he was positive that he wanted to even be there," he says. 

The words shake Donghyuck up a little, and he twists his face up at Mark's father, and probably looks as though he is upset with him for saying something like that. But, it's true, Donghyuck is confused, and he's very in need of more explanation. 

Mark's father then gestures to the stickers. 

"I watched him this entire summer, Donghyuck," he says. "I realized so many different things about him. Even earlier toward the beginning of the year, Minhyung was very uninterested in school. Being away from home, wanting to move forward with his life? Yeah, maybe. But school? Not so much. I think he wanted more so to impress us, to find a way to do well while also finally gathering up the confidence to do it in a way outside of Canada, outside of his home. He never was too sure of his plans, and I know he still isn't, and I am positive he won't be tomorrow. But, over this summer, I think I came to the realization that it's not just the place, or the need to be away and thrive, it's the people. It's you."

Donghyuck swallows hard. 

"Minhyung is a great kid. He's my only child, and I know him like the back of my hand. None of his actions slip past me. He tries to hold something in, and maybe it'll slip past his mother, little lies here and there, but never past me. Will I approach him about them? No, not always," he makes a face, pulling his lips into a tight line. "He's old enough to make his own decisions, and I let him. I always just tell him that I am here for him when he needs me. So, I let him come to me when he needs to, and that's how I keep my relationship strong with him. 

"The reason I have pushed for him to stay here, Donghyuck, is not because I just want him to be near me. His mother may want that more, and it probably is one of the reasons we get into arguments a lot. But, it's because I don't think Minhyung really knew what he wanted before he met you. Or before he engaged with a lot of his friends this year," his father nods his head. "I don't want to be someone who puts it all on you, and I will not say it explicitly, Donghyuck. But, his grades at the end of the year were far more phenomenal than they were the previous semester, which really shocked me. When he came home and spoke of you, spoke of Honolulu with a much brighter sort of confidence, that's what shook me. 

"So, I let him spend the summer showing me his true self. And he did. He struggled, because I think even he had thoughts of wanting to stay home, deep inside of him, do you know what I mean?"

"I do," Donghyuck's tear runs down his face. "What kid wouldn't think about staying home with their family when they have a relationship like you three have."

Donghyuck thinks about his first encounters with Mark, and how Yukhei told him that he was more of a party kind of guy, not focusing on his work and only doing things because he wanted to impress his parents. At the time, Donghyuck didn't really understand it. But, now as he sits in front of Mark's father, he thinks maybe he might be beginning to understand an internal struggle that Mark was dealing with. 

He had improved tremendously even when they were all hanging out, and maybe Mark was really beginning to feel more comfortable about where he was living, where he was finding his new sort of home. 

"Minhyung loves you," the man says softly. "All summer, he made these. He stayed up all night sometimes, he'd pull us up to his bedroom, or he'd bring them down to the living room to show them off, talk about how much you were inspiring him. I think the feeling of love is what was beginning to make him feel like he was more comfortable with where he wanted to be."

Donghyuck swallows hard. 

"Why were you pushing him so hard, though? Making him try to prove to you that he can do everything on his own?" He asks. 

Mark's father sighs. 

"Because, as soon as he arrived at the beginning of summer, we were under the impression that he would just transfer back to a university here. But, there was something different about him that we began to see, and his mother needed him to stay. We talked for hours and hours, and he kept promising that he would do whatever it took to prove that he can live out there. So, I let him. Yet still, we have the struggle of payments, here, there, and everything along with that. 

"What he doesn't know quite yet, Donghyuck, and what his mother is telling him right now, is that I have been working myself too. So overly hard to the point where I haven’t been sleeping well either. I want happiness for my family, and I see it blooming now. Thanks to you."

Donghyuck cries. 

His lip trembles and he shakes his head. 

"Not me," he shakes his head. "You. Your wife. I think you guys have been creating his happiness internally too. He's been able to build all of this for himself because of your parenting and your loving home for him."

"But you, Donghyuck, you helped his heart open up. We have been through a lot as a family. Financially, emotionally. Minhyung has been strong, but there's a weak point in that boy, and I cannot thank you enough for helping guide him toward his higher points. It's only just beginning, too."

Donghyuck just fiddles with a few stickers, rubbing them between his fingers, thinking about Mark. 

Right then is when the door opens, Mark's body walking right through. 

His face is red, showing off the fact that he has been crying, sobbing even, eyes so rimmed that Donghyuck gets chills. Donghyuck has been crying too, but Mark doesn't even look his way. 

He just looks right at his father, eyebrows drawn together like he's in pain. 

"What the _fuck_ did you do?" He says so sincerely. 

Mark must be referring to the fact that he had just found out about his father's savings for him.

His father sighs and then grins, placing his palm on his face. 

"God," he sighs. "The one thing I taught you was not to swear, and you do it?"

Mark's lips tremble as he stays at the door, and then they tilt down into a frown. 

"I'm sorry, but I do that all the time," Mark admits, eyes lighting up. 

"That's true," Donghyuck adds on with a gentle smile. "He does."

Mark's father shakes his head and groans. 

The room goes quiet. 

"I'll give you two some time."

Donghyuck stands up and fixes his pants, smiling softly at Mark's father before he walks toward the door. He looks up at Mark, and finally they connect their eyes, and once they do, Donghyuck feels his entire body float. 

For a second, Mark picks up his hands and fixes the buttons on Donghyuck's shirt. The boy looks down to realize that one has come undone by his neck. 

Mark pulls him in and kisses his forehead, and then he wipes the wetness underneath the skin of his eye. 

"You okay?" Mark asks softly. 

Donghyuck just nods as he tilts his head, doing the same motion to Mark, who just cracks a smile and squeezes the boy's shoulder as he heads out the door. 

Leaving the two of them alone makes Donghyuck feel relieved. 

He knows Mark is about to feel a lot more at ease, especially with the sincerity that was written across his face. 

"Would you like something to drink sweetheart?" Donghyuck hears Mark's mother at the entry to the kitchen. 

He perks up and softens his eyes at her. He nods. 

"Sure," he smiles, heading right in. 

She just looks at him, her eyes a lot calmer than before, like she had just been thrown through Hell and back with her conversations with Mark. It makes Donghyuck hurt, seeing a mother like this, but she looks like she is feeling much more at ease too, and suddenly his heart is calmer. 

He's pulled into a hug soon, one that he put himself into, stepping toward her slowly. 

Her arms are warm, like he imagined a mother's would be. Just like his grandmother's arms are. Just like his mother's were. 

"I am so sorry about the loss of your mother, Donghyuck, I am," she whispers by his ear. 

He holds on tight. 

"I am too," he sighs in her embrace. "But, I am so very thankful that Mark has his mother."

She nods against him. 

"I am too."

✧

Mark sobs into Donghyuck's mouth as he kisses him. It's needy, it's a lot of _push_ and a lot less pull. Donghyuck kisses back with fire, tugging at Mark's waist as their wet hair drips onto the hotel floor. 

They should take a minute. Maybe two, or three, and kind of get a grip for where they are and what had just happened. 

It's late, they're tired, but they're living on sudden feelings rather than overall emotion, and Donghyuck pulls Mark even closer to bite at the bottom most part of his lip. 

"I love you," Mark says to him. "I do. I do."

Donghyuck is picked up off the floor in a second. He yelps a little, wrapping his arms tight around Mark's neck, pressing his chin to Mark's head as they glide over to the bed. 

Before he knows it, his back is pressed to the bed, and Mark's lips are back on his. This time, a lot slower, like he's thinking more intricately, like he's breathing between them, speaking with every lap of his tongue, every touch to Donghyuck's waist, to his chest. 

Donghyuck touches him back — speaks to him with the same words, telling Mark that they're okay, that he loves him, that this is them. 

He knows Mark is going to be coming home with him now, and nothing is better than that. Nothing feels better than Mark's happiness, and this is it. 

Donghyuck can feel it in the way he kisses, in the way he nudges Donghyuck's neck as he politely asks him to scoot up higher on the bed so he doesn't have to half lean off. It's then when Donghyuck giggles and messes with Mark's hair, kissing him even softer as he apologizes for being too wrapped up in their kissing to realize that Mark was about to fall off the bed. 

It's late by the time they had arrived back at the hotel. They had eaten a little at Mark's house, but those reservations were a lie, and Donghyuck sort of wishes they had actually gone out to a nice dinner. He knows it wouldn't have been possible, and being here with Mark, like this, and coming to the conclusion about Mark coming back home, is a much better way to spend the night, but still, Donghyuck pouts into the kiss, and Mark picks up on it. 

He always seems to. 

"What's wrong?" Mark asks him carefully. 

Donghyuck traces his finger down the front of Mark's bare chest. 

"We should have ordered food to be delivered," he looks up through his lashes. 

Mark looks different. 

Donghyuck's stomach turns a little at the realization. Mark always seems to look a little different, but this Mark, half leaned on top of him, panting slowly, lips wet and red from kissing Donghyuck so hard right after his shower — he looks totally happy. 

_In love._

"I ordered something for you, us, before I got into the shower," Mark leans down to bring their lips together, attempting to pull back so he could watch the way Donghyuck arches his back for him. 

It's beautiful. 

Donghyuck knows Mark thinks so too, because his eyes skim over a darkness as he blinks quite a few times. 

"You are phenomenal."

"Yes I am."

Donghyuck draws him in for another kiss and traps Mark between his thighs.

"When will it be here?" He asks low, moving so he can kiss against Mark's jaw, his neck, his throat. 

Mark begins to breathe unsteadily. He swallows and relaxes, closes his eyes and then looks down at Donghyuck like he knows what he's doing. 

Donghyuck smirks. 

"Soon."

Donghyuck groans and drops his legs. He frowns. 

"Dammit."

"What?"

"I was gonna — No, never mind. Come here."

With that, Donghyuck flips Mark around and sits on his waist, kissing down from his ear, sucking at his skin using his teeth, too. He listens to Mark, listens to the way Mark's breath goes up and down, soft pants coming out, short whines managing to slip between them. It creates a buzzing heat in Donghyuck's belly as he scoots down Mark's lap. 

Mark squeezes there too. He scratches at Donghyuck's hips and just feels his warm skin under his fingers. 

Then, they're interrupted by a knock on the door. 

Donghyuck stiffens up, and lets Mark's skin drop back out of his mouth. He rolls his tongue over it once more, kisses it, and then lets his eyes land on Mark. 

"Holy fuck."

Donghyuck grows shy at Mark's words. 

"You meant soon as in like... now," Donghyuck groans as he swings his leg off of Mark. "I'll get it."

Mark shrugs and chuckles at Donghyuck’s pout.

"I didn't check the tracking!" He pinches his side. “Plenty of time to be horny.” 

“Shut up!” Donghyuck flushes.

Donghyuck fixes his shirt and then rolls the back of his hand across his mouth to wipe it free of saliva before he politely answers it, reaching for his wallet to thank and tip the guy at the door. 

When he shuts it, Mark is underneath the covers, his legs crossed as he sits up, a pillow in front of his lap. 

Raising an eyebrow, Donghyuck smirks at him. 

"It's just for comfort.."

"Yeah," Donghyuck nods. "For comfort."

Mark groans like he's been caught. 

"It is!" 

There's a bit of a blush on Mark's cheeks, and Donghyuck sets the bag on the side table to pull out some of the things he must have ordered. 

"What did you end up getting, comfy boy?" Donghyuck teases him, turning back around to spot the little red mark on his neck. 

It causes a curling in Donghyuck's stomach, making him flush in his cheeks too. 

"Not too much, they were the only place open this late. Did you say hi?"

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows. 

"Huh?"

"Did you not see who was at the door?" Mark teases him as he takes the first container, which happens to be a dessert. 

He digs his fork into it. 

Donghyuck thinks hard. 

"Fuck, was that your friend, Johnny?" Donghyuck drops his mouth open. 

"Yeah," Mark chuckles. "How did you think I got the food here for us? I'm not sure about delivery out here at this time of the night."

"Mark!" Donghyuck slaps a hand over his face. "Call him! Ask him if he wants to come back in! Holy shit! I just stared at the ground and tipped him, oh my god."

Mark is giggling, placing a hand over his stomach. 

"It's okay, baby," Mark says. "He said he was just gonna drop it off, but I guess he knocked and you opened it and—”

"Mark!" 

Mark breaks into more laughter, leaving Donghyuck to pout on his own. 

"This is so frustrating to me," he's smiling. 

"I'll shoot him a text."

"You better thank him well," Donghyuck hops into bed with the rest of the food, already opening it up. 

He goes underneath the covers with Mark and just bites down on his lip, tilting to the side to smile at Mark. He shakes his head in disbelief.

"Unbelievable."

"We'll hang out with him tomorrow before we head home, yeah?" Mark says. 

The word home brings Donghyuck back to his center of gravity, makes him think thoroughly about where they are, sitting in a hotel room in Canada, having succeeded in getting Mark to come home. 

They sit in silence for a few moments. 

"You were afraid," Donghyuck feels his skin burns as he says it, but there's a piece of him that doesn't want to leave the thought behind. He thinks it is better to have it be brought up now than later. 

Mark nods as he swallows. 

"I had thoughts, yeah. I thought that maybe I wasn't good enough to be in school. Those thoughts were making me want to try harder, but some days those thoughts made me want to just give up and stay here in Canada. Some days I even thought I wanted to be here because I love my family and everything here. But, once I started to realize that I was getting more comfortable with my life over there, Donghyuck, I realized that I was making the right decisions."

Donghyuck just gives him a sad smile. 

"I was working so much, too, you know?" Mark adds on. "The entire summer. Like I told you, I really was busy and I was honest when I was telling you all of that."

Reaching for his hand, Donghyuck just licks his lips and looks up into his eyes. 

"But you didn't wanna tell me that you were also struggling a little bit more?" He asks. 

Mark nods his head. 

"I didn't want to hurt you, but I don't know if that was really it. I don't think I could even recognize the feeling in my own body, or the thoughts in my head. I was just so angry and hurt that my parents weren't letting me, or they weren't helping me? But, I was hurting so bad. Now I understand their perspective a lot differently."

Donghyuck just listens to him. 

"I was overwhelmed because I was starting to realize how different I was feeling? I never was so interested in school, and these little things in life, and Donghyuck, that's because of your presence, and you. I was in love with you. I _am_ in love with you. To me, it wasn't a sudden realization, not at all, I don't think?"

"Really?"

Mark looks forward and grabs a french fry, poking it into Donghyuck's mouth. They both giggle. 

"Yeah, really," he nods. "It was just something that progressed over time to me. I was making these stickers everyday thinking about you, dreaming of you, hoping you would still be thinking of me. And I don't know if it was just another one of those things I was afraid of telling myself, but I was in love with you then, too. In the summer. God, just thinking about you, you kept me going, you pushed me toward wanting this new sort of life for myself, it's incredible, the kind of life I want to live."

Donghyuck grabs another fry and hands it to Mark. He eats it. 

"Being in love is like," Donghyuck starts. "It's like I want to lay my heart out with you, and take on new things, Mark. It's fascinating. I'm amazed, and this is really just the start, that's right, and I am just thrilled for more. If you want more, I want to give that to you."

This time, Mark cups his hand on Donghyuck's cheek and draws him in for a soft kiss. 

"I do," he mumbles. "God, you really have no idea. I want this."

Donghyuck nods, his lips just ghosting over Mark's as he smiles. 

"Then be my boyfriend officially now?" He grabs the back of Mark's neck. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Mark's eyes are screwed shut. "Yeah, okay."

✧

Arriving back in Honolulu feels like a new dream. 

Mark rents out a storage unit for the first month that he arrives, and takes up the extra bedroom in Donghyuck's grandparents house. He only does it for the time being while he looks for a good apartment to rent, and a roommate to share it with. Yukhei is a no go since he's rooming with his brother instead of his own apartment, so Mark settles with looking deeper through some friends. Jeno suggests Renjun, but Mark and Donghyuck both blurt out a quick and loud, _no_! Jeno flushes red when he looks over at Yukhei who leans in to kiss him and mumble something about how that just wouldn't really work out. 

Leaving Canada was a lot harder than Mark thought it would be, but Donghyuck was there to support him in every way that he could. 

He gave him space, time, a shoulder to cry on. 

Mark came walking into Donghyuck's bedroom in the middle of the night just to curl up beside him and tuck his face into the boy's neck. No words spoken, just a hug, a light kiss, and a reminder that things were going to be okay. 

His happiness had shown through the second week they settled into the home, though. When all of their friends got together. When Yukhei slapped his hand against Mark's back, when he hugged him tight and told him he's so glad he's here and staying here for good. He'd whispered into Mark's ear to tell him how proud he was. 

Due to Mark's late arrival, and few travels back and forth between Canada and Hawaii, he had missed out on deadlines for the semester. He doesn't end up minding though, he finds a good job thanks to Donghyuck's grandfather, and gets good hours. 

By the second month, things run smoother than ever. They spend a lot of time down by the water, getting comfortable with the atmosphere again, the feeling, just everything once more for the sake of Mark, their relationship, and just their home. 

And some days, Mark comes home late, but still, he'll come knocking on Donghyuck's bedroom door to say goodnight. 

"Hey," Mark says as his hand raps against the door. 

Donghyuck looks up from his laptop, eyes lighting up. 

"Hey you, did you just get home?" Donghyuck asks as he blinks, eyes burning a little from the fact that he has just now looked away from the bright screen. 

School has been a pain in the ass this week, and he's working hard on an essay that he has to turn in on Friday night. There's no way he wants to do that when he and Mark had planned a date night out, just the two of them. So, instead, he's trying to work on everything ahead of time so he can have that night for just them. 

"Yeah, I was eating downstairs with your grandpa, we were checking out more apartments online" Mark steps in and pushes his knee into the bed, lifting Donghyuck's chin and bending down so he can draw him in for a kiss. "Have you gone down in a while?"

Donghyuck shakes his head. 

"Not since dinner a while ago. I'm struggling with this," he scrunches his nose up. “Find anything good?”

Mark cocks his head to the side. He shakes his head.

"You should take a break then," he clicks his tongue in disapproval, sitting down next. 

But, Donghyuck doesn't want to take a break from it. He's actually kind of intrigued with the research he's doing. And he's almost done, plus the thought of finishing so he can spend the rest of the night with Mark keeps him motivated enough to work to completion. 

He looks over at Mark. 

"Go on," he whispers. "Go get cleaned up and I will come to your room when I'm done. I really am so close to finishing, Mark. I promise I'll be over there in a bit."

Mark just shakes his head and chuckles a bit.

Mark cards his fingers through Donghyuck's hair softly at first, and then holds it there so Donghyuck can just rest his cheek in Mark's hand, rubbing his face onto it as he yawns. He kisses the inside of Mark's palm. 

"I'll be waiting for you," Mark tells him, kissing his forehead once more before he leaves the bedroom. 

It doesn't take Donghyuck too much longer. Maybe like half of an hour, and a granola bar before he's tiptoeing down the hallway and opening and closing Mark's door. 

Mark smiles at him from the bed, lamp on, dimming the room as he just reads a book, blankets over his body. His chest is bare, and his skin looks so beautiful, shoulders toned and hair a bit of a mess. 

He cocks his head over, and Donghyuck, with a little bit of a heated fire growing in the pit of his stomach, walks over slowly. 

He crawls right into bed with Mark and tangles their legs together, resting his cheek on the side of his arm, their skin feeling like a cozy wood fire.

"What are you reading?" Donghyuck hikes his leg up Mark's thigh, and hears the little hitch in his breath from his positioning. 

Donghyuck bites on his lip as he stares at the book. 

Mark's free hand comes around to Donghyuck's hip and rests around the bone, moving down the backside of his leg. It feels good, but it burns the heat into something bigger as he rubs at that part of his body, just so casually. 

"Finances," Mark tilts his head to look at him, reading glasses shifting a little. 

“That’s kind of hot,” Donghyuck teases. 

Mark shakes his head and chuckles low, chest moving up and down.

Donghyuck uses his fingers to fix Mark’s glasses moving his hips up towards Mark's to get closer to him. 

It's his own fault really, causing more friction between their bodies, that cozy wood fire turning into something with a little more tension. 

Mark pulls on his glasses and sets them to the side of the bed. He closes the book and then just leaves it on the edge. He lets his fingers do the talking for them, pads of them dipping under the bottom part of Donghyuck's shorts every time he reaches the lowest part. It's a smooth touch, and it feels so good, so Donghyuck picks his one leg up to hold it further on top of Mark's waist. 

A low chuckle exits Mark's mouth as he uses his other hand to pull Donghyuck's knee, helping him get his one leg fully thrown over Mark's waist. 

Still, as he lies on his side, Donghyuck has his cheek against Mark's arm, his other leg sort of extended down by Mark's, feet tangled together. 

Mark's hand that messes by his hip has moved lower by the back of his thigh, and now he rolls his knuckles a bit, gripping there. 

Donghyuck muffles his sounds into Mark's arm, low and soft, only becoming higher when Mark guides him to roll his hips forward onto his own leg. 

Doing so once causes Donghyuck to huff out a heavy breath. 

Mark chuckles and makes eye contact with him. 

"Please," Donghyuck kisses his arm, then his shoulder. 

Mark takes a deep breath. 

"As much as I am tempted, Donghyuck," Mark leans in to kiss him. "We will surely wake some people up if we proceed."

Donghyuck chuckles. 

"God you're right."

Donghyuck removes a bit of his tight pressure of his leg, but he keeps their legs intertwined as he kisses Mark deeply instead, heart soaking into the kiss, hands coming up to cup over his cheeks. 

Mark is here, in this bed, tasting like chocolate candies that he must have stolen from downstairs before he came up to bed, and everything begins to fall into place. Life, and feelings, and school, and Donghyuck knows that timing is the secret to life, but he's sure that this moment in time could last forever if he wanted it to. 

Just this moment with Mark, lying in bed, breathing in the scent of the familiar detergent, the fond memories slipping into his mind, the candlelight of heat burning around his skin. It's all new, but it's becoming such a memory that he's writing into every page of his own book, like the books his mother used to write — journals, Donghyuck guesses he would say. 

His grandmother always told him that falling in love in Hawaii would really be the most genuine kind of memory that would embed into his mind, something that will bring him light, love, something that'll show him how different things can be, something that'll open his eyes to new experiences in life. 

Donghyuck understands now. 

Mark is exactly that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Thank you all so much for getting to the end with me. Your support means the world to me and I really hope you have enjoyed this entire ride with us. I also genuinely hope that you felt a lot through the characters and their emotions and the things they have learned. Thank you again!
> 
> Finishing this work brings a completion to my account here. I have chosen to start writing on a new account! I feel as though I will be much happier on a new writing account, and I am already planning a new fic over there. 
> 
> You can find more about me on my new [twt](https://twitter.com/johnmarkhei)


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